Arcanum was as good or better if you switched it to turn-based. ToEE offered so many options it felt too cumbersome and slow to me. However, I prefer the Kotor 2 approach - pretty to look at, and not requiring too much input from me.
I still feel in answer to this (and many other) questions that we live in an age of customisation and I don't see any reason why the gamer shouldn't choose between controllable and non-controllable NPCs to suit her own taste. If the designer has an interesting and innovative approach, that's fine, but if it's simply a choice between two well-known models, that choice should be ours.