Monte Carlo

Obviously I will get around to the other questions later (the golf club dilemma is particularly disturbing) but this one requires urgent attention. Firstly, Guard Dog, it is good to know that you are hitting the bottle. When the Nazi threat loomed over Europe in 1939 Winston Churchill famously began drinking heavily and didn't stop until VE Day five years later. So that helps put your dilemma in perspective. Now we've got that out of the way I think we can deal with the real issue - your over-reliance on high technology solutions to an age-old problem. A combination of well-trained carrier pigeons, semophore, nimble-footed runners and (yes) Citizen's Band radio (you can bulk buy these from a friend of mine in Karachi, will PM you his number) I think you can crack this one and come in under budget. Then buy some soothing healing crystals, take a nice long bath with some scented candles in it, order out for some Chinese food and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Cheers MC

Tigranes, check out the mods for Total War games, they rectify many of the issues you discuss. The LotR mod for M:TW2 is especially good.

Wow, why does the language filter have a problem with the word 'nail?' My advice is buy some more from your local hardware store.

So many dilemmas. Serrano: A short-term solution to your problem is difficult. Whilst you are saving money to emigrate to a country with a lower-than-average median summer temperature and pollen count, I suggest you put your sleep-wear in the refrigerator while you are at work. Frosty PJs are the perfect tonic to hot summer nights. Theslug: I'm an agony aunt, not a freaking miracle worker. Give me a break. Hurlie: I am happy to share my experiences of fatherhood with you in this regard. Generally speaking, you should leave all of these tasks to Mrs. Hurlshot to manage, it is after all her biological imperative. Busy yourself with manly tasks such as chopping wood and drinking beer whilst watching sporting events and you will find that these issues resolve themselves. Krezzie: I suspect your problem is that you can be a bit of a humourless tit occasionally. Worry not, it's hardly the end of the world and there is lots of stuff you can be doing about it. With regards to your original question, my head-doctor has found some marginal sociopathic tendencies married with occasional anxiety. Nonetheless, I will raise the issue of Narcissism with him at my next session, if I can drag myself away from the mirror and dusting the 12' tall hardboard mounted photo of myself dressed as Stalin. Like I say, you can't teach wisdom like this and it's all free.

You are clearly assuming that their is consistency around zombie anatomy within the ouevre. If we consider, for a moment, the Dawn of The Dead & 28 Days Later versions of undeath, I'd argue that a small calibre round to the nut is not the way forward. Flamethrowers would be good too, I'd imagine.

Guys, you really aren't considering zombie anatomy. Zombies have no brains, right? You literally have to blow them away, like power-hosing caked mud off of your car. A .22 is fine and dandy to nut a normal human in the swede, I'll grant you. But a zombie? You want a meaty 7.62 Lapua Magnum round, or for complete peace of mind a .50 Cal anti-materiel rifle / Browning vehicle mounted MG. An attractive Czech model with two small sub-compact submachine-pistols isn't going to cut the mustard come the day The Dead Walk The Earth.

Hello mortals. I have decided to nominate myself the forum agony aunt, in these times of equal opportunities I see no reason why a large hairy middle-aged bloke can't have that job title. Anyway, I digress. Please post your problems and dilemmas, however big or small*, and I will share with you the ripest fruits of my wisdom. Cheers MC * smaller the better really, there are highly trained professionals to deal with big problems.

^ thanks Nightshape. I'll hold that thought.

Thanks for the ongoing links, Wrath they are v interesting. They are pretty disturbing and hardly from a biased news source, either.

That would explain the extreme surprise they achieved during the raids on the East Anglian coastline. "Artur, what is that dragon-headed ship out yonder?" "'Tis the end of the tax year, fear not."

It's not so much that, it's more of the under-powered 9mm pistol ammunition. You'd want something with a high cyclic rate of fire and a chunky 7.62mm round for tearing through undead flesh. I suggest the FN-FAL rifle on automatic backed up with the 7.62mm General Purpose Machine Gun, basically a 1980's UK infantry section. Finish it off with a Mossberg jungle gun for close work, and of course an aluminium baseball bat with a few nails hammered through the end.

Right, that's my holiday reading sorted then. Tom Clancy can wait.

^ Although, to be fair, he's of viking stock so is hard enough to wear a knitted woollen tank-top during a heat-wave.

I personally wouldn't choose akimbo MP5Ks as a zombie-slaying small arms package, but I suppose that's a subject for another thread.

It's too hot. I like the rain. I could never live.... :: shudders :: abroad. Unless it was Siberia or maybe Finland.

Re-watching Band of Brothers on Blu-Ray courtesy of a friend's PS3, he has a pretty cool home cinema set up. Just as awesome as ever, I watch it bi-annually and my favourite episode seems to change every time! Currently it's Carentan.

:: sigh :: where did I suggest that? I think the answer lies outside the Premiership. You can't kill the Premiership: it's a 500lb, 22 carat gorilla. Agreed. I don't think so. The reason English players don't bother is (a) cultural - a lot of the players are working class mummy's boys who flounder once you drop them more than ten miles from where they grew up* and (b) the English Premiership offers football every bit as demanding, and better paid, than the Spanish league or Serie A. *Horrible stereotype, but hey footballers are hardly an oppressed minority. To be fair, Beckham bucked the trend. I think there need to be new terms and conditions to play for the English side, i.e. in a World Cup year they limit the number of games they play. Premiership players can't do that. I'd rather get kicked out in the group stages with a committed team proud to wear the shirt than watch these prima donnas. Their interviews yesterday were a disgrace - they can't actually acknowledge their complete lack of skill and commitment.

I agree, it's a big problem for a lot of countries. Maybe it's so acute from an English PoV because we invented the bloody sport as we now know it and we have such a successful domestic league.

Nail. On. Head. Problem is the premiership. Do Alex Ferguson or Arsen Wenger give a toss about developing English talent? Nope. They are paid to run successful club sides, they bring in the most effective foreign talent. Down in the lower leagues there is probably some latent English talent, but they are playing in the equivalent of a turbo-charged, cash-fuelled foreign legion. As I posted above, structurally, English football is broken. The Premiership, OTOH, palpably isn't but English fans need to make their minds up what they want. Every Premiership season ticket bought is another tiny nail in the coffin of English football.

England were dismal, as the radio commentator said it was like watching a Sunday pub league side play. Apologies to any Sunday league players reading. English football is broken. The Premiership is like a face-sucker from Alien, draining away any chance of us building a cogent national side with the English fans oblivious when the alien hatchling of abject failure bursts out of their stomachs. Fabio Capello was utterly clueless in his post-match interview. And the pampered princes will go home to their

The old dawg would turn up to the opening of a biscuit tin.

^ Are you going to pimp it? Why not take the roof off and upholster it in leopard-skin faux fur stuff. Then get some groovy alloys and you're good to go.

Er, there's a poorly illustrated Robin Hood hat and a countdown timer.

America could do very well, although in the end they will be outclassed by the Latin teams like Brazil and Chile. I predict 2-1 to Germany versus England tomorrow.

Wrong. The Malayan emergency and, indeed, Northern Ireland were both successful, in the context of counter-insurgency. You could even add pre-1947 Palestine to that one, now I think of it. That is to say there were no victory parades or a date on which the war ended. But there were reductions in violence / terrorist activity, negotiations and eventually a peace of sorts. In Malaya the British pioneered the Hearts and Minds strategy that Gen. McChrystal now advocates in Iraq, not that the two campaigns are in any way comparable. Your description of 'blatant genocide' during the Boer War is factually wrong to the point of being offensive. My country has never prosecuted a war of genocide. Have there been incidents of thoughtless violence and brutality in the history of the British Empire? Sure, plenty. Amritsar to Mesopotamia to Bloody Sunday --- we've done the lot but mainly because we didn't choose the alternative (i.e. Nazi-style scorched earth tactics). In fact, the last time we did that was the revanche during the Hundred Year's War against France. You're on a sticky wicket on this one, it's about as valid as me chippily and inaccurately posting hyperbole about the Aboriginal Genocide in the early 20th Century (which didn't happen, unless you have an agenda).