My theory on Sion

[guybrush threepwood]

i put this in the 'bloopers' thread on the bioware forums a while back when i was bored and inspired by the rest of the bloopers and after reading some fanfics on www.kotorfanfic.com

 

This is what i think happened

 

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DARK SIDE ENDING (kotor 1)

 

A soldier walks up to bastilla and revan on the temple, with the crowds still cheering

 

solider: Lord Revan. The star forge is operating at 10000% capacity

 

Revan uses force 'blender' on the man, he dies painfully.

 

Revan: Bastilla i thought i told you to fire Malak's mathematics department

 

Bastilla: I did my lord, but if you took into account the theories stating the impossibility of inter-galactic flight, as the speed of light can never be reached due to the asymptotic increase in mass as c is approached, and that nobody really knows how the hyperdrive works, you would know that the galaxy uses an impossibility probability function to achieve what is against the laws of physics

 

Revan:.....Ok. Anyway, last time we were here you said something about being my 'lover and apprentice'

 

Bastilla: You won't be getting ANY if you don't let me wear some less revealing clothes

 

Revan shakes in anger, then calms down. As he does so, an incredibly handsome noble jedi, one of best and most heroic of the jedi order, jumps from the crowd onto the temple next to revan with his lightsaber drawn.

 

Noble Jedi: Though shalt repent thine sins! The force shall forgive thee! draw upon the light unbeliever! Let the force forgive you for your sins!

 

Revan: Ahahahaha. You crack me up. Who is this guy bastilla?

 

Bastilla: This is Jedi Knight Sion. (Bastilla spits in disgust). He tried to come on to me once back in the acadamy.(A lie, bastilla smirks knowing what revan will do to him)

 

Revan: WHAT! Goddamn it i can't belive you SOB! I'm gonna rip your throat out!

 

Revan starts work on sion with a non fatal amount of force blender. He then uses a combination of force internal organ implode, and force internal organ explode, whilst using force rip da ****en skin of his body then force poorly paste it back on, finishing up with force storm, force crush, and force lukemia. Revan lastly draws upon sions own force power to create a force bond within sions body that held his body together.

 

Revan: Goddamn it, lets go on a holiday. I can't stand these people. I think i left my travel book on korriban. Lets go

 

Revan and bastilla get lost in space for one year, and have various misadventures with a mischievous robot, before finally finding korriban. He searches for his travel book, and takes a long holiday with bastilla, but leaves t3 and hk-47 to do some killin for him.

 

 

Anyone got any other theories?

[GarethCarrots]

an entertaining read, mite wanna edit out the f word tho, part from that got me laughing for once

[Jad'en]

Lol :D

[Darth Tratious]

i thought that was pretty funny especially when revan gets mad and says that WHAT ! part