So, out of curiosity, I started looking up some of Stephen's random and outrageous references.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_Kitty
Oh yes, Acoustic Kitty was real.
I've yet to do an in-depth search for the Pig Lard bullets mentioned when you egg him on.
20100607230036.zip
Oh thank God, I've spent the last two days going at this bug every way I could think of the get past it. Anyone willing to help will have my eternal love.