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Sideburns appreciation thread


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Sideburns are the most badass facial hair style in the world. That's one of them facts, not just my personal opinion. For reasons I fail to comprehend, most developers forget this undisputable truth and choose not to include sideburns in their games as a possible choice for the PC. You get different kinds of moustache, all sorts of beards, goatees. Sometimes you can even put a soulpatch on the face of the PC, but almost never a pair of manly sideburns. Gentlemen, this is preposterous and absurd. Sideburns deserve better than this, much better. I hereby request from Obsidian Entertainment to include at least five different types of sideburns of varying length and fluffiness in their upcoming video game "Alpha Protocol" for Windows-based personal computers, and Sony PlayStation 3 and Microsoft Xbox 360 video game and entertainment systems.

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2006-06-29T184125Z_01_NOOTR_RTRIDSP_2_OUKEN-UK-WOLVERINE.jpg

"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

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You know, me and my friend visited Antietam Battlefield. The one with the famous Burnside Bridge. He and I jumped the the conclusion that he was cool just because he's the reason they're called sideburns and because of his funny facial hair. But I'm sorry. I took a Civil War history class and the guy was no better than McClellan(he was the commander of the Army of the Potomac before Burnside) and he was arrogant. And not only that, but he never even gave the order for his Brigade or Division to charge and take the bridge that became known as Burnside Bridge.I think it was a Lieutenant or Captain under him. So yeah -1 for the mutton chops.

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  • 2 weeks later...
sideburns.jpg

"Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

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I am fairly sure that sideburns will be included in the next DLC.

"Some men see things as they are and say why?"
"I dream things that never were and say why not?"
- George Bernard Shaw

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

- Some guy 

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