Opening this weekend: The Gunpowder Bathhouse!

[omgFIREBALLS]

In cooperation with the Royal Deadfire Company, I proudly present the vastly superior alternative to luminous adra. You ask why! I say, look at these two barrels!

 

This is a primitive, unrefined standard barrel.

 

This is a barrel enriched with the sacred gunpowder.

 

Need I say more? Which barrel will YOU be?

 

The gunpowder has been scientifically proven to enhance one's ability to fend off attackers and evade blasts. It bolsters the immune system and improves resolve. In this dangerous age, you need not artificial years added to your life when your natural one may be cut short by RDC assassination schemes seriously who wrote this the hazards of the world we live in.

 

I must have this! Where do I go?!

To the Sacred Stair! We enslaved the entire Lore College for two weeks and they agreed that it would be the most poetic location, across the city from the Vailian tourist trap. Also, it was as far up as the Kahanga royals would allow us because they think we're gonna put like 25 cannons there. Aren't we though? SHH.

 

We cleared out the Temple of Magran. This has many benefits. For one, the stairs already form a convenient basin. For two, we figured it won't matter much if we incur the wrath of the fire goddess for this business venture. What's she gonna do?

 

How much will the pleasures cost me?

Our resident psychopath Atsura will gauge how much you're willing to pay. HOT CANNONBALL TREATMENT FOR WHOEVER IS MESSING AROUND WITH MY PAMPHLET!!

 

It all depends on how much you intend to indulge! We offer not only an invigorating gunpowder bath, but also a fine selection of revitalizing gunpowder dishes, such as powder pie, explosive eggs and absolutely darkest rauatai cookies.

 

Are there any rules I should know about?

We ask only that you do not torment the ears of other guests by speaking foul words such as gellarde. Uh, our testing showed that most guests only hear ringing in their ears anyway after a few minutes. OK THAT'S IT!

 

You are free to enjoy a pipe stuffed with... whatever you like! There are no questionable substances in the Gunpowder Bathhouse. Should we really allow fire- We must not restrict our customers! Did you two just interrupt each other's writing? Come see me in my office and don't post this anywhere.

 

Welcome to the Gunpowder Bathhouse!

[Incendax]

Not only is this brilliant, but it synchronizes perfectly with your signature!

[omgFIREBALLS]

I'm having trouble seeing a connection at all

 

No matter, someone named Incendax is particularly welcome to the Gunpowder Bathhouse! Might I offer you a discount?

[Zelse]

I mean it kinda makes sense that if you store explosive powder in a barrel you will actually make an effort to make the barrel more durable than the one you use to store fish.

 

While it doesnt make sense that a barrel has reflex/will in the first place i can totally see higher fortitude and deflection based on stronger materials.

 

cough seriously considering video game logic

Edited July 8, 2018 by Zelse

[the_dog_days]

What happens if I 'accidentally' swallow the water?

[omgFIREBALLS]

You're entirely at liberty to do so! But you should know there are some entirely unscientific, biased and VTC-sponsored studies that show that our dishes taste worse the more gunpowder is in them, with 100% gunpowder tasting the worst. So if you believe that junk, it may hold you back from your defensiver, reflexiver, fortituder, willer self.

 

I mean it kinda makes sense that if you store explosive powder in a barrel you will actually make an effort to make the barrel more durable than the one you use to store fish.

 

While it doesnt make sense that a barrel has reflex/will in the first place i can totally see higher fortitude and deflection based on stronger materials.

Eccosi? Are you implying barrels aren't living things? Why does my cipher's Borrowed Instinct work on them, hmm? They have instincts and my cipher feels them buffing his accuracy and defenses as would a wolf, kith, golem, sigil... if it has a selection circle it lives!

[InsaneCommander]

I mean it kinda makes sense that if you store explosive powder in a barrel you will actually make an effort to make the barrel more durable than the one you use to store fish.

 

While it doesnt make sense that a barrel has reflex/will in the first place i can totally see higher fortitude and deflection based on stronger materials.

 

cough seriously considering video game logic

 

Animancy? I want a talking gunpowder barrel now! Or a talking grenade at least.

 

Edit: just like omgFIREBALLS said above, they are alive!

Edited July 8, 2018 by InsaneCommander

[Zelse]

 if it has a selection circle it lives!

 

I just checked....

 

I do NOT have a selection circle D:

 

DOES THAT MEAN I AM DEAD????? PLEASE CLICK ON ME, SOMEONE CLICK ON ME NOWWWW...

 

On that note is it like schroedingers cat? If you havent clicked on it, it is both alive and dead at the same time?

 

Or like "if a tree falls in the wood and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?"

If you exist and nobody clicks on you, are you actually alive? 

 

<_>

[omgFIREBALLS]

In fairness, I didn't say if it lives, it has a selection circle. But you could be hollowborn.

[Porcelyn]

So is a hot cannonball massage in the pamphlet? Rocks are so small.

[omgFIREBALLS]

We are currently understaffed due to lack of roparu with a death wish the extreme popularity of the Gunpowder Bathhouse, but we genuinely wish to offer such a service. For now, we recommend you bring a friend to perform the massage. We will provide you with a cannon loaded with our patented Cannonball on a String (which is exactly what it sounds like and the string is neither long enough nor strong enough) STOP IT which you can fire a few times to heat up. You will have to retrieve it yourself, which is where the string comes in handy.

 

Important disclaimer!
Cannonball on a String hits RDC building: Extra fee

Cannonball on a String hits Huana building: No consequence

Cannonball on a String hits VTC building: Your stay is free!

 

You are also welcome to perform a Rapid Massage™ by firing the CoaS directly at your friend. So far, no one who has been subject to this treatment has complained!

[quaggan]

 How high do I need my Explosives skill to get a part time job at this lovely establishment?

[omgFIREBALLS]

 How high do I need my Explosives skill to get a part time job at this lovely establishment?

I can't give you a straight answer, but we have noted our workers tend to stay alive employed longer based both on their explosives skill as well as their ability to avoid those colleagues lacking it.

[InsaneCommander]

 How high do I need my Explosives skill to get a part time job at this lovely establishment?

I can't give you a straight answer, but we have noted our workers tend to stay alive employed longer based both on their explosives skill as well as their ability to avoid those colleagues lacking it.

 

*Goes invest some points in Insight and Survival*

[Taevyr]

Has anyone studied the effects of this miraculous powder on Kith physiology yet? I am willing to offer my high Alchemy level services!

[WiduMew]

Nice place for the Atsura Romance add-on