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Oh, I forgot to mention that it will only be the final set of orders that counts when I adjudicate the moves. Thus, you can send in orders well before the deadline, and still submit new orders later on (but before the deadline, of course) if you change your mind. This might help if you are unexpectedly absent at the last minute and can't write orders, so at least your units won't all stand still instead of following previous orders.

Hawk! Eggplant! AWAKEN!

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The Queen is Dead! A New Prime Minister!

by Jordan Collier

 

Today, the 22nd of January 1901, our sovereign mother Queen Victoria has left us. Having reigned the longest of any British monarch, her time will be remembered as politically tumultuous, yet bountiful for the Empire. Her son, Edward, is expected to succeed to the throne.

 

This tragedy has brought about a riot of activity in the Houses of Parliament. As I am sure you all know, the Prime Minister is chosen by the controlling party of the House of Commons. Following this terrible event, the balance of power has shifted within this governmental body to the Liberal Party. Their selection is Arch Regis, a man known for forward-thinking and quite popular with the people.

 

Though he was not available for comment directly, Regis' office has released a statement for the new PM.

 

"This is a great day for England and all the British Empire. Through diplomacy and industry, our land will continue to swell and our economic might grow. Though we have had our differences with the Continent, we expect reason and logic to rule the day. Expect great things for our future."

And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

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I'm damned tempted to concede the entire game to Lord Jaguar just on the basis of his brilliant press release.

 

That's gold baby!

 

And this just in, Tzar Wiggin declares that the Ottoman Empire is probably full of furniture!

 

Tzar Wiggin has also been known to stare intently on the splendidly handsome moustasche of Emperor Kaftan Barlast the I. Perhaps the tactical genius of Wiggin has found a means of insight, a way to study and truly understand what may be a potential enemy or ally in the coming years.

 

Maybe Tzar Wiggin (alright, I'll start calling him Ender the Great, stop pestering me) is just envious of that truly nifty moustache.

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5th of March 1901: A victory of Freedom and Democracy!

 

The results are in.

 

Kryoxer Baley,the Romanian born politician and former General of the French Army,has won the first democratic elections.

 

He will be sworn in later today at the new Voalier Palace.

 

His wife is trowing a banquet on Sunday at their Mansion.All the important people of France are expected to be there.

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Washington Post - 21st January 1901

 

President Cites Concern Over European Instability

by Jack Wilson, Washington, DC

 

President Roosevelt today cited that while the United States has no

intentions of interloping into European politics, he can not help but

be concerned over growing instability in the region.

 

"Several thriving expanionist countries and empires all have come

under new leadership in a very short period of time," Roosevelt noted.

"Each new leader will no doubt feel pressured to establish a strong

show of force as new leaders."

 

His concern seems to stem from the notion that already present

expansionist desires, and the instability of so many regime changes at

once could possibly instigate conflict within the region.

 

He urges them to recognize the place of diplomacy, and how vital it

has been in the growth of all European nations. And in the name of

diplomacy, Roosevelt has offered up congradulatory notices to each of

the new leaders within the region. Had they not all come to power

within such a short period of time, he might have travelled or called

to show his support to the new leaders entering office.

 

However he questioned the banquet in France to celebrate the ascension

of Kryoxer Baley. Roosevelt was quoted as saying "I wasn't aware

France had important people to show up".

Hawk! Eggplant! AWAKEN!

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Free Press March 23rd 1901.

 

President Baley is now in full power.

 

He has gathered a team to investigate the recent deaths of the four innocen tourist in Russia.He feels that it is his duty to give an apropriate answaer to the deeply hurt relatives of the four.

 

Also he has stated that he is deeply hurt by president Roosevelt's insult to out Great Country and expects a heartfelt apology.

 

Baley is also trying to start a process of reform for our country,one can only hope that this will bring even better thngs in the future years.

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Berliner Zeitung, April 10th, 1901.

 

 

A step towards peace and stability

by Ludwig Rotwang

 

Earlier today an official statement from Emperor Kaftan Barlast declared the continued strengthening of bilateral relationships with the Austrian-Hungarian empire. A good relationship between our two european powers is essential in maintaining a state of stability and prosperity throughout the entire continent.

 

Later this week, diplomats from both empires are expected to meet in Vienna to discuss the further politics of the co-operative policies. We already know at this stage that an agreement of joint defense against any outside agressors is being negotiated and is more than likely to be accepted by the goverments of both empires.

 

On a related matter, officials have also expressed some matter of concern regarding the unthoughtful remarks made by Russian Tzar Wiggin on the Ottomans. Such indiscretions, no matter how small, can only work to worsen the relationships between the powers of eastern Europe. Emperor Barlast however, was most amused of Tzar Wiggins comments regarding his moustasche and has offered to send an envoy of his best barbers to St Petersburg to instruct their Russian colleagues in the art of facial hair maintenance.

DISCLAIMER: Do not take what I write seriously unless it is clearly and in no uncertain terms, declared by me to be meant in a serious and non-humoristic manner. If there is no clear indication, asume the post is written in jest. This notification is meant very seriously and its purpouse is to avoid misunderstandings and the consequences thereof. Furthermore; I can not be held accountable for anything I write on these forums since the idea of taking serious responsability for my unserious actions, is an oxymoron in itself.

 

Important: as the following sentence contains many naughty words I warn you not to read it under any circumstances; botty, knickers, wee, erogenous zone, psychiatrist, clitoris, stockings, bosom, poetry reading, dentist, fellatio and the department of agriculture.

 

"I suppose outright stupidity and complete lack of taste could also be considered points of view. "

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Austro-German Conference to be Held in Vienna

 

By the Imperial Foreign Ministry press office, 11 Apr 1901 1031 hrs, Vienna

 

Foreign Minister Gottlieb von Jagow of the German Empire will be leading a diplomatic contingent to the imperial capital on the fourteeth of this month for high level bilateral talks.

 

He will be received by his imperial counterpart, Prinz Eugenz Maxilimian Karl Zu-Dohna. It is understood that the delegation from Berlin would also call upon Imperial Chancellor Aishur Rimsircz at the Weittarstrauss and also his majesty the Emperor at Hofburg Palace.

 

This is the first state visit by a foreign power since the Imperial Chancellor took office and it underscores the close and excellent relationship between the Empire and Germany.

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Austria-Hungary Concerned with Russian Remark's on Ottoman Turkey

 

By the Imperial Foreign Ministry press office, 11 Apr 1901 1409 hrs, Vienna

 

The Empire has noted and is concerned with the remarks made by Russian Emperor Wiggin on the Ottoman Empire.

 

In a recent press release from St. Petersburg, the Russian Emperor was quoted as saying that the Ottoman Empire "is probably full of furniture"

 

Although the implications behind this statement is unclear as is the rationale behind it, any action that would threaten the peace and security of the Bosphorus Straits will not be looked upon kindly.

 

The Empire urges all relevant parties to exercise restrain and consideration.

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French Viva-Article on the banquet:

 

The Banquet was a feast for sore eyes.Every respectable French politician was there.

 

President Baley also brought a decent number of his military buddies.

 

The food was quite delicious.Baley's good friend the famous Chef Launch catered for it.

 

She prepared her famous Thai Green Curry and some special cookies to boot.

 

 

A great party thrown by a great person.President Baley is quoted to have said: "I can't live without her.My wife is indeed a great person.I honestly strive to be more like her."

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Washington Post - 23rd January 1901

 

Russian Military Exercises No Cause for Concern, Say Officials

by Jason Davis, Balkan Correspondant

 

Last week, smaller local European newspapers reported movement of Russian troops close to Eastern European borders, specifically along the borders and coastlines of Galicia and Rumania. Spokesmen for the Russian goverment have confirmed that these recent exercises undertaken by the Russian fleet stationed in Sevastopol as well as by the western army group in Warzaw, are part of a new policy of annual routine programs for maintaining morale and discipline in the troops. "It is not in any way a sign of any preparations for large-scale military operations in any area," said one official.

 

Many people have become worried by such events, with the atmosphere of uncertainty over the diplomatic situation and recent changes of goverment in the major powers of Europe. When pressed for comment, the White House issued the following short statement: "We Americans and our European friends must aim to keep our rationale in situations where there is little real danger. The last thing anyone needs is a crisis triggered by simple rumours."

Hawk! Eggplant! AWAKEN!

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The London Gazette, January 25, 1901

 

Tension Between Russia and Ottomans

by Jordan Collier, Political Correspondent

 

Despite assurances to the contrary by Russian officials, our sources tell us strain continues to grow between the two Balkan powers. As reported earlier, this recent strife seems to derive from a comment made by new Tsar Ender Wiggin that, "the Ottoman Empire is probably full of furniture" as well as recent Russian military movements along the Russian-Ottoman border.

 

Concerned by these reports, British Prime Minister Regis and the Houses of Parliament have announced plans to coordinate peace talks between the two nations.

 

Though Caliph Metadigital has stated "We will not sit back and be attacked," he appears amenable to negotiations. No response has been received from the Russian government. A setting and date have not yet been determined, though it will most likely occur in England as a neutral party.

And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

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Agenzia Giornalistica Italia, Febbraio 8, 1901

 

Lord Jaguar to seek Pope's blessings

by Luigi the Chef

luigi.jpg

 

 

KING Jaguar said Friday he would emphasize his government's adherence to Catholic dictums, such as opposition to divorce, abortion and capital punishment, in an upcoming meeting with Pope Leo XIII. Lord Jaguar, a devout Catholic, also said that he would seek the Pope's blessings "not for myself but for my Goodfellas and the country" when he visits the Vatican Saturday. Many in the media however, frown upon the lastest Jaguarism "Goodfellas" - a term the King coined for his ministry cabinet.

 

In a gesture to the church, Lord Jaguar suspended judicial executions in cases involving high-profile illegal drug kingpins.

 

However, our newfound King was not hesitant to differ with Chruch pollicy on many issues including prostitution and birth control. Church teachings against artificial birth control have also been blamed for hampering the government's population control programs, leaving the country with a population growth rate of 100 percent last year, one of the highest in Europe. Lord Jaguar rhetorically questioned, "What day and age do we live in when a Happy Hooker gets knocked up by some greaseball bastard, forcing her out of the Merry-Legging business when she has 5 kids to feed?".

 

 

In other stories, our beloved King Jaguar derisively mocked newly elected French President Kryoxer Baley, declaring the French elecroral process a sham and Europe's biggest joke. "What kind pathtetic hyprocrisy is it when a Rumanian born farm boy become the leader of FRANCE?!", stated Lord Jaguar. Our King went on to mention that President Baley's wife had a face like pepperoni pizza, and was not fit to work in the Made Women Brothel he profusely denies having any association with.

 

---

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The London Gazette, February 9, 1901

 

Signs of German Warmongering?

By Jordan Collier, Political Correspondent

 

In response to a recent congratulatory statement by British Prime Minister Arch Regis to his continental counterparts, the Foreign Affairs Ministry reported German Emperor Kaftan Barlast shot the proverbial tipped hat. His literal words were: "*shoots at hat*" Naturally, we do not condone any calls to violence, yet such intimations of enmity can not be tolerated if we are to maintain a peaceful and prosperous Europe. England warns its neighbors to beware of possible German aggression and to watch this nation closely.

 

Though the government expresses hope to continue good relations with the Hapsburg Empire, they mentioned that they cannot help but wonder at Germany's motives in the coming joint defense negotiations with Austria. Germany's history is not free of bloodshed and their recent unificiation bodes ill for the fate of those lands with similar Teutonic bloodlines.

 

 

Russia Agrees to Peacetalks

by Ryan Whitte

 

We just received word that Russian Czar Ender has agreed to reconciliation between his nation and the Ottoman Empire. Though no formal date has been set, expect this event to occur soon. As previously stated, England will act as mediator.

 

However, certain comments by the Tsar prove troubling. He cites the need for expansion of his nation so as to bring "our fellow countries together under one umbrella." Most political analysts assume this to mean Europe under a Russian hegemony. It is widely agreed upon that dominant power of any sort in the hands of a single man or group is dangerous for all others. Again, England does not approve of warfare for such reasons, however, we ask Russia to consider the sovereignty of other nations and not offend the current status quo. In the words of Prime Minister Regis, "War benefits only the vultures."

And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

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Ender the Great issues the following public statement.

 

"I meant no offense to the Ottoman empire. Aren't Ottomans a form of furniture? Thusly, their empire is probably full of furniture. Without furniture we'd sit on mats like the Japanese, and while they have good sake, it's not very good for your back.

 

I also want to assuage European fears of Russian encroachments. A Hegemon is a natural leader who unites people. If others feel that I will bring about a Russian Hegemony, then I am flattered. Russia is a world leader in human rights. Our Socialistic drives are motivated by taking care of our people. Within a Russian Hegemony, we would bring equality to the masses. Why would anyone truly oppose a methodology of improving the quality of life for their people?

 

The increasing fear of war that pervades Europe is caused by nationalism. Pride in the ideal of borders and flags has caused numerous wars and death throughout history. Uniting people along the cause not of a flag, but of improving the human condition is something that we should all support.

 

However, to nationalists, I also remind you that Russia was wicked vodka.

 

That is all."

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A civil reply to the English slander

by Stefan Kleinm

DISCLAIMER: Do not take what I write seriously unless it is clearly and in no uncertain terms, declared by me to be meant in a serious and non-humoristic manner. If there is no clear indication, asume the post is written in jest. This notification is meant very seriously and its purpouse is to avoid misunderstandings and the consequences thereof. Furthermore; I can not be held accountable for anything I write on these forums since the idea of taking serious responsability for my unserious actions, is an oxymoron in itself.

 

Important: as the following sentence contains many naughty words I warn you not to read it under any circumstances; botty, knickers, wee, erogenous zone, psychiatrist, clitoris, stockings, bosom, poetry reading, dentist, fellatio and the department of agriculture.

 

"I suppose outright stupidity and complete lack of taste could also be considered points of view. "

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Tzar Wiggin sends a crate of his finest vodka to England, Germany, Austria, Italy, and Turkey in a peace-offering.

 

Ender the Great doesn't really wish to make enemies of any of his peers.

 

Suspiciously, France didn't get any vodka care packages however.

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French Liberation-Presidential comments.

 

The Presidesnt has been quoted to have said that:"I am sorry for non-inviting the sultan.

But it was impossible.The banquet was on the same day as my victory,t'was organised quite fast,might I add."

 

French Newsday-New Banquet

 

The President's wife is trowing another banquet.Leaders around the world are being invited as we speak.

 

Chef Launch will cater once again.

 

 

French Le Liberation-French-Italian Tension.

 

The president was not amused of Lord Jaguar's words.He hopes the Italian was only trying to be funny.

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The Most High Padishah today acknowledged the receipt of a large, package ostensibly from Russia as a token of further warming of relations between the two neighbours.

 

In other news, the Caliph sent his emissary, the Fourth Vizier of the Dome, to the French banquet. Rumours of food poisoning were not substantiated.

OBSCVRVM PER OBSCVRIVS ET IGNOTVM PER IGNOTIVS

ingsoc.gif

OPVS ARTIFICEM PROBAT

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