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EnderAndrew

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THE BEST RESIGNATION LETTER EVER

 

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

 

 

Dear Mr. Baker,

 

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

 

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

 

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

 

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

 

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

 

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

 

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

 

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

 

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

 

Cecelia

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Do you know that if you send such a letter, the other person can sue you for blackmailing?

It was funny nevertheless...

"Ooo, squirrels, Boo! I know I saw them! Quick, throw nuts!" -Minsc

"I am a well-known racist in the Realms! Elves? Dwarves? Ha! Kill'em all! Humans rule! -Me

 

Volourn will never grow up, he's like the Black Peter Pan, here to tell you that it might be great to always be a child, but everybody around is gonna hate it. :p
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Extortion, actually, but some of the activities Mr. Baker indulged in are of questionable legality. So to turn in the letter could be counterproductive. It would be better to stage a lethal accident. I'm thinking: a locked cleaning closet, ammonia, and bleach.

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1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

 

this is also not true. most companies won't provide a bad reference out of fear of a lawsuit, but there is no law saying you can't provide a bad reference. basically, it just isn't worth the money of a slander lawsuit vs. "no comment" or "no, we would not rehire this person." the latter is cheaper, even if they don't slander...

 

taks

comrade taks... just because.

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1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

 

this is also not true. most companies won't provide a bad reference out of fear of a lawsuit, but there is no law saying you can't provide a bad reference. basically, it just isn't worth the money of a slander lawsuit vs. "no comment" or "no, we would not rehire this person." the latter is cheaper, even if they don't slander...

 

taks

That depends in what state you live in.

 

In California, I know that you are only allowed to ask if a person worked at a company, how long they worked there and if they are eligible for rehire.

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In California, I know that you are only allowed to ask if a person worked at a company, how long they worked there and if they are eligible for rehire.

ahh yes, the independent nation state of california. i wish the urban legend about CA falling into the ocean were true... but alas, only part of it will separate. maybe that's good enough.

 

taks

comrade taks... just because.

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People in SoCal have no clue that the outside world exists. When I told people I was moving back to Omaha, Nebraska people kept asking where that was. I explained it was about dead-center of the country. People kept saying, "Oklahoma, where?"

 

One person said Omaha was a dangerous place to live because they saw this TV show called Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom, where lions and tigers ran around. I explained that Mutual of Omaha is one of the world's largest insurance companies, and they sponsored a nature show filmed in Africa. They insisted that Omaha had lions and tigers.

 

My girl-friend at the time from SoCal couldn't name any states that weren't on a coastline, and referred to the rest of the country as the "dirt-states". I've had people ask if we use horse and buggies in Nebraska.

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People in SoCal have no clue that the outside world exists. When I told people I was moving back to Omaha, Nebraska people kept asking where that was. I explained it was about dead-center of the country. People kept saying, "Oklahoma, where?"

 

One person said Omaha was a dangerous place to live because they saw this TV show called Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom, where lions and tigers ran around. I explained that Mutual of Omaha is one of the world's largest insurance companies, and they sponsored a nature show filmed in Africa. They insisted that Omaha had lions and tigers.

 

My girl-friend at the time from SoCal couldn't name any states that weren't on a coastline, and referred to the rest of the country as the "dirt-states". I've had people ask if we use horse and buggies in Nebraska.

That's so sad, most Californians are so dumb. :)

 

Myself I can name off all the States along with capitals, and major historical events for most of them. Though I'm considered rather an idiot savaant 'round here. <_<

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People in SoCal have no clue that the outside world exists.  When I told people I was moving back to Omaha, Nebraska people kept asking where that was.  I explained it was about dead-center of the country.  People kept saying, "Oklahoma, where?"

 

One person said Omaha was a dangerous place to live because they saw this TV show called Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom, where lions and tigers ran around.  I explained that Mutual of Omaha is one of the world's largest insurance companies, and they sponsored a nature show filmed in Africa.  They insisted that Omaha had lions and tigers.

 

My girl-friend at the time from SoCal couldn't name any states that weren't on a coastline, and referred to the rest of the country as the "dirt-states".  I've had people ask if we use horse and buggies in Nebraska.

That's so sad, most Californians are so dumb. :)

 

Myself I can name off all the States along with capitals, and major historical events for most of them. Though I'm considered rather an idiot savaant 'round here. <_<

I used to be able to do that, when they forced me to learn it in elementary school. Now because I haven't practiced since then.. well, just don't ask. :p

 

P.S. To get better results when shrinking the comics for your sig, convert them to greyscale before you resize them. Then just mess with the color curves a little to get the sharpness back.

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Not all Californian's are dumb ya know... we've got some very sharp people out here. It's just like any state/country, you will always have some really stupid people, some average people and some really smart people. Seems all the stupid ones were drawn to you... hmmmmm :D

My baby girl arrived 6/16/06!

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