Update 2
Terribly sorry for the delay. It might be my fault for making it too complicated for myself... and of course I believe my copy of F:NV has arrived today Nevertheless, Gwyneth Higginbottom has now delivered her verdict on the first exploits of the Single Men:
As dawn broke, most Single Men were ready and raring to go on their first Day Date. Two, however, were nowhere to be found: Nightshade, the Goth-Emo, and Tale, the Creepy Dude, would not be seen for the rest of the day. Some speculated that the two had retreated to a private conference of the creepy, while others adjoined that the more likely scenario was an embarrassing case of nervousness. All Single Men present laughed heartily and stroked their belly at this pronouncement, thereby reassuring each other that they weren't nervous at all, oh no.
Their target this day was one Gwyneth Higginbottom, a woman whose hatred of the male sex literally oozed out of her ears. Recognising the demands of the majority of Single Men, we asked her to await them at a club with a light drink, although she was not entirely sure why she was there at 10a.m. The first to arrive on the scene (PROTIP: because all dates, unless specified, are processed in the order of posting), was none other than...
The Architect,
the Avatar of Cheese. Confidently strutting towards Ms. Higginbottom, he opens with the line, “I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I have the box it came in?”. As a hell-bent feminist, Gwyneth turns to snap at him, claws raised, but takes one look at his slick, charming figure and appears to reconsider. Not passing up the chance, Architect hands her a wrapped box with his phone number inside, before departing with a loud wink and a "G'day, Ms. Nicebottom." Staring at his wiggling bottom, she appears unable to decide whether to throw her glass at him or swoon. The Architect's cheese has overcome Ms. Higginbottom's aversion to men. He gains +5 POS.
Mkreku,
the Weirdo, is up next. He is not wearing any pants, sports a lipstick'd latex mask of George W. Bush, and attemps to dry-hump Ms. Higginbottom. Unfortunately, Gwyneth knows several methods of self-defence and remembered that you break a wine bottle under-arm, not over-arm, before stabbing strange people in the face. It took Mkreku several hours to wash the blood out of the latex mask. He loses -5 POS.
Walsingham,
's witty yet stylish pick-up line of "Kuong trang naz vedkya" might well have succeeded in piquing Ms. Higginbottom's interest, were she not so traumatised by the previous Single Man. As soon as Walsingham draws his jackknife for his theatrical maneuvre, she begins to scream hysterically. Wals calms her down enough after a while, but continues to insist on calling her 'Colonel', making her think he's a bit of a nut-job. Walsingham might have fared better without Mkreku's circus beforehand. He gains +5 POS.
Orogun,
the Spanish Loverr makes his attempt around lunchtime. Gwyneth has now left the largely ill-fated club, and awaits the Single Men at a sun-filled flower garden. "Take my hand and we shall walk through a garden of bodily pleasure next to the divine", he softly whispers into her ear. As Ms. Higginbottom stares at him like an alien from outer space, Orogun continues to weave his magic. (PROTIP: It appears that his superior POS is coming into effect.) While Ms. Higginbottom might normally be expected to detest such soap drama, it appears Orogun can turn even the most extreme of man-haters into goo. He gains +5 POS.
Awesomeness,
,the metrosexual, comes in with a very different approach. He opens by complimenting her fashion sense, then presents her with beauty care products, and is also a great listener. Gwyneth informs me that Awesomeness was by far her favourite companion of the day. Unfortunately, she appears to firmly categorise him as a non-sexual friend, in the typical gay flatmate sense. She plans to ring him tomorrow to ask what he thinks about Leonardo DiCaprio's gorgeous new hairstyle. Successful, but somewhat misdirected. No POS Change.
Shryke / Rosjberg,
When Shryke approaches Ms. Higginbottom with a drunken slur and stumbling feet, she initially believes him to be a loitering lunatic rather than a Single Man. She is hardly impressed by his drunken assurance that with him at her side 'there ain't gonna be nobody to mess yoo up baby." It is at this point Rosbjerg, the Sugar Daddy, enters the scene. "Wait 'ere, Guinness, Shryke says, "I'll take care of this roof, ah, ruffian fer ya." Still stumbling wildly, Shryke lunges at Rosbjerg, fully intending to throw him somewhere far away. Panicking, he flicks his fingers and calls his masseurs into action, but Shryke has already rugby-tackled him, both crashing into the flowerbed where a frantic, painful yet strangely homoerotic scene of botanical violence ensues. If Ms. Higginbottom were more man-friendly, she might have been attracted by Shryke's misguided chivalry, or sympathised with Rosbjerg's plight; as it were, she is impressed by neither. No POS Change for both.
KOTOR / Hurlshot,
Finally, KOTOR, the Video Game Nerd, enters the scene. Putting away his gigantic Sennheiser headphones plugged into the PSP, he looks around wildly, squinting and cursing the sunlight under his breath. But as he approaches, another, much larger, Single Man emerges from the shadows. It is Hurlshot. Though he was first to the date scene today, he has patiently waited for a scrawny fellow to come and give him an opportunity to demonstrate his manliness. As KOTOR wipes away the oil on his forehead and opens his mouth, Hurlshot sneaks up behind him and provides a powerful wedgie. It is a wedgie of epic proportions. There is a horrible ripping sound, and KOTOR's Aribeth Underwear dangles from Hurlshot's burly hands, as the nerd painfully drops, face-first, to the ground. "Don't waste your time with a loser like that, a real man is here for you", Hurlshot says, as he nonchalantly drops the underwear on the prone KOTOR. While this was a dangerous gamble, it seems to have worked for Hurlshot, mainly because KOTOR wasn't winning any points with his entrance anyway. Ms. Higginbottom smiles and suggests that Hurlshot take her to a more suitable location. Unfortunately, this is when Hurlshot's smartphone begins to blare. Retrieving it from his pocket impatiently, Hurlshot is horrified to see it explode with sounds of hard-core pornography, the lurid visuals clear to Ms. Higginbottom from her position. Going utterly red in the face you open your mouth to try and explain, but Gwyneth has had enough. "You're as bad as that Mkreku, Hurly, she admonishes. Hurlshot tries to explain that he has no idea what has happened, but a woman's head once turned is not easily turned again. -5 POS for both.
Day Dates won't turn out the same way every time: a balance will be struck between honouring your own Female Action Plans (and night moves, etc) and getting a good narrative going. Next time I will probably summarise most of this to reduce TL:DR. In any case, let's see who Gwyneth finally picked as the winner of the first challenge...
At the end of the day, all Single Men reconvene; Nightshade and Tale reappear separately, with no explanations given for their absence. Gwyneth now appears in front of them. Strategically situating several Single Men between herself and Mkreku, she announces that "while most of you were typically despicable, immature and idiotic men, I think there were a couple of you who were not as terrible as I expected. That Orogun fellow was very romantic, and Walsingham, if a bit old and corpulent, is very much a gentleman. But I'm going to have to go for Archie - there's just something about him that rubs me the right way." And so it is that amidst the jealous stares of the other Single Man, Architect, the Avatar of Cheese, wins our very first Day Date!
It is now time for our first Vote. All Single Men have a vote; use it to eliminate one contestant from TOMDS. Architect, as the winner, cannot be voted for. Have the actions today shown you who the treacherous RFID might be? Or will you use the votes to eliminate potential threats in the day date challenges? It's up to you now.