Relationships Thread 2

[Dark Moth]

You could have all the girlfriends you want, but if you can't talk and share like friends, than how would your relationship be anything special? This is especially essential for married couples. How would How would it be trule love, and not lust that's holding you together? As far as marriages, I think the best spouse would also be your best friend.

Edited November 22, 2005 by Mothman

[Blank]

:D

 

Intended it as a joke. She knows better.

 

And, on topic...I'd definitely love for my girl to also be my friend, since, I believe, in order to make a relationship long-lasting, and to keep it from turning sour down the road, a friendship is almost required.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah, i am still being too serious... dang. i'll stop now...

 

on topic, if i had a gf, then... that would be cool. i've always wanted one, but there aren't really any girls with the personality i am looking for. whoever she may be though, i am sure she's better off not having me in her life

 

i think being good friends is absolutely necessary for a marriage. otherwise it is bound to fail very quickly.

[dufflover]

i've always wanted one, but there aren't really any girls with the personality i am looking for. whoever she may be though, i am sure she's better off not having me in her life 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's like looking into a mirror ...although I'm probably more "she could do better than me" rather than not having at all.

[Mojo]

i've always wanted one, but there aren't really any girls with the personality i am looking for. whoever she may be though, i am sure she's better off not having me in her life 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's like looking into a mirror ...although I'm probably more "she could do better than me" rather than not having at all.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What kind of personality are you looking for in a girl?

 

I always wanted a female version of myself, but when I found one it all became too hard, because we were so similar we were exact oppisites. When I wanted to party she wanted to stay in and vice versa, and in the end we had to call it a day.

 

But now my fiance is the reverse, and we are the best of friends, even though we dont share many interests.

Edited November 22, 2005 by Mojo

[Blank]

What kind of personality are you looking for in a girl?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would be attracted to a girl who isn't too needy. I have a bunch of friends that are girls that i seem to give a lot to. i don't mind giving, its a part of my life's job application (Christian), but if i was to have gf, i would want one that could support me and I her.

I'd also like a girl with superior intellect to me. Also one that has her own passion for doing things in life, because i am sorely lacking in that department.

 

if only life was a romantic anime series and i was the protagonist... *sigh*

[dufflover]

I don't have any descriptions that a girl should match like Blank has described. Well don't get me wrong, we all have preferences and stuff but I can't say if I would attracted to a female version of myself (don't confuse with negative attraction).

 

Overall with the whole friendship thing though, I would probably be more towards making friendships and just not actively look for a relationship, rather than making a friendship with the goal of a relationship where from like very early on you've decided to try and get somewhere with her.

[Vashanti]

I usually never stayed friends with an ex, as it was usually too emotional when we'd break up, but it's possible to stay friends. I'm friends with my ex-wife, but it took a while until we reached that stage.

 

I am definitely best friends with my wife, though; being friends with someone with whom you are in a relationship makes thing much better than categorizing someone as a "relationship partner" vs. "friend."

[dufflover]

I'd be concerned if someone's wife/husband was not their best friend....

[alanschu]

Also, i was arguing with a friend, and i wanted to ask the two women on this thread if they feel oppressed when being called a girlfriend when it "should" be womanfriend. because i just have never thought it was oppressive, just an unintentioned figure of speech.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I've never known any girl ever being offended or who has felt oppressed to be referred to as someone's girlfriend and I wouldn't see it that way either

 

If my boyfriend called me his "womanfriend" I'd think he was insane (he'd get this look from me: )... I've never heard of that term before... and if I felt I was too old to considered a "girlfriend" I'd rather he called me his "partner" even though that term makes me think of business suits

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

"Old Lady" doesn't cut it??

 

I kid, I kid!

[Surreptishus]

old ball and chain

her indoors

the dishwasher.

 

All suitable alternatives for the term "girlfriend".

[alanschu]

On a more serious note, for what it's worth I've absolutely demolished a few friendships by suddenly finding the person intriguing and asking them out.

 

Most because it's such a "forbidden" type zone that my CPU (i.e brain) was tossing unhandled exceptions like crazy. It's tough because I wanted to remain friends, but you always get that impression that they're acting differently for whatever reason...I always assumed that they were just trying to make sure they didn't do anything to lead me on to thinking they were interested....

 

Or maybe they WERE interested! But that gets into the point of silly, bizarro mind games that I prefer not to take part in, in order to avoid the Fatal Exception that causes my brain to implode from overanalyzing the situation. Neurons will collide, atoms will fuse, and it'll basically destroy the planet. It's a big responsibility.

 

 

Ironically, I became more confident around women once I started the whole "apathy" thing. Going through life with a bit of a "meh" attitude has made be a bit more outspoken. So boo on the women that turned me down. They missed out :D

 

Double irony though, is that now that I'm more confident around women and would actually be able to play the "dating game" more effectively, I'm not really in the market. I'm hella busy with school, and I would totally be that boyfriend that doesn't spend enough time with his girlfriend (because he's up at 4:30 AM working on an AI assignment). My "preferences" became much more exclusive. Up there with the trustworthy, honest, caring, big boobies (I kid I kid!) and all those usual suspects for what I look for in a woman, independent fired it's way up there. Right now, it would have to be someone that was willing to accept that I'm crazy busy, and even though I'm not with her 100% of the time I do in fact still care.

 

Anyways.....on to other things, in my experience most relationship that I've personally seen seem to evolve more from acquaintances than actual friendships. But I like to destroy those too! :D

 

At the tender age of 24, my dating portfolio is likely quite bleak compared to most my age. However, as I've gotten older I've gotten less and less concerned with how my dating portfolio looked :D

 

 

But enough about me.....

[kirottu]

On a more serious note, for what it's worth I've absolutely demolished a few friendships by suddenly finding the person intriguing and asking them out.

 

Most because it's such a "forbidden" type zone that my CPU (i.e brain) was tossing unhandled exceptions like crazy.  It's tough because I wanted to remain friends, but you always get that impression that they're acting differently for whatever reason...I always assumed that they were just trying to make sure they didn't do anything to lead me on to thinking they were interested....

 

Or maybe they WERE interested!  But that gets into the point of silly, bizarro mind games that I prefer not to take part in, in order to avoid the Fatal Exception that causes my brain to implode from overanalyzing the situation.  Neurons will collide, atoms will fuse, and it'll basically destroy the planet.  It's a big responsibility.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Women.

[alanschu]

Hehe

[dufflover]

heh, you've obviously tested the Friendship <-> Relationship transitions and I take it you'd be convinced you can only go one way...

 

Also sounds like the times you risked it, it was also a bit of a guess hey. Not only risk whether it would work but whether it was any chance at all...not bad.

[alanschu]

To be fair, I have seen relationships start out of friendships that have been very successful.

 

Having the ability to skip over the stupid and awkward "getting to know you phase" can be an asset. There is also assurances that not seeing a facade that the other person is putting up. Chances are you've already farted in front of each other

 

I would almost wager that, if you were to take a per capita analysis of relationships that started off with friendships vs relationships with acquaintances (or strangers), you'd probably have a higher success rate with the friendship category. I think it goes to the love vs infatuation thing. It seems like a bit of a bizarre concept to me to suddenly become infatuated with someone that you've been good friends with for a while.

 

And even though I demolished some (not all) friendships by asking them out, I still think it's better than the alternative. In high school I was exceptionally shy, particularly around women I was attracted to (oddly enough the ones I considered friends I was quite comfortably around ). As a result, I had a friend that I had pretty much liked since like Grade 6. The more I hesitated, the higher up her pedastal became it seemed (I call it the Aphrodite complex...when you begin to idealize a woman so much that you couldn't possibly have anything to offer her). As I grew up, I considered our relationship and think now that there very likely was a mutual attraction there. We had an amiable relationships, similar interests and got along great. I just couldn't muster up the courage to ask.....

 

To get to the point, I find the realization that a friend wasn't mutually interested and hurting my friendship with them was a better outcome than the "what if" syndrome. Plus, every time you ask someone out, it gets a little easier the next time. You get more experience dealing with the situation and since it's less foreign, you can't help but feel more comfortable (You also learn defense mechanisms allowing you to rationalize things in such a way that you don't even really feel hurt if she says "no"). And to make matters better, while it did take a couple of years, I think my friendship with one of the women in particular is actually pretty good again. With time, the friendships will come back.

 

 

Back to relationship <-> friendship, I just have personally seen (and experienced) more relationships when there isn't a solid friendship. Though I am a bit of a believer that a relationship that does start off out of friendship probably has a greater chance of being a more meaningful one, if you get what I mean. And despite what I've just said, I can't really see myself just asking out an attractive girl that is a complete stranger to me. Maybe I've just outgrown the T&A stage of my life (don't get me wrong, I do like an attractive woman), but I don't like the idea of diving head first having no idea what I'm getting into. Just the type of person that I am. Though, again, it's probably because I have no experience with that sort of thing so it's just so foreign

 

 

And this has been another edition of

 

 

Edited November 22, 2005 by alanschu

[dufflover]

Hopefully people won't end up putting your whole message in a massive quote box .

 

And even though I demolished some (not all) friendships by asking them out, I still think it's better than the alternative.

Yes, true, but you have to remember that newbs and "less socially advanced" people like me (see, I'm getting less self critical already by not just saying it's me even if it may well be " ) won't have the experience and they will fear (like I still do to some extent even after ur advice/experience) the alternative cos I don't know.

 

In high school I was exceptionally shy, particularly around women I was attracted to (oddly enough the ones I considered friends I was quite comfortably around ).

I went to an Boys School which probably has meant I have ended up isolating myself a lot more. I would think even nervous kids going to a co-ed school would get much more comfortable around the opposite gender simply cos they're around all the time so they'll get much more experience than me cos they're forced to learn it. I had the choice (which at the time you're glad you have)

 

the higher up her pedastal became it seemed (I call it the Aphrodite complex...when you begin to idealize a woman so much that you couldn't possibly have anything to offer her).

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm not too sure about the whole idolizing thing, but yeh, in the end another "she can do better than me" type of thing.

 

Hey does this apply in from the other view point as well? Do some women feel like there's something wrong with themselves cos they aren't having much success either? Like they go and make themselves a better person (a good thing) but because of that even less guys will approach her cos they all think she'll be too good or "must" have a boyfriend already?

[Darth Launch]

Hey does this apply in from the other view point as well? Do some women feel like there's something wrong with themselves cos they aren't having much success either? Like they go and make themselves a better person (a good thing) but because of that even less guys will approach her cos they all think she'll be too good or "must" have a boyfriend already?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can't speak for every lady but I must say that I have never felt like I've needed a boyfriend... I've never gone out of my way to have one... all of them I've ended up stumbling across, so to speak

 

Nor have I felt I should change who I am for anyone... if I was to change myself it would be for my own good and the same should go for everyone else... if you're a geek, then you're a geek... you shouldn't try to be anything else... and some girls love geeks (I, myself, am rather fond of their cute, silliness at times)

 

Just be happy and comfortable with yourself... girls are more likely to respond to someone who seems comfortable with themselves

[Surreptishus]

The rules are different for men than for women. Pretty obvious i would have thought.

[kirottu]

Dufflover, if anything else fails try wearing a shirt that says: "Maybe I don

[Surreptishus]

hmmm, why was "nose hair" censored in kirottu's post?

[Kaftan Barlast]

MEETING A WOMAN, COURSE 101:

 

 

So you want to meet a woman? This is what you need to do in simple steps:

1. Place yourself in a location where there are drunk females
   
2. Get reasonably drunk yourself
   
3. Just go with the flow
   

You may laugh, but the fact is that this is the way that 95% of all Swedish couples meet.

[Diamond]

hmmm, why was "nose hair" censored in kirottu's post?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Because he uses fancy backquotes (`) instead of apostrophes (') in his posts.

[Commissar]

Didn't I already come in and lay down the law on this particular topic once?

 

As far as the whole friendship thing goes...

 

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

[alanschu]

es, true, but you have to remember that newbs and "less socially advanced" people like me (see, I'm getting less self critical already by not just saying it's me even if it may well be  ) won't have the experience and they will fear (like I still do to some extent even after ur advice/experience) the alternative cos I don't know.

 

I certainly wouldn't consider myself socially advanced.

 

In grades 7-12, I spent 99.9% of my free time playing basketball rather than conversing with people.

 

At worst, try strutting around playing goofy upbeat music in your head

[Vashanti]

and some girls love geeks (I, myself, am rather fond of their cute, silliness at times) 

 

Just be happy and comfortable with yourself... girls are more likely to respond to someone who seems comfortable with themselves 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Vash puts on his broken geek glasses & very comfortable shoes...