Romantic drivel

[Moatilliatta]

but what is love? is it just chemical or it is emotion or it is the combination thereof?

 

In my opinion, that love bonds the couple as a survial instinct and thus making a family and thus a community to having humanity being contiuned.

The functional approach doesn't work for love imo. For survival of humanity, f*** around would suffice, but love has too many drawbacks to be regarded as nothing but a necessary foundation of community.

Also, if you view it from your "evolutionary", (sorry, but: pseudo-)scientific angle, why would you differentiate between emotion and chemicals?

Sure about that? The reason we form family units is probably because our babies take a long time to become even remotely self-sufficient.

 

This is obviously pseudo-science as I don't actually know anything about this subject, but it does seem resonable. Or do we have examples in the animal world of mothers taking care of babies for 1.5 decade before the baby is reasonably self-sufficient?

[Killian Kalthorne]

For myself I am not looking for the "one right now" but the right woman. I doubt that I will find her since I tend to be rather shy around other people. I tend to stand back and observe people instead of interacting. If I ever find love I would probably hold on to it as long as possible and stay committed. Not that I believing in the sanctity of marriage or anything like that, but do so out of respect, loyalty, and compassion for the woman in question.

[Walsingham]

but what is love? is it just chemical or it is emotion or it is the combination thereof?

 

In my opinion, that love bonds the couple as a survial instinct and thus making a family and thus a community to having humanity being contiuned.

The functional approach doesn't work for love imo. For survival of humanity, f*** around would suffice, but love has too many drawbacks to be regarded as nothing but a necessary foundation of community.

Also, if you view it from your "evolutionary", (sorry, but: pseudo-)scientific angle, why would you differentiate between emotion and chemicals?

Sure about that? The reason we form family units is probably because our babies take a long time to become even remotely self-sufficient.

 

This is obviously pseudo-science as I don't actually know anything about this subject, but it does seem resonable. Or do we have examples in the animal world of mothers taking care of babies for 1.5 decade before the baby is reasonably self-sufficient?

 

I'm not exactly qualified to say what is current theory, but as of about ten years ago, that was certainly what people were saying in psychology. If you think simply popping sprogs out is all that is required to make REAL human beings I direct you to observe the nearest race course on gala day.

 

EDIT: I had an idea late last night that love - who we love and how we love - isn't just something we do. It is a display of who we are, and often the highest road to changing who we are. Perhaps this is why it absorbs so much time and attention. Perhaps also why forgetting love is so hard, because letting a love go is also letting part of yourself go.

[I want teh kotor 3]

but what is love? is it just chemical or it is emotion or it is the combination thereof?

 

In my opinion, that love bonds the couple as a survial instinct and thus making a family and thus a community to having humanity being contiuned.

 

Chemicals, of course. We have family units for the same reason other species do: raising young, etc. Ours just take longer.

[Xard]

I'm too lazy to type out a full response (avoinding the expenditure of ATP is one of my main goals ) , but I'll say that, again, emotions- chemicals= words. You people are blowing this **** way out of proportion.

 

I think I mentioned earlier that anyone with this belief is clearly under 25.

 

Or a virgin.

[Moatilliatta]

ITT: Old goofers playing it tough.

[Checkpoint]

I think of love as a sort of contract, give and take if you will. But the substance of trade could be anything from dominance to romance. Either way it should be about equal give and take to be a successful relationship with the actions as genuine not fake. A big problem is is that like the world, people and their relationship are always in flux, and so many things can throw it out of balance so we have to try very hard to work together and solve the problems. I was in a relationship for 8 years recently, ended a few months ago. I noticed something after we broke up. That cheesy line "You complete me"? well i believe in a relationship thats lasted awhile the couples definition of themselves are co-dependent on each other, without one the other may be lost and need redefining. After breaking up I trully discovered what optimism was though. Its not fake like the glass is half full, but its finding meaning out of a bad situation. I needed redefining/terribly. Changed my priorities, changed my major and I'm a lot healthier, mentally and physically because of the breakup.

 

Love can drive one far, but suffering can drive one even farther. When one is in a dark place alone they begin to question... they are driven to question it because something has to change or else. I've been there before so this time I was accepting of the place. Nietzsche said something about the Greeks that went along these lines i cant remember exactly. some thing like The Greeks are so beautiful they must have suffered so much to become so. So even the bad has something to learn from... Especially from the bad. Through suffering comes wisdom. It was all worth it though.

Good post. I too believe that we end up defining ourselves completely differently, and that once the partner you've had is gone you have trouble finding a direction because your whole life is so profoundly different without the other person in it. Me and my ex started our relationship about a month and a half after becoming flat-mates, so naturally, being flat-mates, we hung out all the time. Eight months later we moved to Spain for six months where we had no one but each other in a completely new environment, and then we moved in together upon returning to Sweden. That lasted six months. I think we managed to have a three-year relationship squeezed into one-and-a-half and that served to get us really tired of each other, but also to make life extremely empty when it all ended.

 

Then this whole situation with her finding someone else within a few weeks came up and she even told me she had "planned" to be single but doesn't see why she shouldn't be seeing this guy when she really wants to. I guess she's entitled to that, but at the same time it sounds to me as though she herself sees something wrong with this and has to rationalise everything just give herself the green light to go ahead because she just can't help herself. Now, she may or may not have feelings for me left buried deep down, but if she has they'll most probably come up to the surface when she least expects them to and that could cause her to panic. Part of me hopes she knows what she's doing, but the part of me that still wants her back in spite of everything hopes she's just lying to herself to maintain her new passion trip.

 

Ultimately, though, to connect back to the initial point, I feel as though this is something that has forced me to take action with myself. One of the things she never liked about me was my apathy and lack of vision for the future (and this new guy is studying to become a doctor, go figure), and that's something I now feel a great need to sort out with myself, even though it won't benefit me with her. I realise that things will just have to suck for a while, but I need to come out of everything stronger. I even allow myself to feel some hope in the meantime, because I know that sooner or later I'll get over her and I might as well try to make life easier on myself up until then. The hole she has left is very dominating in my everyday life, and it hurts terribly that she could just take that hole and stuff someone else into it, and that it apparently is standard procedure with her. Me, I can't do that, so then I need to work with myself. She doesn't seem to do that because she never looks back and so she never learns.

[thepixiesrock]

So you meet a girl at a party, but you go to school like, three hours away. I mean, you want to try and start up something, but how can you do that? I mean, I can ask her on dates and stuff, at least, not often or right away. Cause I cab't be like, "Oh yeah, I came all this way just for you" so soon after meeting her. So I guess I'd need to pretend like I was visiting a friend at the school, and then try and spend time with her while I was there, to sort of try and start up some sort of thing. I mean, I think we hit it off at the party, but really how can you know? But even if we did hit it off what's the next move?

[WITHTEETH]

Id wait to make whenever you see her next casual at a social place again and strike hard. Ask if she would like to get lunch... then make it lead to something else... and so on. But sooner or later you'll have to deal with the 3 hr drive deal... that sucks.

[WITHTEETH]

The hole she has left is very dominating in my everyday life, and it hurts terribly that she could just take that hole and stuff someone else into it, and that it apparently is standard procedure with her. Me, I can't do that, so then I need to work with myself. She doesn't seem to do that because she never looks back and so she never learns.

Theres a saying i really like, may not be wholly true:

 

A single man will be happy spending his whole life trying to achieve his goals. A married man will spend his entire life trying to achieve his wife

[Deadly_Nightshade]

I mean, you want to try and start up something, but how can you do that?

 

Is there an upcoming event in either place that you both might enjoy (such as a lecture, film opening, or travailing exhibit)? That might be a good way to break the ice without seeming too forward.

[Guest The Architect]

So you meet a girl at a party, but you go to school like, three hours away. I mean, you want to try and start up something, but how can you do that? I mean, I can ask her on dates and stuff, at least, not often or right away. Cause I cab't be like, "Oh yeah, I came all this way just for you" so soon after meeting her. So I guess I'd need to pretend like I was visiting a friend at the school, and then try and spend time with her while I was there, to sort of try and start up some sort of thing. I mean, I think we hit it off at the party, but really how can you know? But even if we did hit it off what's the next move?

 

Well put it this way, to the how can you know part, unless you're talking about someone who is taken or a complete {man} whore, I don't see how it's possible not to be more than just platonic friends with a member of the opposite sex or of the same sex, depending on sexual orientation, who you're attracted to, so if she's hot and she likes what she sees in you, then that's how you know you've hit it off. As for the next move, you don't have to do anything other than arrange an activity for you two to do together. If you really like her, she'll be able to tell. Women are good at reading body language, even if you try to hide your interest.

[Rosbjerg]

Women are good at reading body language.

 

 

True.. until 1+ years into your relationship, when their radar for these things gets overloaded once a week. Like when suddenly you've clearly done something wrong, by the way you are reading that newspaper..

[Guest The Architect]

Yeah, that goes hand in hand with what Eddie Murphy was explaining in Raw about women complaining to men about "What have you done for me lately?".

 

And...

 

However much I like your posts in this thread, Architect, and I do like them, I don't see how kids play a role here, being nothing short of a romance killer. Of course in the mind of many people it's romantic to "have someones children", but I've yet to see a case where they improve anything about lovelife other than staying together for the kids, which in itself hasn't much to do with romance or love but is a rather poor excuse for cowardice.

 

Having children and that not improving the love life of a couple doesn't negate the point of having children in the first place, though. That's a trivial point. When people say it's romantic to have children, they're spot on. You bring life to another being, and that in itself is a work of art. A person is more valuable than any material possession could ever be to a couple.

 

It's a way of never truly dying in a sense. Who better to pass your wisdom onto in your life than your own children? Your legacy lives on. Of course, not everyone should have children, like people with superiority complexes who have an alarming lack of consideration for others feelings or well being, unless the child is clever enough to see the idiocy of their parents and walk a different part from theirs, like my dad did with his parents. That being said, it may be a good thing for "bad" people to have children, because there's a chance the suffering will breed wisdom. It can swing both ways. But the reality is, there's nothing to stop **** heads from having children so it's a moot point in the end.

Edited September 2, 2008 by The Architect

[Checkpoint]

Women are good at reading body language.

 

 

True.. until 1+ years into your relationship, when their radar for these things gets overloaded once a week. Like when suddenly you've clearly done something wrong, by the way you are reading that newspaper..

It's also funny how your sense of humour is teh rockz in the beginning and after a while you lose all confidence in your own comic brilliance because she'll hate any joke you crack.

[Guest The Architect]

Hey? That doesn't make sense. If she thinks you're a funny ****er why would she hate any joke you make? Don't you mean if you make one bad joke you'll lose faith in your comic brilliance? Which isn't true. Because once you just "give up" trying to be a funny guy you'll more than likely unintentionally make her laugh and you'll gain your comical confidence back.

 

It's not the same thing, though. It's called an ego attachment. Like when someone is told often that they're funny, it might go to their head and then they try too hard to be funny to uphold their reputation, going against what made them funny in the first place and losing their touch, so to speak. But if you don't let it go to your head, you'll never lose your comical confidence.

[Checkpoint]

Hey? That doesn't make sense. If she thinks you're a funny ****er why would she hate any joke you make? Don't you mean if you make one bad joke you'll lose faith in your comic brilliance? Which isn't true. Because once you just "give up" trying to be a funny guy you'll more than likely unintentionally make her laugh and you'll gain your comical confidence back.

 

It's not the same thing, though. It's called an ego attachment. Like when someone is told often that they're funny, it might go to their head and then they try too hard to be funny to uphold their reputation, going against what made them funny in the first place and losing their touch, so to speak. But if you don't let it go to your head, you'll never lose your comical confidence.

With this particular woman it's rather a case of her seeing you as some sort of god for about a year when she's still madly and passionately in love with you. And then that passion wears off and suddenly anything you say or do just annoys her. It's more akin to what Rosbjerg said about reading the newspaper the wrong way; you just can't please her anymore.

[Guest The Architect]

Oh. Well you're likely to get that with women who find you physically attractive. Their lust affects their ability to think rationally and everything you do is great even if it's far from it. Depending on the maturity level of the person it won't take long for the looks effect to ware off if the personality substance is tame or not what they're looking for, and in your case it's obviously the latter because you don't suck. It's her loss man, her loss. Of course the vice versa applies, too. No one can say men never turn into retards around hot women and expect to be taken seriously.

[thepixiesrock]

And I mean, what's the deal with women and shoes?

Edited September 2, 2008 by thepixiesrock

[Rosbjerg]

I think most guys a have experienced their girlfriends going awol on them over nothing.. of course the girls would argue that it was most definitely not nothing..

 

Have any of you ever tried buying flowers for no apperant reason, only to get the respons "what did you do wrong? " ? .. Only to find that doing the exact same thing 3 months later gives a totally different result like "oooh, you're always so sweet! "..

[Walsingham]

Based on my experience i think a lot of womanly annoyance stems from them refusing to accept that they DON'T want to settle down and make families. But they feel obliged to chase that objective even if they'd rather chill out or chase careers like the guys can. So youhave them trying to force their bloke into getting more and more 'serious' while at the same time hating being serious.

[Rosbjerg]

hmm.. I hadn't thought about that..

 

But with that in mind alot of reactions, I couldn't understand before, suddenly makes sense.

[thepixiesrock]

And don't even ge tme started on women and shopping!

[Rosbjerg]

please do!

[WITHTEETH]

Based on my experience i think a lot of womanly annoyance stems from them refusing to accept that they DON'T want to settle down and make families. But they feel obliged to chase that objective even if they'd rather chill out or chase careers like the guys can. So youhave them trying to force their bloke into getting more and more 'serious' while at the same time hating being serious.

Crazy stuff. I've met one woman like that for sure she had kids and everything, just looked for a reason to hate her good husband. poor guy...

 

And don't even ge tme started on women and shopping!

How many pairs of shoes does a girl need! I think its like over eating, filling an empty hole in ones life with shoes.

Edited September 2, 2008 by WITHTEETH