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Dark_Raven

101 Spells Not Worth Memorizing, An old classic

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Linky.

 

 

More can be found by reading the Cylindrical Scrolls, printed in Dragon

Magazine a while back. (Copyright law prevents their inclusion here.)

 

1 Acid Trip

2 Affect Abnormal Fires

3 Affect Normal Foyers

4 Air Breathing (land-dwellers only)

5 Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air)

6 Airy Air

7 Alamir's Freeway Breakdown

8 Alamir's Fundamental Theorem

9 Algorithm I-III

10 Anger God

11 Animate Bread

12 Anti-Anti-Magic Shell (Pro-Magic Shell?)

13 Anti-Magic Eggshell

14 Anti-Magic Magic Missle

15 Anti-Magic Magic Mouth

16 Antipathy Orb

17 Audible Hammer (of the M.C. variety)

18 Auditable Glamour

19 Augmented Chord I, ii, III, iv, V, VI, vii

 

20 Bad Lighting

21 Badly Programmed Illusion

22 Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self)

23 Bigby's Assertive Finger

24 Bigby's Clenched Teeth

25 Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand

26 Bigby's Glove (colors the various Bigby's Hand spells, no bonus)

27 Bigby's Groping Hand

28 Bigby's Hairy-Palmed Hand

29 Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)

30 Bigby's Limp-Wristed Hand

31 Bigby's Shadow-Animal Making Hands

32 Bigby's "Shush"ing Hand

33 Black & White Spray

34 Blind Self

35 Bold Monster

36 Bookworm Blast

37 Break-Wind Wall

38 Break the Wind

39 Bubbling Rainstorm

40 Burning Hands (Yours, ouch)

 

41 Can Trip (And does!)

42 Change Elf

43 Charm Dead

44 Charm Friends

45 Charm Groupie

46 Charm Potted Plants

47 Charm Self

48 Charm Undead (X rated version)

49 Cheeseball

50 Circling the Square (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen)

51 Clause of the Lawyer

52 Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)

53 Clone Undead

54 Clown

55 Color Safe Spray

56 Compulsive Disorder

57 Cone of Bubbles

58 Conjure Emmenthaler

59 Contact This Plane

60 Continual Bad Lighting

61 Continual Right (a political spell)

62 Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only)

63 Control Feather

64 Copyright Shroud

65 Crass Suggestion

66 Create Coat Hanger

67 Cure Animal Hide

68 Cure Light Winds

69 Cure Smoked Ham

70 Cure STD

71 Current Life

72 Cylons, 10' Radius

73 Cymbal

 

74 Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm)

75 Darkness, 15 micron radius

76 Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight)

77 Deathwish

78 Deeppocket Lint

79 Delayed Blast Cantrip

80 Delayed Blast Flatulence

81 Delayed Blast Spitball

82 Demand Blindness

83 Demi-Shadow Puppets

84 Deny Reality

85 Detect Crying

86 Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)

87 Detect Detect Spells

88 Detect Hound

89 Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5')

90 Detect Pervert

91 Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits

92 Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself)

93 Detect Strikes and Spares

94 Detect Tragic (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!)

95 Detect Unseen Butler

96 Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that)

97 Detect Weevil

98 Detect Wind

99 Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...)

100 Dimension Doorknob

101 Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians

102 Dispurse Self

103 Doug

104 Doug's Generic Spell

105 Drain Vaccuum

106 Draw Upon Religious Right

107 Drawmij's Court Summons

108 Drawmij's Instant Cake Mix

109 Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup)

110 Drawmij's Instant Death (Drawmij's CON must be about -30 by now...)

 

111 Earthly Chorus

112 Enchanted Toothpick

113 Enlightening Bolt

114 Enrage Dragon

115 ESPN

116 Ethertalk

117 Evard's Black Growth (range: 0)

118 Evard's Black Testicles

119 Evard's Blue Testicles

120 Explosive Familiar (it's *your* familiar)

121 Explosive Friends

122 Extension Cord I, II, and III

123 Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds)

 

124 Face Grasp

125 Fear of Sunmotes

126 Feather Brain

127 Feather Flail

128 Feign Life (as if the caster has one)

129 Feign Orgasm

130 Find Acquaintance

131 Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face)

132 Find Hand

133 Finger of Near-Fatal Injury

134 Finger of Plead

135 Fire Alarm

136 Fire Rap

137 Fire Stick

138 Fireball (reversed)

139 Fiscal Projection

140 Fist of Flesh

141 Fleshskin (range: self)

142 Fool's Lead

143 Foresee Unseen Butler

144 Forget Spells (area: self)

145 Forehead

146 Foreskin

147 Fourier's Transformation

148 Furball

149 Furry Fire

 

150 Gaze at Reflection

151 Geese

152 Get Flu

153 Get Life

154 Glassteal (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant)

155 Globe of Vulnerability

156 Grate

157 Graze reflection (if someone hurts your knee)

158 Guess Alignment

 

159 Hair Extension I, II, III

160 Hallucinatory Escape

161 Hallucinatory Train

162 Hand of Skin

163 Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg)

164 Heal Monster (only works on opponents during combat)

165 Heel

166 Hold Bladder

167 Hold Mustard

168 Hold Self

169 Hornung's Gas

170 Hornung's Police Dispatcher

171 Housefly

172 Hug Self

 

173 Illusion Debugger (for Badly Programmed Illusions)

174 Illusionary Crypt

175 Iggy's Invisible Illusion

176 Illegal Thoughts (That serving wench looks older than 18)

177 Implosive Runes

178 Impress Plants

179 Improper Suggestion

180 Indirection (address register postincrement)

181 Indivisibility (The caster is a prime number)

182 Insect Plague, 5' Radius

183 Integrate (reversible, Differentiate)

184 Invisibility to Inanimate Objects

185 Invisibility to Dead

186 Invisible Talker

187 Irritate Self

 

188 Kender Summoning I, II, III

189 Kitchen Sink

190 Knock Knock

191 Know Own Alignment

192 Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...)

193 Kooshball

 

194 Legend Bore

195 Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix

196 Leomund's Condemned Shelter

197 Leomund's Grass Hut

198 Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter

199 Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter

200 Leomund's Secure Chest Cavity

201 Leomund's Sturdy Music Box

202 Leomund's Tap

203 Leomund's Underfunded Homeless Shelter

204 Level Water

205 Lightning Blot

206 Limited Dish (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off)

207 Limited Wash

208 Locate Right Hand

209 Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location)

210 Locate Tongue (requires verbal component)

211 Locate Wizard (the _nearest_ wizard)

212 Lorloveim's Shady Deal

213 Lose Familiar (Get lost, ya wee booger!)

214 Lower Cholesterol Level

215 Lower Inhibitions

 

216 Maggot Missle

217 Magic Boomeranging Missile

218 Magic Gristle

219 Magic Jar-Jar

220 Magic Missal (A really boring prayersheet)

221 Magic Moth

222 Magic Orifice

223 Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar)

224 Mail of the Banshee (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...")

225 Maize

226 Matrix Addition

227 Mauve Earth

228 Meld, Canasta Version

229 Melf's Acid Bow

230 Melf's Acid Trip

231 Melf's Minute Rice

232 Melodramatic Phantom Defenders

233 Memorize Spell

234 Meteor Swan

235 Micrometeorite Storm

236 Mildly Surprising Grasp

237 Minor Delousing

238 Mistaken Identify

239 Mistaken Thought (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore)

240 Moaning Spirit

241 Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound

242 Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)

243 Mordenkainen's Big Ears (+1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled)

244 Mordenkainen's Bored Cat

245 Mordenkainen's Celery

246 Mordenkainen's Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what's your function?)

247 Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito

248 Mordenkainen's Freeway Junction

249 Mordenkainen's Lubrication

250 Mordenkainen's Sword, -1 Backbiter

251 Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife

252 Move Venus

253 Muenster Summoning I-VII

254 Murder Darkness

255 Murdoch's Featherless Fryer (Verbal component: "Butterball")

256 Murdock's Feathery Pillow

 

257 Nahal's Banana Peel (appears under random ally's foot)

258 No Time

259 No Vacancy

260 Nystul's Undetectible Aura

 

261 Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere

262 Otiluke's Resilient Ear

263 Otiluke's Room Temperature Sphere

264 Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck

265 Otto's Resistable Dance

 

266 Paraphrase Magic

267 Part Hair

268 Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level Drow spell)

269 Penultimate Fall

270 Phantasmal Fork

271 Phantasmal Morse

272 Phantasmal Thriller

273 Plane XOR

274 Polymorph Mother

275 Power Word Missing

276 Power Word, NO!

277 Power Word, Noogie

278 Power Word, Puke

279 Power Word, Pun

280 Power Word, Smirk

281 Power Word, Spam

282 Power Word, Wedgie

283 Protection from Catnips

284 Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius

285 Protection from Evil Knievel

286 Protection from Halitosis

287 Protection from Normal Air

288 Protection from Normal Missals

289 Protection from Normal Oxygen

290 Protection from Normal Pillows

291 Protection from Self

292 Protection from Weevil

293 Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)

294 Purge Memory

295 Putrefy Offal

 

296 Rainbow Enhancer

297 Random Casualty

298 Rary's Mnemonic Cancer (eats away at those favorite spells)

299 Rary's Mnemonic Device (makes silly acronyms out of things)

300 Rary's Pneumonic Cough (range: self)

301 Read Common

302 Rectum of Retention

303 Reincarnation Door

304 Remove Hand (yours)

305 Remove Minus Sign (reversible)

306 Remove Nurse ("Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!")

307 Remove Reality

308 Remove Self

309 Remove Strong Language

310 Reservation

311 Rest Erection

312 Resurrect Living

313 Resurrect Self (problem: must be alive to cast the spell)

314 Reverse Graffiti

315 Rice Storm

316 Rock Summoning I

 

317 Sepia Cake Sigil

318 Serten's Smell Immunity

319 Sheepskin

320 Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)

321 Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius

322 Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer)

323 SmorgasMorph

324 Soap-on-a-Rope Trick

325 Solid Frog

326 Speak With Boring Monsters

327 Speak With Dead Plants

328 Speak With Grateful Dead

329 Speak With Living (components: two tin cans and a string)

330 Speak With Mud

331 Speak With Self

332 Sucker (for those of you who actually cast the spell)

333 Summon Allergy

334 Summon Death (Death arrives and kills the caster)

335 Summon Self

336 Swift Envelope

 

337 Tape Mount

338 Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter

339 Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder

340 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter (a.k.a. ST:TNG's "Sela")

341 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls

342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence

343 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture

344 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand

345 Tax Avoidance

346 Taunt a Second Time

347 Teleport Environment

348 Teleport With Lots of Errors

349 Teleport Without Destination

350 Teleport Without Terror

351 Tenser's Double-Sided, Double Density Disk

352 Tenser's Floating Point

353 Tenser's Formatted Disk

354 Tenser's Gloating Disk

355 Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!)

356 Tenser's Slipped Disk

357 Tenser's Deadly Resurrection

358 Tensor Transformations

359 This Space for Rent (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage's memory)

360 Time Start

361 Tonguetwister Change

362 Tons

363 Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust (priest spell)

364 Transmute Friends to Enemies

365 Transmute Head to Butt

366 Transmute RGB to HSV

367 Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible)

368 Transmute Rock to Jazz

369 Trap the Sole (see Limited Dish)

370 Turn Friends Into Enemies

371 Turn Pebble (rotation, not banishment)

 

372 Undefined Symbol

373 Unenlightening Bolt

374 Unheard Servant

375 Unscented Cloud

376 Unseen Manservant

377 Unseen Pervert

378 Unseen Sympathy

 

379 Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls)

380 Vampiric Crutch

381 Varnish

382 Visible Stalker

 

383 Walk

384 Wall of Dog

385 Wall of Horse

386 Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer

387 Wall of Normal Air

388 Wall of Paper

389 Wall of Velcro

390 Waste

391 Wink

392 Wizard Eyebrow

393 Wizard Lick

394 Wizard Nostril

395 Wizard Stain

 

396 You Wish!

 

397 ZX-Spectral Force


2010spaceships.jpg

Hades was the life of the party. RIP You'll be missed.

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101, you say?


"Show me a man who "plays fair" and I'll show you a very talented cheater."

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215 Lower Inhibitions

 

That could come in handy..

 

Its often used with the Enchantment/Charm variation of the Mount spell.


Murphy's Law of Computer Gaming: The listed minimum specifications written on the box by the publisher are not the minimum specifications of the game set by the developer.

 

@\NightandtheShape/@ - "Because you're a bizzare strange deranged human?"

Walsingham- "Sand - always rushing around, stirring up apathy."

Joseph Bulock - "Another headache, courtesy of Sand"

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I think someone can't count.

 

And number seventy is definitely worth memorizing.


OBSCVRVM PER OBSCVRIVS ET IGNOTVM PER IGNOTIVS

ingsoc.gif

OPVS ARTIFICEM PROBAT

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Especially in some campaigns that would cure lycanthropy. :sorcerer:


Murphy's Law of Computer Gaming: The listed minimum specifications written on the box by the publisher are not the minimum specifications of the game set by the developer.

 

@\NightandtheShape/@ - "Because you're a bizzare strange deranged human?"

Walsingham- "Sand - always rushing around, stirring up apathy."

Joseph Bulock - "Another headache, courtesy of Sand"

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1 Acid Trip

Like totally dude!

 

114 Enrage Dragon

That's a smart one.

 

129 Feign Orgasm

O RLY?

 

230 Melf's Acid Trip

Better than the first one dude!

 

231 Melf's Minute Rice

Dinner is served!

 

242 Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)

LOLZ


2010spaceships.jpg

Hades was the life of the party. RIP You'll be missed.

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377 Unseen Pervert

6 Airy Air

380 Vampiric Crutch

342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence

322 Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer)

302 Rectum of Retention

192 Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...)

 

:thumbsup::down:


S.A.S.I.S.P.G.M.D.G.S.M.B.

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The post title was catchy - I clicked.

 

#302 is priceless... :unsure:


“Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts

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137 Fire Stick
;)

 

311 Rest Erection

Might come in handy for some of us. :)

 

103 Doug

?

Summons cartoon character to fight for you.

 

doug5az.jpg

Edited by Dark Moth

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What? No 'zone of cabbages'? How about 'suspicious sandwich'? Or 'stupendous woodlouse'?


"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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After reading the list completely, not only are there more than 101, many of them are very much worth memorizing.


"Show me a man who "plays fair" and I'll show you a very talented cheater."

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342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence

 

 

on the otherhand, this along with the permanant spell feat and the wall of force spell you could make a dinger of a stink trap


Strength through Mercy

Head Torturor of the Cult of the Anti-gnome

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Do you guys really find these funny?


Lou Gutman, P.I.- It's like I'm not even trying anymore!
http://theatomicdanger.iforumer.com/index....theatomicdanger

One billion b-balls dribbling simultaneously throughout the galaxy. One trillion b-balls being slam dunked through a hoop throughout the galaxy. I can feel every single b-ball that has ever existed at my fingertips. I can feel their collective knowledge channeling through my viens. Every jumpshot, every rebound and three-pointer, every layup, dunk, and free throw. I am there.

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Do you guys really find these funny?

 

Most of them aren't.


"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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Some can be useful...

 

Someone needs to actually write all these spells out in 3.5e standard. :D

 

Pixie Stick, I charge you with this task for only you have the ability to bring such inane happenstance to life, and make it somewhat humorous.

Edited by Sand

Murphy's Law of Computer Gaming: The listed minimum specifications written on the box by the publisher are not the minimum specifications of the game set by the developer.

 

@\NightandtheShape/@ - "Because you're a bizzare strange deranged human?"

Walsingham- "Sand - always rushing around, stirring up apathy."

Joseph Bulock - "Another headache, courtesy of Sand"

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