John Cleese on soccer vs. american football

[Jediphile]

DISCLAIMER: The following is a quote from the tv-program: "The Art of Football" with John Cleese and Tom Konkle, where Cleese speaks of the difference between soccer and american football. I thought it was amusing, but wish to stress that those are not my words - it's a quote. And it's not to be taken seriously.

 

John Cleese:

 

The wonderful thing about football is how creative it is. And this is why this never caught on in America. You see, in America the action is deliberately kept short, so that the sponsors can get in as many commercials as possible. And also so that the players don't have to think for too long. They get instructions from the quarterback, who has in turn received them from the offensive coach, so no one has to think for themselves. This is the **** Cheney version of creativity, otherwise known as 'doing exactly what you're told!'

 

So you get four seconds of extremely violent action, and then the only genuinely creative activity involved - a beer commercial. So american football is played like a series of advertising jingles, while soccer is played like jazz.

 

And while we're on the subject, why do the Americans insist on calling it 'soccer'? Why do they have such a problem calling it 'football'? It's a game played with a ball that is struck with the foot. Hence 'foot-ball', you see? Are you following this, America? The clue is in the title - it's not that difficult. Whereas American Football, as they call it, is a game where an object that's not really a ball at all - it's the wrong shape for a ball - is carried around by hand and occasionally thrown for other people to catch in their hands. You see? Only one person on each team gets to actually kick the ball, and they have to brought specially onto the field to do it.

 

I suppose in its own way that is a form of creativity - it's quite a creative use of language... You know, saying one thing, and meaning something completely different!

 

Edited June 21, 2006 by Jediphile

[kumquatq3]

The quintessential American comedic counterpoint to the quintessential British Comedian

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=D-E6weZIdG8&search=simpso

[taks]

i was denied! network nazis at work. i don't blame 'em, however, since it is easy to backdoor a trojan in through streaming media.

 

fwiw, i get a kick out of europe's constant nagging on US sports. granted it's all tounge in cheek, but you have to wonder - why are they so concerned with us "fitting in" with them? really, why does it matter? is that what they want, everyone running around thinking, and doing, the exact same thing because, well, that's the way it should be? uh, don't answer those questions as a) they are rhetorical and b) i already know the answers!

 

taks

Edited June 21, 2006 by taks

[taks]

Only one person on each team gets to actually kick the ball, and they have to brought specially onto the field to do it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

actually, that's not true. in fact, a QB actually did a drop-kick field goal just last year. it is certainly a rare occurence, however.

 

taks

[Moose]

Lighten up Taks, you have no sense of humour.

[taks]

lighten up moose, can't you see i was being facetious? hence the at the end of my post.

 

the drop-kick comment, btw, comes from the likelihood that few outside of the US fan-base realize that it is a valid option.

 

personally, i love john cleese. right or wrong, pretentious or not, what he said in that quote is funny. i think what i said, however, w.r.t. to europe and said nagging is funny as well. am i not allowed to bash them, too?

 

taks

[Moose]

lighten up moose, can't you see i was being facetious?  hence the at the end of my post.

taks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Well actually you posted a second seperate, some what pedantic comment. You need to realise it's a joke and learn to laugh.

[LoneWolf16]

Only one person on each team gets to actually kick the ball, and they have to brought specially onto the field to do it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There are actually two, the kicker and the punter.

[mkreku]

Commercials are restricted under law in Sweden. TV networks aren't allowed to show as many commercials as their american counterparts, so everytime they send NHL games or NFL games in Sweden, we get to see these weird scenes when the players are strolling around the field (NFL) or hanging over the boards looking bored (NHL) during the time they're showing commercials in America.

 

Hockey is a very high intensity sport so it's not really harmed by the constant interruptions due to commercials, but american football, which in its very nature consists of 5 seconds of action, 30 seconds of tactics, is sure made to look slooow and confusing because of the breaks.

[taks]

Well actually you posted a second seperate, some what pedantic comment. You need to realise it's a joke and learn to laugh.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

my follow up to you was directed at that "somewhat pedantic" comment. i was laughing, which is why i added a smilie and said "don't answer these questions".

 

lighten up dude.

 

taks

[taks]

There are actually two, the kicker and the punter.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

again, not true. as noted, the QB can kick the ball any time. it just has to hit the ground first to be considered an attempt at scoring.

 

taks

 

PS: i believe that if it does not hit the ground, it is considered a punt, and possession would change sides. i'd have to defer to a higher power to verify, however, i.e. someone who likes football more than me. hehe...

Edited June 21, 2006 by taks

[taks]

Hockey is a very high intensity sport so it's not really harmed by the constant interruptions due to commercials,

aye, which is why i love it.

 

but american football, which in its very nature consists of 5 seconds of action, 30 seconds of tactics, is sure made to look slooow and confusing because of the breaks.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

it is murder. you should attend a game once. oh man is it painful. i've been to three now: KC v. San Francisco, Denver v. Rams and Denver v. KC. ugh.

 

football is fun to play with friends, but of course, there are no commercial timeouts, either. that is why the rest of the world's opinion is jaded, IMO, because they don't play it, they only watch it (not that much from what i understand). of course, baseball is a lot of standing around, too. even moreso, actually.

 

taks

[LoneWolf16]

There are actually two, the kicker and the punter.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

again, not true. as noted, the QB can kick the ball any time. it just has to hit the ground first to be considered an attempt at scoring.

 

taks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There are two players who have the specific purpose of kicking the ball. Quarterback throws, halfback runs, kicker kicks...

 

There may be others able to fill their roles within the rule system, but there are only two players hired specifically for the purpose of kicking the ball.

[Moose]

Well actually you posted a second seperate, some what pedantic comment. You need to realise it's a joke and learn to laugh.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

my follow up to you was directed at that "somewhat pedantic" comment. i was laughing, which is why i added a smilie and said "don't answer these questions".

 

lighten up dude.

 

taks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Taks, you need to learn to take a joke properly. When someone cracks a gag, and in this case a funny one, it's a particular kind of man that makes a pedantic comment (which btw was seperate from your 'smiley' comment, so don't bring that up again). That type of man never gets invited to parties

 

I mean seriously, lighten up

[taks]

really, now, you need to learn what is and isn't a joke. which comment is so pedantic that you were referring to?

 

i took the joke fine, but you keep harping on it... what gives?

 

taks

[Judge Hades]

TINA TURNER!

[taks]

There may be others able to fill their roles within the rule system, but there are only two players hired specifically for the purpose of kicking the ball.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah, but that's not what cleese said:

Only one person on each team gets to actually kick the ball, and they have to brought specially onto the field to do it.

which is what i was referring to. but i understand why it got mixed up between our posts, however, so sorry for the confusion.

 

it is an unknown play, seen more in college and high school than anything. i'm not sure why, maybe because of the uncertainty since it is an awkward thing to do (hit the ground wrong and it is a fumble).

 

taks

[Moose]

i took the joke fine,

taks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Not really , but I'm certainly not going to argue on opinion because I'm always right

[LadyCrimson]

Cleese is classic.

[alanschu]

There are actually two, the kicker and the punter.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

again, not true. as noted, the QB can kick the ball any time. it just has to hit the ground first to be considered an attempt at scoring.

 

taks

 

PS: i believe that if it does not hit the ground, it is considered a punt, and possession would change sides. i'd have to defer to a higher power to verify, however, i.e. someone who likes football more than me. hehe...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

A quarterback scored a field goal??

[kumquatq3]

Commercials are restricted under law in Sweden. TV networks aren't allowed to show as many commercials as their american counterparts, so everytime they send NHL games or NFL games in Sweden, we get to see these weird scenes when the players are strolling around the field (NFL) or hanging over the boards looking bored (NHL) during the time they're showing commercials in America.

 

 

 

 

...and a quarterback (Flutie) scored a "drop kick" not a field goal. He is also a a "legend" in Canadian league football, iirc.

Edited June 21, 2006 by kumquatq3

[Jediphile]

There may be others able to fill their roles within the rule system, but there are only two players hired specifically for the purpose of kicking the ball.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah, but that's not what cleese said:

Only one person on each team gets to actually kick the ball, and they have to brought specially onto the field to do it.

which is what i was referring to. but i understand why it got mixed up between our posts, however, so sorry for the confusion.

 

it is an unknown play, seen more in college and high school than anything. i'm not sure why, maybe because of the uncertainty since it is an awkward thing to do (hit the ground wrong and it is a fumble).

 

taks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

So what you're saying is that not one but two people from each team are actually allowed to kick the ball...

 

Well, in that case, I can certainly see that Cleese is wrong - that surely makes it more than relevant for the game to be called football then!!!

[kumquatq3]

See, in our game, kicking is so important that we only trust it to one very important specialist!

 

In your "football" every old joe gets to do it

[taks]

A quarterback scored a field goal??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yes. i recall that it was like the first time even attempted in a decade or so and he scored...

 

taks

[Volourn]

"Only one person on each team gets to actually kick the ball, and they have to brought specially onto the field to do it."

 

Cleese can be funny; but he shouldn't be talking about a sport he obviously knows very little about.

 

Besdies, Europeans like to talk smack about 'Amerikan football'; because theya re intimidated by the fact that it's sueprior. Not to mention that unlike SOCCER; it's not friggin' boring.

 

Seriously, I try to watch the World Cup of Soccer this past week, and I pretty much fall asleep. I cna watch the two worst NFL teams go at it in a meaningless game in Week 17 during a blow out, and still come away entertained. Heck, the Kanadian version of football is more entertaining than soccer.

 

LOLOLOLOLLIPOP

 

P.S. I know he was 'joking'; but the sad part is he probably believes that nonsense.

 

AMERIKAN FOOTBALL > EUROPEAN FOOTBALL

Edited June 21, 2006 by Volourn