A cautionary tale about cancer

[TrashMan]

* THE FOLLOWING MAY BE VERY DEPRESSING, consider yourself warned*



About a month and a half ago, my father celebrated his 70th birthday. A birthday the doctors said would never come.
You see, he was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 35, and it was what eventually led him to quit his job as a ship captain. He used to sail all over the world and bring souvenirs, then he's lock himself in his private little museum and write whole A4 notebooks worth of knowledge of old customs, songs, words and general lore about the past of the region, knowledge he collected over the years. To this day, he wrote more than 100 of them.
After his 4th operation, the doctors said his chances of waking up is minimal at best. Then came the 5th operation. Then the 6th. Then the 7th. His appendix was practicly gone at this point so he had to watch what he ate.
Then the 8th operation, about a month before his 70th birthday. The cancer was spreading and one his kidneys was removed, the other was barely working for a while, but it recovered. My father was left with 2 bags he had to carry with him (for urine and excrement), and a weakned body due to all the time in the hospital. But, he was always a mans' man. Tall, broad-shouldered, boisterous, tanacious.
He bounced back and the birthday was spent in good spirits.
However, as christmas came his condition started to worsen. The cancer spread again, this time to the leg, and apprently the bone. If you didn't know, this is bad scenario, since it causes pain. But he soldiered on. Despite barely being able to stand on his feet, he refused to use the wheelchair. Depsite being in obvious pain, he refused any pain medication. But there are limits to everything. A few days ago it was obvious he could get to the bad, even with me and my mother helping him. I practicly carried him. He was in so much pain he was shivering, and still my motehr had to actually yell at him to get him to take some pain medication.
For the last two days his condition is...not good. He spends most of the day sleeping, and when he isn't he is dazed. It's disheartenign to see such a mounatin of a man in such a weak state, shrunk and feelbe. His once booming voice a whisper. It's painfull to look at him like that, and I know it pains him even more to be seen like that. Right now, we are keeping the morphine bands on standby if it gets worse. And it will.
The doctors flat out told us that there is nothing more they can take out, nothing more they can do. He is dying and everyone knows it. Him too. For the first time in my life I've sen him cry....cry at a cartoon. I pretended not to notice, and continued typing his notebooks onto my laptop. We hoped the book about old customs - his book - might be out while he was alive. Now I blame my own damn slowness at typing. I could have typed more. But I didn't. And yet ultimatively, this books seems so irrelevant to me now.
The family is natually distraught. My mother - as strong woman as any I have ever known - is nearly broken. Physicly and mentally. I try and help as much as I can around the house and with dad, and I know that at least partially she is pushing herself in doing all kinds of work as a distraction. I know I do. I try to do everything just so that I don't have to think about it.
My syster had to take medication to calm herself. But I had a long talk with her and she has calmed down. She still hasn't told her kids, who love their grandfather. Their visit is still one of the thing that clearly make him happy.
Myself? I'm handling it as good as one can under these condition, I think. No crying, no panic attacks. Just some numbness and distraction. Even as I'm typing this, I'm only doing it because it makes me feel better. It probably hasn't hit me yet.

I was always close to my father, but we never talked that much. We'd watch cartoons together (he loved Bugs Bunny and other old ones, and I do too) and various documentaries, over which we'd sometimes comment and talk. I must have seen every single documentary on Discovery Channel and National Geogrpahic, and a lot of cooking shows. Since he sleeps most of the day now, and the last two years I've been watching less and less with him ....I miss it.

And to think his father died of cancer. And all of his 5 siblings(he's the oldest) - all had cancer too. No cancer on my mothers side, so I have a good chance of being spared.
But just to be sure, me and my sisters will go for a checkup. There are good methods today, the easiest one being a rengden scan and taking of a blood sample for specific markers. Mind you, the marker method is great, but requires you to go periodicly (once a year..preferably once every 6 months), since it's based on comparisons with previous samples. But it is supposedly very accurate.

So my advice to you people - get a checkup. Even if you don't have a history. From my discussion with doctors and research I've done into cancer, it's becoming more frequent (as are allergies). Wether it's our lifestyle or something else, I do not know, but it's not a good sign. Either way, early detection is half the solution.

Stay safe, stay healthy.

[Rostere]

I agree 100% with this, we should make the most out of modern methods in order to be able to work pro-actively against diseases, preventable and otherwise.

[Guard Dog]

I know exactly how you feel Trashman. I lost a two family members over the years. One of them could have been saved had it been caught in time. Heck we've lost two members of this very board to cancer in recent months. The best thing anyone can do is take care of their bodies, you only get one. And make the most of every day you have, sick or healthy. 

[JayDGee]

I watched my grandfather die due to cancer.

It was one of the most heart wrenching and heart warming moments of my life as during the long process and afterwards my family spend the whole time telling stories about the man who loved nothing more than to tell stories.

 

Ever since I get a check up annually and do what I can to promote awareness. Including growing facial hair for a month.

 

I hope his end is peaceful and your family can remember not the sick man that he became, but the sailor, the writer and the man who refused to accept defeat. 

[Labadal]

My grandpa died of cancer and he was also one of those "manly men". Seeing him in his last days made me cry every single time I paid him a visit. I never cried in front of him, because the only ones he loved more than his kids were his grandchildren. My grandma also died of cancer and my other grandpa also had cancer but it was not that bad. I don't do checkups regularly, but I do think about it sometimes.

[Hurlshort]

I'm really sorry to hear about your father.  It sounds as if he is surrounded by loving family, and that is very important.  My prayers go out to you.

[Rostere]

I might add that my mother has had cancer twice (breast cancer), but survived - no other incidents of cancer other than that among any relatives though. The last time was six or seven years ago now.

 

So, depending on what type of cancer you get, the survival rates can be very high. Especially the survival rate for breast cancer is very high, at least here in Sweden. But that is only due to proactive measures - spreading knowledge about the disease, doing regular checks, promoting a healthy lifestyle (in my opinion the most important factor), genetic profiling and so on and so forth.

[Walsingham]

I'd amplify Rostere's comment:

 

People get cancer every day. People beat cancer every day.

 

What puts you in the latter camp? Without digging out the references I compiled when my own family got hit, I'd have to summarise in one phrase: the will to fight.

 

Numerous studies have shown that pretending you don't have cancer is actually better than 'facing death'. Believing you are the exception and maintaining high morale is even better.

 

On a purely personal basis I'd observe something else: fighting keeps you feeling alive longer, even if you die no later.

Edited January 12, 2014 by Walsingham

[ManifestedISO]

I'd have to summarise in one phrase: the will to fight.

 

On these shores, it takes a 'wallet' to fight. Otherwise, you're either dead or in debt, which may as well be identical conditions.   

[Walsingham]

 

I'd have to summarise in one phrase: the will to fight.

 

On these shores, it takes a 'wallet' to fight. Otherwise, you're either dead or in debt, which may as well be identical conditions.   

 

 

You can be as rich as creosote. If you give up you'll certainly die.

 

And in debt isn't the same as dead. For the very obvious reason that you can flee the country and escape debt. I'm pretty sure you can't just leg it from a morgue.

[ShadySands]

 

I'd have to summarise in one phrase: the will to fight.

 

On these shores, it takes a 'wallet' to fight. Otherwise, you're either dead or in debt, which may as well be identical conditions.   

 

 

Or both

 

Speaking from personal experience here as my mom died from pancreatic cancer when I was a freshman in college. We/I lost everything.

[ManifestedISO]

Christ I am sorry

[TrashMan]

I'd amplify Rostere's comment:

 

People get cancer every day. People beat cancer every day.

 

What puts you in the latter camp? Without digging out the references I compiled when my own family got hit, I'd have to summarise in one phrase: the will to fight.

 

 

 

A will to fight certainly helps. Positive outlook, placebo effect and all that jazz. Our mental state does impact our body.

 

However, it alone is not enough.

[Walsingham]

If I am being a **** about this, I'm not trying to be.

 

This is like arguing what do you need for a fire? Wood or oxygen? You need more than one thing.

 

All I'm trying to say is that the will to fight is the oxygen, not that you only need oxygen.

 

Although I should point out that strictly speaking the body defeats cancer every day. Beating cancer isn't the exception to the rule. Beating cancer IS the rule.

[Mor]

On a purely personal basis I'd observe something else: fighting keeps you feeling alive longer, even if you die no later.

That is true in general, the moment you decide that you are too old for that **** or its getting too hard. It is the moment you give up and start your spiral down.

 

My grandpa got to 80, he had the usual age related problems, but he always was the energetic one, always full of life and looking couple of decades younger then he was. Couple of days after we went to a trip, where he showed no signs of anything being wrong in fact his apatite was never better, he started to feel under the weather and was admitted the next day for possibly ammonia and then we they found a plate size tumor in his chest, he died a week later.(not a smoker, no major risk factors, never had any related issues, never complained)

 

Ironically even with half family(and family friends) of doctors sometimes you can't see it coming. Still I console myself knowing that my grandpa lived his life to its fullest and enjoyed everyday, that was made possible because he lived.

Edited January 13, 2014 by Mor

[Walsingham]

You make a good point, Mor. I'm not arguing you should fight on for no ****ing reason. I'm just saying if you have something to fight for, then fight and don't be afraid.

 

I _personally_ think it's ludicrous and cowardly on the part of society that we insist people who have decided they've had their fill can't be ushered out comfortably and with dignity. We wonly do it because we're terrified of our own confrontation. It's got nothing whatsoever to do with that individual facing death. But then I think we also provide help to a lot of people for the same cowardly reason. So I guess it balances out overall.

 

Sorry, Trashman. I'm trampling your disclosure.

[Blarghagh]

Sometimes you can't fight it. My grandmother was diagnosed with leukemia and was gone less than a week after.

 

My best friend's mom died when he was 18, and his family has been struggling since despite their good, universal insurance because one of the providing members of the family fell away.

 

Very hard not to make a joke about "you could always cook meth".

[Mor]

A will to fight certainly helps. Positive outlook, placebo effect and all that jazz. Our mental state does impact our body.

I always seen placebo effect is nothing more than result of positive attitude. To me placebo is the same as the will to live, hope, love, anger or whatever that drives you to wake up in the morning and live, move, laugh etc because IMO the later is what actually makes you better.

 

I am an atheist, science is my "religion" but IMO in this respect even religion(or any kind of self delusion) works far better than those who put their stocks only in medicine and dry statistics, laying down all day long in bed depressed at endlessly contemplating their death.

 

This certainly doesn't mean that attitude is all you need or that offers some kind of guaranty, but it the very least it will make life more bearable.

[Walsingham]

I find it extraordinary that so many science fundamentalists are against state of mind having direct physical effects, yet one of the first things you learn in any life science is the importance of controlling for ...the effects of the subject's state of mind via placebo effects.

 

But then, I guess it would upset the essential feeling of safety and certainty which is the reason they are fundamentalists in the first place.

[Mor]

I think that every scientist know that there is a correlation between state of mind and your physic.

Most activities associated with certain areas in the brain and or various chemical production (e.g. love/dopamine laughter and sports/endorphins ). Its basically what Psychiatrist initially do, using chemicals to address chemical imbalances and effect your brain.

 

I am not certain what you mean by direct physical effect(Mind over matter?) but placebo effect isn't necessarily a direct physical effect as you suggest e.g. the idea that you are getting a cure can relive stress, elevate your spirits, eat less comfort food, move around more maybe even exercise, get more time in the sun, laugh etc which in turn will have a positive effect on you.

Edited January 14, 2014 by Mor

[Walsingham]

I think that every scientist know that there is a correlation between state of mind and your physic.

Most activities associated with certain areas in the brain and or various chemical production (e.g. love/dopamine laughter and sports/endorphins ). Its basically what Psychiatrist initially do, using chemicals to address chemical imbalances and effect your brain.

 

I am not certain what you mean by direct physical effect(Mind over matter?) but placebo effect isn't necessarily a direct physical effect as you suggest e.g. the idea that you are getting a cure can relive stress, elevate your spirits, eat less comfort food, move around more maybe even exercise, get more time in the sun, laugh etc which in turn will have a positive effect on you.

 

You're quite right. i shouldn't have said direct effect.