Family Issues

['GM']

Another thing came to mind... it could be that the parents may have originally had someone else in mind for their son. Happens quite often really. And when it does, it is sometimes hard to accept the son or daughters choice for a spouse no matter what kind of person that spouse is. Attitudes, actions etc can get a bit distorted under those circumstances.

[Amentep]

This sounds like the basic problem is acceptance...

 

I'd argue it sounds like a problem of "silent expectations". I know a woman who is a mother and she constantly complains that her daughter-in-law never volunteers to help her in the kitchen. She hates people helping her in the kitchen and wants people out from underfoot when she's cooking. But she still feels like her DIL should volunteer to help in the kitchen to show that her DIL cares. And then she can politely decline the offer.

 

More than likely her son told his wife that his mom hates having people in the kitchen and she just avoids the area when she's cooking not realizing that she's slowly grating on the nerves of her mother-in-law.

 

The short answer is yes, he is clearly exaggerating. I have a good example that I have tried to use with him, and I will share it with you guys.

 

About a year ago, we had my parents over for dinner. When they arrived, my wife noticed that we had very little wine in the house, and my dad is a big wine guy. We have a winery just down the street from our house, and so she asked my father if he would like to go with her and pick something out there. I thought this was a great idea, it gave my father a chance to do something he enjoys and I thought it might be a nice moment for him and my wife to share together. Of course she paid for the bottle, so that should not have offended him.

 

I brought this up when he was listing all the character flaws of my wife, and his take on the story was very different. First, he says as a host we should have already had the wine. Then he said it was inconsiderate that he had to leave the gathering and go with my wife. Lastly, he said the winery was not really that good (which is a bit crazy, this is a winery that has existed since 1925 and is quite famous.)

 

I was flabbergasted by this response. It just showed me how different our perspectives are. I really have no idea how to guide someone into seeing the good in somebody, so I'm really at a loss.

 

I'd have to agree with your father on the first two of his points. We've been to a lot of parties and also held a lot of parties and never been in a situation where we had to get wine after guests have arrived. It shows that you're not well organised and running things by the seat of your pants. If we arrived at a party and the host had to go out and get wine after guests arrived, We'd be thinking 'what have they been doing all day to be getting wine now?'

 

This is the exact reason why I hate giving or going to parties. I understand some folk feel like that being invited to a party is a honor bound contract that their every whim is catered to by a coterie of servants, but really if'n ye don't like gettin' some vittles and some hooch then you can get your back-end of a donkey back in your cart and throw yourself your own dang party without me. Next you'll be saying that a clean shirt and jeans isn't acceptable dress, that we all need to be in fancy-shmancy evening wear and the silverware should be laid out in accordance to Hoyle...*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*This works best if you imagine "Gabby" Hayes sayin' it.

Edited January 9, 2013 by Amentep