The Other Side of Art...

[Darth Launch]

Well, this chapter wasnt that bad...

 

It had to be written to explain why Vikor's ship was fired upon etc...

 

It was good that it had some dark undertones to it... like how Bram's attitude to the whole situation was so icy and detached and how he had de-limbed the person who had annoyed him...

 

Keep fighting the good fight Arch

 

DL

[Archmonarch]

Just for you, DL, here's the next portion. Two in one day; snazzy, huh?

 

I am unsure about this chapter both because of the possible cliche factor and the scene at the temple. Basically, I am unsure about the whole thing.

 

Also, I must warn you. This is the second to last chapter on which I have worked. Only one remains, and that is incomplete. I will still post it, however; perhaps later today. I will then ask for any ideas as to what direction the following pages should take. Remember to contribute. Especially if you want to continue reading Karn's story. :D

 

Chapter Eight

 

Throbbing pain awoke Karn from his slumber. Feeling for the source of the ache, he discovered strange bumps on his forehead and upper back, two in each location. Unsure as to their cause or identity, he decided to continue as best he could, yet still the pain plagued him.

 

Even as early as he awoke, Samanda had risen first. Warm morning light suffused the damp air and the scent of xocatl warmed his lungs.

 

Lying still for a moment, he watched her sitting in the windowsill, holding a mug of the hot beverage. Her raven hair glistened like obsidian in the light; the sun draped her like a cloak. Gods, she was gorgeous. Nevertheless, her appearance was but clothing. It was her heart and mind he found interesting, her caring and wit he found attractive. As if feeling his gaze, she leaned her head forward and spoke softly,

[Darth Launch]

You're totally spoiling me Arch... yes it is indeed snazzy

 

I didnt find this chapter particularly cliched, I think you handled it pretty well in fact... the thing that got me about the temple thing was if they truly thought that Karn was such a lowly lifeform and a cursed child then surely he would be deemed as unworthy of being a sacrifice... meh, it was still cool :cool:

 

My heart totally goes out for Sam... that poor girl... how she loves Karn... *gushes*

 

Could I request that you dont use the word 'secreted' again?... I think you've used it a couple of times and although you dont mean it that way, I always get images of gooey fluids... "

 

*ahem*... moving on swiftly... I found it weird that Bal had learnt so much about their customs and stuff so quickly... but I suppose he'd be a fast learner *shrugs*

 

On the whole, another super chapter Arch

 

Can't wait to read your next chapter (please don't ask for my ideas on your later chapters as I'm creatively challenged and would end up ruining your work - in fact I'm surprised you haven't asked me to stop commenting yet)...

 

DL

 

P.S. @ 'bigboom' :D

[Archmonarch]

Objection to 'secreted' noted.

 

Anyway, here's my final written chapter. I'm planning on turning this story into at least a trilogy, with the next book being about Karn's experiences on the Tulovian homeworld and his education there amid a heated political environment. So, I tried to interject a little commentary on current day politics within this chapter. See if you can find it.

 

Chapter Nine

 

Tears painted grimy trails down the distraught mask of Karn

[Darth Launch]

I guessing that your little comment about current day politics was about Bsh, but I could be way off, so correct me if I'm wrong

 

Your writing is most definitely improving, despite it being supposedly unfinished I really enjoyed it

 

There really isnt anything that I can criticise about the chapter apart from your teasing at the end with 'TO BE CONTINUED'... Gah!... How I hate those three words!...

 

I eagerly await your new stuff

 

DL

[Archmonarch]

Well, heres the end of Chapter Nine. Its rather short so I might elongate it later. More likely, however, I'll just incorporate the rest into Chapter Ten. Hope you enjoy it and sorry for the wait.

 

Chapter Nine.... Cont.

 

 

[Darth Launch]

Well, you finished off chapter nine quite nicely... good stuff

 

I dont think it necessarily needs elongating... seems fine as it is :cool:

 

Take your time with your story though Arch, don't rush it, it'll be better if you spend more time concentrating on it rather than trying to get chapters done quickly in order to post them... hmm... not sure if that made sense, but I'm sure you at least get the gist of what I'm trying to say

 

DL

[Archmonarch]

While Im working on Chapter 10, I thought Id throw in a few references (similar to those at the beginning of Dune chapters) Ive worked up for another writing project of mine. This story is titled "The Price We Pay."

 

Reference #1:

 

Despite its transitory nature, Time rules us all. We bow to its every whim and crumble beneath its oppressive weight. Why? Because we realize what lies at its end. Death. For everything and everyone. Frightened by this realization, we seek any method to stave off a conclusion. Once, man succeeded in conquering the finality of time, and corrupted by this power, accomplished only further devastation. From this we take a single lesson: humanity, although split into many component pieces, is an animal, large in size, yet simple in nature. Birthed through destruction and suckled on consumption, it proves unable to deny the qualities by which it was created, the inherited behaviors that govern all its activity. Only one trait separates humans from among all other beings: the freedom to choose this savage destiny, or a path of higher motivation. Such was the course Paimon chose.

[Darth Launch]

Hmm... sounds pretty deep Arch...

 

I'm sure it'll be good... just try not to over-complicate the story...

 

DL

 

P.S. Yes, those are all my thoughts