Let's create the worst fantasy setting ever.

[Oner]

Above lvl 20 characters get CRAZY instead of epic, so CRAZY Awesomeness, CRAZY POWANESS, etc. (And POWA is always written with capital letters. ALWAYS.)

 

Don't have any idea for classes right now.

 

Oh, and the king of one country is the Hypno Toad.

[Walsingham]

That's far too straightforward. Amber uses something similar and Amber is great fun.

 

I think it should be NO primary effect stats. You have all the secondary non-obvious ones like optimum arousal state, blood haemoglobin count, cholesterol levels, nerve density, etc. These have to be combined ALL AT ONCE by the referee in an equation taking 12 hours to process by hand. Hence all game boxes will contain a 12 year old Indian maths prodigy, and a sack of brown rice.

[Calax]

... How about a Pirate vs Ninja war? Maybe they're fighting over the real Ultimate Powah!

 

Better! They're fighting for beer wenches!

[Monte Carlo]

^ Indeed.

 

We already have the Corsairs of Odge, who are pirates. Now we need an order of Mysterious Eastern Assassins

Edited July 5, 2009 by Monte Carlo

[Walsingham]

I'm not sure how I feel about the title including 'shadows of the colon'

[Oner]

Add 'of the Empire' in the title somewhere, just to be totally cliche.

[Calax]

Oh Oh Blizzard gives you a clichefest for a battle!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNHq-jJswuE

 

(that's actually an ingame cinematic in wrath of the lich king)

[Darth InSidious]

^ Indeed.

 

We already have the Corsairs of Odge, who are pirates. Now we need an order of Mysterious Eastern Assassins

[Whipporwill]

Alignments: Nice, Naughty, Square, & Hippie.

[Walsingham]

Add alignment: lazy.

[Monte Carlo]

^ No, LAZY should be an origin story. A very short one.

 

Lazy Origin Story: Dwarven Tunnel-Scout (Male)

 

Snorg Rockbeard stirred from his sleep and climbed out of bed. The dreams had returned: a world in flames, a being of ancient evil awakening, a band of heroes facing insurmoutable odds...

 

The Clerics of Sven Golden-Hammer, deity of the Rockbeard clan, swore that this marked Snorg as The Chosen One, the one Dwarven legend called The Stone-Hero. As a young Tunnel-Scout, a warrior trained in tracking the subterranean goblin foes of the clan, he was supremely qualified for the task. Already he had won The Crossbow of Steel for his exploits in the tunnels and caves of the Granite-Fist mountains. The other young dwarves already looked up to him, and none in the clan doubted his ability to drink ale and wield his battle-hammer, occasionally at the same time.

 

He walked from the tunnel complex and looked out over the Fjords of Frosty-Nose peaks, taking in the bracing air and feeling the apple-sized snowflakes on his ruddy face. The weak winter sun sat low on the horizon and he could hear the wailing of Snow Trolls in the distance. A great quest awaited...

 

"Bugger that," said Snorg, heading back to bed, "I'm gonnae have meself a bacon sandwich then go tae the pub."

 

And so ended Snorg Rockbeard's part in the Quest to halt the Dark Shadows Rising of the Colon of: The Narcolich.

[Darth InSidious]

^ No, LAZY should be an origin story. A very short one.

 

Lazy Origin Story: Dwarven Tunnel-Scout (Male)

 

Snorg Rockbeard stirred from his sleep and climbed out of bed. The dreams had returned: a world in flames, a being of ancient evil awakening, a band of heroes facing insurmoutable odds...

 

The Clerics of Sven Golden-Hammer, deity of the Rockbeard clan, swore that this marked Snorg as The Chosen One, the one Dwarven legend called The Stone-Hero. As a young Tunnel-Scout, a warrior trained in tracking the subterranean goblin foes of the clan, he was supremely qualified for the task. Already he had won The +38 Crossbow of Steel for his exploits in the tunnels and caves of the Granite-Fist mountains. The other young dwarves already looked up to him, and none in the clan doubted his ability to drink ale and wield his battle-hammer, occasionally at the same time.

 

He walked from the tunnel complex and looked out over the Fjords of Frosty-Nose peaks, taking in the bracing air and feeling the apple-sized snowflakes on his ruddy face. The weak winter sun sat low on the horizon and he could hear the wailing of a Snow Troll Eisteddfod in the distance. A great quest awaited...

 

"Hoots, mon, Sod that fer a laff, laddeh," said Snorg, heading back to bed, "I'm gonnae have meself a bacon sandwich then goo tae t'pub. Haggis, gold, etc."

 

And so ended Snorg Rockbeard's part in the Quest to halt the Dark Shadows Rising of the Colon of: The Narcolich.

Fixed for awfulness.

[Walsingham]

I just realised that the whole +38 weapons schtick is basically just laziness. *gasp*

[Darth InSidious]

Resurrecting to add to the setting's awfulness.

 

While there are, as we know, eleven dark gods, most are long-forgotten and shrouded in mystery and have names that few know, Sh'lock'hu,

and Wart Ermoth are amongs the oldest, darkest and foulest, and strike abject terror into all who hear their names... or their produce. For millennia they have worked to corrupt the souls of men as a single entity plotting from the dark layers Beyond The Fringe.

 

They tempt the hearts of mortals with offers of talent, adoration, and fame... which they are granted for fifteen minutes before fading. Instead of going to the hells, though, these unfortunates are taken to the Dark Place and forced to listen to their own ghastly singles for all eternity, stripped of their self-delusions, the awfulness laid bare.

 

They also grant to those insane enough to worship them the prestige class of Mad Bard of Rimtip (Rimtip being a city balanced very precariously on the edge of Bowl-world, and kept in place by the constant motion of its inhabitants and a lot of cogs.)

Edited July 26, 2009 by Darth InSidious

[Cycloneman]

Ah, man, I just found this troll post I made two years ago, have to share it with someone:

 

In his latest ingenious plot to take over the world, Dr. Wily allies himself with Dr. Light once more, pretending that the whole time he was mind controlled by a slug in his brain. The two design a world-travelling robot, capable of phasing between universes, which goes by the name of Cyclone Man (not an author insert), a mad cool antihero who is designed to go evil. Surprisingly, Cyclone Man rebels against his creators and starts traversing the universes.

 

The other characters are:

• Mario, a drug addicted hippy hero who got to do it with the princess of the hippy kingdom he comes from again and again.
  
• Mrs. Samus Malkovich, a pretty-girl-with-a-gun who is obsessed with her hair, yet has to wear a heavy power suit in order to make money to buy dresses and necklaces.
  
• Solid Snake, a nerdy, nice kid who kept getting pushed around in school by Otacon, and in his adult life was forced to go save the world.
  
• Master Chief, a idiotic, killing obsessed "Spartan" who hits on Samus all the time.
  
• Ferretdis, a mad god of death who loves pain and killing.
  
• Duckel, a nice, prettiful girly-girl god of life and fertility who think Ferretdis is a meany-poo.
  

 

The main plot, after the handful (10-) of comics dedicated to introducing the cast and explaining their origins, is that the gang arrives in the world of Pok

[Calax]

we also need to set it up so that any form of enjoyment (sex, taking pleasure in a kill, whatever) leads to darkness.

[Deadly_Nightshade]

we also need to set it up so that any form of enjoyment (sex, taking pleasure in a kill, whatever) leads to darkness.

 

Not that the "darkness" is a bad thing - although the setting should think that it is.

[Darth InSidious]

Nah, much simpler than that - for each action you take that isn't sickly and nice in the Bambi sense of the word, you gain a DAMNATION POINT. If you build up five DAMNATION POINTS you have to do a roll of 19d3 + your damnability saving throw vs. the power of the Dark Gods or suffer an ailment of some kind (depending on the output value of the sum). For each five damnation points you get, the power of the Dark Gods goes up, and if you're still alive at five-hundred DP, you are consumed by INFERNO for 8d5 rounds (subject to another save and transforming into a lich; otherwise your character is permanently dead).

[Walsingham]

I think it should mean darkness, as in literally getting dark. That would be freaking hilarious in large gatherings such as formal dinners.

[alanschu]

But if you become too dark, it's never impossible to decide to fully redeem yourself.

[Calax]

But if you become too dark, it's never impossible to decide to fully redeem yourself.

and all you have to do to redeem your self is say you accept the light into your life....

[Monte Carlo]

You should be able to use The Dark Side as a cheezy game mechanic, i.e. "falling" (bonus) "redemption" (bonus) then "falling" again (yo-yo badness bonus). This process will lead to unlocking the Harlequin Death-Jester Ninja prestige class.

 

We deliberately ignore this piece of twinkiness as to fuel flame wars on internet gaming forums, to deliberately encourage discussion of our brilliant fantasy setting.

[Darth InSidious]

How many prestige classes does that make now? I make seven. Perhaps there should be only a single base class - Useless Hobo - which has access to all of the low-level requirements for prestige classes, so you simply have to decide which of the eight-billion prestige classes to multiclass with.

 

Also, a little more background on Rimtip:

 

Also known as The Seasick City, Rimtip balalnces precariously on the edge of Nefer-Khetef or BOWL-WORLD as outsiders call it, about twenty miles from Sod It, I'll Settle Here. Ruled over by His Tired Emotionality, King Oliver LXVIIIth, the city's balance is maintained in two ways: first, by carefully planned weight distribution in the form of housing estates made of different materials. As a general rule, the wealthy live in the brick and stone middle, while the poor live (often rather briefly) in the paper shanties that make up the outer rim. The second method by which the city's precarious balance is maintained is by the constant civil war, which keeps the population in motion long enough to prevent any one part of the rim from being populated by more than any other.

 

The city is entirely inhabited by pirates, and non-pirates are quickly robbed and/or slaughtered upon arrival, if male, and if female, slept with. The city's main rivals are the Warrior Maidens of Laaaa, who have assaulted the city six times in the last century, and each time have been defeated and returned forcefully pronouncing their chastity. They consider the pirate city an abomination against Yulie, which is partly why Yam Greatest and Best suggested its foundation to Black Toby One-Beard in the first place.

[Monte Carlo]

The existence of paper buildings on Bowl World creates intriguing possibilities, not least the Papier Mache Master, a warrior who can Bend Paper to His Will! His arch-enemy is the Origami Summoner, a feral sorcerer who can spew forth millions of tiny folded up demons to do his bidding. The slums of Rimtip are known for producing the greatest Summoners on the whole of Bowl World, beings who can turn a two-up-two down cardboard hovel into a ravaging horde of tiny paper demons!

 

The Warrior Maidens of Laaaa experienced a major doctrinal schism when their grand War-Mistress, Vixonia XVIII, hired a mercenary army of Papier Mache Masters to assault the paper walls. Their subsequent conduct in the slums of Rimtip caused a major reputation loss, leading to the formation of the Fell Order of Warrior Hags (all of whom obtained the Harlequin Death-Jester Ninja prestige class).

 

I hope someone is writing all this down for the splat-book.

[Calax]

The existence of paper buildings on Bowl World creates intriguing possibilities, not least the Papier Mache Master, a warrior who can Bend Paper to His Will! His arch-enemy is the Origami Summoner, a feral sorcerer who can spew forth millions of tiny folded up demons to do his bidding. The slums of Rimtip are known for producing the greatest Summoners on the whole of Bowl World, beings who can turn a two-up-two down cardboard hovel into a ravaging horde of tiny paper demons!

 

The Warrior Maidens of Laaaa experienced a major doctrinal schism when their grand War-Mistress, Vixonia XVIII, hired a mercenary army of Papier Mache Masters to assault the paper walls. Their subsequent conduct in the slums of Rimtip caused a major reputation loss, leading to the formation of the Fell Order of Warrior Hags (all of whom obtained the Harlequin Death-Jester Ninja prestige class).

 

I hope someone is writing all this down for the splat-book.

And the Rimtip are always scared of the amazing enemies from beyond the edge of the world (to them) that have *gasp* steel blades!