jaguars4ever Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Checklist for English Commentators: 1 - Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match (Germany v CostaRica), the commentator must mention England. 2 - Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have to be mentioned within the first minute. 3 - The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Isles in passing at some point in the match if England play Argentina. 4 - Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be made within seconds of the third goal hitting the net. 5 - Should England wear their red jerseys, then '1966' should be mentioned approximately 20 times. 6 - In any event, 1966 should be mentioned approximately 10 times per match, or, for matches not involving England, on 4 or 5 occasions. 7 - Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the Commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966. 8 - When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant by the commentator on at least 15 occasions. This must refer to their style, their passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability. 9 - Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill,Dambusters, The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966. 10 - All Scottish members of the commentary team must continue to refer to England as "we" and "us". 11 - You must ensure that nationalistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of course, the Germans are arrogant. The Spanish are bottlers, the Ivory Coast are fast but bad at defending, the Angolans are disorganised, the Argentineans are cheats and the French are only good because their best players play in England. 12 - For matches not involving England, you must only discuss the players that are playing in England (eg - Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo). 13 - The mythical "bulldog spirit" phrase should be used as often as possible. 14 - Each match commentary involving England should begin with the phrase "England expects." 15 - Should any player succumb in an injury that involves the loss of teeth, references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory. 16 - Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Germany but emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of football since 1966. 17 - Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966. 18 - Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and Bobby Charlton should be mentioned. 19 - When England bow out after the first stage, you must emphasise that it is a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup. 20 - If in doubt, mention 1966.
SteveThaiBinh Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 The tragedy is, that's not a joke. It happened in past, it will happen again this time. In 1994 when England didn't qualify, it actually made the commentators mention England and 1966 more. "An electric puddle is not what I need right now." (Nina Kalenkov)
jaguars4ever Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Watch my skillz0r!1 :D -- Take the test yourself! http://www.villainorhero.com/
Atreides Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 http://harry.kewell.villainorhero.com/ Spoiler: He misses, and I'm not making this up. Spreading beauty with my katana.
jaguars4ever Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 @Atreides - The dynamic animation is sweet. I think it takes the country of your IP as the team. Aparently you can score/miss off a rebound as well. :cool:
Atreides Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 He chipped it against the crossbar and then rolled it into the empty net but the ref blew for something. Either way KEWELL MISSES. Spreading beauty with my katana.
Tigranes Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Yep, it takes the IP. Pity, I'm not even a New Zealander. Let's Play: Icewind Dale Ironman (Complete) Let's Play: Icewind Dale II Ironman (Complete) Let's Play: Divinity II (Complete) Let's Play: Baldur's Gate Trilogy Ironman - BG1 (Complete) Let's Play: Baldur's Gate Trilogy Ironman - BG2 (In Progress)
Daaave Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Rooney's going to Germany. Come on England. Question: Does anyone else have to copy the image location and use IMG tags to get smileys or is it just me??? Just because you're a bit thinner than your even fatter mum it doesn't mean you're in excellent physical shape, if you could fit through the door and view the normal people you'd notice that cheeseburger boy. Squid suck.
Pidesco Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 It's just you. Go Portugal!! "My hovercraft is full of eels!" - Hungarian touristI am Dan Quayle of the Romans.I want to tattoo a map of the Netherlands on my nether lands.Heja Sverige!!Everyone should cuffawkle more.The wrench is your friend.
Daaave Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 It's just you. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Dammit. Stupid forum's against me. Just because you're a bit thinner than your even fatter mum it doesn't mean you're in excellent physical shape, if you could fit through the door and view the normal people you'd notice that cheeseburger boy. Squid suck.
SteveThaiBinh Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 Rooney's going to Germany. Come on England. And may the saga of Rooney's foot come to an end, one way or another. Go Saudi Arabia! (w00t) "An electric puddle is not what I need right now." (Nina Kalenkov)
Atreides Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I wonder who's better - Australia or Saudi Arabia. Spreading beauty with my katana.
jaguars4ever Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Winners: Tunisia Runners up: Italy Semi-finalists: Netherlands, Portugal. You pick the World Cup winners!
213374U Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 (edited) In other news, French team striker and a personal favorite of mine, Djibril Cisse suffered a rather ugly looking leg break in their last warm-up match against China. Second one for him in less than two years. Yup, he's gonna feel that one in the morning. Edited June 9, 2006 by 213374U - When he is best, he is a little worse than a man, and when he is worst, he is little better than a beast.
Atreides Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Wtf's up with Cisse. He's broken both of his legs, double breaks each. Hope he recovers ok. Spreading beauty with my katana.
Atreides Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 He seemed to come back okay from the first break but I don't understand why his fine leg broke. I'm guessing he won't be as good as before the break in terms of bone integrity or strength but he seemed to get on fine till the 2nd event. Spreading beauty with my katana.
mkreku Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 It all finally starts today! GO SWEDEN GO!!! Swedes, go to: Spel2, for the latest game reviews in swedish!
kirottu Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 Those swedish bastards have won quite enough... Bloody hockey playing bastages. This post is not to be enjoyed, discussed, or referenced on company time.
Lucius Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 I really ought to root for Sweden, them being our friends and neighbours and all. But I just can't, since I know they'll just gloat for like... ever if they actually win anything, and I'm pissed that we didn't make it this time around. (our team sucks atm) So, go go Germany!. :D DENMARK! It appears that I have not yet found a sig to replace the one about me not being banned... interesting.
kumquatq3 Posted June 9, 2006 Posted June 9, 2006 You could cheer for the US! Imagine all the people you'll piss off!
Lucius Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Trinidad & Tobago managed to not let any goals in and thereby denying Sweden the expected easy victory. Impressive. Paraguay only lost with a single goal against England. Seems the underdogs are having a field day. DENMARK! It appears that I have not yet found a sig to replace the one about me not being banned... interesting.
GhostofAnakin Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Give me a team to cheer for. My country (Canada) has made the World Cup ONE time in its existence, and suffice it to say that one time isn't this year. I'm left without a team. "Console exclusive is such a harsh word." - Darque"Console exclusive is two words Darque." - Nartwak (in response to Darque's observation)
jaguars4ever Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 Well done T&T! They played with their hearts on their sleeves whilst Sweden played with egg on their face. How the Swedes must be hiding their faces in shame now...
mkreku Posted June 10, 2006 Posted June 10, 2006 It is difficult to type with my head buried under my desk Swedes, go to: Spel2, for the latest game reviews in swedish!
Recommended Posts