Part of Second Chapter

[DarkAngle]

Hey,

Here is part of chapter II of my Revan aftermath story. I have not written on it in a long time because I'm trying to get into a good collage.

 

Half a galaxy away, a speeder came to rest on a elevated platform on the world of Coresant. On board was a jedi, and a famous one at that. Bastila Shan was known for her part in the destruction of the dread sith lord Revan and the demise of his apprentice. Or so every one thought. And no one would recognize the famed jedi in her present state. Dressed in torn clothes more suited to a migrant worker than a member of the prestigious Jedi Order, Bastila was here for a purpose other than being on the holo news and meeting cheering crowds. She doubted that she would have received such a warm welcome any way.

 

 

[DarkAngle]

What? No one's interested? I know it took a long time, but come on! Lets not be women here and give the silent treatment!

[The Great Phantom]

Didn't read the first 'installment', but this one looks fairly decent (I'm not going to say it was great, because if it was it would have been made into Kotor III by now ). It gave me some ideas for my mindless wonderings (punny, anybody? ), and I do like Bastila as a character... I've never really thought of any Jedi as 'vivacious,' though.

[jedielfsorcerer]

i thought that it was very good. it was my first time reading this, just now. and the first time of this kind of thing. i hope someone would make kotor3. but not the one who did 2. unless they are alowed time to FINISH it.

[Kinslayer]

Nice stuff Dark Angel, I really liked it ....you say this is the second part, could you then put a link to the first part please.

[Dark Moth]

Hey, nice job! Another fanfic writer is okay with me. Good job so far.

 

By the way, not to bother you, but if you can, please check one of my own as well. I'm always eager for opinions on them.

Edited January 14, 2006 by Mothman

[DarkAngle]

I stink at putting in links, so I will post the first here. As I said, I'm trying to get into collage and I am several weeks behind in school, so I have very few chances to write.

 

 

Star Wars:

Knights of the Old Republic:

Journey of Revan

 

 

Chapter I

 

My name is Revan. I am a collage of light and dark, for my history is twisted and evil. I hardly know who or what I am anymore. I have been so many things: jedi, sith, jedi again, soldier, adventurer, and lover. My life has taken many paths that lead me to this one. Life is but a bitter sweet memory for me. I live in a shell, the remains of a once proud man.

 

A ship tore through the star cluster at blinding speed. Battered and worn, the ship was an old Czerca Star Traveler 500 light freighter. At the controls sat an enigma of a man, his dark eyes scanning the controls for signs of trouble. This kind of travel was dangerous, jumping blind into an unknown star system, but was necessary giving the fact that there were no known charts of the area. Nebulas, planets and asteroid fields washed by in a blinding blue and white tunnel, and then retracted to reveal a solitary system. The ship reverted to real space, and began to scan the area. After confirming the lack of living presence, the ship laid a course towards the nearest planet in the system and entered its atmosphere. Dodging mountain ranges and storms, the ship finally settled down on an obscure landing pad in a cloud of dust kicked up by the repulsocoils.

 

In the ****pit, the man turned slightly and spoke to his dark companion who stood in the shadows.

 

 

[DarkAngle]

Look, come on ppl1 I take my precious time to post quality work here and I get no constructive critisim here! What do you think!?

[Wild Storm]

As I said, I'm trying to get into collage and I am several weeks behind in school, so I have very few chances to write.

And here is why your not getting into college...

[Draken]

Don't be so negative, Storm. Nobody can get into a collage.

[Blank]

Hey dudz. I write fanfic 2:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your sardonic post obviously took so much time that it simply became pathetic.

 

 

@DarkAngle:

i read your story in its chronological order and i thought you did a good job. as for constructive critisism, i dont have much to say, since i am not a good writer. there are a couple grammatical errors that, when easily corrected, would probably make the story slightly more cohesive. but don't worry much at all about that, since grammar never made a writer what he/she is. anyway, keep it up

[GhostofAnakin]

No offense DarkAngle, but I don't think a gaming forum is necessarily the best place to expect constructive critisism on your fan fics. A lot of the people who frequent this forum are actually not even big Star Wars fans, but rather cRPG or Obsidian (BIS) fans and thus have no interest in actually reading about Star Wars.

 

There are a lot of sites for fan fics if you want good feedback. Alas, I don't think this is it.

 

Don't take this post as a shot at you, but rather as explanation for why you're not getting feedback or constructive critisism.

[Dark_Raven]

No offense DarkAngle, but I don't think a gaming forum is necessarily the best place to expect constructive critisism on your fan fics.  A lot of the people who frequent this forum are actually not even big Star Wars fans, but rather cRPG or Obsidian (BIS) fans and thus have no interest in actually reading about Star Wars.

 

There are a lot of sites for fan fics if you want good feedback.  Alas, I don't think this is it. 

 

Don't take this post as a shot at you, but rather as explanation for why you're not getting feedback or constructive critisism.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

GoA is right on this. Plus if you are going to advertise your work like this, get ready to have a thick skin. You will have people praise and belittle your work. You must take the bad with the good.

[DarkAngle]

I have thick skin. I am not a writer by any form of the meaning of the word. My sister is the writer, I'm the math person. Since she thinks star wars was shot out of GJ's butt, she will not write about it. So I did. But, yeah, I will find some place else to post my work.