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Yahtzee: "Mirror's Edge is an 8hour fecal waterslide"


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http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/vie...57-Mirrors-Edge

 

I said it when I first heard of it, i said it when the first screenshots came, i said it when the trailer popped up, I said it when the demo appeared and as the final game was released i was proven right; ME is rubbish!

 

 

 

 

DiCE will now be forced by an official decree to change their name to BiCE (is pronounced the same as the swedish word for sh*t)

DISCLAIMER: Do not take what I write seriously unless it is clearly and in no uncertain terms, declared by me to be meant in a serious and non-humoristic manner. If there is no clear indication, asume the post is written in jest. This notification is meant very seriously and its purpouse is to avoid misunderstandings and the consequences thereof. Furthermore; I can not be held accountable for anything I write on these forums since the idea of taking serious responsability for my unserious actions, is an oxymoron in itself.

 

Important: as the following sentence contains many naughty words I warn you not to read it under any circumstances; botty, knickers, wee, erogenous zone, psychiatrist, clitoris, stockings, bosom, poetry reading, dentist, fellatio and the department of agriculture.

 

"I suppose outright stupidity and complete lack of taste could also be considered points of view. "

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Having played mirrors edge I didn't have NEARLY as many pathfinding problems as he did. I guess that's because he couldn't let go and really get into it or somthing but after the first two levels I was finding that my brain was automatically looking and saying "hey that looks like a step jump". I posted in the mirrors edge topic that I thought the game was good in what it's origional mission seemed to be (a freerunning game set in the first person and your entire goal is to keep moving as fast as possible) the controls for the running and acrobatics were fantastic. However when the game forces you to enter combat you have problems as your standard combat consisted of running up to a guy waiting until his gun turned red, and hitting triangle (I was on a ps3) to steal his gun and kill him at the same time. then I figured out that the basic melee attack was actually pretty good things got a little easier but it still sucked when you had to run across a room from cover to cover to get a guy with an M60 machine gun. Also one or two of the puzzles were about as intuitive as wearing underwear on your head for fun.

Victor of the 5 year fan fic competition!

 

Kevin Butler will awesome your face off.

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Fallout 3 is first person. Mirror's Edge sucks donkey balls. What does this bode for Aliens?

 

Alien balls first person simulation?

I came up with Crate 3.0 technology. 

Crate 4.0 - we shall just have to wait and see.

Down and out on the Solomani Rim
Now the Spinward Marches don't look so GRIM!


 

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Why play a 1st person platformer set in the near future of an active dystopian metropolis when you could play a 3rd person action RPG set in the anarchic post-apocalyptic wasteland? They are quite similar, aren't they?

I was thinking more along the lines of "Why play a sucky game that will give you motion sickness when you can play a decent game that allows you to blow people's heads off in full bloody gore?"

"Your Job is not to die for your country, but set a man on fire, and take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe."

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If you absolutely must have platforming this christmas then i would recommend Tombraider: Underworld, it does everything ME claimed it would do(but doesnt) but in a fluent and non-crippled way.

 

 

 

 

...and anyone who racks down on GoW2 must be killed. They just threw in the less-than-awesome bits to make the rest of the game seem even more awesome than it is.

DISCLAIMER: Do not take what I write seriously unless it is clearly and in no uncertain terms, declared by me to be meant in a serious and non-humoristic manner. If there is no clear indication, asume the post is written in jest. This notification is meant very seriously and its purpouse is to avoid misunderstandings and the consequences thereof. Furthermore; I can not be held accountable for anything I write on these forums since the idea of taking serious responsability for my unserious actions, is an oxymoron in itself.

 

Important: as the following sentence contains many naughty words I warn you not to read it under any circumstances; botty, knickers, wee, erogenous zone, psychiatrist, clitoris, stockings, bosom, poetry reading, dentist, fellatio and the department of agriculture.

 

"I suppose outright stupidity and complete lack of taste could also be considered points of view. "

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I tried the demo and had a blast, ignoring the ****ty cutscenes. Definitly a game I'd buy, but not for 60$.

 

But then I saw the time trial feature was XboX Live only. What. The. ****. Dice.

"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

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That sounds better. I guess it was only online for the demo.

 

I'm definitly buying it though. I love DICE, and was probably one of the only ones to really like Bad Company. To be honest I never got lost or got annoyed by the bloom, and definitly didn't see the problems Yahtzee mentioned.

"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

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The demo thing was because it was a preorder bonus. Which is pretty stupid.

 

As long as the concept of time trials appeals to you and you liked the demo, game should be worth your while. People will complain that one playthrough is 6-8 hrs, but mastering the gameplay will really lie on the time trials and speed runs, where you'll be looking for shortcuts and maneuvers to cut down on your time by a few secs here and there. That doesn't appeal to everyone, though.

 

I'm sure Yahtzee raves all over Tombraider.

Hadescopy.jpg

(Approved by Fio, so feel free to use it)

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Did he actually say why the game was so ****ty? I mean, he mentioned bloom, but not everyone hates that. He mentioned the controls (jumping works once every two tries, so he says), but I didn't notice anything like that in the game.

"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

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