Archmonarch

Objection to 'secreted' noted. Anyway, here's my final written chapter. I'm planning on turning this story into at least a trilogy, with the next book being about Karn's experiences on the Tulovian homeworld and his education there amid a heated political environment. So, I tried to interject a little commentary on current day politics within this chapter. See if you can find it. Chapter Nine Tears painted grimy trails down the distraught mask of Karn

Just for you, DL, here's the next portion. Two in one day; snazzy, huh? I am unsure about this chapter both because of the possible cliche factor and the scene at the temple. Basically, I am unsure about the whole thing. Also, I must warn you. This is the second to last chapter on which I have worked. Only one remains, and that is incomplete. I will still post it, however; perhaps later today. I will then ask for any ideas as to what direction the following pages should take. Remember to contribute. Especially if you want to continue reading Karn's story. :D Chapter Eight Throbbing pain awoke Karn from his slumber. Feeling for the source of the ache, he discovered strange bumps on his forehead and upper back, two in each location. Unsure as to their cause or identity, he decided to continue as best he could, yet still the pain plagued him. Even as early as he awoke, Samanda had risen first. Warm morning light suffused the damp air and the scent of xocatl warmed his lungs. Lying still for a moment, he watched her sitting in the windowsill, holding a mug of the hot beverage. Her raven hair glistened like obsidian in the light; the sun draped her like a cloak. Gods, she was gorgeous. Nevertheless, her appearance was but clothing. It was her heart and mind he found interesting, her caring and wit he found attractive. As if feeling his gaze, she leaned her head forward and spoke softly,

Trying to say something, DL? <_<

Let me start out by saying Ive wanted to play this game for a while, so the less than stellar reviews have been disappointing. However, according to Donald Mustard (the dev in charge of the entire game and studio), the reason for the framerate drops are due to the fact that the review copies are on 2 dvds, while the retail copies are on a dual-layer dvd. As only Microsoft can manufacture the dual-layer disks, GlyphX were forced to send out the two disk version to reviewers. Supposedly, the problems arent as bad in the actual game. I am disappointed at how short it seems to be, though. 8-10 hours is probably one of the shortest modern games Ive ever played.

First of all, how dare thee distract attention from my own writing! That said, this is surely as you mentioned incomplete, unless you are going for the style of L.E. Modesitt Jr. in which every chapter is a page or two, with the book containing hundreds of chapters. You seem to have a good grasp of description, yet the piece is too small to adequately judge the overall quality. I do see a large connection to Frank Herbert's Dune whether intended or not in the use of neural enhancement drugs and a group of powerful women with secret rites. Also, I have a character named Karn in my own story (posted on these very boards under the thread "The Other Side of Art..."). Feel free to review my work as well.

Well, since you liked it so much, here's another! Unfortunately this is probably my least favorite chapter of all the ones I have written, so any suggestions would be great. Chapter Seven

No! Bad Archoz! Do not derail the thread! :ph34r: Anyway, heres the next chapter. Its Karn heavy. Im not quite sure of the interactions between Karn, Sam, and Obiji at the end, so I would appreciate any comments on that section particularly. Chapter Six Karn was lonely. It had been three days since he

Called the edit button it is.

Another writer I dislike! (Yes I dislike quite a few authors.) Im sure he wrote some worthwhile books, however the only one of his I have read (as summer reading) was "The Red Pony." Possibly among the worst books ever written. Heres a synopsis: Boy gets a pony. Pony dies. Boy gets another pony. Pony dies. Boy gets another pony who dies while giving birth to another pony. The End. P.S. This may be a slightly exaggerated account.

I do think Bioware makes good games, just not perfect ones. Perhaps I can simply be objective where you cannot? Also, Halo did not have a good story. I enjoyed the gameplay, but dont see the reason for all the fanboys/fangirls. Heres a game with a much better plot: Planescape: Torment. Yes, it too is based on a cliche, but the implementation and depth raises it above the roots from which it grew.

Every game Bioware has done are all above average, and most were considered the best RPG of the year! Even best GAME of the year! If you do not think that an epic story of an evil tyrant, a wise old master, a shadowy assassin, and a woman or man who's destiny would change an Empire, with a fast paced real time combat system, the best romance options to date ( you can even be gay!), and all set in mythical China with Demons and magic, then sir, I'd love to see your definition of a good RPG. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> You completely misconstrued my comments. Bioware does make good games, I simply think that certain plot devices and problems run throughout the ones Ive played. Also, I greatly enjoyed Jade Empire, as I said earlier. Its setting, combat system, and romances were great, much better than their previous RPGs. However, it is my opinion that the main storyline follows too closely upon their prior works with too many cliches and overall remains the weakpoint of the package.

I contend it is you that does not know RPGs and can be easily satisified by the lackluster story of Jade Empire. It is definitely not Bioware's best work, even considering their common failings. And I do not equate evil with thuggery. @ jaguars: I have no agenda. I genuinely expected to enjoy Jade Empire, and I did, but the main story was definitely not its strong suit. No, I did not read spoilers, I simply have read enough fantasy/played enough RPGs to recognize the character archetypes. Besides Bioware recycles plot devices quite often. And I do not object to his reaction, simply to the points he says provoked it. As for the endings, I expected something great after having read all the developer posts saying this ending would be the best one yet from a Bioware game. I did not expect a simple crowd clapping or bowing in fear with a few "What happened to your NPCs" scrolls.

You were supposed to remark upon the exorbitant and unlikely literary skill (not to mention general insight and intelligence " ) I possess at my young age!

I have to object to every single point you made in that post. Zu's sacrifice was obvious. Master Li's betrayal was heavily foreshadowed so as to make it inevitable and even despite that was quite obvious. The fact that Death's Hand was a prince was obvious once you got far enoughinto the story. And the evil ending, along with the others, were rather horrible.

No need to apologize. But I would appreciate more comments if you're willing to read my story. No pressure though. And as Ive told others, call me Arch.

:"> Obviously, the was accidentally left off my post. I took no offense. P.S. Im not a child either. Im 17!

Though I normally dont mind OT posts, I would appreciate it if we stuck to the subject at hand here. I am afraid once this thread becomes derailed, attracting renewed interest in my writing would be difficult.

Im not old! :angry:

... And a terrible actress. Apart from that, she's ok. (Launchie, You're forgetting the thirty years of classic Dr Who.) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Though I havent had the pleasure of the earlier Dr. Who and thus have nothing to compare it with, I do enjoy the acting of Christopher Eccleston. He adds a quirky and humorous quality to the character (unless they all had that, in which case ignore).

Oh, and Ive been meaning to ask you: you've posted in my writing thread, yet I dont recall if you ever mentioned your overall opinion of it or commented on the later chapters. Remember, any encouragement to continue writing is sufficient impetus for me. "

Dont be misled: the story can be entertaining; its his execution. I simply find myself reading less and less of each book as smaller and smaller portions concern the supposed main character.

... Jolee left Kashyyyk. And obviously, a padawan is transferred to a new mentor if theirs dies.

Given how little time he's given to his Main character, I'd say either the probability is great or Jordan is no longer enamored by Rand's story. @ meta, he changes the names, but the stories are basically identical. For instance, a character named Mat is almost hanged to death for knowledge/wisdom, is given a spear with ravens on it (Hugin and Munin, anyone?), and is almost certain to lose an eye in the future. This is drawn straight from the legends of Odin. And the main character has been branded numerous times in reference to the story of Jesus and recently lost part of his hand, exactly like the Norse god Tew.

Piracy? Do we get eye patches and parrots? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Only if you download them.

Bah, I felt no remorse in my swath of desolation across the countryside in WCIII. But maybe Im just morally challenged. :D