Had to share this

[Kalfear]

If you play an online game that you enjoy, there's one surefire way to spoil the experience: read the forums on the official site. There you will find a vast underworld of lost souls keening their misery onto your screen. A game you thought was entertaining, well-balanced and attractive will be torn apart before your very eyes and pronounced lacking in every conceivable way.

 

It doesn't matter that the complainers spend as much time on the game as you do, and probably more. While they may disagree on the nature of the flaws, they are united in agreement that whatever those flaws may be, they are unforgivable.

 

Herewith then, a guide to the deranged, degraded inhabitants of the forums. You cannot defeat them, they provide precious little experience, but if they get their claws on you, they may turn you into one of their own.

 

The Power Craver

 

Wants only one thing -- more power with less effort. Any downgrade in power is infuriating. Any upgrade is insufficient.

 

Sample Quote: "I can't believe they nerfed the pillar of lava spell! How am I supposed to kill twelve ogres at once now?"

 

Punishment: Forced to admit that no matter how powerful in the game, still works as a cashier at Kroger in real life.

 

The Magical Realist

 

Doesn't understand what a "game" is. Constantly makes arguments based on what would be "realistic," even if the game is set in a fantasy world run by wizards and pixies.

 

Sample Quote: "You can't tell me a Mondlagarian Tiger Warrior is stronger than a Swamp Troll. That just doesn't make sense!"

 

Punishment: Sent back to kindergarten for remedial make-believe classes.

 

The Majority Stockholder

 

Seems to believe that $15 a month buys you a seat on the board of directors. Doesn't realize that a hundred thousand other people are ponying up the same amount.

 

Sample Quote: "I've e-mailed the developers several times telling them that Fire Paladins should have the axe-throwing skill. They haven't changed it, but they're still taking my money!."

 

Punishment: Forced to work customer service for an online game company.

 

The Emancipator

 

Sees the game as a titanic struggle between the evil expressive developers and the poor, downtrodden gamers. The evidence? Every rule and limitation in the game.

 

Sample Quote: "I don't see why I have to complete quests to get epic weapons! If I want my second-level Bumblefur Bard to wield the Deathsword of Arat'rak'k'k'k, that's my right! Quit telling me how to play!"

 

Punishment: Sent to Sudan to experience first-hand what oppression actually feels like.

 

The Eternal Quitter

 

Just comes on the forum to let everyone know he's quitting for good and to spend a dozen paragraphs explaining why. Then does it again three months later.

 

Sample Quote: "For real, this time."

 

Punishment: Forced to actually quit.

 

One-Issue Poster

 

Only has one complaint, but posts about it 15 times a day. This is because nobody else cares.

 

Sample Quote: "THE LAVENDER STARBELT IS ACTUALLY PERIWINKLE!!!! WHY DON'T THEY FIX THIS??!!!?!"

 

Punishment: Lavender Starbelt changed to lilac.

 

The Lifestyler

 

Wants a bunch of cosmetic changes to a single type of character. Exhibits an eerie level of identification with said character.

 

Sample Quote: "The Pastry Elves' laugh should be less bubbly and more tinkly. Our giggle should remind you of gazing at the stars as a child, and our smile should make you think of the taste of honey on a cool spring morning."

 

Punishment: Character icon replaced with accurate photograph of self.

 

The Deathmonger

 

Main complaint about the game is that you can't kill everything. Secondary complaint is that the things you can kill don't suffer enough.

 

Sample Quote: "Why can't I make the baker watch me kill his wife and child, then force-feed their flesh to him until his stomach bursts? What is this, Barbie's Horse Adventure?"

 

Punishment: To be determined, pending DNA analysis of freezer contents.

[Walsingham]

most amusing. I particularly like the punishments.

[jaguars4ever]

Forget MMOs, this could easily be applied to our resident posters here. :D

[ElNino]

Some funny ones in there

 

And I probably became an Emancipator after playing SWG.

"Sees the game as a titanic struggle between the evil expressive developers and the poor, downtrodden gamers."

 

Only difference was: I was RIGHT! Damn straight

[Rosbjerg]

Which is why I stopped playing MMORPG .. sad really..

 

 

that said, I would probably fall under the deathmonger catagory .. ... what? I'ts perfectly okay to vent your psychotic rage in a FPS all by yourself - but as soon as you do it in an online game you are a wacko!!?? I'll kill you!!

[Kalfear]

LOL, I been playing MMORPG since they first came out 16 years ago so Im definately

 

The Majority Stockholder

 

Seems to believe that $15 a month buys you a seat on the board of directors. Doesn't realize that a hundred thousand other people are ponying up the same amount.

 

Sample Quote: "I've e-mailed the developers several times telling them that Fire Paladins should have the axe-throwing skill. They haven't changed it, but they're still taking my money!."

 

Punishment: Forced to work customer service for an online game company.

 

Whats sad is I would have loved a job as a CSR for a online game but alas I dont live in India!

[Sand]

Forget MMOs, this could easily be applied to our resident posters here.  :D

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Yeah, like that freak Hades.

[Jorian Drake]

Forget MMOs, this could easily be applied to our resident posters here.  :D

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Yeah, like that freak Hades.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

?

 

 

 

 

He was more normal then you are! (and i also liked him more)

 

:D

Edited November 22, 2006 by jorian

[Dark_Raven]

I like the last one. Awesome.

[Fenghuang]

Forget MMOs, this could easily be applied to our resident posters here.  :D

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Yeah, like that freak Hades.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Is this a cry for help Sandes?

[Kor Qel Droma]

Hold on, let me check the pool...

[mkreku]

But the nerf of paladins in World of Warcraft was real! BELIEVE MEEEE

[Sand]

?

 

 

 

 

He was more normal then you are! (and i also liked him more) 

 

:D

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Hey, I am imperfectly normal.

[Walsingham]

Normal is just a synonym for mediocre, or at least that's what they tell me in my behavioural therapy classes.

 

And how exactly are these things like posters here? What is a deathmonger in board terms?

[Blarghagh]

Me.

 

I want to be able to cuss out every twelve year old on this board.

[Walsingham]

Me.

 

I want to be able to cuss out every twelve year old on this board.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

You wouldn't dare. I'd cry so bad you'd drown.

[mkreku]

Me.

 

I want to be able to cuss out every twelve year old on this board.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

You wouldn't dare. I'd cry so bad you'd drown.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Get away from me, I'm warning you! I know karate, kung fu.. and 47 other dangerous words!