So I found out about something

[Walsingham]

I was in a public bar. He was one of those thin flanked, stooped old men who normally keep to themselves, until they remind you that scrawny young thugs get old too.

 

It would not be the first time an old man has tried to stab me. Although on that occasion I was actively annoying him by pretending I understood his story (being todl me in a drunken ramble in a foreign language). I thought I was being polite when I was actually taking the piss.

 

On Sundaynight I came very close to punching the crap out of a different old man who was being grossly touchy feely with one of my friends. She is (like most of my female friends) very capable of handling herself, and of a sufficiently strong mind to indicate if she wants help. Moreover I don't generally approve of hitting people who have no hope of offerring resistance. But I was more tempted than I have been in years. Anyway. Another story.

 

I still suggest you discredit the creepy wee sod.

[213374U]

I

[alanschu]

I

[Walsingham]

I

[213374U]

I don't go to pubs, so no worries there.

[Deadly_Nightshade]

Frankly, seeing as he left Outlook open on his desktop, I would say that you have done nothing too nefarious – and, in fact, you might even be in the right with this particular case. I mean, it’s not like you planted a physical keylogger –something that would be, if it were set up properly, undetectable unless one went looking for it- to see what he was leaking or anything like that….

[alanschu]

Now you're just giving me ideas!

[Walsingham]

I don't go to pubs, so no worries there.

 

Not yet you don't...

[Aristes]

I somewhat agree with Maria, but there are two things at play.

 

First of all, if Alan addressed me directly, I'd say confront the guy. I'm a born 'gain Krishtun, but I confront folks when they've wronged me. Sometimes, it turns out they haven't, then I just feel stupid. I don't always take their word for it, but I do speak to them directly. I don't think laying the trap was bad. I just think checking the guy's open email is bad. Of course, I'm a paranoid Catholic, so I don't leave crap open.

 

Second of all, even though I really do think what Alan did was wrong, I know him. He's an internet buddy. So, I cowboyed up and said he was wrong, but I also saw the bright side and that was that he didn't do something stupid like cause bodily harm to this rotten rat ****ing bastard who was two timing him. Frankly, what he did was bad, but ****head was disloyal, which is one of the few things that causes this here nancy boy Christian to see red.

 

...And I've been to brig and subsequently been sent to alcohol rehab for some of the stupid crap I've done. I honestly don't think he should the despicable traitor's ass. I just understand that we all do stupid things that aren't good.

 

Lest you think I'm admonishing you, though, I agree with your points entirely. Really, what I'm putting out there is a caveat. Yeah, this was a stupid thing to do, but we're his buddies and so we're going to be supportive after the fact. If he'd broached the subject before hand, I would have told him to confront the guy. Not spoiling for a fight, but not timidly either.

[alanschu]

Cheers Aristes.

 

 

I post here because it's safely anonymous so people can unleash their thunder and really nothing changes

[theslug]

Sometimes communication doesn't work and it wouldn't have worked here. Sure talking about things can be a great way to gain insight and acceptance in a situation, except for those times when the person your dealing with is a non truth teller and a complete son of a *****, which is most of the time since most people you get into drama with are non truth tellers and complete son's of *******.

 

Communication, no matter how you boil it down, in this instance is going to be accusatory. When people are accused and you imply guilt they don't very often tell the truth, or at least the whole truth. It's quite a simple concept and although I'm no sociologist I'm going to go out on the a limb here and say it's a relatively accurate conclusion. I've seen enough cops and been through enough high school to know that when people are confronted they'll conjure up a lie with varying degrees of plausibility.

 

The point is confronting this guy with no proof would have been a great way to look like an ahole. Put yourself in this guys shoes. You've been selling this kid out to his (ex?, love interest?) girl and saying inflammatory things and then all the sudden here comes alan and he says his peace asking you if he's been breaking his confidence. Yeah, Alan, I'm going to admit that I'm an untrustworthy cmongler and spill the beans. I somehow doubt that. But what I don't doubt is that after Alan fails to glean any relevant data that this guy goes back to the girl as well as his circle of friends and tells a different story, his own story about how certain events have unfolded. You're naive if you expect people to act with integrity.

[Azure79]

Regarding your roommate. Obviously not to be taken into your confidence again. I didn't know guys blabbed this much.

 

Regarding your actions. Whats done is done. You feel somewhat bad about it. Its probably more than what most people will feel. Besides, its partly his fault for leaving private stuff open on a common use computer.

[alanschu]

Okay this is me bouncing an idea off you guys (rather than waiting until after the fact haha).

 

 

I'm curious how honest my roommate will be if I start asking some questions, and I totally agree with theslug that if confronted, he'll deny everything. I'd also like to have a talk with her because things have gotten stupid lately.

 

 

My idea is to ask that the three of us get together and talk, and I mention that things have seemed awkward between her and I, and things have been tense between he and I. I can manipulate the conversation in a way quite easily that I don't tip that I have "additional information."

 

The advantages of this is that I am hoping that knowing someone else is there they'll choose to be honest because he'll know that he has given different answers to me than he has given to her. Otherwise, I'll know that he is lying directly to my face. She'll know it too. Depending on what her reactions are, I'll know if she's lying for him. Then things change and I move on as those two people are no longer worth my time.

 

If they are honest with me, then maybe we can start to work things out.

[mkreku]

I

[Azure79]

Agree, too much potential for eye rolling drama if you do that.

 

I say just forget about it and move on. Have fun, meet new girls!

[alanschu]

Oh, my friendship with the roommate is permanently marred. It's unfortunate because I once referred to him as the equivalent of my brother, but alas.

 

 

There ARE some fun group activities that are done, and maintaining a somewhat respectable interaction with each other means that I'll still be able to take part in the larger group activities that happen.

 

But perhaps you're right. I'll think on this.

[Walsingham]

Welcome to reality though, where you can't play a game of rules against someone breaking the rules. You either adapt or you lose.

 

I disagree. That's when you apply the rule about hitting rule breakers with a frying pan.

[ShadySands]

I also had a somewhat similar experience a few years back. I was in Iraq and my wife at the time was increasingly distant and just all around different towards me. I tried talking to her about it several times but I never really got anywhere so one day I resigned myself to dirty deed of checking her email. I knew her password as she did mine, we were married after all but I had never checked her email before and to this day I still feel guilty about it. When I found out she was cheating I confronted her about it and even though I felt justified that I was right in my assumptions and I'm glad that I found out sooner rather than later, I'm not proud of what I did.

[Aristes]

That's a toughie, but I think your case is pretty cut and dried, Shady. I mean, if she had thought of it as a potential invasion of privacy, she could have changed her password. Hell, I couldn't have some cutie use my email. I have my wife check it for me all the time. I sometimes check her email, but niether of us mind. If she suddenly changed her password without telling me, alarm bells would ring.

 

The upshot is, your ex was stupid to use her email to talk to her lover or whatnot. Moreover, she consented to give you access to her email when she gave you knowledge of her password. She could have changed it or created a different account, and the fact that she didn't pretty much says either she wanted to be caught (possibly out of guilt or some such) or she's just an idiot.

 

Anyhow, you might not feel proud, but you sure as hell shouldn't feel guilty.

[Checkpoint]

While I don't necessarily wish to say you did the right thing by checking his e-mail, I can't really blame you for jumping at that chance in your situation. It was a **** move by him and if you got a bit Machiavellian on his *** in the process, good on ya.

 

I didn't know guys blabbed this much.

Oh you have *no* idea.

[Walsingham]

Look. Are you going to embark in a classic counter-espionage manoeuvre or not? I mean, why waste the opportunity?

[Humodour]

How much do the ends justify the means?

 

I had a feeling that my roommate was telling other people the stuff I told him in confidence. So I ended up creating a bit of a ruse with some acquaintances, and basically acted all weird to a larger group of friends.

 

 

To be somewhat fair, the ruse was quite plausible (the girl trouble I had in like September last year), and I included my roommate in my discussions.

 

So some people asked some questions, which went back to him. Apparently he has no issues telling HER the stuff that I say to HIM. So basically not only was I right that he betrayed my trust, he betrayed it directly to the person that I was talking to him about. I found this out through MY despicable act by checking his email this morning.

 

 

So while there's the part of me that knows that I shouldn't have checked his outlook this morning because that's deceitful, I can't help but feel justified since it turns out I was right.

 

 

 

I haven't told him this, but I decided today to move back home with my parents until I can find my own place to live.

 

Arrr, the scurvy dog deserves your betrayal!

[Rosbjerg]

Look. Are you going to embark in a classic counter-espionage manoeuvre or not? I mean, why waste the opportunity?

 

Yeah you need to iron while the metal is hot my friend.. destroy this dog's social ife in ways he never imagined. It's time for an all-out assault on his postion.

[alanschu]

I'm open to suggestions haha.

 

Walsingham's additional idea seems complicated to put into effect.

[Aristes]

Great, now you guys have gone nutso. Where's my shaking head icon when I need it most? What you really need to do is assess what all this means. Did he, by his actions, truly damage your friendship with others, and if so, whom? What's your end game with the lady in question? What's your end game with your gonzo friend? I mean, is there room for forgiveness, or is this chump on the outs for good? These are the questions to ask yourself before you take any other action. Don't make a decision in the heat of the moment.

 

Note, I'm trying to be the angel on your shoulder, but that makes me a stinking hypocrite, since I've made all sorts of decisions in the heat of the moment. I still don't advise it tho.