Man mauled in gruesome chimp attack!

[kumquatq3]

but that is the same thing as fantasizing about fighting Ken Shamrock(or insert other billy bad ass).  What would I do?  Well I'd fight him to the death!!  Sure that's a winning plan.  Hell as long as I'm just typing it I'd fish hook him too!

There you have it I beat Ken shamrock 8 out of 10 times.

 

Ok, Ken Shamrock would own me in about 5 seconds.

 

Just like you claimed Vols arguements (tho I disagree) don't apply, either does this one, or only in the barest of terms.

 

that being said, your quite and vol are a bit.....agressive on a otherwise light hearted thread

 

 

I also kill the chimp 7 out of 10 times since reports of their strength are clearly false since you don't see them throwning buicks at gazelles in the wild.

 

or uprooting trees to use as clubs or throwing their natural predators 50 yards.....

[leombruno]

oh no!

 

Hope your feelings get better. Try some hot coco.

[Fionavar]

Ok all, let's try to play nice and not avoid the Forum Guidelines by insulting one another. We definitely would not want such a deep and challenging discussion to be locked because of disparaging personal slights.

 

FLoSD.ObE

[kumquatq3]

.......

 

1. lets not abuse the report button

 

2. that was a bit of an over reaction

 

3. I'm still taking the damn chimp down

[ShadowPaladin V1.0]

Hamans are sqishy things if you take away their technology. While a human could equip themsleves to go hunt chimps with little danger, this isnt what this thread is a about.

 

This is about mr average human in average clothes beating a chimp.

 

That an kumquats confidence in his ability to beat up a chimp :D

[Volourn]

"1. lets not abuse the report button"

 

Eh. He broke the rules. I reported him.

 

 

"2. that was a bit of an over reaction"

 

I'm just tryng to make sure Obsidian's rules are followed. Afterall, I don't want to lose the baord.

 

 

"3. I'm still taking the damn chimp down"

 

Yes. Kick the monkey's butt!

 

Hehe. Anyways, to be a lot more fun, I must sya this threa dis hilarious. I know it was funny.

 

Anyways, I think people udnerestimate humans. Afterall, some humans are known for beating up on crocodiles - not exactly the most friendly or wekaest creatures in the world...

 

GO KUM GO!

[kumquatq3]

This is about mr average human in average clothes beating a chimp.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

right, tho I said "average male". It would seem the chimps out weigh most human females and apparently are prolly much stronger physically.

 

also, for the record, are we now moving the fight to a sealed & empty room? Or do I still have the ability to grab a stick or rock or such.

[kumquatq3]

"2. that was a bit of an over reaction"

 

I'm just tryng to make sure Obsidian's rules are followed. Afterall, I don't want to lose the baord.

 

 

Not you. I was talking about the other guys response to your post.

[leombruno]

I'm convinced now. Chimp advocates are crazy, and have SP on their side. I must revert due to his planescape veiws.

 

5 to 7 times human strength? That's spiderman's strength, chimps don't have spiderman strength. Not even close.

 

Chimp goes down in 2 after crushing left hook and sleeper hold from Kumquat.

 

Edit; I mean crazy in the nicest possible way Like Columbo or Murdock from the A-team crazy

[ShadowPaladin V1.0]

right, tho I said "average male". It would seem the chimps out weigh most human females and apparently are prolly much stronger physically.

 

also, for the record, are we now moving the fight to a sealed & empty room? Or do I still have the ability to grab a stick or rock or such.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Rock wouldnt help you much sticks probably your best bet and go for the eyes. Of course trying to stay calm while the chimp tears off large parts of your body is the real trick.

 

I'm sure if you search you can find some footage of chimps pulling appart a monkey.

 

I dont know about beating up a croc, but a croc has one fatal flaw. While it can bite down with enough force to crush steel it cant open its mouth , even if you just hold it shut with one hand (unless its a big one then you need two hands).

[ShadowPaladin V1.0]

5 to 7 times human strength?  That's spiderman's strength, chimps don't have spiderman strength.  Not even close.

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Which spiderman are you talking about?

[Volourn]

"Of course trying to stay calm while the chimp tears off large parts of your body is the real trick."

 

Yeah. That's the big part. How calm one could remian under such a situation as descrbed in the story. I honestly don't know what I'd do. I kno what I'd want to do; but would I follow through? Maybe, maybe not.

[kumquatq3]

For an initial plan, I'd use my reach (specifically kicking) to keep the chimp away from the body for as long as possible whileinflicting damage on it.

 

....I'm devolping a battle plan for a chimp

[leombruno]

Which spiderman are you talking about?

 

Earlier spiderman who could throw a VW bug before his strength became out of character and got down played. Or comic book spiderman if you ment something more sarcastic? Jabbing the chimps inability to demonstrate superhuman strength in the comic book sense which seems the standard in this thread for determining their level of dangerousness.

[ShadowPaladin V1.0]

....I'm devolping a battle plan for a chimp

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

possibly the funniest thing I have read on these boards.

[Rosbjerg]

well in my mind 'mr average joe' wouldn't survive the encounter .. but mr studied-martial-art-for-some-time or boxer-joe would at least have a chance .. if you apply tactics and the use of any material nearby I think you have a 40/60 chance of taking down the evil monkey ..

[Laozi]

The thing is a person whos some what "hardened" would have a chance against a chimp. I'd say 50/50 if they can keep their cool. That being said the average human would have trouble against an angry squirrel. Hasn't anyone every seen that video where that guy sprays himself with deer piss and fights deer and totally gets his ass handed to him. I think a chimp is a more formiable opponent then a white tail deer

[Phosphor]

*takes a look around the thread and shakes his head*

 

Don't you people have places to be or something?

 

Never has the term "monkey house" been more apt than for a descriptive for this thread.

[kumquatq3]

I think you have a 40/60 chance of taking down the evil monkey ..

 

 

Evil monkey? No one said anything about no stinking evil monkey!

 

I think a chimp is a more formiable opponent then a white tail deer

 

hmmm, maybe. I assume we are talking buck here. Not a small animal. One good kick or stomp and that fights over. But lets not go there, it's off topic

 

 

*takes a look around the thread and shakes his head*

 

Don't you people have places to be or something?

 

Weigh in, I know you want too.

[Bokishi]

The worst bit has to be the testicles part.

[Gorth]

The worst bit has to be the testicles part.

Yeah, that monkey got balls. Your balls... ouch!

[Darth_Radnor]

My bets are that kumquatq3 would win. Even a human can do pretty crazy things, and are supposed to be evolved from chimps anyways.

[Atomic Space Vixen]

I also kill the chimp 7 out of 10 times since reports of their strength are clearly false since you don't see them throwning buicks at gazelles in the wild.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm so glad this thread is still alive as this is the funniest thing I've read in days! That, and I was concerned that Kumquat might have gone searching for a chimp and would not have survived the encounter. I kept searching Google News at work for chimp/chump (Ha! Ha! Burn!) incidences. Anyway, good to see you intact, big guy!

 

5 to 7 times human strength?  That's spiderman's strength, chimps don't have spiderman strength.  Not even close.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why do people keep thinking they know better than actual chimp experts?!?

 

My bets are that kumquatq3 would win. Even a human can do pretty crazy things, and are supposed to be evolved from chimps anyways.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm reporting you for bad science.

 

 

Heheheh... "Chimp/chump." I kill me...

[jaguars4ever]

Depending on the location of confrontation, the odds could swing either way for "Chimp" or "Champ".

 

If hostilities took place in the wild, the kumquatq would clearly be out of his elemnent - 70/30 for "Chimp".

 

But if the battle commenced indoors (where kumquatq has access to placeable items/weapons), then the evil monkey may be on the ropes - 60/40 for "Champ".

[Atomic Space Vixen]

Considering where this conversation is taking place, I just had an image of Kumquat in this battle for the ages screaming, "No, I can't be losing! I have 60 more hit points than the chimp! Where's my health potions! AAAAAHHH! You can't bite off my fingers! Your teeth are only 1d4? I need a +3 rock! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Stop it! Reload this game! RELOAD! WHERE THE HELL IS MY SAVE GAME?!?!?"

 

Dude, you need to level up before you start attacking chimps.