Walsingham

*Walsingham kindly leans across with a napkin*

Indeed, we had evolved a system of soldiering that created the finest mass-produced soldiers in the world. Unfortunately this permitted our leadeers to get away with a system that only thought a man fit for command if he was about 70 years old, plagued by gout, flatulence and terminal timidity.Lord Elhpinstone, the man who lost us the first Afghan war, _after we'd won it_ is a good example. A.E. Houseman Last Poems (XXXVIII) "Oh stay at home, my lad, and plough The land and not the sea, And leave the soldiers at their drill, And all about the idle hill Shepherd your sheep with me. Oh stay with company and mirth And daylight and the air; Too full already is the grave Of fellows that were good and brave And died because they were."

Umm... it was a bit intentional. It was written for the Boer war in South Africa in the 1890's, not Sudan. It may have been abused decades later, but I thought it illustrated the mindset of Victorian England quite well (that and Cricket). The Boer war is also sad, marking as it did the incomparable generalship of Redvers Buller. The only general I can think of who actually punished his reconnaissance troops for bringing him news of an impending ambush, and then walking into it.

Gorth, I'm sure it wasn't your intention, but the spirit in that poem may have worked in the Sudan, but abused by a lackwitted doctrine it comprehensively minced an entire generation. Very saddening.

And your opinion is based on...? In my experience running vigorously away from stuff a good poem is just the ticket. it keeps the mind occupied and out of the body's way.

Waht Forget penknives. Every boy should have his own personal staff.

Then I suggest you are not as lazy as you make out.

I have a person scanning for such weirdness. This struck me as too weird.

Don't let's get too long or too pastoral, chaps. I've only got a couple of days to remember them. So far i like best Disabled, and Over the Hils and Far Away. You may think the first of these rather perverse, but I am hoping the prospect of losing my limbs will spur the use of them.

Bowie Song by Flight of the Conchords I like the Robot song. "The humans are dead!" "I think that they're dead." "The humans are deee-ad, It had to be done So we could have fu-un." "Affirmative. I poked one. It was dead."

A lot of humour comes from the unexpected. This can be surreal or the concealed truth. In this case, if you set aside the many layers of thought underpinning Sheikh Yassin getting assassinated you have to admit it's a real Hollywood concept. What makes it funny is that we know we'd laugh about it in a film, while we are far more ambivalent in real life. Discovery, guilt, surprise, wonderment. Comedy.

All good so far. I already know If. I _am_ English after all, in old fashioned style.

I saw this article on the Beeb http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7002732.stm and keeping in mind the sometimes strident bemoaning of religion I thought it most apposite. I am not a religious man, but I see far too many religious men drawing extraordinary courage and goodness from religion to write it off. I am not for a moment religion is always good, but neither is it always bad. To put it another way I've seen men being hospitalised over supporting the wrong sports team. I've never seen anyone go to the third world and help people for their sports team.

Right, as some of you know already I decided a while back to put my money where my mouth was and take the Queen's shilling as a lazy fat reservist. I've been through all the selection hurdles so far and am off this weekend for the final tests. This time next week I shall either be in uniform or gorging myself on pizza while not moving an inch and revelling in a new pair of slippers, content to be an old fart. I need your help by way of you suggesting poetry for me to memorise and recite (silently) while on my test. I have always found poetry very settling, and focussing. All things are welcome, and I will be running through them in my head as I get beasted about.

Aw. That cracked me up.

I've been watching a lot of Mystery Science Theatre. It's awesomeness knows no bounds.

Are we finished talking The Onion, btw?

That's just my cologne.

Er... like I say, The Onion is very funny. My favourite point-counterpoint: Point: Blowing wheelchair bound old men up with helicopter launched missiles is OK as long as they're terrorists. Counterpoint: Blowing wheelchair bound old men up with helicopter launched missiles is awesome. Well, the truth always comes out eventually - sometimes as a joke. Could it be that you guys really like killing? Maybe all you want are good excuses and socially acceptable targets for the show? I know what the warrior culture take is on these types of issues. Murder is justified by it's success. Peace through victory. Etc. What is the Christian take? We were talking about joking, and the PURELY satirical newspaper The Onion. www.theonion.com

Language, gentlemen, please. If you continue to raise the bar in fury then how are my addled tirades at Sand supposed to stand out?

you mean what if you propelled about 1.5 metric tonnes out of your schnozzle every time you sneezed? Your flat would be a mess, let me tell you.

Accept: I don't think you propel enough physical material out in a sneeze to do that.

George Martin is sick? AGH! I love his work. George Alec Effinger dying set me off. He was a truly unrecognised genius. His Budayeen novels were awesometastic.

Er... like I say, The Onion is very funny. My favourite point-counterpoint: Point: Blowing wheelchair bound old men up with helicopter launched missiles is OK as long as they're terrorists. Counterpoint: Blowing wheelchair bound old men up with helicopter launched missiles is awesome.