Things you wish your character would say

[darth spock]

Bastila: You've made a deadly mistake, Revan!

Revan: No, come on Bastila...You weren't like this.

Bastila: You are a fool, and you will soon be a dead fool. [draws lightsaber to find it to be a plasitc lightsaber] Aaah! The damn fanboys stole my lightsaber again!

[Musopticon?]

Same here.  Mus, you should really quote posts when you're responding to one.  (as I've done above)  It's easier to do and to read.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nah. No need to quote if the previous post is the one you're answering to. That page change just screwed it up a bit.

 

Why're you advising me, by the way?

[Dark Moth]

Why? Why not? I don't know. Just thought I'd make a suggestion, is all. It makes it easier on the reader and I think is (in some cases) easier than typing out the whole quote yourself. But you tend to not use that kind of quote even if the posts isn't right above yours, so that's why I mentioned it.

[Sikon]

All right... Let's get back to the topic... If I were to write an unfunny dialog, may it at least have some sense...

 

Exile: Revan, what are you - a man, a woman?

Revan: Does it matter?.. Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into male and female, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole. Know that I am your playable predecessor, and that is enough.

Exile: [intelligence] Then what were you?

Revan: [success] What do you wish to hear? That I once honorably rescued damsels in distress? That I felt the call of feminism, that perhaps, once, I held the hottest men in the galaxy by their throats? That for every masculine behavior I engaged into, I brought an equal feminine impact? That perhaps what the greatest of the bounty huntresses knew of picking up guys, they learned from me?

Exile: I still wish to hear the story.

[Fade into black, slow fade in - to reveal BASTILA looking into a keyhole of a BATHROOM. Two other JEDI are standing nearby, HISSING at her.]

Revan (v.o.): There are private places in the galaxy where few tread. Ancient centers of relaxation, of hygiene attention...

[Close-up on MALAK, watching something on a SECURITY DISPLAY, apparently with frustration.]

Revan (v.o.): But I did not walk alone. To be united by curiousity is a... fragile alliance at best.

[Cut to the bathroom entrance. Bastila turns her head away from the keyhole with a dissatisfied expression when, suddenly, the door SLAMS open, knocking the three Jedi unconscious. REVAN, still wearing the robe and the mask, emerges from the STEAM in the bathroom and quitely leaves.]

[Fade out-in to Malak as he BASHES the security display and grabs the controls of a missile turret.]

[Cut to Bastila, fighting a DARK JEDI, who soon collapses onto the ground. Cut to Revan, looking into the space from what's presumably a bridge, then to the three Jedi, standing close to each other.]

[subtitle, no voice: You cannot win, Revan!]

[suddenly, an EXPLOSION is heard, and SMOKE fills the room.When it clears, everyone but Bastila is lying on the floor. Bastila rushes to Revan and starts removing the mask.]

[Close-up on Bastila's face as it increasingly expresses surprise.]

Revan (v.o.): I was cast down. Stripped out of my robes. Examined.

[Close-up on Malak, laughing maniacally (no sound of laughter is heard).]

Revan (v.o.): I suffered... indignities.

[Fade out.]

Revan (v.o.): And fell into personality loss.

[DeathScepter]

that was funny.

 

 

Darth Malak: Revan you are blind and foolish.

 

 

Revan: then what does that make you?? Blind, Foolish, and jawless also A Darth Vader wannabe.

 

 

 

Darth Malak: Damn it Revan. you are such an ****. You never respected me.

 

Revan: Well I only respected the Strong and the brave also the smart and subtle. And thought you could be good as me when I was a Dark Lord but I was wrong. But I will correct that mistake soon enough.

[Jediphile]

Nar Shaddaa refugee sector:

 

Refugee: "Are you crazy? Those were Exchange thugs! They'll come back and tear you apart".

 

Exile: "Let them - I can handle them. For now I need some information. Have you heard of a Jedi Master named Zez-Kai Ell?"

 

Refugee: "There aren't any jedi left, let alone masters. But you're serious, aren't you? All right - well, look, if I were a Jedi, I'd be where I could help people. As for where that happens on Nar Shaddaa, I have no idea."

 

Exile: "Yeah, I see your point. I mean, it's not as if I just saved you from the Exchange..." "

[Jediphile]

Exile: Kreia, I have a simple question.

Kreia: Ask, and I shall answer.

Exile: It's very simple. All I want to know is this: what is your favorite color?

Kreia: The color I prefer is the same as that which flows through one's veins and beats through one's heart. But it is not the color of blood, for does the Force not also flow through all things? Yet you are a hole in the Force, and thus the Force does not flow through you, so perhaps the color I prefer is not a tangible thing, just as the sound of a tree falling in Kashyyyk makes no sound unless one is there to hear it, unless it lands on a Wookiee, in which case it most certainly makes a squish, or does it? And that is the only answer I can give you.

Exile: 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Yup, you nailed our beloved Kreia

[DeathScepter]

Revan: Mistress Kreia, can you be more clear?

 

 

Kreia: For I am clear as in the water of the Thousands Founation.

 

 

Revan: ok Next please.

 

 

 

 

A several years later.

 

 

Revan: So you have train with my old master, Kreia.

 

Exile: Yes and she was cryptic as hell.

 

 

Revan(with hand on his head): Damn she has never changed and No **** Exile. She was always this cryptic when she was my teacher.

 

 

Exile: Really. Tell me about her and Arren Kae. I have heard a rumor that Kreia was Kae.

 

 

Revan: Well There was no evidence for Arren Kae to be Kreia.......Master Kae was very beautiful.............................Kreia was cute when younger but that is it.

 

 

 

Exile: Really........that is a relief and I do have think of the Handmaiden looking like Kreia down the line.

[metadigital]

Exile to Atris: Thats my saber, give it back NOW!

 

Atris: oh you want it? come and get it *slips lightsaber down her robes*

 

Exile: uhm..come on give it back, please?

 

Atris: nope, your going to have to come get it if you want it *smiles seductivley*

 

Exile: *gulp*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So that's how Atris really told the Exile she loved him.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Is that a lightsabre in your pocket, or are you just pleased to meet me ...

[jodo kast 5]

Exile to Atris: Thats my saber, give it back NOW!

 

Atris: oh you want it? come and get it *slips lightsaber down her robes*

 

Exile: uhm..come on give it back, please?

 

Atris: nope, your going to have to come get it if you want it *smiles seductivley*

 

Exile: *gulp*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So that's how Atris really told the Exile she loved him.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Is that a lightsabre in your pocket, or are you just pleased to meet me ...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[metadigital]

(Well, someone had to post it.)

[jodo kast 5]

*Disciple and Atton on Nar Shaddaa near a railing,Note:LSF Exile*

 

Atton:Holy **** *Points up in the air*, is that the Exile skydiving in a bikini?!

 

Disciple:*looks up quickly* Where?!

 

Atton:*pushs Disciple over railing*

 

LSF Exile:*walks up*What happened to the Disciple?

 

Cheesy i know "

[Sikon]

Atton:*pushs Disciple over railing*

 

LSF Exile:*walks up*What happened to the Disciple?

 

Cheesy i know

Disciple (walking upon the air): Nothing happened to me. Fortunately, the game engine doesn't allow me to fall.

 

 

Now an homage to HK-47's cut "pheromone-driven" monolog...

HK-47: Statement: Oh yes, my Master had quite the collection of tortured individuals that seemed to have no free will whatsoever. Let me cite some specific examples.

Mockery: "Your strength is superior, Master, it is as I felt through the Force. My life - for yours."

Mockery: "Your command echoes still, Master. And I obey, as I did on Malachor."

Mockery: "Help me comprehend the ways of the Force, Master, finish what you started ten years ago, on Dantooine. Your apprentice I gratefully become."

Mockery: "I would sacrifice myself to ensure you live... I would let the galaxy die, Master, if this was necessary to protect you. In you all my hopes lie, and if you fall, then everything I have wrought will be for nothing. Know that much may happen, but above all, do not forget this - you may trust in me."

Conclusion: Such Force-driven human responses never cease to decrease the charge in my capacitors and make me wish I could press a blaster pistol to my behavior core and pull the trigger.

 

Added: The word "exility" in one of the previous posts may have been a little too much... while a valid word, it's apparently so rarely used that it's not even in Wiktionary...

[cyn_dolores]

Exile: Revan, what are you - a man, a woman?

Revan: Does it matter?.. Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into male and female, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole. Know that I am your playable predecessor, and that is enough.

Exile: [intelligence] Then what were you?

Revan: [success] What do you wish to hear? That I once honorably rescued damsels in distress? That I felt the call of feminism, that perhaps, once, I held the hottest men in the galaxy by their throats? That for every masculine behavior I engaged into, I brought an equal feminine impact? That perhaps what the greatest of the bounty huntresses knew of picking up guys, they learned from me?

Exile: I still wish to hear the story.

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

funny one

[Jediphile]

The Exile is on his way to meet Visquis on Nar Shaddaa, when Mira stops him...

 

Mira: "I know you got a message from the squid-head Visquis. He works for Goto, and it's a trap."

 

Exile: "No? You think....?" "

[Shryke]

Now an homage to HK-47's cut "pheromone-driven" monolog...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

if you're referring to the thing where he makes fun of carth and (if revan is male) bastila, then that wasn't cut...

[The Dark Master]

Exile(to reunited jedi-council): screw you guys, I'm going home!

[darth spock]

Handmaiden: Oh Exile....

Exile: [thinking] Why can't she just leave me alone?

Handmaiden: Does this mod for new sparring underwear make me look fat?

Exile: Of course not.

Handmaiden: You didn't look.

Exile: Yes I did. You look fine.

Handmaiden: No you don't mean that! You're lying!

Exile: Damn it, Handmaiden just go back to the cargo hold and I'll spar with you later.

Handmaiden: But I want to spar now! [thinks for a second] Oh I get it. It's that Visas, isn't it?

Exile: Oh for Force's sake, Handmaiden, she's in the medbay!

Handmaiden: But I detect a romance subplot!

Exile: What?! They're pairing me off with her?!

Handmaiden: No.

Exile: Oh, yes! It's with Mira!

Handmaiden: NO!!

Exile: Kreia?

Handmaiden: [groan] No. It's with me, stupid.

Exile: You?! Why you!?

Handmaiden: Because...

Exile: Don't answer that. [walks offset to the writers] Hey, how 'bout you guys pair me off with someone other than Visas or Handmaiden...say Mi

[DeathScepter]

Revan and Exile looking at each other.

 

 

They look at Disciple.

 

 

They look at each other again.

 

 

They turned on the lightsabers.

 

 

Revan: I will show you the power of the dark side of force young Mical.

 

 

Exile:(seducing) I will show you the true power of the force Mical.

 

 

Revan: I am the Dark Lord of the Sith.

 

 

Exile: Please I have Defeat three of them and including your teacher.

 

 

Revan: I have learned much since her and I am always been stronger than her and everyone else. For I am the Heart of the Force. Exile you my beautiful doll are just a black hole.

 

 

Mical(Looking confused): Why Would I train with either of you. I will take Bao Dur.

 

 

Bao-Dur: GOD No.

 

Mical: Yes I will want to train under you.

 

 

Bao-Dur: Damn it.

 

 

Bao-Dur kills himself.

 

 

Mical: My love my life is dead.

 

 

Mical beheads himself.

 

 

Revan: that was quick

 

Exile: yes it was. So what are you doing?

 

 

Revan: I was going to catch a movie at the Rakatan Temple.

[cyn_dolores]

Terrible, yes. Boredom takes its toll.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Not terrible, ...excellent!

[DarkAngle]

(Atton to female exile)

 

Atton: Hey, I have noticed you working closely lately with the Disciple. What the hell for!?

 

Exile: He just needs some work Atton! He's just misunderstood!

 

Atton: Misunderstood my ass! Look, Exile, you can't polish a turd! And thats what the Disciple is! A blond turd with white teeth!

[Ioini]

Handmaiden: Hey Exile! I want to spar with you!

 

Visas: Hey Exile! I want to look upon you once more.

 

Mira: Exile! I want to talk with you!

 

Male Exile: *Puts his head under the pillow* This is not what I had in mind for an alarm clock.

[KOTORFanactic]

Revan: I'm going to be the star of KOTOR3!

Exile: No, I am!

Revan: ME!

Exile: ME!

Jolee: Actually, I just spoke with Lucas... and it's going to be Obi-Wan Kenobi.

[DeathScepter]

Hk 47: Statement: You are a stupid little bitch of a long dead Echani general that was killed by my master. Query: Why do you still mourn over that meatbag?

 

 

Brianna: But he was my father. What if Revan was killed by Carth or one of his friends? What do you feel then?

 

 

Hk 47: Statement: Howbeit he is my master and creator, for he is a genius for making a perfect being like myself. He is only a meatbag. So I will not grieve for him as such. But I will grieve for him as creator and a genius. But I do think I do understand where you getting at.

[Jediphile]

As the Exile leaves the jedi enclave on Dantooine:

 

Gerevick: "Many stories and artifacts in your possession? This is fortuitous for myself and associates.For now not only do I get rich salvage, but an even richer bounty. Do not be making this difficult. Your death can be quite painless."

 

Exile: "I'm afraid your's won't be..."

 

Gerevick: "So this is your threat? Is terror what I'm supposed to feel? We know a thing about Jedi and their ways.And now, Jedi, we shall fight."

 

HK-47: "Eager statement: Oh, thank the maker - this bloodbath is going to feel so good..."