16 replies to this topic

[Walsingham]

Every Steven Seagal movie ever made.

 

http://www.everystevenseagalmovie.com/

 

For example:

 

My Giant

(1998)

 

"Steven Seagal plays himself in a movie about Billy Crystal being a bad father and having a tall friend."

[Humanoid]

I didn't know that movie was a thing, so I had assumed the blog was probably just a bunch of photoshopped movie posters with Steven Seagal substituted in for various other actors (e.g. Steven Seagal as the title character in Home Alone). But no, it's the real thing. Huh.

[Hiro Protagonist]

I'm embarrassed to say I've seen all his movies. Every single one.

[BruceVC]

I'm embarrassed to say I've seen all his movies. Every single one.

 

You right that is embarrassing, and you quite comfortable acknowledging it in a public forum. Have you no shame

 

[Walsingham]

I'm embarrassed to say I've seen all his movies. Every single one.

 

How many hours is that? I bet you could have learned French in the same time.

[Hiro Protagonist]

How many hours is that? I bet you could have learned French in the same time.

 

I didn't learn French, but what I did learn is you can combine the movie titles and make out a Steven Seagal movie plot. Such as the example below:

 

My giant the Glimmer Man, on deadly ground, under siege, mercenary for justice and out for justice, out of reach, above the law, marked for death, hard to kill, today you die... Clementine.

Edited by Hiro Protagonist, 29 January 2014 - 05:26 AM.

[HoonDing]

He's done straight to video exclusively after 2002 or so. All those movies are really really crappy.

[Malcador]

So no change from his theatrical releases, then.

 

Hm, John Travolta would have been cool in Under Siege

[babaganoosh13]

That COPS show of his that was on A&E was hilarious.

[Walsingham]

 

How many hours is that? I bet you could have learned French in the same time.

 

I didn't learn French, but what I did learn is you can combine the movie titles and make out a Steven Seagal movie plot. Such as the example below:

 

My giant the Glimmer Man, on deadly ground, under siege, mercenary for justice and out for justice, out of reach, above the law, marked for death, hard to kill, today you die... Clementine.

 

 

Should put that in quote marks under a picture of some bloke looking heroic.

[Humanoid]

Some bloke? You just have to zoom close enough into a portrait of Seagal to make sure his double chin and hairline are cropped from the final image.

[HoonDing]

At least he's not a wingnut.

 

...

 

[Walsingham]

 

~~~~

 

In other news:

 

[Walsingham]

Well, _I_ thought that picture was weird. And scary/awesome.

[Lexx]

I don't know what I see there.

[Hurlshot]

I've been slowly working my way through the Seagal blog, it is fantastic.  I pretty much saw all of them until he started in with the direct to video ones.

[Walsingham]

In line with topic theme:

 

Richard Burton talks about alcoholism. I dare you to watch it through in one go.