Dolphins - Awesome or ****?

[Raithe]

Recently Treehugger produced a 10 Reasons Dolphins Are Awesome

 

Which was soon rebutted by Deep Sea News listing of 10 Reasons Why Dolphins Are ****

 

So I shall present both lists, and let you decide..

 

Why Dolphins Are Awesome

1. They Like Dogs
While some animals might consider our beloved canine companions to be clumsy, tail-wagging mounds of hair and drool (I'm looking at you, cats), dogs really are like furry gatekeepers to the human heart. It's no wonder then, after learning of the amazing camaraderie shared between a white labrador and a wild dolphin in Ireland, you just might start to look upon those majestic aquatic mammals as a friend of a friend.

 

2. They Invent Games to Play With Whales
In recent years off the coast of Hawaii, biologists have recorded several incidents of what appears to be wild humpback whales and bottlenose dolphins mutually engaging in playful roughhousing. This rare interspecies play consists of a game wherein the whale hoists the dolphin out of the water, sending the rider happily tumbling down its back. That's right, dolphins have convinced whales to be their Slip 'n Slide.

 

3. They're Not Afraid to Ask For Help
Being smart is one thing, but it takes wisdom to know when to ask for help. While in the waters off the coast of Hawaii recently, a group of divers were approached by a wild dolphin that was having trouble swimming. As it turns out, the dolphin was tangled in fishing line was looking for a helping hand -- and its persistance paid off. Incredibly, the entire incident of dolphin-human solidarity was captured on film.

 

4. They Sometimes Bring Us Gifts
Sure, we might not understand the dolphin language of clicks and squeaks, but no words are necessary when they come bearing gifts. According to a recent study, wild dolphins near a resort in Australia have been observed bringing 'presents', such as dead "eels, tuna, squid, an octopus" to wading humans on 23 separate occasions. Although the rare behavior is still shrouded in mystery, it might just prove that some dolphins are as smitten with us as we are with them.

 

5. They Help Rescue Other Species
Nautical lore is ripe with tales of dolphins helping humans in the high sea, though sometimes they'll even go out of their way to help other aquatic species, too. When two pygmy sperm whales beached themselves in New Zealand a few years back, beachgoers did their best to usher them back out to sea, but to no avail. That's when a bottlenose dolphin, known as Moko by locals, came to the rescue. Witnesses that after Moko communicated with beached whales, they "changed their attitude from being quite distressed to following the dolphin quite willingly and directly along the beach and straight out to sea."

 

6. Even Sperm Whales Seem to Love Them
Sperm whales may not have a reputation as the friendliest of sea-faring mammals, but even they are couldn't resist the company of a bottlenose dolphin in need. While on an expedition to the whales in the North Atlantic, researchers ran across one group that had apparently adopted a deformed dolphin into their pod. "It really looked like they had accepted the dolphin for whatever reason," says biologist Alexander Wilson. "They were being very sociable."

 

7. They Blow Bubble Rings
The development of the blowhole was an essential part of dolphin evolution, allowing the sea-faring mammals to quickly inhale and exhale air at ocean's surface while keeping an eye out for predators and prey in the water below. Oh, and apparently it's really handy for blowing rings too.

 

8. They Work With Fishermen to Catch Fish
Along a stretch of coastline in Laguna, Brazil, local fishermen and dolphins have formed a partnership in the pursuit of a meal. Researchers, who published a study on this unique behavior, describe how the unlikely allies work as a team to wrangle fish: "Through highly synchronized behavior with humans, cooperative dolphins in Laguna drive mullet schools towards a line of fishermen and 'signal,' via stereotyped head slaps or tail slaps, when and where fishermen should throw their nets."

 

9. They Look Out for Their Friends
While studying dolphins off the coast of South Korea, biologists were treated to a particularly moving scene of dolphin solidarity. One group of dolphins were observed coming to the aid of their sick or injured counterpart who was struggling to stay afloat. The dolphins formed a 'raft' of sorts with their bodies, propping up their pod-mate to keep her from drowning.

 

10. They Know How to Have a Good Time
While we might have a lot to learn about the intricacies of dolphin emotions, it seems pretty clear when they're having a good time as they leap through the air with utmost precision, or engage in artful displays of underwater acrobatics. Sure, humans and dolphins come from completely different worlds, but there's nothing quite as unifying as the shared joy of being alive.

 

Why Dolphins Are ****

 

1. They gang rape females
“Dolphin sex can be violent and coercive. Gangs of two or three male bottlenose dolphins isolate a single female from the pod and forcibly mate with her, sometimes for weeks at a time. To keep her in line, they make aggressive noises, threatening movements, and even smack her around with their tails. And if she tries to swim away, they chase her down.”

 

2. They are horny and they don’t mind humans as a partner.
Being horny is all fun and good until your the unwanted recipient. Horny dolphins can target human swimmers.  Demi Moore is rumored to have had a close encounter of the finny kind.

 

3. Dolphins have prehensile penises. 
This combined with the #2 is more than enough to scare the bejebus out of me.  I thank Christopher Moore and his book Fluke for painting a vivid mental image of this.

 

4. Dolphins kill babies of other species. 
Again quoting Miriam, “In Scotland, scientists found baby harbor porpoiseswashed up with horrific internal injuries. They thought the porpoises might have been killed by weapons tests until they found the toothmarks. Later, dolphins were caught on film pulping the baby porpoises-the dolphins even used their ecolocation to aim their blow at the porpoises’ vital organs.”
 

5. Dolphins kill their own babies. 
Males are known to kill off babies.  In one study, 5 juvenile bottlenose dolphins had fatal injuries consistent with a bottlenose dolphin attack.  Infanticide by males may occur within dolphins, as it does in other species, because females become immediately ready for pregnancy after the death of infant.  The study also suggest that violent interactions with harbour porpoises (near 100 incidents in this study alone) by bottlenose dolphins may occur because they confuse infants of the two species.
 

6. Dolphins never sleep.
Yep dolphins can stay awake for five days straight with no loss of mental acuity. And after missing all that sleep they don’t even need to catch it up with little dolphin naps.  So great, horny dolphins are probably awake while I’m sleeping.  Just fantastic.
 

7. Dolphins are voracious predators. 
Dolphins are not some crystal and patchouli wearing vegan.  Nope there are stone cold meat eaters.  The feed in packs so no fish or squid can escape.  Hunts are coordinated and focused on decimating prey. Dolphins are inventive and creative and nothing is safe.  Not even us on land.

8. Dolphins like to screw around with other animals just for the hell of it. 
Sure I dolphins love to play and that is sooooooo cute.  Of course, when all those cute toys become boring what should a dolphin do? Use a baby shark as volleyball.
 

9. Dolphins are sexually transmitted disease bags.  
Yep dolphins are just full of STD’s.

 

10. Freakin dolphin and rainbow art. 
I blame dolphins for this trend.  This stuff is all horrible, a blight on human existence.  It’s so bad I think it actually discourages people from becoming marine biologists.  And let’s not even start with dolphin and rainbow tattoos.  Or the “very unique” dolphin on the ankle tattoo! There is only one cool dolphin tattoo.

Edited February 20, 2013 by Raithe

[Amentep]

Can't they be both?

[LadyCrimson]

Can't they be both?

Kinda like us humans.

[Meshugger]

They're so like us! Oh wait....

[Amentep]

 

Can't they be both?

Kinda like us humans.

 

The pros/cons does seem a good bit like humans...

[Raithe]

It goes to show, PR is everything. Just imagine if Sharks had had a Flipper instead of a Jaws....

[Walsingham]

 

Can't they be both?

Kinda like us humans.

 

3. Dolphins have prehensile penises. 

This combined

with the #2 is more than enough to scare the bejebus out of me.  I

thank Christopher Moore and his book Fluke for painting a vivid mental

image of this.

 

~

 

I must have missed the training, because I can't get mine to do more than Groucho Marx impressions.