So I started this story for the 5-year Obsidian Fanfic competition a while back, and when I realized it totally sucked, I didn't finish it after getting halfway through. Calax's story soundly defeated what I had anyway

 

I recently came back to my game of Neverwinter Nights 2 today, attempting to finish it (I got busy with school about a year ago and never did), so today I decided to finish the story I was writing as well, because apparently it was a day for me to finish things I began a year ago.

 

Please give your candid opinions. I am by no means a good author, and I don't think I have the knack for it, but at least it was fun to finish writing and I'd like to hear what you all think.

 

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From the Embers

-by Blank

 

The sunset cast a red hew upon the houses of Ember. From the fields, farmers led their cattle to the barn; and downtown, smiths began organizing the clutter accumulated throughout the day, preparing for another day of labour. Families gathered in their homes close to the fire, sitting down to a meager supper.

 

Gahn watched the chimney smoke billow from the houses while he finished plowing his own field. His strong mule, Frank, began moving slower, sensing work

Edited April 23, 201015 yr by Blank

I wouldn't say it was any worse than a dozen fantasy novels I've read. I'd say well done.

Thanks buddy. I'm relieved to hear that actually. I was worried it'd be complete crap.

I'd only point out several awkward wordings / sentence structures (just needs more editing, but then every amateur piece does), and that maybe, as a short story, it might have been better to show some of these things instead of describing them - i.e. a Gahn v. Kate conversation at the start as opposed to a backstory (which we don't need to know to understand the current situation), same with Gahn suppressing orc urges - descriptions of what he feels now and the tension now, as opposed to why he's having them.

 

Otherwise, not bad, I agree with Walsh, it's no worse a read than fantasy novels I've read, if it were continued it could easily become interesting.

Isn't it funny how we're so hard on fanfic. But I realised yesterday that Paradise Lost is just Bible fanfic.

I'd only point out several awkward wordings / sentence structures (just needs more editing, but then every amateur piece does), and that maybe, as a short story, it might have been better to show some of these things instead of describing them - i.e. a Gahn v. Kate conversation at the start as opposed to a backstory (which we don't need to know to understand the current situation), same with Gahn suppressing orc urges - descriptions of what he feels now and the tension now, as opposed to why he's having them.

 

Otherwise, not bad, I agree with Walsh, it's no worse a read than fantasy novels I've read, if it were continued it could easily become interesting.

Thanks! That's really good feedback. I appreciate it.