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T.O.M.B.S: Vol. 5

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I can't do it. I'm not funny. Have someone who is funny do it.


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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Hey, how about you, Blank. Stop being an agent provocateur and spin out the rest of the courtroom scene. Sawyer's a big man in these parts, he deserves a combined effort.

 

Okay, okay, fifteen hundred TOMBS points to the fellow who manages to finish the scene.


Fionavar's Holliday Wishes to all members of our online community:  Happy Holidays

 

Join the revelry at the Obsidian Plays channel:
Obsidian Plays


 
Remembering tarna, Phosphor, Metadigital, and Visceris.  Drink mead heartily in the halls of Valhalla, my friends!

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Unless you are Mothman, then it is negative points for you!


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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The subject of this report is Eddo36.

 

 

Intelligence: He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap.

Wits: Eddo's nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt him.

Charisma: He kinda has that three-legged-one-eyed-pathetic-puppy-in-the-window charm.

Will: WTF is this...but I'll be damned if Eddo's got it!

Manipulation: Managed to convince the entire board that he's the perfect idiot. I don't think he's perfect, but he's definitely doing alright.

 

Artful dodging: Doesn't dodge but takes the blows head-on - he's got nothing to lose!

Kung-fu: He's Eddo. He's like the Anti-Chuck.

Flirting: Regularly "polls" teh h4wtest alien Star Wars chicks.

Humor: It's funny because we're laughing at you Eddo, not with you.

Spamming: Proudly boasts a 100% post-to-spam completion rate.

Thread creation: Quantity but not quality. Every time Eddo creates a thread the board gets stupider.

 

Merits/Flaws:

 

XBOX Monkey

Necrophiliac

Public Nudist


manthing2.jpg

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:blink:

 

Laughing at others is so much more amusing then laughing with others. Nice job, jags.


1169782506.gif

 

Seriously, only like, three people can touch my body

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The subject of this report is Eddo36.

 

 

Intelligence: He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap.

Wits: Eddo's nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt him.

Charisma: He kinda has that three-legged-one-eyed-pathetic-puppy-in-the-window charm.

Will: WTF is this...but I'll be damned if Eddo's got it!

Manipulation: Managed to convince the entire board that he's the perfect idiot.  I don't think he's perfect, but he's definitely doing alright.

 

Artful dodging: Doesn't dodge but takes the blows head-on - he's got nothing to lose!

Kung-fu: He's Eddo.  He's like the Anti-Chuck.

Flirting: Regularly "polls" teh h4wtest alien Star Wars chicks.

Humor: It's funny because we're laughing at you Eddo, not with you.

Spamming: Proudly boasts a 100% post-to-spam completion rate.

Thread creation: Quantity but not quality. Every time Eddo creates a thread the board gets stupider.

 

Merits/Flaws:

 

XBOX Monkey

Necrophiliac

Public Nudist

 

A thousand T.O.M.B points awarded for this 100% accurate report.

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And now some fool will say that EdD'Oh isn't part of the simulation. I know it's hard to believe that Artificial Idiocy has reached such an advanced state, but the alternative is that there is someone on a computer typing that drivel ... unthinkable.


OBSCVRVM PER OBSCVRIVS ET IGNOTVM PER IGNOTIVS

ingsoc.gif

OPVS ARTIFICEM PROBAT

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And now some fool will say that EdD'Oh isn't part of the simulation. I know it's hard to believe that Artificial Idiocy has reached such an advanced state, but the alternative is that there is someone on a computer typing that drivel ... unthinkable.

But did you not just think it? Is not it, therefore, thinkable?

Edited by Blank

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But I am not part of the simulation, like the rest of you. ^_^


OBSCVRVM PER OBSCVRIVS ET IGNOTVM PER IGNOTIVS

ingsoc.gif

OPVS ARTIFICEM PROBAT

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Yes.


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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You know Blank, acting all pompous and intellectually superior might be interesting at first, and it might make the newbies think more of you, but I do indeed wonder if you still believe that AIDS is God's majestic gift to the vile homosexuals of the world.

 

But thank you for your continuous unwanted assists, I'm sure you're making a big difference on this forum. God bless you!

 

And here, some of the worst poetry I've ever read, just for you!

O daunting creatures of the stars

That giveth unto man

The seed of malevolence

Throbbing **** in bleeding anuses

Awaiting the smug howl

Of cherished indifference

Deflowering the Christian virgin

On her cross of shame

Chopping the shallow fatties

Eating their larded balls

The prophet is dying

In the land of man

Where everyone that listens

Is a fool of faith

My manhood is a brick

That hits the whore of Christ

Elope! Elope! Elope!

The Sacred is ablaze

The scripture is awake

The Son of God is resting

In his tomb of ruination.

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You know Blank, acting all pompous and intellectually superior might be interesting at first, and it might make the newbies think more of you, but I do indeed wonder if you still believe that AIDS is God's majestic gift to the vile homosexuals of the world.

 

But thank you for your continuous unwanted assists, I'm sure you're making a big difference on this forum. God bless you!

 

And here, some of the worst poetry I've ever read, just for you!

O daunting creatures of the stars

That giveth unto man

The seed of malevolence

Throbbing **** in bleeding anuses

Awaiting the smug howl

Of cherished indifference

Deflowering the Christian virgin

On her cross of shame

Chopping the shallow fatties

Eating their larded balls

The prophet is dying

In the land of man

Where everyone that listens

Is a fool of faith

My manhood is a brick

That hits the whore of Christ

Elope! Elope! Elope!

The Sacred is ablaze

The scripture is awake

The Son of God is resting

In his tomb of ruination.

Jesus :)


DENMARK!

 

It appears that I have not yet found a sig to replace the one about me not being banned... interesting.

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Well, there goes the thread.


Fionavar's Holliday Wishes to all members of our online community:  Happy Holidays

 

Join the revelry at the Obsidian Plays channel:
Obsidian Plays


 
Remembering tarna, Phosphor, Metadigital, and Visceris.  Drink mead heartily in the halls of Valhalla, my friends!

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No Meta, don't delete anything, we can just carry on. Who is going to finish Eldars report?


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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Make it end in sexy threesome with Eldar, Cantousent and Sawyer.


This post is not to be enjoyed, discussed, or referenced on company time.

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610bgBlack.jpg

There is much to learn about this legend. For example, Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage. Also, Chuck Norris CAN talk about Fight Club. This is a man you want on your team. Chuck for the win!


OBSCVRVM PER OBSCVRIVS ET IGNOTVM PER IGNOTIVS

ingsoc.gif

OPVS ARTIFICEM PROBAT

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Three little men, that was all it took, all it took to judge a man's life, to pass judgment on his most private thoughts and beliefs, we are all aware that man is a social machine, a finely toned animal whose sole purpose is to spread its vile poison, that is why TOMBS exists, to brainwash the innocent and protect the secrets it once swore to never forget.

 

My name is Damascus Baley, I'm a private ****, I've been part of the TADS firm for years, we are one of the few organizations that dares dream of a better future, one free of the corruption that has spread it's tentacles around our homely little world. We are the divine guardians of morals, we are the old gods and the new demons, the darkness that never comes, the light that is never seen, we are the children of man and the fathers of beasts, we live so we can inspire our brothers to commit the most heinous of crimes, self - servility.

 

It was a cold morning in Obsidian city, the wind was sweetly caressing my forehead as I was holding a pint of bear in my right hand, the city moved at its stale pace, birds flew, men killed, women raped, children ****ed, everyone was happy in Obsidian city. Except a man named Sawyer, the TOMBS squad had taken him away, it was in all the newspapers, probably holding one of their clandestine trials, it wasn't my business, no reason to get all emo on these guys, I was just gonna sit there and drink my booze, I was just going to sit there...

 

**BOOM! BOOM!**

 

"What the hell?"

 

It was them, the beast of northern glaciers, Dark Raven, Master Revan, Deadly Nightshade, the last 3 rebels, smug terrorist with crooked badges round their necks, I hated their ****ing guts, moralizing piglets in a world of harsh realists, If only I had a gun.

 

 

**BOOM! BOOM!**

 

The buildings, they were detonating the ****ing buildings, "Think Baley, think!" Nothing, my mind was empty, I was starting to see the hollow dead in the hills beyond Oblivion, they were laughing at us, brainwashed ****tards with big sticks and tiny brains, making puerile noises from afar, I wanted to violate their ****ing heads with my twenty inch ****.

 

 

**Bang! Bang!**

 

It was Lou Gutman, on his crimson horse, galloping at a devilish speed towards the terrorists of stone and ice. What a marvellous image of human potency, what glory and what passion, his golden hair was breaking the bonds of gravity enslaved.

 

Tears were flowing down my cheeks! "Show them Lou! Show them!"

 

 

**BOOM! BOOM!**BOOM! BOOM!**BOOM! BOOM!**BOOM! BOOM!**

 

The whole world went boom boom boom! An atomic weapon? A Magic missile? What demonic assault they had freed upon the world I did not know, but the consequences of their actions were easy to foresee. The whole Universe was trapped in a bubble of condensed hatred.

 

I heard a voice.

 

"Hello Mister Baley."

 

"Who are you?"

 

"It's me, Eldar, I am here, we're waiting for you Mister Baley, we're all wet for you, we want you with us Mister Baley, come to us!"

 

I trembled, what magic was this? I was afraid, shivering with pale anguish, I loved the danger, I loved the sense of impending doom, I wanted it all inside me like a gigantic dildo of human flesh.

 

"What is this place?" I said to the voice that called itself Eldar.

 

 

 

 

 

The Corporation part 2 on TV, I'll finish it when I get back.

Edited by Baley

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****ing aces man. That was the ****ing aces.


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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