TOMBS vol. 6

[Musopticon?]

It teetered, it tootered, danced on the brink of the edge letting out cries of detest, briefly, and then fell. Like a rather obese swan over marshland...ahem. Anyways, here it goes again. While on the other hand it's rather hypocritical for yours truly to reopen this little wound since he didn't try to redeem the previous installment from it's ailment in any way, still, on the other(the more prominent) hand the show must go on. No matter how barely.

 

Gentlemen, play ball.

[thepixiesrock]

You just had to be the one to start T.O.M.B.S. didn't you? Can't give someone else a chance can you?

 

This T.O.M.B.S. report is of Musopticon?.

 

What. A. Jerkface.

[Dark Moth]

*Whew* Okay, it's finally done. Be careful, it's hot.

 

 

The subject of this report is Eldar.

 

First off, what gives with a name like “Eldar” anyway? Is he old? Is he into elderly chicks? Or maybe he just can’t spell correctly. With his most recent thread being “the online campain thread”, that’s probably a safe bet. But enough about the name. First let’s see how Eldar started off.

 

I know the speculation continues and so I don't want to assume anything about the project.  Still, I'd be quite happy to see Obsidian do KotOR 2.  I'd like Obsidian to do well and I'd like to see KotOR 2.  It's nice and tidy to have the two ends accomplished in one fell swoop.  Furthermore, I'd think have a commercial success behind them would give Obsidian more leverage to pursue an original work.  I guess I'm naive, but that would be my hope and towards that end, I guess I can finally agree with Volourn 100%.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

He came here for K2. How original. His first thread dealt with “Sacred” and if it was worth it or not. The thread was so popular it lasted a whopping 4 posts. That’s okay. But not really. But to be fair, Eldar created some very memorable threads, not the least of which was the Obsidian Collectable Card Game topic, in which the subject made some very creative cards of the board’s biggest (and smallest) entities, including two of the reviewer. Other topics include one about alts, and perhaps most notably, T.O.M.B.S. Volume III. Alright, give him some credit for that. But in typical Eldar fashion he balances it out with utterly inane ones like “Yes! I can kill the damned assassin droid!” Cripes. Could you be any more Gabrielle-ish? And how about this gem: “Superbowl XL: I’ll say it…bad calls”. WTF, doofus! What are you, a Seahawks fan now? Winners win, mkay? Losers bitch and make lame excuses like bad calls. And let’s not forget his memorable “Renaissance Costume” thread. To put it nicely, people have done more nerdish things in the past.

 

Obsidian has seen its share of moderators. Some good, and some bad. During a phase of Eldar’s Obsidian career, he too was handed the title of moderator after doing some “personal favors” for Fionavar. During his brief career as a watchdog, Eldar was actually a pretty good mod. He was always willing to give threads a second chance, and sometimes a third and fourth chance before lockdown. Unfortunately, maybe either because he didn’t like being a mod or just wasn’t strong enough, he was stripped of the rank. Luckily, to protect what little dignity he had left, he was handed the title of “Obsidian VIP” (Very Impotent Person).

 

Eldar is also a TOMBS legend within the realm of Obsidian. Having controlled a TOMBS thread of his own and making more reports than probably any poster to date, Eldar may very well just hold the title of TOMBS king (a.k.a. I have no life). Eldar has probably made some of the best and most accurate reports to date, including the standard character sheets and the creative courtroom scenes. Some can be mean, but they are always in a good spirit.

 

Intelligence? Eldar’s pretty intelligent, sort of. In all honesty, Eldar has proven to be able to hold his own in an argument. Sometimes he goes against Meta, Hades, Shadowpaladin, and Commissar all at the same time! When he isn’t boring the members to death with his rambling, Eldar can make some pretty great points. In past arguments, he has made pretty profound points that forces one to stop and think. But Eldar is not one to flame or become too opinionated. Eldar will stand up for himself and make his point known, sometimes carrying an argument on for pages. However, Eldar will always do so in a respectful manner, never flaming, and he sometimes has an unusual ability to make both sides of an argument agree with him.

 

Eldar is not one person to lead with his chin, though. He usually takes a coward’s less direct approach. His kung fu skills can be pretty admirable, in fact. Yes, he can take hits, though he doesn’t really take them often. Eldar is too much respected for that. Hard to believe, ain’t it? For the most part, Eldar is a wuss pacifist. When arguing, he doesn’t really use the “Disagree with me and I’ll smite you approach”, rather, in maintaining his kind spirit, he uses the more diplomatic “You’re not okay, but that’s okay approach.” Congrats. You want a cookie now, jerkface?

 

Personality? He has one? Okay, what little personality he has is actually quite interesting. Eldar is sometimes a fun guy. He can make joke around any time. His TOMBS reports and Obsidian Cards were always a fun read. However, Eldar balances out his humor with a fair amount of seriousness as well. Whatever the situation calls for, Eldar will suit it perfectly, whether it’s serious or humorous.

 

To the other posters, he’s nice almost by a default, and has not outright flamed anyone to date, sometimes even in the face of downright stupidity. While he’s a nice guy most of the time, he can sometimes drop in a witty, retort that here and there to point out someone’s stupidity and make everyone go Zing! Eldar, in typical Eldar fashion, is also a Christian. More specifically, a Catholic! Ha ha! In fact, he makes up one-third of the Christian Axis of Evil! Eldar doesnt' really smite others nor try to convert, but has pride in his faith. He has even managed to gain respect from some staunch atheists on these boards! Unfortunately, Eldar is sometimes a flip-flopper with regards to his fellow posters.

“I like you. No, I don’t. Yes, I do. No, I don’t.

I’ll do a report for you. No, I won’t. Yes, I will. No, I won’t.”

Zomg! John Kerry couldn’t do better.

 

In conclusion, Eldar is a pretty remarkable guy. Eldar sometimes puts up the mean, guy image, but in reality Eldar is a very nice person and always will stick up for his fellow posters. He may be a tough guy, but he’s always the good guy. And with his personality and posting skills in mind, it’s not hard to see why he’s a celebrity here, at Tarna’s, and at the ADS. He has his faults, but don’t we all? Only Jesus and Chuck Norris were born perfect. As much as the reviewer hates to admit it, he is glad and proud to call Eldar his friend. Bravo!

 

Jerkface.

[Baley]

Eldar is a Lotr reference. Shut up. I'm not a nerd.

 

PS: So was Servant of Eru.

[kirottu]

Mothman -20 TOMBS points for not knowing that one. *shaking his head*

[Cantousent]

*snif* The smell of roast Eldar flesh.

[Dark Moth]

Was it good? Did I do good?

[Blank]

Ya done good, Mothy, but I can't give my approval too loud, or the other guys might think I am giving you TOMBS points or something.

[Guest Cantousent]

I believe you have shown great insight into our friend, Eldar. He should be both honored and pleased by your most excellent review. It is undoubtedly the kindest roast he has ever received, and far better than he deserves.

 

I would like to make a request, however. I would like to be the recipient of a report. After all, I have not yet received a report.

[Blank]

The subject of this TOMBS report is Cantousent

 

It was dreary evening. The fog was at foot-level and was starting to pervade the rest of the air around me. I had just gotten off of a boring day at work and was walking home (the workplace being a half-kilometer away), when I decided to stop into the local tavern. Normally I wouldn't do such a thing, but tonight was not a normal night, and I wasn't feeling in-character.

 

The tavern was famous around the city for being so cozy and friendly, but there were only a few others in there as I entered. Garbled, static sounding speech was coming from the television across the room at the end of the bar-counter. A couple guys were watching it while sharing a drink, conversing sporadically in low, bass voices about the nonsensical feelings and opinions which would occasionally pop into their minds.

The bartender was organising stock, and turned around as I approached the counter. "What can I get for ya?" he asked. After a short pause, I spoke what came natural, "Water, I guess." The bartender looked at me quizically for a moment, but soon started complying with the order. However, as soon as he grabbed the glass, a voice came from the left end of the counter, on the darker side of the room, interrupting, "How about you live a little, Blanc? Bartender, two cold ones, on me."

The voice was familiar, but I couldn't recognize it for a second. Then I recognized the speaker, it was Cantousent. He rarely speaks, but when he does, it is usually with good repute.

"I didn't expect to meet you here," he said, walking a over to sit next to me, "you seem like too much of a fundy."

I replied, "Well, I didn't expect to meet you ever."

"What do you mean?" he said.

"You're rarely around, it isn't like people detest you."

"Did you ever guess that I might not want to be around all the time?"

"I guess so."

The bartender handed us our drinks. Cant passed a few bucks over, while I carefully examined the toxin.

"Just drink it," he said as he watched my tentativeness, "it isn't going to kill you."

He slowly took a sip and set it down. Something felt wrong, this was not Cant's normal behaviour. Normally, he was astute and tarried little, but I supposed this was a side of him that he just didn't revealed much.

I likewise took a sip of the beer. It was abnormal to my taste buds, and they didn't know how to respond, but it seemed that the bartender had kept the beers nicely cold. The next couple of moments went by in silence. Eventually, I forced myself to try again, took another sip, and found that it was not that bad. In fact, I could see myself coming here again sometime.

"How have your clients for the TOMBS court been lately?" I asked.

"They're more or less still intact," he said, "TOMBS can be pretty rough on the average guy, but you can't let it get to you too much."

"Indeed," I agreed. Cant, though a little more laid back this evening than how I normally saw him, can usually be described as an Eldar without the chutzpah. Whether that is a bad thing or not, I wasn't going to judge.

 

Without further hesitation, I pulled out my glock and started firing on him. Cant deftly moved out of my firing sights as soon as he saw my hand going toward my pocket. I didn't know if he was armed or not, so I continued firing on him just to be safe. The best defence is a great offence, but Cant wouldn't say so. His next manuever proved that, as he continued running out of my sights until he had run a full semi-circle around me and lept over the bar-counter. He could've possibly grabbed my gun and moved it out-of-sights before I shot him, but he was quick enough on his feet to dodge my aiming. Rising from my seat to reach over the counter and pop a cap in his skull, my arm stayed limp. I hadn't realised it before, but while running around me, it seems that he had drawn his own sidearm, a little pee-shooter, and when he jumped over the counter, he had shot me in my primary shooting arm. He wasn't a quick-draw, but he evidently could escape quick and retaliate. My gun dropped to the floor, out of my desensitised hand, and when Cant heard it, he stood from behind the counter and popped one in my forehead. Everything slowed down, and as I fell to the side, I watched Cant's face. It was dissappointed, but now alert. He hadn't expected me to take up Visc on the bounty that was placed on him. The next time I saw Cantousent, I was told to kill him, eliminating Eldar's only counter-balance, which would cause Eldar to lose control of his own powers.

With the last rushes of blood to my head, which was on the ground now, I saw Cant hop back over the counter and run past me. I suppose he was leaving to seek a new hiding place, one he'd reside in until being commissioned once again to prosecute or defend in another TOMBS court trial. He risks his life going to those things, but morally he must feel an obligation.

 

I blacked out.

[Fenghuang]

Ya done good, Mothy, but I can't give my approval too loud, or the other guys might think I am giving you TOMBS points or something.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

-100 T.O.M.B.S. points for fraternizing with The Enemy.

[Musopticon?]

Wasn't Blank one of the Flying Menaces

[Fenghuang]

I dunno, I just felt like taking away points.

[thepixiesrock]

He never picked sides. He stayed on the fence as they say.

 

The fence of undeciders!

[julianw]

Eldar is a Lotr reference.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Tolkien may have invented the term, but now when I hear Eldar, I always have the mental picture of a 6'2'' gigantic grinning Nord in medieval clothing, holding a large cup of mead.

Edited May 25, 2006 by julianw

[Cantousent]

Well, I've really hit the big time. I got my review before Cant did. Nyah nyah nyah nyah.

 

 

Speaking of mead, julian, I wish I had some now! :Eldar's wishing he had a mead even though it's only 10:56 in the morning icon:

[Llyranor]

That was deep.

 

+1000 TOMBS points for Eldar.

[WinterSun]

Mead tastes like cough syrup. Give me beer any day.

[Cantousent]

Why choose when you can have both?

[kirottu]

...and multiple times!

[Blank]

I just wanted to say... this smiley is still classic.

[thepixiesrock]

Stealing smilies from my forum, eh?

 

 

I paid good money for those.

[Fenghuang]

You lie like a rug Lou.

[Dark Moth]

It's funny because it's true.

[Cantousent]

You know, that was truly a most awesome review, Mothman. A lot of folks, including me, have gone to less conventional reviews, but I think yours combines the best aspects of a conventional review and is the finest example of a real TOMBS report.