Bleh. Most of what I wanted to say has been said by Eldar, so for what it's worth, it's a nice little piece IMO. You use a particular style, and while my lack of knowledge on boring literary history prevents an eloquent description of that style, you and I both know what it is, I hope. The style is never wildly subverted, but that helps give a consistency of timbre and a sor tof cohesion to a story that might otherwise sway about its axes a little too wildly.
On the cohesion issue, I did experience some confusion on the Iain/Narrator area, but I didn't need to read twice to get it sorted out. I don't see it a sa flaw in your writing, really.
Jeremiah's introduction made me feel that the story was reaching a second arc, and it did feel a little abrupt or even rushed when it got to the actual killing. On one hand, I like the fact that this construction lends to the character's attitude to the murder, while on the other hand it leaves you a little shor. Hm, but then that's not such a bad thing either, huh?