Here I present you my story, the lesson of a madman.

 

Probably one of the hardest things to do in life is to justify or rationalise all the stupid and embarrassing things you've ever done. How do you explain your retardation to another? How can you sit there with a straight face and go over the ridiculous things you've done in life without wandering how moronic or pathetic the person you're telling your failings to thinks you are? But there's always a reason for everything, good and bad, smart and dumb, rational and crazy - nothing is without purpose.

 

Now I've said and done many stupid things before, opened my mouth when I should've kept it shut and not spoken up when I should've said something. This feeling of regret over my ****ing up has contributed to making me into one angry, psychotic person and I doubt that'll ever change.

 

But probably the most embarrassing mistake I've ever made, which I've been too cowardly to admit to strangers or family members in person, is... well, I must begin with the pretext first. Now the point of the story I'm about to tell you is to let you know what I've learned.

 

Homophobia is something that'll sadly never die. It is prevalent in West Australian culture, especially among high schools and if you're homophobic for whatever reasons, fine, **** off, whatever, good for you, I still ask you to read on and learn about just what crazy things insecurity can do to people and just try, try to have a little bit more empathy and tolerance towards those who differ from you.

 

In year 9, in my health classes, homosexuality was brought up a fair bit, and the fact that approximately 10% of the human population are gay or bisexual. And given the fact that I give off very feminine characteristics and personality traits except for a lisp, and liked soccer, football, whatever you want to call it, although I don't as much now, I definitely felt I would be a prime target on peoples gaydars, a thought that bothered me.

 

Bothered me because if the majority of people started thinking I was gay in a high school setting, I was sure I was going to get picked on, harassed, maybe even physically abused, something that nobody wants to happen to them, a thought that doesn't go down too well with someone like myself especially, since I have this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiopathic_th...topenic_purpura

 

This was more than likely an irrational fear, like most fears are, and probably jack **** would've happened regardless of what most people thought, but I didn't want to take the chance that I'd be mistaken for something I'm not, especially since I knew some people were speculating about my sexuality, although not in a threatening way, and I didn't want this getting out of hand.

 

People, teenagers especially, usually act like sheep, they'll jump on a bandwagon if everyone else is and I didn't think simply telling people that I really am actually attracted to women would be enough. So I devised a plan, one that would make me look foolish, but I would rather have been seen as an idiot than a ****. Yes, I realise how stupid and immature this line of thinking is, but I was scared.

 

It wasn't till next year in grade 10 that I figured out what I was going to do. See, there was this girl I liked, but at the time I didn't know her very well. She was a pretty, nice and clever girl and I saw similarities between myself and her, but I didn't know her well enough to be really interested in her.

 

Nobody knew I liked her and I don't know if anyone would've believed me if I told them I did, even her. Truth was I was really ****in confused. I wanted to end the confusion, the internal debate in my head, but went about it in the most retarded way.

 

I ****ed everything up and during a drama play, where we were free to participate, improvise and do anything within school policy. Anyway the girl that I liked was pretending to be unconscious, in need of CPR, so I went over to her and pretended to give her CPR, and I was doing a **** job of it and it was funny, and then I just said, "**** this." I tried to kiss her, which backfired. It was a stupid, spur of the moment thing. The original plan was just to seduce her and go out with her, it would be genuine proof, not staged bull****.

 

She was pretty pissed about it and I pretty much ruined everything, and obviously people were talking about it, but at least people were thinking that I liked girls, at least people could see the truth, but I knew this was the type of story that'd probably die away soon because something gossipy always happened at our school that killed off the old stories.

 

But! This wouldn't die away any time soon if I took things one step further and said, "**** it, she won't go out with me but some other girl will I'm sure, I'm a pretty decent looking mother****er!" Truth was, I didn't want a girlfriend at the time, not since what happened, I just wanted people to know that I liked girls.

 

So after the whole drama class ordeal I went around the school asking out a few girls I didn't know too well, because I knew they wouldn't go out with me if they didn't know we well enough, which keeps it drummed in peoples heads that I like girls, and also prevents me from getting a girlfriend because that wasn't what I wanted. Normally this would be seen as weird, but I went about it the way a vain man with nothing to lose does.

 

Of course, I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it, so there were people watching when I asked out these girls, which for some, would make the situation extremely embarrassing and controversial, but it was exactly the attention I wanted because I knew it'd help keep the story alive.

 

Or so I thought. See the mistake I was making were all these conclusions I were coming to in my head when ****ed if I know what would've really happened if I just came clean about my sexuality insecurities in the first place, something we probably all go through at some stage in our lives.

 

I knew people would think I was a weird, desperate retard for doing this, but like I said, I felt better that than being thought of as a queer, because I'd cop so much **** directly if I didn't do anything to "prove" my attraction to women, but this probably would've never happened. It was just a stupid belief.

 

But sure enough the whole scheme was just a waste of time. People talked about it for months after it happened but then people would still act is if nothing ever happened and generally I was treated normally, either because they didn't know the full story, didn't assume to know the full story, were too caught up in their own little worlds to really give a **** about me, which I think is the real answer, plus not long after this event happened there was big speculation and drama over whether a student in my grade raped a year 8 by the school bushes on the oval or not.

 

So that drew attention away from my story and for the most part, year 11 and 12 for me were pretty normal and enjoyable experiences for me. I was still generally respected and people forgot about the whole ordeal. Maybe people were being superficial about it and if I was uglier people wouldn't have let me off the hook as easily, who knows, but nobody really seemed to say anything, I think because it was all just a big shock.

 

The moral of the story is, insecurities will make people do the most ridiculous things and instead of pointing and laughing at the idiotic mistakes people have and will continue to make in life, and stomping all over the hearts of dumb things that people say and do, maybe we should stop acting all high and mighty, recognise, not hide our imperfections and step into the shoes of those who **** up a lot, try to figure out why one would do something so ridiculous and help prevent them from making stupid mistakes in the future.

 

So the next time you hear about someone being a complete moron, try and discover the true root of the problem rather than try to destroy and ridicule the person. You may think you're invulnerable to stupidity, but you're not. You know it's a common thing for people to say how they can't stand stupidity and hate stupid people, so common that, it's hypocritical, because not everyone out there is a ****ing genius like Einstein, Hicks, Ghandi and Newton to name a few, were, so either there are more people in denial than we realise or they're just so stupid they can't see their own stupidity for themselves.

 

These pretentious **** should just **** off, shut the **** up and put some humble pie in their big ****in mouths. Nobody is immune to stupidity, we all do and say retarded things, so instead of acting like ****ing apes and jumping down the throats of stupid things to make us look like we're not complete idiots ourselves, we should all try to help each other become better human beings and be more ****in supportive of one another. Yeah I know, rawr.

 

If you ever plan on doing anything stupid to achieve your goals, be sure to not make the same mistake as I did and tell someone else you trust in about what you plan to do first. Let your insecurities be known. This was really hard for me to admit, even over the internet.

 

"You're such a homo." Yeah, I know that's what you'd say, Laozi, or something like that. I beat you to it.

 

So, what's the stupidest thing you've ever done in your life? What was the cause of it? What did you learn from it?

Edited November 19, 200817 yr by The Architect

I ****ed everything up and during a drama play...

 

Anyway the girl that I liked was pretending to be unconscious, in need of CPR, so I went over to her and pretended to give her CPR, and I was doing a **** job of it and it was funny, and then I just said, "**** this." I tried to kiss her, which backfired. It was a stupid, spur of the moment thing. The original plan was just to seduce her and go out with her, it would be genuine proof, not staged bull****.

 

She was pretty pissed about it and I pretty much ruined everything, and obviously people were talking about it...

 

 

^ only read a couple of sentences of what you said. Yeah, that's pretty dumb.

Edited November 19, 200817 yr by Hiro Protagonist

It was the most retarded thing I've ever done. I remember just feeling outlandish, impulsive and at the time didn't think about the consequences of my actions.

I'm sorry arch, I wub you and all, but baring your soul on the internet isn't too smart a thing either. People will think your gay.

Oh well, **** it. I don't give a flying **** any more. I definitely regret not thinking like this back in the day. I should've come clean with everything, not just about my sexuality insecurities, but about everything that pissed me off but I kept quiet about just to keep the peace and stay on good terms with most people, even if it had of cost me my life. We're all going to die some day, might as well go out with a bang, doing the right thing by yourself.

Aw, don't worry about it too much. No matter what stupid assed thing you've done, there's always some other stupid thing waiting up ahead for you to do later.

Gee thanks, that's real ****in comforting to know.

 

But it's true, humans always have a way of outdoing their stupidity.

Edited November 19, 200817 yr by The Architect

Hey, I think it's comforting. After a lifetime of doing stupid things, I'm living proof that you can live and thrive as long as you refrain from self-destructive thing! haha And I've even done some of those self-destructive things also.

 

My rule of thumb? If it's some silly nonsense that makes for a good story later, I'll call it even.

 

Hell, my dad was in World War Two, Korea, and Viet Nam. He's an old timer now, but he still does silly stuff every now and then and he still complains about it. If you aren't making mistakes every now and then, you aren't trying hard enough, kid.

It doesn't bother me as much as what it used to, because instead of getting pissed off if people think I'm a complete moron for doing something stupid like that and other minor retarded things I've done, it takes less pressure off me to be witty all the time or have something profound to say about just about anything, like how it is with intelligent people.

 

If people don't think I'm smart at all, then that's good, that means they won't rely on me to help them out with things. I can go about my life as a quiet achiever rather than some dude who got great grades in high school, is expected to achieve so much in life and ends up being an underachiever or even a failure.

 

"Always look on the bright side of life" is probably the best piece of advice you could ever hear.

Edited November 19, 200817 yr by The Architect

...rather than some dude who got great grades in high school, is expected to achieve so much in life and ends up being an underachiever or even a failure.

That part really sucks (speaking from personal experience). I wouldn't call myself a "failure", but I've always been seen as an underachiever compared to potential. I think the dumbest things I've done is actually the things I didn't do for various reasons, apropos insecurity and all that. I've done dumb things aplenty, but it is the missed things that keeps nagging me year after year.

Liking football is gay?

Dumbest thing ever? Can't really say. I *do* remember, once, having a crush on this girl named Eleanor. Being criminally shy and lacking in self-esteem, I couldn't muster the courage to tell her this. I could've kept quiet about it. But oh no, I had to screw it up. And gloriously at that, by offering her a ring. Of course, not having the courage to talk to her about it extended into offering her a present. So I asked my best friend at the time to do it for me. According to him, she held it for a while, thought about it but ultimately told him to give it back to me. This resulted in a strained relationship of sorts, along with the usual mockery by other female peers. Oh well.

 

The epilogue was, when we met again a few years later, for some reason which I'll never understand, she was awfully nice. Told me I was "different" (probably because I no longer looked like an unkempt piglet). Talked to me for a long while. Then said goodbye, smiling at me in a way she had never smiled before.

 

Never saw her again. And unrelatedly, all the girls who laughed and scoffed at me trying to offer the ring are nowadays sad, bloated has-beens who had all their romantic dreams and notions shattered. Maybe from chasing after the usual suspects and not paying attention to the ugly, but romantic, ducklings who would have probably treated them much better.

"Never saw her again. And unrelatedly, all the girls who laughed and scoffed at me trying to offer the ring are nowadays sad, bloated has-beens who had all their romantic dreams and notions shattered. Maybe from chasing after the usual suspects and not paying attention to the ugly, but romantic, ducklings who would have probably treated them much better."

 

That's what all us uglies tell ourselves years later after being rejected by a hottie or hotties. Let's us sleep better at night if we cana rrogantly calim to take the 'high road' making us 'better' than them all.

 

As for 'dumbest thing I've ever done' as per the thread.... I've done lots of those (que all the 'of courses', heh)... but, I'm not sharing. Sorry.

That's what all us uglies tell ourselves years later after being rejected by a hottie or hotties. Let's us sleep better at night if we cana rrogantly calim to take the 'high road' making us 'better' than them all.

 

I'm not like that. I know I'm ugly, broken, scarred. Sometimes with a mean streak. And I'm not saying *I* would be a better choice for them, or anyone else for that matter. I'm the last person to consider a moral high horse. I'm speaking from experience - many of them had pretenders, nearly all of them cast aside for not complying to their notions of beauty and virility. And the ones that they did choose, abused them and left them without ever looking back. I know this because almost all of us lived in the same neighbourhood; it was common knowledge.

Liking football is gay?

 

Only as a joke it's considered gay in Western Australia, but since it was common knowledge that the one guy in our grade who was so obviously gay he couldn't hide it if he tried couldn't have been the only gay/bisexual gay in our grade, the closeted ones would've had to have been one of the soccer boys or guys associated with a strong interest in the sport, like me, the kind of guy who looks like a complete wimp. Football is considered a "pansy" sport over here, whether as Aussie rules football and rugby is for "real men". Ironically, there have been gay rugby and Aussie rules players, too, I'm sure it was no different for the guys at our school, I bet.

Edited November 19, 200817 yr by The Architect

"You're such a homo." Yeah, I know that's what you'd say, Laozi, or something like that. I beat you to it.

 

Personally, I think "mouthrapist" is better. It fits your story.

 

Also, ZING

 

Mouth rapist? HAHAHA!

 

Speaking of which, your mouth is looking mighty fine, kirottu.

Let's call it a pre-emptive strike, but I have a feeling that this is really only going one way from here, and that is in the direction of discrimination and ridicule of peoples sexual orientation. If somebody can convince me otherwise, my PM box is not full yet

 

Until then