My Writing

[Awz]

I've started working on a story and felt like getting some outside oppinions. My friends haven't been too insightful.. One thing, these parts are incomplete. I skip ahead if I get stuck on a part; can't think of anything to add at the moment. So any comments, suggestions, or bashing on my writing is welcome. *note* the "quote" the girl says is ridiculous I know, I'm not very good at coming up with those kind of things.

 

Chapter 1

 

The waning sun had begun to withdraw from the day. A warm summer wind whipped across the country. Shadows danced out from the fleeting light and darkened the land. In the twilight walked a darker shade. It

[Starbreeze]

Good story! I like that you write about the colour of their eyes, it makes it much easier to imagine what they look like. I would like to read more...

 

[Archmonarch]

First of all, how dare thee distract attention from my own writing!

 

That said, this is surely as you mentioned incomplete, unless you are going for the style of L.E. Modesitt Jr. in which every chapter is a page or two, with the book containing hundreds of chapters.

 

You seem to have a good grasp of description, yet the piece is too small to adequately judge the overall quality. I do see a large connection to Frank Herbert's Dune whether intended or not in the use of neural enhancement drugs and a group of powerful women with secret rites.

 

Also, I have a character named Karn in my own story (posted on these very boards under the thread "The Other Side of Art..."). Feel free to review my work as well.

[Starbreeze]

Yes, now that I think of it, it is alost the same chapter style as in Modesitts books.

( I like them very much)

 

I prefer short chapters, because it's more easy to stop writing/reading when you want. But, it's personal.

[Darth Launch]

Nice work Awz... although you've yet to post more chapters etc...

 

Its a good start

 

I like your short chapters, sometimes long ones are long for the wrong reasons...

 

Keep writing and posting kid

 

DL

 

P.S. I will no way compare your writing with Arch's or vice versa, as I refuse to incur the wrath of either of you

[Kaftan Barlast]

Its a shame my never finished novel is in Swedish, otherwise Id love to bore you with 80 000 words of lovely nature descriptions and poorly paced story.

 

 

 

I think I took the decisions to drop it after I read Coetzee. There he is making a masterpiece out of mashed potatoes, while Im meticulously carving a granite mastodont that doesnt ever seem to go anywhere.

[Darth Launch]

Hell, I'd read anything... I'm one of those people that has to be reading something or otherwise I'd go insane...

 

*whispers* I've even been so close to the edge that I've actually read psychology text books before today... :ph34r:

 

DL

[Archmonarch]

I like your short chapters, sometimes long ones are long for the wrong reasons...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Trying to say something, DL? <_<

 

 

 

[><FISH'>]

 

i only read a fraction of that text since im lazy but i like those detailed descriptions which really help visualise characters.

[Darth Launch]

I totally didnt mean it that way Arch! Honest!

 

I just meant it in a general way

 

DL

[Awz]

I do intend to extend the chapters, but I'm in a period of planning right now. Fleshing out the rest of the story before jumping into more. But as I get more done I'll post some for those who wish to read more.

Also thanks for the compliments to those who gave them. And, I noticed the resemblence with Dune in it. I didn't mean to make it seem that way, of course I am reading the whole series right now so that might be why. Your work is rather enjoyable Arch. I haven't had a chance to fully delve into it, end of semester and homework. Blech.

[Awz]

Since what little I have so far isn't very revealing to the story I thought I'd try and share what I have in mind so far. Not set in stone though.

 

Long ago some centuries past magic was discovered. Though it's used differently then that of other stories I have read. Using the energy of life itself, those who can weild magic, harness that energy and release it in a desired way. Over time those who could use magic grew immensly powerful and sought to use that power. Thus the druids were created to help contain the wizards. They were forbidden to ever to learn how to use magic so they wouldn't succumb to its alure. War eventually broke out between the two. The world was heavly devistated by the war and only ended by a group of wizards who wanted to end the conflict. They sacrificed themselves in a ritual that severed the links others had to magic, killing or wounding them.

Now that was backstory.

----------

In the time the story is taking place, the druids have been a slumbering beast with the art of magic dead for a long time. But the druids in their isolation have started to fall from the honor that lead them to protect the land from magic. One such person is Kairn, the sage. He seeks to destroy the woman of the council and take over the druids.

The other characters will be woven in as well but I'm not for sure how yet. But the story will cover the fall and death of the druids and the resurrection of magic.

[Darth Launch]

Sounds like you've got a cool concept for your story Awz

 

I'm interested to see where you go with it

 

DL

[jaguars4ever]

I like your short chapters, sometimes long ones are long for the wrong reasons...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Trying to say something, DL? <_<

 

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

...

[Darth Launch]

 

What in tarnation does your post mean jaguars?

 

DL

[Nartwak]

...!