scenes that would of never been put into kotor

[Masta Revan]

A conversation between Kreia and the Exile at the end (if you were a guy!)

Exile: Did you love me?

Kreia: I loved you, I would have destroyed the galaxy for you. I love you more than that Handmaiden or Visas! Why settle for them when you could have me?!

Exile: Umm because I love <insert love interest's name here> and you are old..and nasty.

Kreia: Well too bad, you are stuck with me! I used the Force to make me pregnant with your baby! You are mine for 18 yrs now!!

Exile: *stabs himself with lightsaber*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kreia: Awaken!

 

(w00t)

[Dyan]

Atris: "She will murder herself - and you - if you do not go there..."

E: "Not if I murder me first!"

Atris: "Noooooooo!"

E: *stabs self with lightsabre*

K: "Damnit."

E: "Didn't see that one coming, did you, old bag!"

[Phaedra36]

A conversation between Kreia and the Exile at the end (if you were a guy!)

Exile: Did you love me?

Kreia: I loved you, I would have destroyed the galaxy for you. I love you more than that Handmaiden or Visas! Why settle for them when you could have me?!

Exile: Umm because I love <insert love interest's name here> and you are old..and nasty.

Kreia: Well too bad, you are stuck with me! I used the Force to make me pregnant with your baby! You are mine for 18 yrs now!!

Exile: *stabs himself with lightsaber*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Kreia: Awaken!

 

(w00t)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

LMAO poor Exile!

[Bulgarian Jedi]

Atris: "She will murder herself - and you - if you do not go there..."

E: "Not if I murder me first!"

Atris: "Noooooooo!"

E: *stabs self with lightsabre*

K: "Damnit."

E: "Didn't see that one coming, did you, old bag!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

[Dyan]

K: Such a tiny thing of light (etc), for the male it seems to have some -

E: (interrupting) "Yeah well, you're just jealous 'coz mine's bigger and better!"

K: *roll eyes*

E: "At least Visas will like it!"

K: "Oh? I hope your exile has taught you some restraint. It would be... unfortunate to charge up her cargo ramp?"

E: "You're one twisted, twisted old woman... but that's not actually a bad idea." *wink* "Maybe she'll find some 'correlation' between my sabre and my-"

K: *force choke's Exile* "That is quite enough of that. I listen to enough 'indignities' from Atton."

E: "Ugh... can't breathe... if you wanted... just say..."

K: *releases him*

E: "Master... you'll have to teach me about this..."

K:*walks away in disgust as Exile collaspes*

E: "Note to self, be sure to try that 'next time'..."

Edited February 4, 2006 by Dyan

[Jediphile]

One of the earlier threads had one I really liked. My apologies to the original author.

 

 

[female Exile enters a new area in the Peragus mining facility]

 

Female Exile: "A protocol droid? Who are you?"

 

HK-50: "Query: Are you Sarah Connor?"

[Bulgarian Jedi]

In the tune of the previous post:

 

Exile before throwing Kreia in the abyss of Malachor:

- Hasta la vista, granny.

[Dyan]

Sion to Exile: (female Exile this time)

S: "I hate you because you're beautiful to me."

E: "Aww, that's okay... really, you don't have to hate me. *pet* we all go through that goth-emo phase. It's called 'adolescence'."

S: "..."

S: "I will kill you!"

E: "It's okay, sweetie. Kreia still wuvs you."

S: "..."

S: *sniff* "She-she does?"

E: "Of course she does, it's okay. You're still her favourite, even though you cut off her hand."

S: "B-but she said..."

E: "Only to make you jealous. Now com'on, give up the darkside. Everything will be okay."

S: "But.. I hate you!"

E: "Stop this, its childish. Throwing tantrums won't make Kreia love you more."

S: "I.. guess you're right."

S: "All I ever wanted was to be loved! *wail*"

E: "Now come and give me a hug."

 

HK: "Commentary: Master, that was sickening. Why didn't you just blast the meatbag?"

E: "Because I wub him too!"

HK: "Resigned sigh: Very well master. *sigh* I suppose you will go to the cargo bay to press your mucas lips together with his too?"

E: "HK! That's disgusting!"

HK: "Agreement: yes master, yes it is. Please allow me to shut down if you want to compare lightsabres with him."

[Guest The Architect]

More movie tribute fictional quotes...

 

(LS Revan talking about Bastila)

 

Revan: Bastila would not return to the lightside so I "corrected" her (The Shining)

 

(The Exile talking to Atton and Mical)

 

Exile: Now, where are you goin'?

Atton: To Coruscant

Exile: Why?

Mical: To become a Jedi

Exile: Why?

Atton: So we can get a lightsaber.

Exile: And why is that important?

Atton: To get a-spect

Exile: RE-spect. Now who are the bad guys?

Atton: Hutts who sell drugs

Mical: Quarren's who sell guns

Exile: And who are the good guys?

Atton: We're the good guys.

Exile: So who's gonna help us?

Mical: Nobody

Exile: So who's gonna help us?

Atton: We're gonna help ourselves.

Exile: And who do we not want to help us?

Atton and Mical: Twi'lek people

 

(Die Hard 3)

 

(A Jedi Knight is staring right at DS Revan)

 

Revan: What you lookin' at? Your all a bunch of ****in' ****. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your ****in' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!

 

(Scarface)

 

(After the events of KOTOR, LS Revan goes to Coruscant and speaks to younglings)

 

Revan: What's the problem, pal?

Youngling: You... Revan, you're such a hero, you're so powerful, how come you're coming down here wasting your time with such a bunch of younglings?

Revan: You see this robe?

Youngling: Yeah

Revan: That robe costs more than your planet. I made $970,000 credits last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a ****. Good student? **** you! Go home and save your planet. You wanna train here - follow the code! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you ****sucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a mission? You don't like it, leave.

 

(Glengarry Glen Ross)

Edited February 6, 2006 by The Architect

[Dyan]

LS Revan to DS Bastila:

R: "It doesn't matter where you are. I am more powerful than you can imagine!"

B: "Impossible! Nothing can compare with the power of the darkside!"

R: "Wrong: I have a weapon more powerful than even that."

B: "Blah blah blah, here we go. Lecture me on the lightside."

R: "Again, you are wrong. I have an army."

B: "*Snort* You *had* an army. You threw it all away."

R: "No.. my army numbers beyond legion; you cannot imagine."

B: "It can't be..."

R: "That's right: fanbois."

B: "NOOOOOO!"

[DarthVala]

LS Revan to DS Bastila:

R: "It doesn't matter where you are. I am more powerful than you can imagine!"

B: "Impossible! Nothing can compare with the power of the darkside!"

R: "Wrong: I have a weapon more powerful than even that."

B: "Blah blah blah, here we go. Lecture me on the lightside."

R: "Again, you are wrong. I have an army."

B: "*Snort* You *had* an army. You threw it all away."

R: "No.. my army numbers beyond legion; you cannot imagine."

B: "It can't be..."

R: "That's right: fanbois."

B: "NOOOOOO!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Just a small adjustment.......

 

R: "No.. my army numbers beyond legion; you cannot imagine."

B: "It can't be..."

R: "That's right. Gizkas."

B: "NOOOOOO!"

 

[Dyan]

Just a small adjustment.......

 

R: "No.. my army numbers beyond legion; you cannot imagine."

B: "It can't be..."

R: "That's right. Gizkas."

B: "NOOOOOO!"

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

LMAO! That's great

[Phaedra36]

Sion to Exile: (female Exile this time)

S: "I hate you because you're beautiful to me."

E: "Aww, that's okay... really, you don't have to hate me. *pet* we all go through that goth-emo phase. It's called 'adolescence'."

S: "..."

S: "I will kill you!"

E: "It's okay, sweetie. Kreia still wuvs you."

S: "..."

S: *sniff* "She-she does?"

E: "Of course she does, it's okay. You're still her favourite, even though you cut off her hand."

S: "B-but she said..."

E: "Only to make you jealous. Now com'on, give up the darkside. Everything will be okay."

S: "But.. I hate you!"

E: "Stop this, its childish. Throwing tantrums won't make Kreia love you more."

S: "I.. guess you're right."

S: "All I ever wanted was to be loved! *wail*"

E: "Now come and give me a hug."

 

HK: "Commentary: Master, that was sickening. Why didn't you just blast the meatbag?"

E: "Because I wub him too!"

HK: "Resigned sigh: Very well master. *sigh* I suppose you will go to the cargo bay to press your mucas lips together with his too?"

E: "HK! That's disgusting!"

HK: "Agreement: yes master, yes it is. Please allow me to shut down if you want to compare lightsabres with him."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

LMAO that was awesome.

[DarthReliguim]

Here's one that shouldn't have been put in the game...Kreia. I hate the people who decided to stick her on us.

[Jediphile]

Atton: "Yes, I killed jedi for the sith and I was good at it. I even killed the last one, who saved my life, so now I have to live with that burden. Isn't that terrible for me and don't I deserve pity for that?" <insert more optional whining here>

 

Semi-LS Exile <thinks long and hard...>: "No!" <slices Atton's head off>

[Phaedra36]

Taking place at the hidden Jedi Academy where you face Atris.

 

E: *storms in* Man you are such a Bastila wanna-be. I bet Revan would get a kick out of this seeing his lover have a cosmic twin.

Atris: Wha?! How dare you compare to me that wench! I am the LAST Jedi and now since I turned over to the Sith, there are no more!!!!

E: Um...*waves his hand* I'm a Jedi.

A: No you aren't! You are not a Jedi. You are a traitor, even though I wish I was one. How could you betray me exile? We were supposed to go to war together, but noooo you left me here all alone with all the other Jedi. You know they never liked me.

E: No wonder why, you nutcase. So, why did you become a Sith?

A: Kreia told me all these promises of power, so I jumped at the chance to switch sides. Now I am going to go to Malachor, and we will rule the world! *starts singing the Will Smith song, "Just the Two of Us"* "Jusst..the..two..of us...oh yeah! Just the two of us! Atris loves Kreia!"

E: Shut...the...f*** up you crazy woman. *beats her down in like 5 hits*

A: What will you do with me now?! I guess you are a Jedi, now that I look at you really closely. You seem to have this glow about you.

E: I am going to end your misery. Then I am going to mourn Handmaiden's death since you killed her!*stabs her and then proceeds to find the Handmaiden*

E: *walks up the Handmaiden* Wow, I thought you were dead!

H: Oh me too! I thought I failed you, you know when I thought you died.. I was so sad! Kreia told me to come here, and I did. Man, I was stupid! Forgive me, pwease?

E: Wait.. I have been asking ALL this time for the codes to land here and you give them to her when she asks for them once?! I did everything you asked, and you never even talked to her!

H: Well... I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I am no longer a lesbian slave to Atris, I am Brianna!

Edited February 11, 2006 by Phaedra36

[Dyan]

Taking place at the hidden Jedi Academy where you face Atris.

 

E: *storms in* Man you are such a Bastila wanna-be. I bet Revan would get a kick out of this seeing his lover have a cosmic twin.

Atris: Wha?! How dare you compare to me that wench! I am the LAST Jedi and now since I turned over to the Sith, there are no more!!!!

E: Um...*waves his hand* I'm a Jedi.

A: No you aren't! You are not a Jedi. You are a traitor, even though I wish I was one. How could you betray me exile? We were supposed to go to war together, but noooo you left me here all alone with all the other Jedi. You know they never liked me.

E: No wonder why, you nutcase. So, why did you become a Sith?

A: Kreia told me all these promises of power, so I jumped at the chance to switch sides. Now I am going to go to Malachor, and we will rule the world! *starts singing the Will Smith song, "Just the Two of Us"* "Jusst..the..two..of us...oh yeah! Just the two of us! Atris loves Kreia!"

E: Shut...the...f*** up you crazy woman. *beats her down in like 5 hits*

A: What will you do with me now?! I guess you are a Jedi, now that I look at you really closely. You seem to have this glow about you.

E: I am going to end your misery. Then I am going to mourn Handmaiden's death since you killed her!*stabs her and then proceeds to find the Handmaiden*

E: *walks up the Handmaiden* Wow, I thought you were dead!

H: Oh me too! I thought I failed you, you know when I thought you died.. I was so sad! Kreia told me to come here, and I did. Man, I was stupid! Forgive me, pwease?

E: Wait.. I have been asking ALL this time for the codes to land here and you give them to her when she asks for them once?! I did everything you asked, and you never even talked to her!

H: Well... I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I am no longer a lesbian slave to Atris, I am Brianna!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

that made me laugh aloud, especially the last.

[Dyan]

Male Exile to Handmaiden and Visas

 

E: "Children, children - please, settle down. There's no need to fight over me. There's enough to share."

H: "..."

V: "..."

E: *rather hurriedly , "Look girls, er, Handmaiden, you can be my right hand, and Visas, you can be my eyes... OW! Stop that!"

*Both storm out after sending dark, dark thoughts down the force bond*

E: "Ladies, please! There's no need for that! It was a poor pun, I'm sorry!" *sigh* "Mira... you still like me, right?"

M: "Men." *snorts*

E: "Fine! You all drove me to this!"

*dramatic pause*

E: "Kreia - you were right all along. How do I manipulate them?"

K: from afar *rolls eyes* "I'm on Malachor now."

E: "Well. Damn."

E: "Aaaaaatriiiiis!"

H: "Schutta"

 

Continued after lightsaber duel and defeating Atris...

E: "You know what? I've had enough of this. I'm turning gay and going after Revan."

HK47: "You will not harm the master."

E: "Er, you can kill off the crew of the Ebon Hawk while I'm gone."

HK: "Master, I thought you'd never ask. Warming Blasters"

*horrible death cries as HK blasts the entire crew*

 

 

 

ooo, my 200th post. Yay, go me.

Edited February 11, 2006 by Dyan

[Darth Tratious]

HK47: So why have you voice-locked the navicomputer T4M4?

T4M4: *whips off his costume and shows Chuck Norris underneath* I will not let you get here the navicomputer!

HK47: WHA-CHUCK NORRIS?!

T4M4/Chuck Norris: *roundhouse kick to HK47's face*

HK47: Stupid..meatbag....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Chuck Norris Thats Funny

[Guest The Architect]

(In the unknown regions , DS Male Revan is talking to DS Male Exile)

 

Revan: So tell me a little about your companions...

 

Exile: Well Kreia's an old hag who should of kicked the bucket long ago. I'm surprised she didn't die of a heart attack when she looked into the mirror. Atton Rand is a pretty boy fudgepacker who thinks he's all that and a bag of potato chips but he's not, T3-M4's a little annoying **** who never shut's up, Bao-Dur's a handicapped cripple who sounds like a little girl when he talks, Visas Marr's a blind retard who keeps bumping in to everything.

 

Mandalore's a Mr Tough Guy with the "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT PUNK?!" sort of attitude but he's a good bloke. HK-47 has that same sort of attitude, but he lets his blaster do the talking, it's good to have companions like that. Brianna thinks she's cool because she's echani and she has short white-hair but she's nothing but a dyke and Hanharr's a winging smelly sourpuss wookie who always complains all the time. And that GO-TO's nothing but a Fat ****. Anyway tell me about your companions.

 

Revan: Well what's left of them. Mandalore, HK-47 and T3-M4 went with you, I killed that old chatterbox Jolee, I killed that teeny-bopper mole Mission, I killed that hairy pest Zaalbar and I killed that catwoman hideous freak Juhani. But the best kill of them all is when I hunted down and killed that poofter Carth. That paranoid, crossdressing worm! Bastila's still alive, she makes a good sex slave, but that's all that pompous bitch is good for!

 

Summary: These DS Male Revan and Exile's are real jerks!!!

Edited February 11, 2006 by The Architect