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Real Life Jokes


Janmanden

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Wit from life:

 

So this guy right across the table just asked me:

Dude: "Do you have an email address?"

Me: "yeah, I even send you an email once, it's probably still in your inbox"

Dude: "Hotmail?"

Me: "Nah, it's probably cold by now..."

 

In Real life I am so scary...

 

 

edit: added a post icon post-posting.

Edited by Janmanden

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I was buing new glasses couple of weeks ago.

 

Clerk: "Can you see without your glasses?"

Me: "Of course I can. I just wear them to appear more intelligent."

 

Perhaps the best joke I ever did was in last year

Edited by kirottu

This post is not to be enjoyed, discussed, or referenced on company time.

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This big, drunk guy once wrestled his way into the restrooms at a local bar I was at once. As I was standing next in line when he bullied himself in I said, "Excuse me, but could you move away please? It was my turn.". He looked at me and snarled, "I don't move for idiots!", to which I replied, "Well, I do." and walked away.

 

I got a lot of smiles and high5's from the queue, but I don't think the big, drunk guy got the insult to this day.

Swedes, go to: Spel2, for the latest game reviews in swedish!

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"This reminds me of last night." Everybody in 5 meter radious was totally silent... and I was having a blast.  :D

:D Totally out of the left field.

kirottu said:
I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.

 

It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

So let us go and embrace the rustling smells of unseen worlds

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This big, drunk guy once wrestled his way into the restrooms at a local bar I was at once. As I was standing next in line when he bullied himself in I said, "Excuse me, but could you move away please? It was my turn.". He looked at me and snarled, "I don't move for idiots!", to which I replied, "Well, I do." and walked away.

 

I got a lot of smiles and high5's from the queue, but I don't think the big, drunk guy got the insult to this day.

I would have just headbutted him... :wub:

 

 

But thats just me :(

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The other day my friend and I went outside to smoke a lefty, it was pretty cold and I noticed he was wearing just a t-shirt.

I asked,"Do you want uhhh....jacket?"

 

Friend, "Nah."

 

"Oh so you just want to suck it."

 

I know pretty crass, but we couldn't help but laugh for several min.

People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair.

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a girl walked up to me and said "If you were my dog I'd get your hair cut"

and I said "if you were my parrot you would learn to shut up!"

 

another time .. this time I was left speechless .. I had a contest with a friend about who could be the most obnoxius flirter! so we would walk up to a girl and say something like "Damn your ****** smells good" or something stupid .. so I did, but the girl replied "no, see me and my boyfriend was just outside and he pumped me full so it kinda stinks!" = (me) :huh:

Edited by Rosbjerg

Fortune favors the bald.

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Example? :blink: That sounds strangely familiar to me and some of my friends actually, although most of our conversations usually end up with us talking strange things about inanimate objects, like leaves :thumbsup:

 

The best example without being too wordy is take how Volourn and I banter back and forth but intensify it with lewd comments and occasional singing.

Edited by Hades_One
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In first year at uni, everyone was busy trying to make friends at our student union in the first week of term... I remember one night I was talking to this girl (who now is one of my awesome housemates and best friends) and I discovered that she was completely immune to sarcasm and was gullible enough to believe anything (she's now become extremely untrustworthy due to my teachings, however... and somewhat jaded... :p" )

 

By the end of the evening, she believed I was an 18 year old former, recovering alcoholic with a coke problem and with three kids to three different men :D

[color=gray][i]OO-TINI![/i][/color]

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