Personal problems you've gone through

[Longknife]

I'll just dive right into this. For those of you who DON'T want to bother with a tl;dr about my own personal problems I'm going through, feel free to just rant and post about your own. It's gonna get really tl;dr for me from here on out.

 

 

Yesterday this video was shared to me:

 

 

 

It was the most depressing a video could possibly be for me. I can say with quite a bit of confidence that no other video has ever had such a similar impact. Watched it with friends who all thought "boy that girl sure is shy," but I knew better. That's not shyness there.

 

Reason the video bothered me is because I'm all too familiar with this dynamic, and it's something that's taken me years to understand. Growing up, my father was never really there and I always knew he had issues of sorts, and the focus was more on understanding that....not so much on my mom and I, which seemed fine. Dad has plenty of issues on his own and as a result, he runs. Does a fantastic job of royally ****ing up everyone else's lives on his way out (childhood friends, family, friends he met overseas, you name it), but he's this tragic kind of "I'm a terrible human being, I'm aware of it and I'm ashamed of it, but I also am losing the battle to change myself," and honestly it's quite easy to understand and "resolve." He is not me, nor do I have any motivation to ****ing care about him, so the resolution is to just not bother. Me and his brother can get along and talk about how this jackass cheated us both out of money, we don't lose anything if we sit here saying "he's a lost cause, don't bother trying to change him." That? While far more dramatic and obviously very impactful on my life, is also very straightforward and "easy." It's easy to not bother with a person who never gave you motivation to care about them to begin with.

 

 

 

  Then there's my mother, who's the opposite problem. My mother cares too much, and it took me years to figure that out. When you've got a mom who clearly loves you and cares about you and does everything for you, it's very difficult to recognize any sort of problem. People tend to try and make things black and white issues, where antagonization is perceived as bad and love is perceived as good, but the reality is both can have their upsides and downsides.

 

 

  Unfortunately, I feel as though that at 26 years old, I'm realizing my mother only loves me, but doesn't respect me.

 

Parents aren't perfect of course. They're human beings like anyone else, and they all just take a stab at raising a kid. The most a parent can do is TRY to read a bunch of books on parenting, but this goes off the assumption the writers themselves knew what the hell they're talking about and don't have bias or ill advice themselves.

 

  When I watch that above video though, I see all the exact same problems my mother has. The overbearing attitude, the ridiculous and unbelievable degree of delusion, the rather strange form of selfishness behind all the desire to see her daughter just as happy and successful as she is. I know that girl isn't as quiet as she is not because she's introverted, not because she's a rude person, not because she's shy and not even so much because she hates that specific idea, but because she knows it's absolutely pointless to even try. She could tell her mom she hates it, she could tell her mom she refuses to go on stage, she could grow a third limb and kill a host ffs and none of it would matter. This is a mom who is so delusional that she invents her own little realities in her mind, and thus there's no convincing her you don't want to do this because she's already convinced herself that you want to do this. Sounds insane? Trust me, all too familiar with how insane it is and how it sounds; only that much more depressing when you try explaining to a person why you have a problem and you end up telling a story about a person that seems so god damned out of the loop of reality that the story just isn't believable....ESPECIALLY when that person only tends to act that way in relation to you. Mom in that video has probably fed herself excuses that she's the parent and this'll be a good learning experience for her daughter, so her daughter doesn't know what's good for her, who knows. But that daughter? That's the silence of defeat and the feeling of being a slave. That's the feeling of being treated like a pet more than a child with your own wishes and desires; no one asks a dog if it wants to perform in a dog show, and while I'm sure the daughter was technically asked, her answer was given no value.

 

  This exact same scenario is something I've gone through a dozen times. The phone calls asking if me and whatever person she's decided is meant for me have started dating yet, the phone calls asking if magical money solution #47 that she completely invented ("there's specific student aid for disabled half-americans in Germany! Go apply to the disabled american fund office!") has been received yet, or when I'll tell her about my job and how much it pays, and then when she writes regarding the job, the income she's calculated is double what it should be and means that she will be able to afford that trip or whatever it is she wants while providing me no aid.....and that itself is part of what makes it so depressing I think. Because I'm still receiving aid! I'm still being shown love and care and compassion, so why am I being so ungrateful? Boy, don't I feel like an ass...

  But the problem is that it's still a fantasy. If I get a phone call asking if magic money solution #47 has come in yet and I say no it hasn't and it doesn't exist, I'm lectured on how lazy I am or how she's severely disappointed in me for my failure in doing the work neccesary to get it. I get blamed for money not magically existing, and I get punished for it. When I go through countless phone calls where I try to point out she's doubled my income and imagining it to be far larger than it is (ridiculously so) and she seems to be receptive to it, but then within 24 hours she's back to acting as though the discussion never took place, then I'm the one that ends up living off sandwiches and dodging bill collectors while trying to make up for it myself somehow.

It's very difficult to describe the frustration and it's very difficult to be involved with an overbearing parent without the result being that you yourself feel insanely depressed. And why? Because while it's frustrating to spend a week living off a sandwich a day because one person is mind-numbingly delusional, it's still a case where the person has provided quite a great deal of assistance to you, and always has since you were born. Part of it is just the objective reprocussions of trying to cope (let alone being FORCED to cope) with a mind that invents new realities and can't acknowledge the actual reality, and the other part is the guilt.....and ooooooh man will there be guilt.

  I'll never forget when....All my life I've grown my hair out long. Every male in my father's family does this. My grandfather has freakishly big ears, and I think we all fear we're the same, so we grow our hair out long enough to cover them. However, everyone I know has always told me the look absolutely suits me, and that I just look weird to them with short hair. Out of nowhere, my mom decided a year or two ago that she's changed her mind and now prefers me with short hair, because now she wants me looking like a rich, powerful and mature executive would look or some crap like that. It has happened on three occassions now that she's visited, nagged me to cut it, we've done so, and then she's gone out of her way to parade me around to EVERYONE and ask them what they think of my haircut. She's gonna SHOW me how wrong I am, and how everyone prefers me with short hair. The clerk at the store we just visited? "Iunno personally I preferred him with long hair." What do you think of that mom? "Oh he's just some random guy working a business. Of course he'll tell you whatever he wants to hear to make a sale." My good friends? What do they think? "Awww I miss your long hair already." What about them mom? "They're gonna like your look because they're young kids your age too. That's the style. But they don't understand looking mature and pleasing to more mature people. You're too young to understand." Alright, well I actually have friends that are closer to your age mom! They're old friends of my father's that he screwed over or helped me out when he was a **** to me, so now we know each other well. What do they think? "I personally prefer you with long hair. I actually usually don't like long hair on guys, but with you, it truly suits you and while I can understand that maybe the USA is harsher on guys with long hair and maybe that's what your mom is worried about, that's not how the culture is here, so her worries aren't neccesary." Thanks for the input! Really appreciated! Mom, what do you think? "It's your hair, of course they don't care that deeply. They're also not the ones who would have to cover for you if you lose your job or can't find a new one, so they don't have to pay that much attention to it."


Three times. That's three years in a row we've done that song and dance. Each time, the same people asked, each time, the same answers given, and each time more maddening than the last. It's insanity, and it's surprisingly depressing to walk through the same song and dance over and over and over and over knowing nothing will ever change and none of the answers or actions matter.

 

  What I'll never forget though is when she had to return home after her trip to visit and caught herself enjoying my haircut, and then wanted to force me to promise I'd keep my hair short all year round, even when she wasn't around to enjoy it. I couldn't answer of course, both because I had no intent to do so and because I didn't understand what it mattered to her, or why she would insist I keep a haircut that I hated and she adored in a scenario where she would not be around to enjoy it but I'd be around to loathe it. She got confrontational and told me she knew that meant I wasn't gonna do it, and then took on a tone of lecturing me. And then she said it:

 

"You owe it to me to keep your hair short."

 

That right there sums up my relationship with my mother these days. She raised me, and therefore she has a claim on me for life. For those of you reading and thinking "dude wtf it's just hair, it's no big deal!" Oh, I agree. That's why I went to have it cut every single time she asked. But it's symbolic. If it weren't hair, it'd be something else, and I have no doubt in my mind about that.

 

 

A story that should be far more significant that I haven't mentioned? I haven't mentioned it cause it's an older story, more or less, but there was a time when I had crippling nerve pains. I couldn't wear my prosthetic leg for longer than 2 hours, otherwise I'd just be overwhelmed with pain. And let me be clear: I'm allergic to morphine and I've had multiple surgeries on my leg. I know pain. And no, the painkiller alternatives aren't "just as good." If that were true, they'd skip morphine. More importantly, I have been given morphine on accident before, so I know factually from experiencing it that the painkiller alternative don't even provide a fraction of the relief that morphine does.

 But yeah, nerve pains. They're a beast of their own. It's an overwhelming sensation that you can't do justice to just describing, it has to be experienced. Acquaintances and co-workers? They'd notice me sweating. They'd notice me shaking. They'd notice I must be in insane amounts of pain and ask me what they could do to help, and usually the only solution was to call a cab and get me home asap so I could get the damned prosthetic leg off. Friends and family at the time, sadly did not notice or did not care, which was severely depressing itself. That itself....is another story.

 

 

But my mom was one of those who didn't care, at least not properly. She misspoke and said something she shouldn't've, and while she can acknowledge she said something bad and say she "didn't mean it," I don't think it's something she can take back. She visited when the problem first arose, and my mom is terrible with anxiety. She doesn't speak German and the thought of TRYING to communicate or do something on her own in this country scares her, the result being that I am forced to play tour guide and personal translator for the entirety of her visits. No alone time, no chance to do anything I want, it's essentially a job at that point. And yknow, I guess that's fair given the assistance she's provided me with, just wanted to get the point across it's by no means a fun job.

  That year though, I couldn't. It was a two hour time limit, and after that I'd be fighting the pain so much that even just talking to a person to get information took quite a bit of concentration. After one such outing where my mom insisted we stay out for what must've been five hours (any complaints I voiced were written off as me being lazy or trying to find an excuse not to do something I didn't want to do), we finally returned home and I got the damned leg off. Thing is, the pain would build up at it's worst the moment the leg came off, so even though I desperately wanted to take it off, I knew that for a brief moment, the pain would be insane. I took it off and sure enough it was. I think I was so anxious to get it off I was just on the damned floor the moment we got through the door, and the moment I got it off, I was visibly and audibly in a great deal of pain. Her reaction was to look at me and voice shock and surprise about just how bad it was and then she said it:

"This is ridiculous! It's ruining my vacation!"

Oh good. That's what my pain and suffering amounts to for you? How much it influences your vacation? This was made even more bitter when two years later, she got nerve pains in her hip. I made every attempt I could to make her comfortable. If we were in town and the pains started, we found a cab right then and there. She never noticed or showed gratitude. There was no revelation of "so this is what you were going through. Omg I'm so sorry, had I known I never would've put you through this," it was just "wow that hurts."

 

 

 

And that's why I say I feel loved, but not respected. It's very strange and weird to describe. I have no doubt that if a guy were to approach me and my mother on the street with a gun, she would take a bullet for me. She obviously cares. However, I don't know just how much she cares about me for who I am, but rather the me that she perceives me to be. I wonder if she'd be taking the bullet for me, or for the me in her head that she's imagined me to be. I would never claim that my mother is purely selfish or anything, and yet I find I have difficulty describing our relationship without acknowledging elements of it. I find it strange that she seems to want to imagine my life for me. "I want you to have a big house with a wife and kids." Mom owning a home in Germany isn't like owning a house in the USA, nor do I think I would want one, let alone would I want a wife and kids. Hell, I'm super careful about commited relationships in general. "You'll want those things. Trust me." It just feels like no value is put into my responses or what I have to say. It's not about what I want, it's about what she wants for me...and for what? So she can brag to her friends about how successful her son is or something? Am I a ****ing pet project? Am I a hobby to cultivate? What is this? I honestly would give almost anything to know, because I feel like a slave.


If that were not enough, it's through this very madness that I find myself incapable of escaping. If I had a good income right now...? Move somewhere obscure, start a new life with any humble job I can find, just be myself and be happy, wouldn't say a word to any friends or family about where I'm going. I want away from her that badly. That in and of itself is sick. Her anxiety is already terrible. Her doctors have warned her her blood pressure is terrible and she needs to see an expert if she wants to live another 10 years, yet she doesn't do it because just the stress of visiting freaks her out. I find myself lying about half of the problems I encounter because I know it'd just stress her out and it's not like it matters anyways, because even if I tell her, she doesn't ****ing listen.

  I'm at the point I have pretty sizeable debt because I've been trying for years now to catch it or to find a way to pay for the stuff my mom doesn't wish to acknowledge. I had to call her and say just how much I owed while crying about my own failures and having hidden it (though I didn't exactly hide it, I just gave up on trying to tell her), and only to have her say "no you don't. You don't owe that. Those are just scammers trying to take advantage of a young kid. They don't have a right to any of that money." It's ****ing health insurance bills ffs. My health insurance company is "scamming" me for payments I missed? But there's no getting through to her.

 

 

And just like that, I'm absolutely helpless. I just might get my wish of moving away to someplace obscure while not telling anyone, but at this point it's more likely I'd be doing it while homeless. 


I look back on it now and....depression's a funny thing. There's a study that said depressed people do not have the same brain chemistry as normal folk. A depressed person often cannot hate in situations where others can, as hate tends to only be directed inward rather than outward. One thing I can say is I hate this whole situation, because I don't know where to direct any blame or hate. I don't know how many of these failures I should be taking responsibility for. I don't know how often I should view myself as a leech of a child who has failed to be self-sufficient. And I don't know how much blame my mom deserves in all this, and yet I look at examples like the video I linked and I feel reassured that no, this isn't all me. Not by a longshot.



  On a final note, I find it funny how sometimes, you seem to intuitively understand something before you actually comprehend it. When I was 17 or 18, I watched Death of a Salesman in class. The one with Dustin Hoffman. Something about that movie made me cry, and I had no idea why. At the time I was just emotionally overwhelmed. Cowboy Bebop had a similar effect on me with it's ending, which was funny cause all otherwise I hated anime (and still do. **** that ****). It wasn't until later that I, with a more refined ability to analyze things, realized Cowboy Bebop has an over-arching theme of not being able to escape one's own past. Physically, in a practical sense such as debt, emotionally due to relationships, or perhaps not being able to resolve an old problem. Every episode of that show showcases an example of someone who, for whatever reason, cannot move on (or in rare cases, can), and the episodes highlight just how tragic and sad that really is, until of course that cumulates into the final episode....and we all know how that goes. (I hope. Show is worth a watch even if you hate anime, ijs).

   As for Death of a Salesman? Oh yeah, it has a meaning for me alright. I view one scene in particular and cannot help but see myself and my own situation in it:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry for polluting this forum with such a long, personal rant that none of you probably care about or read. This was just something I absolutely needed to get off my chest. I've actually tried posting on forums catered towards more depressing topics such as this, but it just felt so empty somehow, probably cause they weren't exactly populated. No idea if anything I've even typed is readable or entertaining ffs, but for me it was more about typing it rather than about it being read or not. Just needed to say it somewhere.

  I hope that at the very least, this thread can provide people with an outlet to rant about any personal issues befalling them, cause sometimes just talking about it can provide a bit of relief, even if only temporarily.
 

[JadedWolf]

Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but from the sounds of it, you're facing some issues you probably won't be able to tackle all alone. You should reach out for help from somewhere, and from the sounds of it it's not going to come from friends and family (but then, I might be reading you wrong). Personally, I'd look into really getting some professional help, at the very least in the area of finance.

[BruceVC]

Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but from the sounds of it, you're facing some issues you probably won't be able to tackle all alone. You should reach out for help from somewhere, and from the sounds of it it's not going to come from friends and family (but then, I might be reading you wrong). Personally, I'd look into really getting some professional help, at the very least in the area of finance.

Geez dude I didn't read LN post as its too long but I don't think people really expect that type of honesty 

[Starwars]

I agree with JadedWolf. Especially since this seems to really be bubbling up to the surface. If you aren't already, try go talking to someone. It might just lead to great things. And if it doesn't, you can just not go anymore.

It sounds incredibly frustrating for you.

 

I have a mom who I feel is overbearing but she is nothing compared to your situation. I've always been the "quiet guy" (my brother is very social and talkative) and have never really pushed back when my mom "took over". My mom lets me do what I want and supports me even if she doesn't agree with what I'm doing, but there is still a strong sense of wanting control there and she wants to know absolutely everything that I'm up to and get involved in it somehow. And when I reach my limit and finally say "back off", she pulls the victim card and goes "oh haven't we always raised you in a good way?" and "I'm only trying to help!". I find that very frustrating and, yes, a lack of respect there and a lack of just... looking at things outside yourself. Listen to things outside yourself. It's so weird to me to *not* have that empathy.

 

Another thing that hurt me recently happened about a year ago. I'd been friends since my teens with this girl. We really connected back then and have stayed really good friends up until last year (I'm 32 now). She has Asperger's and have always struggled immensely with social relations and it's ended up hurting her again and again, making her more and more bitter. For the last coupe of years, I found that she really fell down into a "black and white" situation as far as people go, born from her bitterness and constant failures with relationships (not blaming her with everything btw, some of the people really *were* horrible). And finally, because of a pretty petty little argument we had (which I tried to talk to her about and move on), she basically said some rather horrible things about me and she ended the friendship.

At first, I was incredibly angry with it. Now I'm just really sad. And it's a really strange, and terrible, feeling to look back at so much of my history that she was apart of, and just... Not being able to look at it with the same fondness anymore. It's so tainted.

[Blarghagh]

Ditto on the finding someone to talk to. You seem to need it, otherwise you wouldn't spend such time on the internet writing about it. The truth is, I doubt anyone here is really qualified to give you advice on anything like this. This is just a message board and anything should come with the disclaimer of "anyone can post here and its likely that most of it is nonsense".

[WDeranged]

I can kinda relate.  A few years ago my dad died and I've ended up as my unwell mum's only real support, it's brought us closer than we've been for years but it also puts me in the position of once again being her child while also kinda playing the husband.  It's a weirdly bittersweet experience, a great comfort and a great burden, I couldn't have it any other way but I do feel as though I've lost some independence, me and mum are now some kind of symbiotic life form and most of my decisions include her.

 

I'm also playing father/psychologist to my schizophrenic older brother while stuck in a comfortable yet totally dead end career/life that hasn't changed in years and I'm not even going to talk about girls because that's a rant that'll never end

 

I'm only 35 and I feel doomed to watch my family grow old and die before my eyes while the last of my wasted youth slips away.  I know exactly what I need to do to make my situation less oppressive (go out more, socialise, get fitter) and am doing these things but progress is slow.

 

I had some therapy earlier this year and it helped but the effect kinda fades, seems like something I need to keep having...I still recommend it though, speaking to someone completely outside of your normal life does help.

[BruceVC]

@  LN

 

I read your post and I would like to comment, firstly I don't agree with our two friends above. Your situation isn't that bad, you just need to make some decisions and I'll give you the options 

 

So lets get the obvious out the way, of course your mom loves you but she is unable to stop being  overbearing to the point where its impacting your relationship 

 

My parents were divorced when I was 2 but I saw my dad every second weekend. We lived with my mom and she loved us greatly but also spoilt us. I had a very similar issue with my mom, we use to end up just fighting at the end..I couldn't stop getting irritated with her and she would always assume I would mess things up because I often use to get instructions wrong because she would say " don't forget to feed the dogs " 

 

Anyway your solution is simple, in order to get your life and relationship with her normal again you need to move out ...that's the best approach. You can't really explain this to her or get her or you to change the current dynamic

 

Yes I understand your financial situation but you can make a plan, you will need to sacrifice a few things but I live in a country where millions of people live in abject poverty. So please don't say " you cannot move out " as I will see this as an excuse. You just plan it and tell your mom..no need to run

 

If you don't move then you cannot get annoyed anymore with your mom. So for me this boils down to a choice about comfort but a happier life ...it may not seem like it but I would advise moving out. Yo will them see how your relationship with your mom will get better 

[Rostere]

You put too much importance in what other people say, think and do. That's my opinion.

[BruceVC]

You put too much importance in what other people say, think and do. That's my opinion.

No offense but thats not really a helpful response...even if true

 

Its like when someone has a drug problem and asks for help and you say " just stop " 

 

[teknoman2]

asking for help is important even if you think you can handle something.

i have a small business and i tried to tangle with the taxes myself, to save me the 100 euro the accountant was asking to do it for me. but since it was too complicated, i decided to pay him to do it for me and it was the best decision on the year. that's because if i had done the taxes myself, i would have to pay 1190 euro, but he found a loophole through some other tax free income i had and put me in the system as a salaryman instead of a businessman (in a totally legal manner of course) so i didnt pay a cent. 

[BruceVC]

asking for help is important even if you think you can handle something.

i have a small business and i tried to tangle with the taxes myself, to save me the 100 euro the accountant was asking to do it for me. but since it was too complicated, i decided to pay him to do it for me and it was the best decision on the year. that's because if i had done the taxes myself, i would have to pay 1190 euro, but he found a loophole through some other tax free income i had and put me in the system as a salaryman instead of a businessman (in a totally legal manner of course) so i didnt pay a cent. 

No dude thats not asking for advice ...thats understanding your limitations and is considered a good character trait. Especially in business

[Longknife]

Hope you don't take this the wrong way, but from the sounds of it, you're facing some issues you probably won't be able to tackle all alone. You should reach out for help from somewhere, and from the sounds of it it's not going to come from friends and family (but then, I might be reading you wrong). Personally, I'd look into really getting some professional help, at the very least in the area of finance.

 

That's the kicker: it's debt I owe to health insurance. I'm not sure I COULD get professional help in my current situation, and I've looked before. Ages ago when this problem first started, I needed a neurologist for the nerve pains, but most neurologists will double as psychologists so I considered it an opportunity to get both. I looked REALLY hard and unfortunately, every psychologist here has some weird "gimmick." Hypnotherapy, aromatherapy, meditation. It's like wtf do any of you quacks just ****ing talk and try to pinpoint the problem that way??  So I finally found a guy that lists none of that and he does indeed just talk. I go to him for the neurology first, psychology second.

 

Within moments of explaining my problem with my nerve pains in my leg, it becomes apparent that my case would NOT be easy at all, because since people missing limbs from birth have our own unique anatomy for the limb we're missing, there's no way he can even ask another doctor experienced with such patients missing limbs, because my limb and that of their other patients would be drastically different. What I got was a combination of a sense he didn't want to cuz "too hard," and some whackjob initial response. VERY FIRST SUGGESTION, "well you know, the brain is a complex thing. Sometimes, it can fully invent pain all on it's own. Perhaps the pain isn't in your leg at all, but in your head!" Listen professor jackass, I'm real proud of you for your degree and all the theoretical bull**** you learned at the university that you probably won't ever get to use in practice, but how about before we jump to dramatic and highly implausible conclusions, how about you ****ing bother looking at my leg first? He hadn't even tried, and that really kinda soured my opinion of the guy. Just wasn't the best first impression at all, so I never went back. Like hell, I potentially still HAVE nerve issues in my leg, but a very well made prosthetic is avoiding setting them off. Even if I wanted to go back now, not sure that I could.

 

You put too much importance in what other people say, think and do. That's my opinion.

 

 

How so? Be nice if you could expand on this a bit.

Edited September 4, 2015 by Longknife

[Blarghagh]

Meditation is a gimmick on the level of aromatherapy to you? I'd urge you to reconsider the hell out of that.

[teknoman2]

 

asking for help is important even if you think you can handle something.

i have a small business and i tried to tangle with the taxes myself, to save me the 100 euro the accountant was asking to do it for me. but since it was too complicated, i decided to pay him to do it for me and it was the best decision on the year. that's because if i had done the taxes myself, i would have to pay 1190 euro, but he found a loophole through some other tax free income i had and put me in the system as a salaryman instead of a businessman (in a totally legal manner of course) so i didnt pay a cent. 

No dude thats not asking for advice ...thats understanding your limitations and is considered a good character trait. Especially in business

 

well the point was that asking a profesional is always better than trying to tangle with something you dont know by yourself

[Longknife]

Meditation is a gimmick on the level of aromatherapy to you? I'd urge you to reconsider the hell out of that.

 

Nah it's not, the guy my mom should've stayed with instead of hooking up with my dad was a strong buddhist who'd meditate constantly. Have always had tons of respect for his philosophies and the things he did. But when I have a psychologist offering it to me, then yes, I view it as a bit gimmicky. If I want meditation, I can find a class for that. Meditation itself is a legitimately soothing experience one can practice, but my point being that if I look into a psychologist's praxis and they're advertising meditation as a cornerstone of their work....dude you're a psychologist. If some little girl needs your services because her mother and father just had some rocky divorce that was disgusting and harsh, then it's probably not a great time to be praising meditation.

 

 

  Overall, I just find the psychologists in the area very strange because ALL of them have some kind of gimmick. It's like they run their praxis' more like a business than as a serious medical service, yknow? Really pretty strange and surprising to me, but then again one of the first drastic things that are different that I had to learn is that it turns out, USA is the world's leading expert on Psychology, so....Iunno, maybe I'm just being a snot, maybe things are just different here, but where I'm from the psychologists with the gimmicks aren't treated very seriously. Where I live now, the ones who are just like "how about we talk lol" are the minority.

[BruceVC]

 

 

asking for help is important even if you think you can handle something.

i have a small business and i tried to tangle with the taxes myself, to save me the 100 euro the accountant was asking to do it for me. but since it was too complicated, i decided to pay him to do it for me and it was the best decision on the year. that's because if i had done the taxes myself, i would have to pay 1190 euro, but he found a loophole through some other tax free income i had and put me in the system as a salaryman instead of a businessman (in a totally legal manner of course) so i didnt pay a cent. 

No dude thats not asking for advice ...thats understanding your limitations and is considered a good character trait. Especially in business

 

well the point was that asking a profesional is always better than trying to tangle with something you dont know by yourself

 

Yes you right

[teknoman2]

 

Meditation is a gimmick on the level of aromatherapy to you? I'd urge you to reconsider the hell out of that.

 

Nah it's not, the guy my mom should've stayed with instead of hooking up with my dad was a strong buddhist who'd meditate constantly. Have always had tons of respect for his philosophies and the things he did. But when I have a psychologist offering it to me, then yes, I view it as a bit gimmicky. If I want meditation, I can find a class for that. Meditation itself is a legitimately soothing experience one can practice, but my point being that if I look into a psychologist's praxis and they're advertising meditation as a cornerstone of their work....dude you're a psychologist. If some little girl needs your services because her mother and father just had some rocky divorce that was disgusting and harsh, then it's probably not a great time to be praising meditation.

 

 

  Overall, I just find the psychologists in the area very strange because ALL of them have some kind of gimmick. It's like they run their praxis' more like a business than as a serious medical service, yknow? Really pretty strange and surprising to me, but then again one of the first drastic things that are different that I had to learn is that it turns out, USA is the world's leading expert on Psychology, so....Iunno, maybe I'm just being a snot, maybe things are just different here, but where I'm from the psychologists with the gimmicks aren't treated very seriously. Where I live now, the ones who are just like "how about we talk lol" are the minority.

 

let me try and explain why they use it, using a gamepad as an example. when you first take a gamepad in your hands, you struggle to coordinate your fingers to perform the actions you want to. little by little -as you use it- you create muscle memory and your hands perform the actions by reflex without you having to consciously try to move them in a certain manner. this is because your brain has rewired the neurons to make the performing of such actions as fast and efficient as possible. meditation can be used to create an imaginary training, aimed at rewiring your neurons in particular way, to achieve a certain result. meditation is not just a philosophy, its a scientifically sound method of controling your body function through autosuggestion. of course that applies to proper meditation, not the relaxation exersises in yoga classes

Edited September 4, 2015 by teknoman2