Cop arrests daughter's boyfriend

[Calax]

Depends on the length of the babysitting... I mean you're basically parenting if you babysit kids while their parents spend a week on vacation.

 

I used to substitute teach, sometimes for a week or two at a time. It is a world of difference compared to teaching for an entire school year. Parenting is not a week long gig.

 

Calax, your last few posts have basically been you lecturing me on how to be a parent. What gives?

Because you're only considering things from a very very specific perspective. You are placing yourself in the position of the cop in this situation and seem to have this idea that everything that is said by a parent to any kid will be followed through as if it was an order. Try stepping back a bit and looking it at A) from the kids views B) from the parents of the boy's view and C) as somebody who might be pulled over by this guy.

 

I'm pretty damn sure 99% of the parents in the world wouldn't be ok with the parent of their sons girlfriend coming over, handcuffing him, then lecturing him about being sex, and threatening him pretty seriously with significant legal problems if the kid so much as looks at the daughter in the wrong way.

 

Yes, I can understand wanting to protect your kid, but being so overly protective as to basically scare off any potential friend that your kid might have is a no-no.

 

And honestly, probably like 1/10th of the posts you looked at were about actual parenting, they're mostly pertaining to the fact that this guy let his being a parent override everything else and thus might have committed felonies.

[Malcador]

If she's worrying about you as much she did when you were growing up, then she's got a problem, I think.

 

LOL, how can you even make that claim if you haven't been a parent to a grown adult? Maybe your parents just didn't do a well enough job at parenting YOU as a grown adult, but my father's father is always there for advice, and help. Like when he lost his job, or when my sister became ill. My dad wouldn't have coped with those things half as well without his father to lean on.

 

Volourn did say that outside of moral support, your job's done as a parent.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Malcador

[Volourn]

"LOL, how can you even make that claim if you haven't been a parent to a grown adult? Maybe your parents just didn't do a well enough job at parenting YOU as a grown adult, but my father's father is always there for advice, and help. Like when he lost his job, or when my sister became ill. My dad wouldn't have coped with those things half as well without his father to lean on."

 

"I better call my mom and let her know she can stop worrying, I've reached the age cut off."

 

None of this equal to being a parent or taking care of an underage child that depends solely on you. How can you guys even equate a parent 'worrying' about their 30 year son or daughter to a parent actually parenting a 10 year old child.

 

It's nowhre near the same scenario.

 

A reasonably normal 30 year old should not be dependent solely on their parent in the same way a 10 year old child. Sorry.

 

 

ON TOPIC: The guy in the story is a piece of crap cop, piece of crap parent, and piece of crap human. Any good parent could see him for what he is - a scumbag of the highest order.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Volourn

[Rosbjerg]

None of this equal to being a parent or taking care of an underage child that depends solely on you. How can you guys even equate a parent 'worrying' about their 30 year son or daughter to a parent actually parenting a 10 year old child.

 

It's nowhre near the same scenario.

 

A reasonably normal 30 year old should not be dependent solely on their parent in the same way a 10 year old child. Sorry.

 

They didn't say that..

 

They did say that you are still a parent (very true)

 

and that parents never seize to worry.

And yet you still get to stress and worry about them as much as you did while they were growing up.

 

or stop having useful advice..

Little known fact: parent's are ALWAYS more experienced than their children and therefore can ALWAYS teach them something new.

[Malcador]

Need to make a graph of time spent parenting vs age of child.

[Gfted1]

Or one for time spent parenting vs. people who have never parented a minute of their lives. And no, watching your younger sibling for an hour doesnt count, at all, in any capacity.

[Volourn]

"They did say that you are still a parent (very true)

 

and that parents never seize to worry."

 

Then why did they cry about what i posted? I never said parents stop being parents or they never worry about their adult chikldren? Don't be silly.

 

Believe me. I know that.

 

But, it is not the same as actual parenting a minor child that is depending on you. Heck, parenting a teen isn't even the same as parenting a baby. It's still stressful and it comes with its own set of problems (largely due to the fact it's the rbelling stages and aprents loathe that ebcause many aprents think children are their property and not human beings) but it's nothing comapred to watching a baby where you pretty much ahve to keep an eye on them 24/7.

 

 

"Or one for time spent parenting vs. people who have never parented a minute of their lives. And no, watching your younger sibling for an hour doesnt count, at all, in any capacity."

 

A father committing child abuse againats another parent's child doesn't count as parenting either. Only fair right?

 

Does watching children over night count?

 

Does an unclue tkaing care of said child when the parent is working count?

 

LMAO

 

But, hey, the druggie who is high on the time ignoring their child who happens to have a child knows moe about parenting than a an adult watching a child in a mature way simply because they have a bilogical child? Ridiculous.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Volourn

[Hurlshort]

Because you're only considering things from a very very specific perspective. You are placing yourself in the position of the cop in this situation and seem to have this idea that everything that is said by a parent to any kid will be followed through as if it was an order.

 

I get that kids disobey parents. I'm saying he should expect consequences when he gets caught.

 

Try stepping back a bit and looking it at A) from the kids views

I think I've made it pretty clear what I think of the kid's point of view. He did something wrong and he got a lecture for it. He was scared, which seems about right.

B) from the parents of the boy's view

This is the main problem here, he didn't communicate well with the parents. It is a bit sad that they could not see this for what it was, an angry father with no real legal recourse. This is the main reason he deserves a reprimand.

and C) as somebody who might be pulled over by this guy.

I don't get the relevance here. Does the officer have a history of losing his cool with people he pulls over?

 

I'm pretty damn sure 99% of the parents in the world wouldn't be ok with the parent of their sons girlfriend coming over, handcuffing him, then lecturing him about being sex, and threatening him pretty seriously with significant legal problems if the kid so much as looks at the daughter in the wrong way.

 

Yes, I can understand wanting to protect your kid, but being so overly protective as to basically scare off any potential friend that your kid might have is a no-no.

 

And honestly, probably like 1/10th of the posts you looked at were about actual parenting, they're mostly pertaining to the fact that this guy let his being a parent override everything else and thus might have committed felonies.

 

I'm pretty sure you are wrong. My wife and I, Di, and a few other folks I've talked to all understand why an angry dad would go off on the boy. Of course he could have handled it better.

 

You keep saying I'm only looking at it from one viewpoint, but have you really taken the time to look at it from the father's viewpoint?

[Malcador]

Or one for time spent parenting vs. people who have never parented a minute of their lives. And no, watching your younger sibling for an hour doesnt count, at all, in any capacity.

 

Kind of missed with that shot there, that graph's going to be hovering around zero constantly, also not indicative of much as the two variables have no relationship.

 

Not sure why one would have to be a parent, oh a noble and arduous job it is indeed, to see that once your kids are adults, you generally aren't parenting any more. Now you're just part of the support unit, rather than being their leader and teacher. Worrying about them as much as you do when they're kids - so far my informal survey is about 50/50 on that, so who knows maybe that's expected even if not sensible.

[Calax]

I have, and like you say, he could have handled it better... but then murderers could have handled their problems better too, rather than stabbing people. I can understand what he was thinking, but he showed a significant lack of restraint.

 

And the reason that the consideration of being one of the possible motorists under his control is this, we're asking him to step down or otherwise be removed by the department from his duties. This significant lack of restraint and blatant abuse of power on the cops part would reflect badly on the department as a whole, and inject doubt into anyone who he pulled over if they really did anything wrong or he just thought they were doing something he thought was immoral.

 

Edit: Obviously this is aimed at Hurlie.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Calax

[Gfted1]

"Or one for time spent parenting vs. people who have never parented a minute of their lives. And no, watching your younger sibling for an hour doesnt count, at all, in any capacity."

 

A father committing child abuse againats another parent's child doesn't count as parenting either. Only fair right?

 

Does watching children over night count?

 

Does an unclue tkaing care of said child when the parent is working count?

 

LMAO

 

But, hey, the druggie who is high on the time ignoring their child who happens to have a child knows moe about parenting than a an adult watching a child in a mature way simply because they have a bilogical child? Ridiculous.

 

Im not sure what all that has to do with anything but my point was directed at those posters in this thread who have never parented a minute of their lives yet somehow feel like they have it all figured out and are an authority on the matter. How do I put it nicely? They need to pull their heads out of their posteriors because they dont have a clue. Come into the thread with their chests all puffed up trumpeting this and that nonsense? Facts? Life experience? Screw that! Guess thats par for the internet course.

 

I couldnt care less what the cop did, Im just addressing the knowitalls. To answer your questions, neither of those count as parenting. See, parenting is a full time job that you never get a break from. You (the parent) are responsible for every aspect of that childs development from birth until they leave the home and they depend on you for that guidance. Babysitting is a few hours gig where your job is to basically keep them from dieing on your watch.

[Hurlshort]

I have, and like you say, he could have handled it better... but then murderers could have handled their problems better too, rather than stabbing people. I can understand what he was thinking, but he showed a significant lack of restraint.

 

This is why I'm having trouble with your posts. He didn't murder the kid. He didn't even rough him up. He used words and a pair of handcuffs. It crossed a line, but we are disagreeing with how far over that line he went. I say it deserves a reprimand, you seem to disagree with that vehemently. We can't fire people every time they mess up or lose their cool. If he has no history of abuse on his record, then I just don't see how he deserves to have his career taken away over this.

[Volourn]

http://news.mydaily.com/2010/09/29/friday-...1_lnk3%7C174084

 

Parents are awesome. They are better human beings than non parents. Let's not forget the stories of aprents who rape their children, murder their children, and otherwise destroy their child's love. But, yeah, people are so much better human beings once they become parents. Give me a break. Thankfully, most parents I know don't think such a twisted way. It's a cop out plain and simple not to mention a defense mechanism tod eflect any and all criticism of one's poor aprenting skills.

 

 

"He didn't even rough him up."

 

Sure he did. I doubt that he put the handcuffs on nicely. So.. according to you he'd only go toof ar if he murder the kid? That's sickening.

 

 

" If he has no history of abuse on his record, then I just don't see how he deserves to have his career taken away over this."

 

Yes, he does. He's a child abuser and child abusers are not fit to be cops. Period. He's a scumbag cop, he's a scumbag parent, and he's a scumbag human being. And, good aprents know this. The boys' parents certainly don't approve of his actions.

 

Im wonder how you'd feel if the boy's father is a cop and he had handcuffed the girl and abused her in the same manner the girl's father did. I know Di would disapprove of such actions ebcause boys arwe evil sex perverts while girls are sweet and innocent little angels who only have sex when victimized.

[Malcador]

This is why I'm having trouble with your posts. He didn't murder the kid. He didn't even rough him up. He used words and a pair of handcuffs. It crossed a line, but we are disagreeing with how far over that line he went. I say it deserves a reprimand, you seem to disagree with that vehemently. We can't fire people every time they mess up or lose their cool. If he has no history of abuse on his record, then I just don't see how he deserves to have his career taken away over this.

 

They sure can fire people that lose their cool, those people given guns and authority over people. If they can't use that power responsibly, then they should become a rent-a-cop then, no ? They want respect, well accept some tough standards of conduct.

 

What knowitalls in this thread, anyway ? If you mean me, I've not given any directives on how to raise a kid at all. Even if I was a parent, I'd pretty much still want this cop's head, who cares how angry he is, he has a job and rules for that job.

[Calax]

I have, and like you say, he could have handled it better... but then murderers could have handled their problems better too, rather than stabbing people. I can understand what he was thinking, but he showed a significant lack of restraint.

 

This is why I'm having trouble with your posts. He didn't murder the kid. He didn't even rough him up. He used words and a pair of handcuffs. It crossed a line, but we are disagreeing with how far over that line he went. I say it deserves a reprimand, you seem to disagree with that vehemently. We can't fire people every time they mess up or lose their cool. If he has no history of abuse on his record, then I just don't see how he deserves to have his career taken away over this.

Words are powerful things that can get you in SERIOUS trouble. Particularly if they are threats, like the ones made in the video. If he had done this as a parent, instead of as a cop who happens to be a parent of one of the involved, it wouldn't be an issue. But because he chose to be a cop in the whole thing makes his lack of restraint that much worse. Hell, this is EXACTLY the reason that the police and other law enforcement agencies do their best to keep those who have a personal involvement out of stuff in an official capacity.

 

Let me put this in a bit of perspective, he made a threat to basically turn this kids life into a living hell... I made a significantly milder threat (Told another student he was on "the list" at school to back him off) and nearly got suspended for 3 weeks and got a fist in my jaw for it. And I nearly went to jail because my bipolar had me going nuts and I wrote something everyone knew (How to get the highest body count on a school shooting) on a suicidal note... because it was a "terrorist threat". If they go that trippy about what I did, they should be coming down MUCH harder on this guy then "you loose a pay grade and are working graveyard crack addict shifts."

[Volourn]

I'm going to point out what should be obvious here. I'm not being harsh on this guy because I hate cops or parents or I don't understand the difficult job parents have.

 

I'm harsh on this guy because I respect cops and I respect parents and this piece of crap gives a bad name to all the good cops and good parents out there and they deserve better.

[Hurlshort]

I'm sorry that happened to you Calax. I agree that the dad should not have gone over in his uniform. How about we meet there and call a truce.

[Gorth]

Im wonder how you'd feel if the boy's father is a cop and he had handcuffed the girl and abused her in the same manner the girl's father did.

Good question

 

I agree that the dad should not have gone over in his uniform.

Which is really the crux of it, isn't it? Abusing the power and authority invested in you for personal gain. If he had left his tools and uniform at home and gone over and had a few choice words with the neighbours, he would just have been another Al Bundy chasing Kellys suitors away at shotgun point

[mkreku]

I better call my mom and let her know she can stop worrying, I've reached the age cut off.

No, but you can call her to stop cooking your food, paying your bills, washing your clothes, changing your diapers and what not. You have reached the age of cut off.

 

Worrying about someone you love is not the same as parenting.