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Spellmar Says


EnderAndrew

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Its Emportent 2 Speek English Reel Good-Like!

 

 

* Don't use no double negatives.

* Don't never use no triple negatives.

* No sentence fragments.

* Corollary: Complete sentences: Important.

* Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.

* Avoid cliches like the plague.

* All generalizations are bad.

* Corollary: All statements must be specific.

* Never listen to advice.

* Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.

* A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.

* Down with categorical imperatives.

* Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever...if you get my drift...

* Never contradict yourself always.

* You should never use the second person.

* When dangling, watch your participles.

* Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland...

* As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."

* Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!

* Remember to end each sentence with a period

* Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.

* Don't use question marks inappropriately?

* Don't be terse.

* Don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.

* Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.

* Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.

* Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.

* Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.

* Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations.

* Generally speaking, generalizations apply to most people, most of the time.

* Surely you wouldn't want to be sarcastic, right?

* Don't patronize your readers, not that you would understand what it means to patronize.

* It is well to do good when matching verbs with adverbs and nouns with adjectives.

* Absolutely never use absolute statements.

* Don't leave prepositions following.

* It is certainly a faus pax to use foreign terms that people might not comprenda.

* I don't care what you say! You shouldn't be argumentative!

* Even when leaving Asia, your language shouldn't be disorienting.

* Try not to confuse the reader. They might trample plungers and skite your daisyboom.

* Don't abbreviate. Abrv are bad.

* ALL CAPS = BADNESS = COMING ACROSS LIKE AN IMMATURE POOPYHEAD

COROLLARY: EXAGGERATION = GALACTIC BADNESS LVL 10 BILLION!!!!

* in summary and conclusion (to wrap things up) ummm...U, like don't express urself well unless U do that thing where U organize your thoughts, and then U utilize the steps that I totally like mentioned above in a coherent, smart (intelligent???) manner with that gramer stuff sooooo.... talk good or people don't respect your smarts!

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* Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.

Aren't these redundant ?

 

:p

“He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice.” - Albert Einstein

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I have a hard time with sentence fragments. I think in fragments.

I too, often think in fragments. In Spanish, the subject can often be implied. In English, if you leave the subject out, you have a fragment.

 

Fragment good. Sentences bad.

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I have a hard time with sentence fragments. I think in fragments.

I too, often think in fragments. In Spanish, the subject can often be implied. In English, if you leave the subject out, you have a fragment.

 

Fragment good. Sentences bad.

We must stop Yoda before he ruins the English lang.. err, Galactic Basic. Join with me to ban StarWars from the public education system. His viral language must be stopped before it grows out of proportion and into the orifice of every child's mind. Now who's with me? :) anyone?

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you actually shouldn't have a problem with so many different cultures in your country. just ring up your hispanic neighbor and learn some spanish. or your chinese neighbor and learn some mandarin.

 

granted, when i lived in kansas, all my neighbors just spoke english...

 

... i had to drive through many many corn fields to GET to the neighbors in the first place... but... you get the idea...

 

god.

 

so.

many.

corn.

fields.

 

for miles... and miles... and miles...

 

man, was i glad to be back in the city :)

It's very hard to be polite if you're a cat.

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you actually shouldn't have a problem with so many different cultures in your country. just ring up your hispanic neighbor and learn some spanish. or your chinese neighbor and learn some mandarin.

 

granted, when i lived in kansas, all my neighbors just spoke english...

 

... i had to drive through many many corn fields to GET to the neighbors in the first place... but... you get the idea...

 

god.

 

so.

many.

corn.

fields.

 

for miles... and miles... and miles...

 

man, was i glad to be back in the city :)

That's my exact problem in my town...though it is a bit more urban than what you described. I kid you not though, the most black people I've seen here in one place at the same time was at the UPS center....go figure. ;)

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