Commissar

Lysol will kill spiders if you spray enough on them. And I thought I made it clear that the Raid was not my idea in the first place. But tell you what, Child...c'mon over and argue with her. Do it. Please. Let me go out for a beer.

Damn right. Torture? Fine. Eavesdropping? Sure. But sending trained spiders to prevent my wife from dressin' up all slutty is crossing a line.

Or Republican.

Because they apparently tried to tie me up and steal my wallet last night. Plus, the wife hates them, and I don't really like being obliged to stay awake until she's asleep, dutifully holding a flashlight and a can of Raid. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Awww... That's so sweet. :D <{POST_SNAPBACK}> No. Know what? It's not sweet. Nothing about marriage is sweet or cute after the first month or so. I made the argument, and I was dead ****ing serious, that she should be the one to stay up, if one of us had to, since the spiders went after me. But no, she says, she's the one who's afraid of spiders, so I should stay up. But I'm going to sleep eventually, I say. Sure, she says, but not until I go to sleep, to make sure no spiders get on me. Will you go to bed early, I ask. No, she says. But when I do go to bed, I'll be asleep in like ten minutes. Which of course she's not, because when someone's waiting for you to go to sleep, what do you do? You stay awake to make sure they're awake and waiting for. Me? I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Give me the Season 2 episode of Columbo, A Stitch in Crime, and there's a certain five-minute section, a conversation between Peter Falk and Leonard Nimoy, that puts me to sleep without fail. WITHOUT FAIL. But she has to stay up half the damn night, making sure that I'm staying up to keep these phantom spiders off of her. And you know what else? I wanted some booty. It was a good night for it, damnit, and she had earlier mentioned the little French maid outfit, which I thought was an absolutely aces idea. But spiders in the bed kill sex, of course. And I still can't find a single goddamn spider. I've been looking everywhere, working on the theory that if they're truly malicious, they'd know I was looking for them, and thus found a way to travel farther than the average spider, so I'm checking downstairs and ****. No dice. And since I can't find a single ****ing culprit, she's still freaked out, so guess what that means? No sex for Commissar, with or without costumes. Little ****-blockers. When I woke up and felt spiderwebs, I thought, "Man, this sucks." I had no idea.

Because they apparently tried to tie me up and steal my wallet last night. Plus, the wife hates them, and I don't really like being obliged to stay awake until she's asleep, dutifully holding a flashlight and a can of Raid.

I don't even know if we have spiders. Still haven't seen one, and it's January, for Christ's sake. They should all be hibernating or something.

You know, I always thought the worst sleeping experience with insects I'd ever have was a BOQ in Florida. Woke up with two roaches running around in my hand, and I'd feel them running across my face all night. And Florida roaches are huge. I think I'd prefer that to this, though. What I don't understand is what the hell this spider(s) was up to.

Same, and I believe wolf spiders, too. I've been doing research for an hour or so while I stand watch. Women are great, guys.

Yeah, I ain't allergic to them, but we've got poisonous varities around here. And it's significantly different than being in the field, you bastard. This is my house, g'damnit. Edit: Those camel spiders over there, by the way? Like something out of a horror movie.

What if they eat me this time?

Yes. It wouldn't occur to her, 'cause she's terrified of spiders.

...happened to me this morning, and I thought I would share it with everyone. When I woke up, I was covered with spiderwebs. Covered. My wife, sleeping right next to me, did not have a single one on her. When I informed her of the situation, she freaked the hell out, as I was myself rather on the verge of doing, and despite a good hour and a half of hunting - I even called in to work to tell 'em I'd be late - we couldn't find a single spider. I am at home once more, but I think I might spend the night in a hotel.

Depends entirely on the violation. A former head of the CIA's Directorate of Operations, back when it was the Directorate of Operations, famously stated that CIA officers around the globe break the law a thousand times a day. We had A-teams in Iraq up to two months before invading, according to some reports, which is technically a violation of international law. Are either of those examples worthy of a big leak scandal brouhaha? Not in my opinion. Here's the thing about the NSA stuff: I was initially against it, very strongly, and now I'm not entirely sure. I spoke with someone slightly more connected to this sort of thing than I, and he suggested that what they're doing, when the reporters are saying they're monitoring phone calls from American citizens to terrorist suspects, is actually more like an Echelon system; in other words, the NSA's using computers to analyze huge amounts of traffic, looking for patterns, and zooming in on suspects to actually listen in on that way. If they don't get a warrant to eavesdrop at that point, I'm still against it. But getting a warrant for 250 million people for the initial step would be a little wacky.

I've hunted deer and pheasant. I vastly prefer pheasant, because you don't feel as bad shooting them. With deer hunting, you've got to eat the meat. With pheasant hunting, eh...they're big pigeons, really.

Actually, you can't sue military doctors. And it's not that I really think they'd accidentally saw my arm off or something. Nor is it the cost, since insurance covers any and all visits. It's simply not willing to be bothered to go down there, stand around for an hour and a half, and be told to take the antibiotics I already have at home for ten days.

No. My ears don't hurt when I try to pop them, either, it's my sinus that hurts.

Because we all know how effective those are. Put some "soldiers" who've never seen combat in a ditch with a Swiss Army knife and a blue hat, and make damn sure they're aware that no matter what happens, they can't do anything. Wait, I just figured out why you approve of those.

That's fine. Something tells me we'll be able to struggle on without Danish benevolence. If you have no sense of moral imperatives, see no value in intervening in world affairs to attempt to better the common good, then it'd be better if you did retreat into the mists of the north and stayed there until folks with a better sense of common decency emerged among you.

I suggest you do a little general history research on the Middle East. It's always been a mess. As far as not going to war over the first World Trade Center attack, I don't know why we didn't. Perhaps because we didn't have a good target. That's the problem with terrorism, really. But we've responded, I believe, to every terrorist attack on this country in some way. With September 11th, Bush decided that enough was enough. On that, I agree with him. We can look like whatever you want us to look like, but we sure as hell aren't dictatorial. In three years, Bush will be out and someone new will be in. That's democracy, not dictatorship. Oh, okay. So terrorism is justified as long as there's a good reason behind it? Jesus Christ. You're horribly misinformed if you think I'm wrong. The United States Army was the first organization to ever state that there was a problem at Abu Ghraib. Nobody else knew about it. Nobody leaked it. The Army reported it, and the press jumped all over it, as they should. What has long since gotten lost in the shuffle is that the Army publicized it's own self-policing, so now people like you think that someone caught them, and forced them to admit it. Nothing could be further from the truth. Before you comment on this again, do a little research, because you're just spewing blatant lies at the moment. Except, of course, for Abu Ghraib. The Army, and the military in general, polices itself very strictly. Everything is investigated, and you don't hear about most of it. Friendly fire incidents are investigated; abuse allegations are investigated; collateral damage or mistaken attacks are investigated. People lose their jobs all the time in the military for screwing up. The list is long and distinguished, like Slider's johnson.

Because of that attitude right there, arrogant yankee bull****... isn't it obvious? Besides, terrorists haven't done anything to my country or region. It was to make a point, but yes, that's why you don't have anything militarily to fear from us. Besides, democracies don't go to war with each other, supposedly. The Germans hadn't done anything to the Brits when the UK declared war on Germany back in '39, either. The Iraqis hadn't done anything to the coalition of nations who fought Desert Storm. You're apparently advocating Hades' policy of isolationism, which is interesting, since it essentially states that as long as you're left alone, people elsewhere can do whatever the hell they want to each other. I think that's a rather cowardly stance. And pray tell, why the hell should they? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Why should anyone? Someone had to do it. No one aside from the US and Great Britain seem willing to take on these international peacekeeping jobs that everyone tacitly acknowledges must be done but refuses to do themselves. Sure, the French or the Dutch will stand around in little blue helmets somewhere, but if the bad guys cross the line, they pull back and pull out. Everyone likes hopping on the US for not engaging in Rwanda or, more recently, the Sudan, but I have to ask...where were you guys? There are plenty of places where an armed group of well-trained men can make a difference in the world, and whenever the US isn't in any of those places, it gets condemned, nevermind the fact that nobody else is moving so much as an inch to go. I fully agree with the premise that we ought to go into those places, but I have to wonder; if we did, how much louder would you scream about how we're interfering in another country's affairs once again? North Vietnam was invading, with the intent to take over, South Vietnam; everyone loves pointing out our involvement there as evidence of American stupidity. We fought the war wrong, and we did it for the wrong reasons (containment of communism), but the premise itself is still quite acceptable. When another country or a people are in trouble, the nations of the world who even pay basic lip service to the ideals of freedom and self-determination are obliged to help them out.

I'm sorry, are you suggesting that the Middle East has only been unstable since we invaded Iraq? Timothy McVeigh was a terrorist, as was the Unabomber. I'm not sure what your point is. I do suggest you check out what happened on October 23, 1983, though. Ah, another Nazi comparison. You win the thread, Battlewookiee. Because the situation is the exact same; we're in the middle of a huge depression, laboring under an unfair treaty agreement, and generally down in the dumps, looking for a strong leader to return us to glory. Please. Why not just tell the truth? You don't care about terrorists because you dislike America more than them. You would probably dislike America more than them even if they attacked Dutchland or wherever it is you're from. You dislike America because you're well aware that you can't step outside your house without seeing some sign of it. You dislike America because America has the guts to saddle up and go out and do things in the world, and all you can do is sit within a stagnant, gutless society and bark about how we're destroying the world. If that's the case, stand up and do something about it. You dislike America because we're the sole superpower in the world, and we remind you of it. You think it's arrogance when we're dealing with the cold, hard facts. Europe is economically profitable; we're not going to invade Europe. But that's your big fear, huh? Because we're just like Nazi Germany, despite being in exactly the opposite situation. No, they didn't leak it out. They officially announced that they were investigating abuses at Abu Ghraib prison, and that is the first time that anyone was ever aware of it. The Army broke the story, not some investigative journalist, but nobody remembers that anymore, do they? They didn't get caught red-handed, they announced that they were investigating their own soldiers for misconduct. How have we oppressed you? We're back to the argument, "I don't like America, and therefore anything it does is wrong." I could be wrong, since you're the obvious expert on the military here, but weren't the NVA involved in that little fracas, too?

Oh, come on. I don't remember the Swedes running endless sorties in the no-fly zones. The French did, until '96, when they got bored and went home. The Middle East is unstable; how much more unstable do you think it would be without the threat of a MEU swinging on down to stymie any land-grabs not performed by Israel? Terrorists hit American servicement overseas these days, it's true; it's been true for decades. Nevertheless, American military presence still ensures stability like no other nation can. A bigger concern for you? In what way? We don't own Europe through our military prowess, we own you lot through our economics. Walk out your door and buy a Coca-Cola, or a Big Mac at McDonalds. For better or worse, those are the tools of American dominance in most parts of the world. We're not going to take you guys over; you're generating too much cash. Why not worry about the idiots running around blowing up planes, trains, and automobiles at random? You still haven't answered my question about who broke the Abu Ghraib story. You probably smelled a setup, though I doubt you actually knew the answer. It was the US Army. Anyone heard the story of that German guy who got picked up by the CIA in Macedonia, flown to Afghanistan, and interrogated for six months? I'm amazed you heard that story. How many other countries would let that guy live instead of just shooting him in the back of the head? Nobody knew he was there except the spooks. They made a mistake, and they let him go when they figured it out. Bitch all you want about how it took six months, I'm serious: think long and hard about how many other countries would let him go in the first place. Why not? Don't you want to contribute to the future stability of Iraq? Haven't you been complaining about US wanton destruction and murder for at least six different threads? If your boys can do it so much better, why not send 'em over? I mean, beyond the fact that there are only three of them, and they're not allowed to carry ammunition or anything sharp?

There's nothing wrong with my ears. I'm still not even entirely sure this is a sinus infection. Sure sounds like it, but I've never had one before, so no real way to be sure.

If you can inhale, inhale a blast of ammonia through your nose ( vapors only obviously ). If it feels like you're opening sinuses in the back of your head then your sinuses are clear and you have other problems. I found this out when I found some of my parent's ammonia caps. I thought they were amal nitrate and took a big blast. Christ that hurt. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Should I mix it with bleach? I think I'll go mix it with bleach.

I do, in fact. But my choices up here are pretty slim as to where to actually use it. Naval medicine is bad juju. Have a close family member who had a kidney removed because some swabbie doc thought that he had a cancerous tumor in it. Turned out to be benign. Or I can head on out to Billy Bob's K-4 Clinic. Neither one sounds appealing. You guys solved my problem. I just need to drop some antibiotics and I'll be right as rain.