theslug

Sweet mother... are you a wizard? Where does one procure such bounties my good friend? p.s her haircut kind of sucks but I find her bewbies to be quite pleasant.

How do you like the g2x? I'm thinking about getting one soon but I've never had a smart phone and I'm scared.

I will hence forth keep an extra pair of trousers with me at all times.

I went out for dinner last week with a friend from school. We have an interesting relationship. I trust her almost implicitly and apparently she feels the same way about me, but I have feelings reserved for her as well, though never expressed of course. At the same time, I have seen her outside of school on maybe two occasions and we don't really talk all that often but when we do its like magic. Anyways, we get coffee afterwards and she takes a deep breath and starts with a "So if we ever did anything sexual..." and I'm thinking holy balls this could be like the start of a beautiful relationship with someone who is really cool and awesome. Well not quite. Turns out she wants to perform oral sex on me and video tape it so her and her lover can get off together or something. It's pretty bizarre but as a man I cannot refuse free oral from an attractive young female. So the last week I've been trying to tan and get sexy. Should look moderately decent though my legs are still white as hell. I don't understand it. My upper body is getting golden quite nicely but not even a hint on my legs. Total bs. Other than that its starting to get really hot outside and I have one summer class which is difficult. Wish me luck on my amateur porn debut. Hopefully it doesnt wind up on the interwebs.

This summer I plan on doing quite a bit in the path to self actualization. Unfortunately I'm having some pretty serious social regression but honestly I kind of don't care anymore. I like being alone, sometimes...well 90% of the time. Anyways, I've already got a pretty legit lifting routine going but I'm really aiming for abs this summer so I'm going to adjust it to more full on olympic training like a beast. A bit more segmented than usual, so 4 days a week so I can do more heavy loads and more reps. Also adding in there a bunch of cardio and keeping my diet on lock down. I've gotten into this crazy gardening/yard work kind mentality. Partly because its interesting and something to do but I really like the idea of growing my own food and understanding nature a little bit more intuitively. I do have one class over summer but it's towards the very end and then I graduate. In the meantime, I'm going to be studying for the graduate entrance test but I'm also going to be spending a fair amount of time reading things that currently interest me. So a lot of psychology, physiology of the brain and it's chemistry, and then lots of fiction stuff I want to read. Probably do a little bit of writing as well. So basically at the end of summer I'm looking to be a completely shredded, tanned, beautiful slug man. But looks aren't everything so I'm going to be a master neuro-argiculturalist with a soon to be masters in accounting, who cooks and writes novels in his free time. The ultimate renaissance man.

A man's heart is a fickle beast my good guard dog. There was a time when I was an embittered naive youngin who sought only the warm sensual pleasures of a variety of kind hearted women. Unfortunately that hasn't changed. I do feel better though after writing that out and then doing some yard work and making bacon wrapped meatloaf smothered in a quasi bbq sauce. I need to stop thinking. It's not good for my health.

I was out last night with a female. We had gotten dinner and then went for drinks. We decided to go to a nearby casino/hotel to do some gambling as I've never played table games before. As we are leaving the bar we exited onto a side road, completely deserted, stopped at a red light and apparently made an illegal U-turn once the arrow turned green. Not a segundo and a half later a cop mysteriously appears behind me from out of the ether. At this point I had had 3 or 4 drinks but this was over the course of 4 hours so I was completely sober. He gives me the nystagmus test, apparently I failed. He makes me perform like 3 other sobriety tests and then ultimately the breathalizer. "You failed every test I have given you but you blew zero's. I'm letting you off with a warning." He questioned whether I had had a head injury in the past and when I said no, he said I should probably see a doctor as failing the nystagmus test when sober isn't normal. Not all cops are a holes, though it was a very intense and highly disturbing experience. I'll never drive with even a hint of inebriation ever from hence forth. The rest of the night went alright. I'm not sure how I feel blowing $100 in one night. $50 on dinner and then $50 on gambling within literally 5 minutes. But she paid for drinks and we ended up getting pretty hot in the car before she left so I suppose it's alright. She's a cute girl but not really the one I want. I was previously "seeing" a girl I had met at school through a mutual friend. We had never been much more than school acquaintances but we ended up hanging out one night and having probably one of the best times of my life in beyond recent memory. We made out and I slept over. This happened about two more times and over the course of a very short period of time I think I kind of fell for her. Then last weekend, as things had been getting weird, I asked her about our "relationship" and got the friends deal. I was quite broken up about it, though obviously I would never disclose that to her or anyone. I think about her and how I've never felt about someone like that before. She just seemed perfect, with one flaw, ultimately she's unobtainable as she's moving several thousand miles away within a few months. Perhaps that's why I'm so drawn to her, that and she's extremely beautiful and smart and awesome. And then I think about all the girls I'm courting now. They are nice and each have their qualities that make them special and appealing but I don't see that spark between us in any of them. I feel like crawling back into my shell. Healthy people require relationships but isolation seems so much more comforting at the moment. I tried and some great things came out of it but ultimately I haven't gained what I set out for. I just want to work, school and workout. Disregard women/drinking/etc and acquire money, education and mussels. Simple things. Life just appears so much more complex and difficult now. Abandoned lovers and friends, a growing emptiness of a completely unfulfilled life and the future always looming on the brooding horizon. I'm unsure how to reconcile these things. I want to embrace and cling to hope and my stoic-ist ideals but in the end they have failed me so utterly and completely. Feeling lost does not begin to describe this. tl;dr I'm emo

In the past I have justified continued existence by the hope of Mass Effect 3. Once that comes out... Well I'm sure by then there will be another game that I can put my dreams into.

It's been many a moon since I have last updated you all, my good friends, but suffice to say I am alive and well, though I imagine no one really noticed my absence. I'll spare you all the details of the last month or two and all the gratuitous and sordid, sweaty.... love maneuverings. I am currently a busy man, worrying about work and school and finding women in which to spin in in my web, catching their naked bodies softly in my bed. Though I have to be honest that hasn't happened yet, we can't all be as proficient in pulling the proverbial trigger as my good man shryke. My home gym is nearing completion. We are going to build a squat rack and the last touch will be a banner, nay, a shrine to the god of our dojo; pedobear, then all will be complete.

This has not been a great week. Besides school/working 11 hours straight on Monday, over the weekend my paxil ran out and I'm still waiting on the doc to approve me for more refills. The withdrawals sucked. It's been pretty much all a haze but not quite fully debilitating yet; some nausea, extremely tired, general malaise, lack of concentration/thinking but worst of all if I made a movement my mind gets all confuzzled with dizziness/vertigo. Also some great sweating, hot/cold flashes, and some weird tings of "electricity." This was only day freakin 2 and a half. Luckily I went down to the pharmacy and although my doc still hadn't approved it the lady gave me 3 pills. I appreciate it but at the same time I can't help but be a little pissed. 3 pills....THREE PILLS?!?!/ I'll be sure to remember the generosity 4-5 days from now when I'm withdrawing again and jump in front of a train. It's definitely a wake up call to just how powerful and dependent these drugs are. I have to really consider my options here because I don't like having my very existence at the mercy of something that can so easily run out. Then again it has transformed my life in a way I did not think possible. I want to say for the better but I'm not sure anymore. As much as it's great that I'm seeking out relationships with the opposite sex and most days are relatively content, the underlying reality hasn't quite changed for me. I'm still not happy which is kind of the whole point I started it. Therefore, I think it might be time to consider dropping it. I'm going to wait until the semester is over and then probably do a long term withdrawal. But that is obviously something that could change.

Went running tonight. I'm supposed to add sprints into my routine and seeing as I don't have a gym membership as of last week I really have no excuse to not run since I've just been sitting on my ass. I'm really out of shape cardio/endurance wise but all in all not too shabby tonight. I wouldn't even speculate at a mile run time as it would be far too embarrassing to comprehend but I'm really just trying to build a base right now as I haven't done any sort of consistent running in probably over a year. School is going well, I suppose. Classes for the most part seem relatively easy but it is only the second week so we'll have to see. There's a girl in my history class that I met last semester in astronomy and I'm pretty sure she was really interested then but I was in the midst of trying to see someone else so I mostly ignored her, very very unfortunately. Well here's my second chance and I'm trying to not let it slip out of my grasp so this Thursday I'm going to ask her out. She is very attractive and cool, in this ultra sexy but downplayed faux-stoner Paraguayan amazonian hottie type way. It's really quite fascinating. Other than that, work is going swimmingly, if swimmingly means getting sexually traumatized at an impressionable age by santa claus dressed up as walt disney impersonating your favorite pokemon on new years eve. But you get apple pie at the end. I've got a complete cluster of an audit on my hands. Thing is wrapped up in a ball of yarn made of lies and incompetence and somehow a cat fits in there somewhere a well. But I did get pie and 2 scoops of ice cream at the end of the day while chatting with my wonderful co-workers. So that was nice. The end.

I'm in a confusing labyrinth of choices; deliberating between dreams, reality, morality, what is most healthy and what will garner the most pleasure for my weiner. There are... feelings on the line, mostly just mine, all swirling around with no clarity or direction. There's who to choose, new people to pursue, who to drop, or just wait for even more options to present themselves? There are too many paths with no clear outcomes, investments that cannot be substantiated or broken down into a neat little quantitative graph. This is certainly not how I planned things. At least with lifting can I see the progression clearly, I can analyze the subtle deviations in detail. But with females (and people in general), you don't know nothing ever. It's truly agonizing.

we can only hope my friend

Quite a bit of wasted potential in this one. Liked: Comic-y enough to be interesting but not so outrageous to cause hatred Circus guild of heroes could be interesting Black circus leader guy, I liked him Dislike: Could use a bit more comic-y magic to amp things up to the next level and make it more "believable"... Pacing was beyond awful Migdet cussing - totally unnecessary, forced and broke immersion, in fact just this guy in general just pisses me off with bad acting Father/Son dynamic is rage inducing beyond infinite horizons perceptible to the cognitive limits of the mind brah - I'm seriously still mad Incredibly stupid story, nothing remotely original or even intriguing Believe me, I saw a brief amount of the trailer for it a while ago and was very interested and rooting for this thing. Needless to say I was disappointed but will continue watching because I have nothing better to do.

Fifth Element. I don't think I ever watched the full movie when it first came out. Good stuff. The Fighter. Despite not having a whole lot of fighting, it was good. I usually dislike Wahlberg but this was good for him, he does well in those rough Boston type roles like the departed tho obviously this was no where near as good. Not a huge boxing fan and the story is simple but I was very pleased with how it turned out. Nice cast of characters and some great redemption.