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T.O.M.B.S: Vol. 5

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You owe me a roast, Moth. Also, I love your sig, Nartwak. Also, I love you, Pixies. Stop being angry with me.


Fionavar's Holliday Wishes to all members of our online community:  Happy Holidays

 

Join the revelry at the Obsidian Plays channel:
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Remembering tarna, Phosphor, Metadigital, and Visceris.  Drink mead heartily in the halls of Valhalla, my friends!

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What are you talking about?

 

 

You crazy.


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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The loud blaring of my alarm clock broke my slumber. Another pointless day in this stupid life. Before I could shower and eat breakfast, the doorbell rang... rapidly, many times. Not being one to shun an obviously needy person, I opened the door... and of course: it was christians.

 

They barged right into the house, complimenting as they went, "This is clean-looking for being a heathen's house." Before I could protest, they began helping themselves to the food in my fridge. "You are very hospitable for being a heathen," they commented, eyes never quite meeting mine. Were they to do so, they would see through the windows to an exasperated brain which deals with these types of crazy people every day. At this point, I knew the ordeal was halfway over. All that was left was for them to scream about hellfire and brimstone. Better to get it over with now, I thought. "So, Jesus, he was just a nice guy, right?" That got their attention, and they replied in barely intelligable shreiks similar to this, "YUR GOIN TA HELL! JESUS SAVESSSSSS!!!!!" After a couple minutes of that, I put on my enlightened facade, "I knew there was more to life than what I had. Do you have a card I can call someone with to learn more? I will go to your church on sunday, I haven't been to church since I was a kid, but I see now I was certainly mistaken!" A few cheerful exchanges later, the lunatics left my house. I really should call the police one of these days, I thought.

 

Ten minutes later the doorbell began ringing once again, but I knew that it was more christians, I wouldn't be tricked again like before, when I was half-awake and off-guard. I quickly got ready for work and headed to my car, opened the garage, and drove away as fast as possible (I park the car facing outside, so as to have a quick getaway in the morning). Looking in my rear-view mirror, I saw that the christians had accumulated on my front porch; it was a multitude of insane beings, gnashing and clawing at my door, some of them seeing me escape and sprinting after me.

 

I wish atheists were rewarded for persecution.

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Pardon me, but I'm going to do something rather uncharacteristic and reinstate the 50 TOMBS points WinterSun granted Blank. If WinterSun no longer wishes to grant those points, then I grant them in my own name.


Fionavar's Holliday Wishes to all members of our online community:  Happy Holidays

 

Join the revelry at the Obsidian Plays channel:
Obsidian Plays


 
Remembering tarna, Phosphor, Metadigital, and Visceris.  Drink mead heartily in the halls of Valhalla, my friends!

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Well, it's not that I thought they were undeserved; it just seemed a bit presumptous of me.


master of my domain

 

Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo.

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Eldar forgot I existed, and the only way for him to remember is for him to do a T.O.M.B.S. report on me.


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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But of course, Mr. Rock.


Fionavar's Holliday Wishes to all members of our online community:  Happy Holidays

 

Join the revelry at the Obsidian Plays channel:
Obsidian Plays


 
Remembering tarna, Phosphor, Metadigital, and Visceris.  Drink mead heartily in the halls of Valhalla, my friends!

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My Pixies friend. You know, Mr. Pixies Rock. I get a report done sometime today.


Fionavar's Holliday Wishes to all members of our online community:  Happy Holidays

 

Join the revelry at the Obsidian Plays channel:
Obsidian Plays


 
Remembering tarna, Phosphor, Metadigital, and Visceris.  Drink mead heartily in the halls of Valhalla, my friends!

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Ah.

 

*polite nod as meta realises Eldar is talking about pixies, presumably at the end of the garden*


OBSCVRVM PER OBSCVRIVS ET IGNOTVM PER IGNOTIVS

ingsoc.gif

OPVS ARTIFICEM PROBAT

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He stood me up again.

 

 

Jerk.


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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This report regards the PixiesRock.

 

It's not a long report. It's not even really a report. It's mostly an observation about our correspondence over the past several months.

 

Pixies is perhaps one of the most talented people on this board. While I get the impression he's still rather young, he delves into a wide variety of disciplines. After all, he's a musician and a composer. He has made a place for himself within the pantheon of the T.O.M.B.S. universe. He has created the Atomic Death Squad and stands, with surreptishus, as the head of that august body. As the co-founder of tADS, Pixies has created a vibrant online community in support of his own super group. Finally, in the persona of Lou Gutman, he has shaken the very foundations of the Obsidian Fora.

 

Pixies is a great guy, but he


Fionavar's Holliday Wishes to all members of our online community:  Happy Holidays

 

Join the revelry at the Obsidian Plays channel:
Obsidian Plays


 
Remembering tarna, Phosphor, Metadigital, and Visceris.  Drink mead heartily in the halls of Valhalla, my friends!

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"Tell" Cantousent to get to work. I really want to see Lou's trial. >_<


I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.

 

It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

So let us go and embrace the rustling smells of unseen worlds

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This report regards the PixiesRock.

 

It's not a long report.  It's not even really a report.  It's mostly an observation about our correspondence over the past several months.

 

Pixies is perhaps one of the most talented people on this board.  While I get the impression he's still rather young, he delves into a wide variety of disciplines.  After all, he's a musician and a composer.  He has made a place for himself within the pantheon of the T.O.M.B.S. universe.  He has created the Atomic Death Squad and stands, with surreptishus, as the head of that august body.  As the co-founder of tADS, Pixies has created a vibrant online community in support of his own super group.  Finally, in the persona of Lou Gutman, he has shaken the very foundations of the Obsidian Fora.

 

Pixies is a great guy, but he


DEADSIGS.jpg

RIP

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Aren't those two synonymous these days, Eru?


I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.

 

It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

So let us go and embrace the rustling smells of unseen worlds

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They always were. TOMBS reports serve three purposes: Stroking someone's ego, attacking someone, or some combination of the two. That's it.

 

The best TOMBS reports are ones that have at least some sort of insight into the member. What we do might not be psychoanalysis, but it's certainly some sort of analysis.

 

So, I don't know how to respond to your question, Child, but my latest report on Pixies looks a lot like reports I've done on most of you folks.

 

However, Mothman still owes me a roast and I'd welcome a roast or two from others if they have the time to write a report.

 

:Eldar's smiling because the licks of flames tickle his backside icon:


Fionavar's Holliday Wishes to all members of our online community:  Happy Holidays

 

Join the revelry at the Obsidian Plays channel:
Obsidian Plays


 
Remembering tarna, Phosphor, Metadigital, and Visceris.  Drink mead heartily in the halls of Valhalla, my friends!

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Mothman told that he'd do a report for me. >_<


I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.

 

It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

So let us go and embrace the rustling smells of unseen worlds

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He has created the Atomic Death Squad and stands, with surreptishus, as the head of that august body.

 

I thought it was the Atomic Danger Squad.


This post is not to be enjoyed, discussed, or referenced on company time.

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Hahaha! I'm going to have the most reports ever!

 

Also, I told you that Mothman can not be trusted when it comes to doing reports.


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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Blank

 

 

Purification

 

 

 

I saw the hills of Zion ablaze! I saw and wept, I saw my destiny before me, I saw it all in but a passing second. Fire the purifier! Fire the holy! Fire the righteous! Peace! Peace! War! Death! Starvation!

 

God spoke unto me, God told me to kill, She told me to erase my existence! We must comply, we are nothing without God. Prophets are simple-minded pawns! Death! Holy Death! Holy Fire the Righteous Purifier! God is holy. Dirt inside, outside, everywhere, everything is dirty, droll, gross humourless men with swords and spears and guns and bombs!

 

I saw the hills of Zion ablaze! I walked inside the temple of Solomon, where virgins whispered their dying parables, I smiled at the women, what women they were, brown eyes, brown hair, brown skin, brown face.

 

"The Hills are burning! Come to me! Salvation! God! Me! You! Togetherness!"

 

They laughed, they laughed, my life, my life, the hills were burning, they laughed, had they no eyes? Had they no minds? Had they no souls inside?

 

I walked away, silently trembling into the night, I walked next to my shadow, creeping besides the walls of Jerusalem. Sinners! Sinners? Sinners?! Had they no shame? We must protect the pure. We must protect the holy, holy fire purifier of Adam, holy fire purifier of God. Purify. Purify. Purify.

 

God spoke unto me. She mocked me. She told me I had failed. She told me I was useless. She kissed my forehead. She jumped inside me, surfing on intestinal waves. Fire the purifier, burning inside, fire the purifier burning outside.

 

I saw the hills of Zion ablaze! I saw the headless men of Rome bowing to the one true God, I saw the corpse of Plato sucking on God's gargantuan boob. I laughed. I kicked and screamed, I howled at the moon and the sun and the stars above my head, I jumped and crawled, I shouted at the prophets that came before me. I heard the words of Moses on the mountains of Sinai, I hugged and fondled the virgin skeletons of Amazon. I stood in front of the Gates of Oblivion and stared at the tormented fools, devilish games on human skulls, ping pong, ping pong, Solomon the wise on his throne of fire, fire the purifier, hire the holy, fire the righteous.

 

He spoke unto me.

 

"Hey you there! Can you, I dunno, give me a hand? I need to go to the privy, it's not far, not far at all, just for a few minutes, nothing much."

 

I pointed and laughed, middle finger vertically rising, rising to the challenge.

 

"No! No! No! Burn sinner! Burn! Burn! Burn!'

 

He rolled his eyes.

 

"Look it's not hard, think for a second."

 

I did.

 

 

The Void! Nothingness! Infinity! No stars above, no soul inside, no hell downward, no heaven upward, no men to mar, no children to cry, no virgins to reshape, nothing, just peace.

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