Moscow Post
Jan. 15, 1904
Empress Suffers Concusion
Lady Darkside was hospitalized Saturday due to a concusion she recieved after repeatedly banging her head into a stone wall screaming "Stupid stupid STUPID!!!!" There is no official word on her condition, and reporters are not being permitted to see her. However, it appears she should be back to normal soon, as she could be heard several wards away screaming, "Filthy Germans! Just you see, I'll kill them all! I won't rest until I have Deraldin's head! Just you wait, I'll... nurse? NURSE! Bring me more vodka!"