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Cultist

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    Crusader Kings II

    in Computer and Console

    Posted

    Lowest playable title is a count, which means a long tongue to lick ducke's ass. Duke is the most optimal. Plus, CK2 have a thing called UberDukes or SuperDukes. At some point dukes can grow much more powerful than a King or even emperor. But if you become Emperor then you an have a lot of Casus bellis and can create king vassals so they can deal with all micromanagement for you. Downside - if king joins a Faction you are in a lot of trouble. So vote Crown Authority as low as possible in vassal kingdoms because once Faction members get ~30% of liege's forces they will present an ultimatum, and you refuse - enjoy your civil war. Sometimes they are unspeakable devastating.

    Crusader Kings II

    in Computer and Console

    Posted

    First impression of the game isn't all that positive.

    The ridiculous tutorial that states: "These are the additions since the previous game" does not help to improve my mood. Making a tutorial and then aim it at the people who already know the series :facepalm:

    It took a  couple of minutes for me to break the tutorial; take it and run it against a wall, causing it such severe blunt trauma that it had to be taken to hospital with a severe concussion. After it got patched up (alt ctrl delete) I was nice to it and decided to avoid breaking it again. Not that it did much more than saying "Hi! This button here is called that" yay. Those tooltips I can get during the normal game...

    The game started and I was greeted by message spam: 30 messages on who supports who as heir to the Holy Roman Empire. Then armies started to move all over the place. Of course there were no messages about what my direct neighbours were up to. One province bordering to mine turned red. I would assume that meant we were at war, but who knows. At the same time, an army moved towards the province of a vassal of mine. I decided to raise my levies and send them there. My brother in law apparently did the same and we slaughtered the invaders. The provinces that army came from turned red as well with a note "holy war". Yay! I said to myself and send my armies on. One to aid a neighbouring province that was under siege by the pagans and one for a counterattack. My armies just stood there. Apparently I too had to declare war, it wasn't enough that they had attacked me. I tried to declare war but could not. The reason? I was not allowed to declare war while having raised my levies. So if I get attacked, I must raise my armies to defend, but to then press the enemy back I have to disband my armies to declare war? Errrrrrr.... this sounds as if something went seriously wrong with the game.

    I'll leave it for now and will give it another go at a later point.

    Try some duchy for starters - Empires are rife with intrigue and everyone wants to kill everyone, and in case of muslims - it's mostly your family wants to kill each other. Simple tips that'll help to avoid a lot of crap:

    1. NEVER upgrade anything that is not your demense.

    2. ALWAYS upgrade income buildings first

    3. Your culture retinue have full bonuses no matter what tech level you are. that means Heavy infantry cultural retinue will have +60% defence, for example.

    4. If you want to storm astles easily - stick with archer retinue - archers have high Skirmish value and only skirmish is counted in castle assault. 6000 archer retinue can storm 2k garrison with ease.

    5. proper eugenics is the key. Stay away from lisp, hapelip, hunchbacks, imbeciles and other people with such traits even if they are heirs to the empire - that trails will plague your dinasty for generations.

    6. At first it may seem that stewardsip is the most important education, but in fact Diplomacy is the most powerful of all. it will help you to screw your dumb vassals that wiull pester you with their retared requests and demands with no cost. Otherwise, you'll have to bribe them - and only if have high intrigue.

    7. RAPE AND PILLAGE!

    8. Only Elective Monarchy allows you to choose heirs. I STRONGLY recommend you to change to EM, bcause otherwise you can end up with Inbred, hunchback, lisp, imbecile homosexual heir. And if you are Zoroastrian and screwing your sister daily, or a big fan of Game of Thrones, Inbred trait will plague you constantly.

    9. Do NOT give your heir a fief to govern - once a ruler, he'll start to go hunting, have feasts and spawn bastards. It seems like AI tends to take most dumb choices and your  Brave Gregarious Charitable heir can end up as Maimed Craven Gluttonous slob.

    Crusader Kings II

    in Computer and Console

    Posted · Edited by Cultist

    There's only one way - Rape and Pillage. Set sail to abduct and rape women across the world. Paradox sure knows how to catch hearts of mainstream strategy gamer.

    Seriously things are way too easy for pagans:

    1. Get 6000+ archer retinue.

    2 Start abducting women from the loosers on the coast.

    3. Sooner or later you'll capture one with Strong or even Genius.

    4. Make her concubine.

    5. Repeat until you get 3 concubines

    6. PROFIT!

    Even with reduced birthrate there's a neat chance that you'll get heir with that trait. And when properly raped concubine reaches 45 years, set her aside and take another 3 concubines in search for best traits.

    • Like 2

    Russo-Syrian arms shenanigans

    in Way Off-Topic

    Posted · Edited by Cultist

    Why the hell russians not supporting BOTH sides? For great justice! Russia, Europe and USA have insane number of heavily outdated small arms literally rotting in their storages thanks to good old Cold War Era. Military have great problem utilizing this old ****. Why not sell it for the needy. they can even share it with Africa - will work wonders with population control and solve starvation problem way better than humanitarian aid.

    Arachnophobia

    in Way Off-Topic

    Posted

    They don't mention the erection is painful and can lead to sterility?  Seems a point you'd want to make before people descend on Brazil looking to induce priapism in themselves.

    I'm a fan of Mr. Darwin.

    Dragon Age III / The Witcher 3 trailers. Impressions?

    in Computer and Console

    Posted

    What retconning?

     

    Morrigan was never confermend dead. In witch hunt she falls trough the mirror.

     

    Same for Leliana. You defeated her (in a room with magical healing ashes), but her death was not confirmed. And don't even bring up the decapitation animation - I decapitate both Zevran and Howve, yet still managed to recruit one into my party after that and have a nice chat with the other.

     

    Anders is a problem. Not only the personality change, but the tomeline makes no sense and given the choices he could be dead, with the templars or traveling with the commander - at the same time as he is in Kirkwall - and never even meeting Justice.

     

    That IS retconning. In a fantasy world, you can bring everyone back in any way writer can imagine. I was talking about retconning just as an example of most "visible" discarded choice in the game.

    Dragon Age III / The Witcher 3 trailers. Impressions?

    in Computer and Console

    Posted

    Of all this, the funniest thing is that Bioware sticks to retconning their chars again and again. Anders, Leliana, Morrigan, I bet there will be more. So far I expect DA:I to be exactly like Mass Effect 3 - a chest of lies, unfulfilled promises and retardation. Heh, it will be ironic if we will see most choices discarded, as happened in ME3.

    But 2014 will be a time of a lot of Kickstarter releases a Witcher3, so another generic action herpderping slasher like DA:I would face hard times.

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