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Icewind Dale


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Once upon a time...


There were da rumourz in a wee fishin' village called Easthanve, nestled on the shores of Lac Dinneshere in the Greate Frozen North... otherwise known as The Spine of the World.


Aye... rumours, friends, rumours of beasts most foul, of Winter gripping the North more savagely by far than in living memory. Of giants, and war... and on the eve of one such windswept and bitter day, a messenger arrives in Easthaven, seeking out those in power, be-seeking aid from the local militia on behalf of non other then the Druid of Kuldahar himself. Upon so speaking, did the messenger die... and thus begins the adventure... of...a lifetime!!


Swiftly gathering his resources, Hrothgar, the leader of Easthaven, did soon mount a expedition on behalf of his beleagured friends to the... south? east? Can't quite recall the direction in which they didst travel, but lo! Fate was already conspiring against them. The shipments to their isolated town had been disrupted by Orcs most Foule! And then, seemingly by chance, did a nameless band of staff-bearing heroes enter the fray. Aye... by chance alone was the North saved from beetles and goblins and squirrels most dire.


Set out from Easthaven did they... but no! An avalanche in the mountain passes! Horror! The Enemy Unknowne sends forth hisserits minions to waylay Hrothgar's brave band, sparking cruel cascades of snow and sending them to their frozen grave. All but that fate-marked band of unnamed heroes.


Blah blah.. Kuldahar... Meet the Druid... Druid goes "Dunno whazzup... help?" Heroes are all, like "Sure dude!" Druid goes "Kewl! Check out Vale of Shadows. Nastiness lurkin' in da darkness, man... nasty. Could be the Root of All Evil." Heroes are all, like, "Sure, dude!"


Alas, Kresselack the Black Wolf, Mournful and Sneaky Spirit of the Vale of Shadows, was not the evil they sought, and then did our heroes return to the Druid in shame and foreboding.


Then did the Druid say unto them: "No clue, dudes... need, like, an ARTIFACT! So we can, ya know, SEE where the enemy's at. Dude." To which our heroes replied "Shure, dude. Like... uhh... know where one is?" And did the Druid respond "Most assuredly! The HEARTSTONE GEM! shall save us! Fetch it for me, will ya?"


To the Temple of the Forgotten God did our heroes sally forth... only to find the good priests of the temple slain, and the Gemstone gone. Woe and Confuddlement!


And did the Druid say, "Dude... what's that yer carryin' there? Priests at the temple workin' on a new beverage?" "Nay!" cried the heroes, distraught, "'tis poison most foule!" "Poison! ACK! That's bad karma, man... luckily, the nature of the poison itself means that those who stole the Heartstone gem can only be in... Dragon's Eye! Dude."


Then did the mightier heroes sally bravely forth yet again, this time into the volcanic depths of Dragon's Eye. "To dragon's eye we go... to dragon's eye we go.. hi ho the merry- o to dragon's eye we go"


Then, at the last, did they find that which they sought. The Heartstone gem, scrying bauble magnificent. Too bad they had to hack their way through legions of yan-ti, undead, lizardmen, and trolls to get it. Oh, and the demon. Yxunomei, to give the beast a name.... Marilith by trade. Seems someone else wanted the Heartstone gem as well... and new hints from the verbose beast of an "Old Enemy". Intrigue!


"To Kuldahar we go, to Kuldahar we, hi ho the merry-o, to Kuldahar we go"


O Cruel Fate! The village attacked! Foes unknown, the Large and Smelly Orogs have come! To the village they came. And among them... another. One with hands of blood, reaching out to drain the life of the archdruid. "Dudes... dying. Bad karma, dude... shapeshifter? Unknown... unknown." "But what shall we do now... dude?" Cry the heroes. For with the death of the Druid, the Heartstone gem is so much paperweight in their unknowning hands. "To Larrel... elven archmage. Used to play... canasta together... told him how to use it... in a drunken haze... your only hope, now."


"To the Severed Hand we go, the Severed Hand we go, hi ho the merry-o, the severed hands we sow."


Undead... shadow... failed mythal... armies of darnkess... Ah ha! Larrel! Seems he's a touch mad. Just let me fix that... there we go. All better. Well, except for the Undead thing he's got goin' on. Looks good on him.


And then did Larrel use the Heartstone Gem, and he spake unto them: "Seek ye thy foe in the Den of the Betrayers, in Dorn's Deep shall all be made clear."


"la la la la... ooo! Dorn's Deep! Nice statuary."


Revered Brother Poquelin, self-styled Priest of Ilmater... blood stained robes... many, many enemies... drow... Svirfneblin... corruption, death, pain... Ooo! Not very nice at all. "Blaste ye, heroes! I didn't really want Dorn's Deep anyway! I'm goin' to... Easthaven! Ha HA!"


Then did the Heroes path come full circle, and found they themselves back in the quiet little fishing village of Easthaven. But lo! What change hath the twisted Priest of Ilmater wrought? Sheathed in ice was the Temple, shattered were the homes, and imprisoned were the townsfolk by cyclops. Woe and Calamity!


Said the Priest of Tempus to the heroes: "Get 'em! Will be along shortly"


Said the heroes to the Priest: "Dude!"


Begun then was the final act, the confrontation with the maddened Ilaterian priest... only....


"Dude! Yer not Priest!"


"Nay, Heroes... Demon am I! And now, to open this portal of which you have heard many rumours, to unleash the Blood War upon this fertile ground. I--"


"Dude, seriously?"




Then did the formerly embittered and faithless priest of Tempus, Everard, hurl himself bodily into the re-opened portal to the lower planes, halting the demons from drowning his beloved, frozen popcicle land in the blood of its people.


Quoth the Demon: "NOOooo! Dude!"


Quoth the Heroes: "IIiiieeeeyaaaaa!"


Quoth the Demon: "Dude?"


An then what a battle ensued... the portal closed, the demon slain and sent back to the Hells for a hundred years.


Victory! Then did our heroes flee the shattered temple and raise their swords in salute. "Dude!"





Good story. Good characters. Loses a certain something in translation, though.

Edited by Magnum Opus
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*over the stunned silence lilts a distand sound of applaud*

kirottu said:
I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.


It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

So let us go and embrace the rustling smells of unseen worlds

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It was a thinly veiled allegory about the Catholic Church.


You know... the whole thing with the priest actually being the Devil... you know? monkey.gif



Don't argue with someone named FFSOMGLOLOLOL

Uh... that's actually not my name. But you're right. Don't argue with me, I'm always right and it's pointless.

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You know... the whole thing with the priest actually being the Devil... you know? 

He was never a legitimate priest to begin with, just someone who took it on to abuse the privileges of the title. That's nothing particular to Catholicism. People have abused rank and position for as long as there have been ranks and positions to abuse.


The Poquelin form was a Tartuffe/Rasputin figure. Jean Baptiste Poquelin is the real surname of the playwright Moli

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He was never a legitimate priest to begin with, just someone who took it on to abuse the privileges of the title.  That's nothing particular to Catholicism.  People have abused rank and position for as long as there have been ranks and positions to abuse.


The Poquelin form was a Tartuffe/Rasputin figure.  Jean Baptiste Poquelin is the real surname of the playwright Moli

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Dwarves make everything better just by association.




...or becuz 'twas where the dwarves got theys arses handed to 'em, the useless, dirt-eatin' bowelhives... :thumbsup:




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How the Trolling used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance, I could egg on a few Trolls to "dance",
And maybe we'd be happy for a while.
But then Krackhead left and so did Klown;
Volo and Turnip were banned, Mystake got run out o' town.
Bad news on the Front Page,
BIOweenia said goodbye in a heated rage.
I can't remember if I cried
When I heard that TORN was recently fried,
But sadness touched me deep inside,
The day...Black Isle died.

For tarna, Visc, an' the rest o' the ol' Islanders that fell along the way

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The priests in Dragon Quest aren't evil Llyranor. Not that it has anything to do with Icewind Dale's story, or J.E. Sawyer. Oh, on one of those topics; my friend's computer was recently ruined while playing Icewind Dale. I've never played either of the Icewind Dale games, so I guess I can borrow his copies now. (w00t)

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Being a fan of the elves, I found it strange that I liked DD over the Severed Hand. It must have been the music in the area, it fits.


It's still worth saying that Icewind Dale has one of the best soundtracks to a game that there's ever been. Jeremy Soule has made grander scores but still hasn't bettered the IWD one, it added so much to the atmosphere. :thumbsup:;)


Oddly, I found his music for NWN was largely quite forgettable although the HotU music was great.

We now bring you live footage from the World Championship Staring Final.



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