Let's Play: Divinity II

[sorophx]

I believe in you, Tig

[Tigranes]

Our adventures of Manny Do-Good and his jolly sidekick, Spectre, continues in the city of Aleroth.

Spectre: A sidekick? What do you want me to do next, wear a furry hat? You don't pay me enough for that.

Well... you could also take the job as narrator. That would effectively double your pay.

Spectre: So I can afford two dry croissants a day. Joy indeed.

Hey, if you don't want to...

 

Spectre: *ahem* So the grand adventures of Manny the Retard continued, as he picks up meaningless sidequests one after the other, prevaricating instead of his ultimate goal-

Manny: What is our ultimate goal?

Spectre: What?

Manny: Well, I don't think we screenshotted the plot-critical dialogue last time round. So we don't really have an ultimate goal.

Spectre: TO FREE ME! BELRIHIN THE GREAT! TO FIND THE KEYS TO MY TOMB AND FREE ME, AND THEN I SHALL NOT ONLY FREE THE DIVINE ALSO BUT GRANT YOU THE POWER TO DEFEAT DAMIAN-

Manny: Oh, more MacGuffins. I had plenty of those, thanks.

Spectre: You would renege on our bargain?!

Manny: Maybe I'll help you if you weren't so evil all the time. Now look here, these guards are about to assault that poor man based purely on suspicion! I'm going to put a stop to it.

Spectre: Why bother? He's probably a necrophiliac or something.

Manny: STAND AND DELIVER!

 

Spectre: Manny the Moron rescues the suspicious man for no other reason than his belief in humanity. As he progresses in his road to inevitable doom, he meets a like-minded soul in General Halliwell, the respected leader of the New Order.

Manny: See? He appreciates my quest for Good.

Spectre: He sure appreciates you, given the way he thrusts his crotch out for all to see.

 

Spectre: Alright, let's move this along. Manny the Homosexual Magnet discovers that a giant tree is blocking the way towards the undead and demon infested area of the city, the Crow's Nest. Rather than celebrating that this magic construct is effectively quarantining them away, Manny accepts to help find a way to get past.

 

Spectre: Manny the Meek also promises, for some reason I cannot fathom, to help a skeleton recover his skin.

 

Spectre: I told you he's hiding something.

Manny: Surely the good general can help us cure this unhappy fellow, Mister Machina!

Spectre: Sodomy as palliative care is generally frowned upon in the medical community, Manny.

 

Spectre: Not content with the amount of lazy idiots he has added to his travelling entourage, Manny the Charitable promises to help yet another long-dead skeleton fire up his old enchanter's workshop...

 

Spectre: ...and help some morons in their quest for glory track down some kind of undead temple or other. We are, of course, operating on the presumption that any celebration of the undead, alternative deities or colours on the cold side of the spectrum are surefire signs of eeeeviiiiiilll.

Manny: Look, Mister Machina, they're fighting over who should charge into the temple! It's so cute, reminds me of when I was level two and I would rescue pigs for farmers.

Spectre: Pigs?

Manny: Yeah, for... Folo the Farmer, or something. I think he was in love with his pigs, actually.

Spectre: I see your present condition has been a long time coming, Manny.

 

Manny: Listen, I've mindread Minius, and it seems he's carrying a wound - we should let the other fellow go.

Spectre: Actually, we should let the wounded man go.

Manny: What? Why?

Spectre: Because if we're going to do this, we might as well do it right. We can send him to certain doom, come in at the nick of time, rescue his sorry arse, then claim double reward.

Manny: Heavens, no! But that gives me an idea, we will send the other man and then check up on his safety later.

Spectre: You really are a stupid bastard, aren't you.

 

Spectre: Manny the Useless also comes across several grovelling peasants, who all want pointless family heirlooms recovered from disproportionately dangerous locations for no doubt forgettable fees. We.... accept.

 

Spectre: Ah, this is more like it. This Astridax, pointlessly verbose as he is, will pay handsomely for those same heirlooms! Surely there is no doubt here.

Manny: You're right, there isn't. We're returning them to their rightful owners.

Spectre: Oh, for fu- they're not going to die! They're not going to lose their house, lose their wife, contract a deadly disease, suffer a grave case of injustice from abuse of authority, lose their skin, be refused revenge, anything! It's just freaking heirlooms! They'll probably pawn it off after you return them for an extra potato in their salary.

Manny: Sorry, Mister Machina. That's just how I am.

[Tigranes]

Sidenote: Christ, there are some powerful weapons in the xpack. Pity we squandered a lot of our money at the endgame before, not thinking about this.

 

Spectre: A random trail of bread, apples and the like leading to a house where Hansel lives. Seriously?

Manny: Let's investigate!

Spectre: Look, even setting aside your complete disrespect of everyone's privacy, this city is besieged. Everyone's complaining about having no money and home and supplies, and there is a trail of foodstuffs in the middle of the street that nobody picks up?

 

Spectre: Help, help, I'm being oppressed!

Manny: Mister Machina, the tomato tells us that two of his friends have also been fruitified by an evil witch! We must restore them to their original state!

Spectre: Or we could eat it. It's a super tomato.

Manny: That's cannibalism!

Spectre: Actually, the physical changes imposed by such a magic transformation are total: in terms of what you are eating, it is, completely and utterly, a tomato. You won't eat it? No? Pity. I have this great recipe here...

 

Manny: See? Mr. Pumpkin says the three of them can give us the passwords to get through to their secret library, where we can defeat the evil lich and also find the information needed to help you, Mister Machina.

Spectre: I'm touched, Manny. All this time, you were really thinking of me?

Manny: Really?

Spectre: No, now hurry up if you're not going to eat it.

 

Spectre: *bored voice* On our way, Manny the Meddler also finds the time to help two refugee goblins be accepted into the Aleroth army, so that they can render their previous flight as refugees entirely pointless by getting themselves killed. Joy.

Manny: Hey, it's all done now. All I needed to do was pay the goblin merchant 10,000 gold and get them some goblin equipment-

Spectre: Wait, ten thousand? Are you kidding me? You could equip every human in this town with it.

Manny: Well, I guess goblin equipment is a very rare thing-

Spectre: -because, of course, you've only killed a million armed goblins in the last couple of months. Never mind.

 

Spectre: We also find a black market, where we mindread the gateguard waiting for 'Dormen', say we are Dormen, enter and shop, then find the real Dormen rebuffed. It's good to know that identity fraud is such a widespread problem in Rivellon society.

Manny: It is? I mean, I thought the wider implications of this would be quite troubling.

Spectre: Why, not at all. It just means that crime works as a useful counterbalance to the many inherent problems in the government and the social infrastructure - a reset button, so to speak, for your life. It just involves screwing over someone else.

 

Spectre: We also find a haunted playhouse where the ghosts keep acting out their plays, but they are quite rubbish and the Head Ghost is pissed.

 

Spectre: Hey, Manny, there's no proble here, right? Just get an illusion to look like a woman and you can help them with their play!

Manny: Out of the question! I'm a man that's as manly as they come, and there ain't no man that's as manly as I man. Am.

Spectre: I'm disappointed, Manny. I thought you were going to help the poor and the weak! I thought you were going to be a champion of Good!

Manny: You hate it when I do good things!

Spectre: Ohhhh, but I have seen the light, Manny. I have seen it, and it is bright, and, um, Good. You are my shining beacon, Manny, my example of Goodly Goodliciousness! Will you let me down now?

Manny: Oh, all right, we'll see if we can find an illusionist.

 

Spectre: But for now, Manny, the Great Knight of All That Is Good, checks up on that Minius fellow that went into the undead temple. He was trapped behind a secret wall, lured by a chest.

 

Spectre: Further on in the cave, we also found Baldini, a perfume maker who went looking for, well, a scent that he had never smelled before. But his quest for THE NEW **** led to his demise, as he fell to his death. Wait, but there's no fall damage in Divinity II! Poor man.

[Tigranes]

Spectre: we do smoe hopping and puzzlesolving and reach the Flower That Does Not Officially Exist, bolstered by our lack of fall damage. Truly Manny is a Force of Good, Saver of Perfumes Old and New.

 

Spectre: But there's more work to be done! Manny the Great Hero Man Thing visits the courtesans' house, Madam Eve's, and finds a murder mystery afoot. Three are dead..

 

Spectre: ...but, uh, the first victim...

Manny: It's Folo the Farmer! I told you about him, Mister Machina. And there's his pet pig, Kevin, that I rescued!

Spectre: So he, uh, booked a love-hotel alone with his pig.

Manny: Yes, it's a pity he's dead. He was such a nice fellow, so kind to his pigs.

Spectre: Kind isn't how I'd put it.

 

Manny: Kevin's mind tells me that Folo was indeed murdered!

Spectre: You can read pig minds?

Manny: Yeah, it's mostly audiovisual stimuli, though, and occasionally a strong craving for the companionship of other pigs.

 

Spectre: More murders. But the guards won't let us into the last room, since the dead is someone important, apparently. We'll have to come back with more evidence found - so far we've found some suspicious skin, pixie dust and a strange knife.

 

Spectre: We first visit Dr. West, the necromancer, who tells us the skin belongs to 'naturally occuring undead'.

 

Spectre: Then Chanelle (who happens to be the niece of that dead perfume-searcher), who tells us how to reverse the pixie dust effect to reveal hidden corridors.

Manny: Ah, and she also happens to be a hairdresser. I think I'll get a cut done.

Spectre: Now?

Manny: A hero always has to look his best, especially when he apprehends murderers! That's where you get all the money shots.

 

Manny: So I'd like a straight cut, not too long at the back, and-

Spectre: Ooh, look at all these options. Hey, lady, you can change his voice?

Chanelle: Sure. Voice, Gender, you name it, love.

Manny: Hey, what? Wait-

 

Chanelle: You look gorgeous, darling!

Manny: What is this? What have you done?

Spectre: I'm very pleased, lady. Here, have a thousand gold. Have two thousand gold. We won't be coing back.

Manny: I feel your stares! DIE! DIEEE!

Spectre: Why, not such a do-gooder now, are you, Manny? I think we'll have some fun yet...

[sorophx]

 

P.S.: I love how ghosts look in this game, for some reason.

[Majek]

You can actually do that at any point in the game.

[Hassat Hunter]

*Actually just finished the game*

 

Where's the ending here? It's too much fun just to have stopped.

 

Also, good to see I am not the only one who missed stuff on first run, although different things. You did the alchemist in broken valley (miller's basement), which explains the lack of potions... amulet of the north, and several other little things (or maybe you did and just didn't mention them).

[HoonDing]

I did everything in FoV but somehow missed the Asylum completely.

[Minchi]

I have a copy of the game and its pretty fun but the stupid physx drivers gone crazy and made everything not working right so i had to stop playing until they fix it o.o;;;

[The Transcendent One]

game is great ,but anyone knows how to kill laiken and razakell ?(im level 17 dont have potions )

[LostStraw]

game is great ,but anyone knows how to kill laiken and razakell ?(im level 17 dont have potions )

The girl helping you out (forget her name) can keep you healed up really well. Before the battle tell her to be defensive/heal you (can't remember the dialogue either). When you get low on health just jump around and run away from the enemy until she pops off her spell.

[Hassat Hunter]

As you know, if one dies, both dies. So concentrate fire on one, and it shouldn't be too much a problem...

 

Tigraneeeees?

[The Transcendent One]

thanks ,but what i did was ask sassan to summon monsters and i summoned creature and a ghost and just jump around avoiding the attacks,then used magic blast on razakel.

[Tigranes]

I think I have one or two updates left already screencapped, I'll look into it once I'm back in town.

 

Laiken's actually surprisingly easy if you dodge the various mooks and go straight for him or the demon, as killing just one defeats both at that point. But yes, having Sassan heal you is best.

[Majek]

you only need to kill one of them anyway, so you pick either and concentrate, it's over before you know it.

[Tigranes]

Spectre: What...what the hell happened here?

Manny: We're back on, Mr. Spectre. You should probably put on some clothes.

Spectre: I'm an ethereal spirit, Manny.

Manny: Yes, but an ethereal dong is just as offensive to the children as a dong in flesh.

Spectre: Why are we back on anyway? I thought we already saved the world.

Manny: No, we sort of... stopped in the middle. I heard that the writer started on another game. Gothic 2, I think.

Spectre: Oh, that's a much better game. Why couldn't we do that one?

Manny: Remember? They said you weren't German enough. Too much American sitcom-inspired jibber jabber.

Spectre: Alright, fine. But don't expect me to enjoy this. Where were we?

Manny: They made me turn into a girl.

Spectre: I'm going to enjoy this.

 

Last we left, Manny had followed a certain Willy to his home. He apparently has some trouble with Assassins, uh, creditors, wanting to seize his assets.

 

Spectre: We could let them kill him, then kill them, then take everything for ourselves.

Manny: FEEL THE FURY OF MY HAMSTER!

Spectre: Wonderful.

 

You can see the insane XP we get just from the assassin goons. Halfway through the expansion pack, this is when the game's balance begins to break down and we enter the familiar RPG late-game God territory. With the ability to send goons out to get herbs to make potions, way too much money and ihhg-level items available in shops, quest-related powerful items, and of course the ability to respec or extend the skill limits by paying money, we are pretty much unkillable. At least the game tries its best by throwing very, very powerful enemies at you.

 

I forget what we did here, but I don't think we really bothered. The only time we ever liked the idea of having your own house was in Morrowind, because you could really get a cool looking pad (if you spent 6 hours dropping objects at just the right angle so they wouldn't roll around and knock everything else into outer space).

Manny: I'm sort of a high-rise person anyway.

 

We also finally solve the mystery of the triple murders at the Busty Babes Motel.

Spectre: Nobody bothered to do this while we were gone? For two months?

Manny: It's probably a leftist government in power.

 

Using the pixie dust thing acquired from the perfume-maker (where Manny was reborn as Manny Bootylicious), we uncover the terrible secret behind the murders...

 

A secret door. Beneath the bed. Yeah, seriously. It sort of pops into view.

 

I've lost most of the screenies from this segment, but below there are some form of catacombs, and after solving some basic puzzles you encounter some kind of super-zombie. To defeat him you must bring down the incarnations of his three victims, including the poor, misunderstood Folo.

Spectre: There's no misunderstanding here, the man liked to stick his gun up the pig's arse and fire multiple rounds into the apple.

Manny: Why is there an apple inside the pig?

Spectre: I'm sure the pig was thinking the same thing.

 

Next is the Haunted Playhouse. The familiar concept is played out rather well here - after some searching across messy and deserted rooms you see the ghosts endlessly playing out a play on the stage...poorly.

 

The way to help them, of course, is to wear the disguise of a woman, play the leading lady, and get all the lines right, releasing these ghosts from their unfulfilled dream.

Manny: Oh, so that's why I had to turn into a woman!

Spectre: No.

Manny: Well, can I turn back now?

Spectre: No.

[Tigranes]

Next up: the talking vegetables. Remember the tomato we nearly ate? Well here's a carrot. Tracking down the three fruitified scholars, we track down the culprit -

 

The evil witch, who has fallen into a dark, evil mix of feminism and goth fashion.

 

True Dragon Ball Z style, she transports you into some lava-ish platform to duke it out. I remember dying several times just by falling off, but if you look here we deal +350 damage per hit with dual wield, and the result is inevitable.

Manny: I died?! When?

Spectre: Once every 4.3 screenshots, at current tally. Don't worry, you're outperforming your IQ range with that rate.

 

Seems like all she wanted to do was help her secret, beleaguered women-only society. I guess there is no saving them from the evil of ogling now.

 

We also pick up some hints about our main quest - if you remember, to free a deeply buried MacGuffin, at the risk of also freeing the Ancient Evil, who two-times currently as our Spectre. Thankfully, the Miniguffins we need to reach the Macguffin are quite naturally found in our sidequesting.

 

From memory, this mostly involves finding random Evil-worshippers with telltale blood symbols then chopping them into bits.

 

We mindread a tree and extort some armour out of it.

 

While running around, we also find this guy talking to an agent of Damian - remember, the original badass who is still besieging this city trying to conquer the world? Of course, this is the same agent that we chose to believe and rescue from the city militia some time before. Sucks to be us.

Manny: You know, this part would be so much more interesting if anybody could still remember the earlier episode.

Spectre: Oh, I remember. I remember telling you to kill him. I also remember, distinctly, that you farted something about innocents and burden of proof.

Manny: Well, now we do have proof...

 

We chase the other contact, the Black Ring lieutenant, to a city portal. Cleverly, he has led us into an ambush!

 

I'm shaking in terror.

[Tigranes]

They die in approximately four seconds.

 

On the upside, they provide enough loot and cash for us to make one final upgrade to our weapons and armour.

Spectre: Impressive. You've decked out in a red sword, a purple sword, orange plate, blue skirt and silver greaves, but a geriatric gnome with a sharp mango could still decapitate your legs.

Manny: Legs don't have a separate armour rating, Mister Spectre.

Spectre: Tell that to the mango.

 

We also come across a house on fire and a maiden in distress.

Woman: Please, please help me! There's my baby in there! Trapped!

Manny: I'll help you!

Woman: Oh, also, if you can get my love letters and wedding ring it'll be great.

Manny: I'll... try.

Woman: And a venti chai latte. You're such a doll!

 

The house is suffering from a peculiar disaster, wherein the danger is not so much flames as some kind of improbably intense heatwave that makes everything look like jelly. A nice touch is how in our dallying to retrieve the letters and ring, the baby was already dead when we got to it on the second floor. We still receive half the reward. A chai latte goes a long way towards soothing the pain of family casualties.

 

We also save some random guard's wife from some hooligans. Don't be too hard on him, ma'am. He don't have orange armour like I do.

 

Servus the Guard, here's the thing: you don't let women anything these days. The women let you. Think on that.

 

We are also charged with a covert op to rescue Random Man's sweetheart, Random Woman, who has been... procured by the city's general.

 

But why, here he is himself. How positively Roman of you in your decadence!

 

We also track down some missing villagers, who have been variously subject to organised cannibalism for commercial purposes in the centre city district. The insanity demographic theory continues to pick up evidence by the barrel.

 

The business claims that it was forced into this practice by a particularly demanding customer, who single-handedly demolished their normal stock. Seriously? One person? This is clearly a case of thoughtless, illogical storytelling, even in a fantasy setting-

[Tigranes]

Oh. Right. Carry on.

 

Listen, buddy, if you're inflicted with a magical curse to make you fatter than [insert forumer name]'s Momma, don't make it worse with a pig portrait. We help him out by returning a troll artifact of some sort.

 

Aaaaaand we are finally ready to begin The End. I've skipped several sidequests and such, but they're nothing special. Manny is now fully equipped and ready to enter MacGuffin Land!

 

True to RPG tradition, the MacGuffin Land features art assets, animations and creatures never seen before in the game. Blame the market for constantly demanding creative and mindblowing end levels, while disregarding the utter inefficiency of the practice. Why, this would have been such a better game if there were zombies sprouting out of the ground from the first hour!

 

The Macguffin land contains its share of puzzles. First, we wear the Helm That Makes The Screen Really Wobbly to see the Stairs That You Need The Helm That Makes The Screen Really Wobbly To See.

 

Then we alternatively take off the Helm That Makes etc. to see certain platforms, then put it back on to see certain platforms, to reach the top.

 

Have a cookie.

 

After some requisite battles, we finally reach the Big Decision Point (BDP). Bellegar, the crazy wizard that popped up from time to time to try and stop us free the Ancient Evil, now wants to persuade us to not do this.

Spectre: Wait, hang on. So after guiding the idiot here for the last gazillion hours, he, uh, she has the option NOT to free me?

Manny: Sounds good, Mister Spectre. Isn't this the choice and consequences you always used to talk about?

Spectre: Look, you monkey, the real world isn't the Codex. Without me you would never have got here - you have to free me!

 

Bellegar summons every ounce of eloquence he has.

 

MacGuffin Alternative is offered to you in exchange for giving up MacGuffin Original, and keeping Ancient Evil under control.

Manny: Well, I was always a Diet Coke person.

Spectre: How is THAT relevant?

Manny: I always prefer the alternative. It's how I assert my individuality in this post-capitalist consumer society.

Spectre: Wait, but-

[Tigranes]

Spectre: Come back, Manny! Come back! I... I love you!

Manny: And I loved you too, Mister Spectre. But the world needs me now.

 

The world needs the Mannster.

 

The endgame returns us to the Dragon Form. The MacGuffin Alternative works like some sort of suicide super-explosive. It is loaded onto the zeppelin, which we must escort... the whole way to the castle. Yes. You can't just fly straight to the castle from that screenshot - the zeppelin goes along a predefined path off to the right, looping round, through all those islets you see in the background. That means literally over a hundred towers. This part is actually fairly difficult (especially since I'm useless with the Dragon) and I died several times.

 

The chick that tricked us into reviving her in the original campaign.

 

I think this calls for a

 

 

Ygerna somehow survives the nuclear blast, and we must fight her one last time. The final battle is a mere formality, as we do over 1,000 damage per hit.

 

Ygerna is dead, Damian too, and through some deus ex machina (I forget), the Divine is also freed.

 

Citizen A: Hooray, it's the Divine, Manny and Gandalf! We have been saved!

Citizen B: But our city is in ruins, the quarantine has depleted our food supplies, the over-recruitment of militia now risks unrest, and more besides!

Citizen A: Yes, but we now have heroes to save us! Three cheers for the DMG!

Citizen B: But don't you think that a long-confined warrior, a suspiciously unintelligent, sexually confused, absurdly rich and powerful adventurer and an enigmatic, mysterious wizard is a bad foundation to build a functioning city around?

Citizen A: That's... that's true. They'll probably either disappear, go off to some stupid adventure to fill the void in their souls, or struggle to make the transition into peacetime, anxiously watch their influence and capability diminish in the new world order, and meet a tragic end much like a celebrity beyond her time.

Citizen B: Hooray for our city!

Citizen A: Hooray!

 

And so ends the story of Manny, and with it, our poor play. We hope it pleased you... friend.

 

Thus ends our third Obsidianite LP (though we couldn't use a Obs Party in Div2). I'd like to do one more at some point before I start my PhD - though it all depends on whether my computer can run TW2. Perhaps an Obsidianite party BG1+2? Alpha Protocol? (Though I doubt I can screenshot well enough) We shall see.

[HoonDing]

End boss is unbalanced. Someone maxed out her magic resistance but left her ranged & melee resistance alone. My uber mage that had previously one shotted everything throughout the entire expansion, had to pelt her with magic missiles for two minutes while a ranger would just one shot her.

 

And, you should have captured Arhu at the end.

[Hassat Hunter]

Seems a bit rushed, Tigranes .

 

But funny never-the-less.

 

TW2 play would be nice... I might even read it sooner than this one (if only can I find a place which still sells the CE)...