Tigranes

My current theory is that Bioware have been infiltrated by Anonymous, and they're building up to the greatest lulz in the history of gaming - Teletubbies + Dragon Age. Couldn't care less as I'm not wasting time/$ on their games anymore, though it will be interesting to see how it sells. edit: by sells, I mean popularity, my bad.

DXHR was a more polished game and it had a better combination of features that interlinked together. AP was more schizophrenic, more up and down, and sometimes downright odd. That said, I had a lot more fun with AP, the nonlinearity it provided was really unique these days and the combat also had its fun moments, especially with explosives and the like. I also found the DXHR story/dialogue pretty dull, it flirted with transhumanism stuff but never really got interesting stuff out of it. AP's story wasn't anything special either but it had interesting delivery. Both good games, maybe one thing AP could have learnt from DXHR is the larger and impressive level design, DXHR from AP the nonlinearity.

Greywolf decides to play some Lord of the Rings LARP by gunning down a dozen kobolds by himself. Sorophyx: Showoff. Not even the huge spiders are much trouble thanks to Sorophyx; we're starting to get some capable party members, though most of them remain Level 1. Sorophyx spots the final challenge before the Master of the Mines - a kobold commando with fire arrows and higher THAC0, who might well take out a few party members before we close in. Sorophyx: I call this the Purkake-Stab. Good show. Now, we're ready for Mulahey, and after dealing with Greywolf, we should be able to handle him- But as soon as we enter the final level, a couple of kobolds show up and hit Rosbjerg before I can react. (He was already on low health from previous battles.) That is, in fact, Rosbjerg's second death. I'm not backing out at this stage, so we'll have to try and defeat Mulahey without him. Tale: We should be OK. I mean, all he does is sing. I don't think he's fired a single arrow. Greylord: Song provides bonuses to all party members in radius. Tale: Doesn't always feel like it. Mulahey is an undead-loving cleric. Not particularly creative, but at least he's given himself a nice little pad down here, and not some kind of faux horror skull-filled mausoleum. After all, you need real furniture to eat your eggs on in the morning. And so it begins. Enoch is sent to plug the chokepoint against kobolds and skeletons (in full SCS, all those kobolds fire fire arrows, too. Imagine that.), while the rest of the party get to work on Mulahey. From memory, he can cast spells like confusion or at least horror - if he gets anything like that off, we could be looking at a party wipe. Luckily, he doesn't have a lot of HP, and between Oner, Greylord and Sorophyx we quickly get him down. He pretends to surrender, then fights on... And dies. We mop up the remainder, loot the place, and climb back up. The loot of choice here is a Ring of Holiness, which provides Enoch with extra spells. Everyone, by the way, is finally Level 2 (except for Sorophyx, who is Fighter 1 / Thief 2). We still have some way to go, but I think next level will open up second level spell slots, and Web will really make the difference. We return to Nashkel to receive a substantial reward, and also, are charged with delivering samples of the contaminated iron for further investigation. This is an Unfinished Business component - I'll show how it pans out in future updates. But for now, a serious question: do we revive Rosbjerg? The party's opinions are divided. On one hand, Robjerg has only died twice, and they took the trouble of raising Enoch twice. On the other hand, many in the party argue that he has been rather useless so far, and at least he died in a memorable faceoff against Mulahey. They advise recruiting a new member here in Nashkel. What will be the fate of the currently deceased Rosbjerg? Will we get through the next update without deaths? In fact, where will the party go in the next update? I don't know!

I do some mad pause-jitsu (which is hard, because in multiplayer pause actually doesn't fire instantly), and the bolt hits Greywolf, but also takes out our own Greylord. Worse, Greywolf is far from dead. Enoch is the next to fall. This is bad. I forgot to mention that at the Carnival, Rosbjerg became the first character to level up; he now prepares to unleash the power of Level 2 on the deadly Greywolf. Rosbjerg: Did you know that a bard gains access to one first-level spell per day from Level 2 onwards? We're dead. Rosbjerg casts burning hands on Greywolf, doing some damage, who is now badly wounded. Tale also rushes up to cast her own burning hands, but Greywolf, inspired by SCS-AI, turns round and lands a single hit on the 4-hp Tale. Although between Oner and Rosbjerg we had a good chance of taking him out, protagonist death forces a reload for us. I'm hoping that this will happen as little as possible, as it ruins the spirit of Ironman somewhat. And so we begin again, with a committment to play the battle as similarly as possible. Everyone runs like crazy to get some cover while Oner and Enoch go up front. Tale once again gets a wild surge, but this time it just slows her down to a crawl. Not good if Greywolf ever starts running after her. Enoch falls again to the mighty Greywolf. That's 2 deaths for Enoch already; in accordance to our house rules, one more and we will have to replace him. Oner kicks the bucket, too, for the first time in the campaign (I think). Time to start running. In the end, it's Greylord's arrows that save the day once again. We get a hefty chunk of XP (which Oner and Enoch miss out on), and of course, his sword, Varscona. We hand it to Sorophyx, the only party member with Long Sword proficiencies. We take a short trip back to Nashkel to raise Enoch, then return to the mines. The magic of Tab also reveals to us a Wand of Frost! Tale: Couldn't we have got this BEFORE going up against Greywolf? And now, we are finally in the Nashkel mines. In the full SCS version, this place is absolutely crazy. Almost everyone has fire arrows, which, in BG1, deal enough damage to take out most of our party in one go. That means kobolds become fast-moving packs of Death incarnate. In our version, they aren't pushovers, but still manageable. Sorophyx leads the way with some scouting, chunking numerous kobolds with her fancy new sword. We begin to find evidences of the so-called iron crisis in the Sword Coast; the iron down here is all contaminated.

Afterwards, we stop by the Nashkel Carnival on our way to the mines. There are shops, poets, revellers, gamblers - all sorts. Not to mention- Sorophyx: Hey, the Great Gazib! This is the Ogre guy I told you all about back at Candlekeep. Tale: At Candlekeep? Sorophyx: You know, the one with the *wink wink* sexay wares. Watch. Hey, Gazib! Explode an ogre for me, will ya? The Great Gazib: But of course. *foom* Sorophyx: Uh... Tale: I don't think it's a passcode, Sorophyx. I think he actually makes Ogres explode. Sorophyx: Wait, that can't be right. Gazib! Explode ogre! Again! Ogre: OGRE MAD! SMASH GAZIB! Sorophyx: Oh, come on. Enoch: Just where did you hear about this secret kinky shop, anyway? Sorophyx: Um, you know. Somewhere. In a magazine. Maybe. In the end, Oner steps in to chunk the Ogre. I don't even know if that's a critical hit, and she still does 32 damage! Clearly, gnome halberd barbarians are overpowered. Oner: It's the steroids that does it. Extra 2D4 to damage. We also decide to check out the gambling tents. Sadly, it works entirely through a single dialogue option & random roll. BG would have sold a million more copies if they coded in minigames. And Radiant AI. Wait, what are you doing, Enoch? Enoch: I've WON! I'VE WON! A HUNDRED GOLD, I'M RICH! I never said you could gamble! We barely have any gold after resurrecting you! Enoch: MUST GAMBLE MORE. MORE MONEY! MORE! ...in the end, he lost 12 games and won two, leaving us with a profit of 130 gold. Alright, enough of that. We finally arrive at the Nashkel mines. Using my sixth sense, I advise the party that they might want to explore a little south for a certain sidequest activity. Tale: You're so smart, narrator. And so dreamy. Remember, I like Dandelions, but not Roses. It's none other than Prism, the crazy sculptor currently carving out what looks like a giant dragon arse from the rockface, and none other than the real Slim Shady, uh, Greywolf. Sorophyx: Dude! You have a totally awesome racket going on back at Nashkel. Here, I have your 200 gold- Greywolf: I recognize you! It was you that stole a bounty rightfully mine! Sorophyx: Well, stole is a rather harsh word, I like to think- Greywolf: Die! Greywolf is by far the toughest enemy we've faced so far (since we didn't really 'face' the vampiric wolf). His +2 long sword with cold damage ensures that anyone who goes up against him, well, dies. We weren't really positioned well, and Greywolf begins by bum-rushing Sorophyx and stabbing him in the face. He can one-shot most of the party, and we don't have a lot of room to maneuvre. I decide the situation calls for a Nahal's dweomer. Tale: DODGE THE LIGHTNING BOLT GUYS But of course.

Neira can be a dangerous opponent for a low-level party. She's a cleric and cast spells like Hold Person and Holy Might (whatever its full name was), and with our low saves, we have neither the means of avoiding paralysis or dispelling it. Luckily, Greylord disrupts her first spell with an arrow; judging by the spell animation (yellow loops) it was going to be hold person. She closes in and Draws Upon Holy Might (there you go). Tale bravely dashes to the front and uses a color spray scroll, but to no effect; probably too high a hit dice. She then uses her augmented strength to beat down Oner, then is able to cast Hold Person. Thankfully, it seems to have a lot shorter AOE than I remember (priest version?), and only effects Oner and Rosbjerg. We soon bring her down, largely thanks to Greylord's arrows. In the morning, we speak to Berrun Ghastkill, Nashkel's mayor, and learn we are to investigate the iron mines directly to the south. Sorophyx: You know, with a name like Ghastkill, you could go and deal with it yourself. Unless by 'Ghastkill' they were talking about your breath. Berrun Ghastkill: Well, uh.. I have my duties as mayor to attend to, you see. Who will keep the town running if I go off on an adventure like that? Oner: And this is the fundamental problem behind mature feudal civilisations. The requirements of administration actually prove counterproductive to the continued well-being of the ruler's domain, as he loses the flexibility to deal with emergent threats. Berrun Ghastkill: Oh. What do you suggest, then? Oner: Take a level in Barbarian. Then you will see the way. Here, let me give you a pamphlet... Tale: Hey, where's Sorophyx gone? Oublek: Excellent doing business with you, Greywolf. Sorophyx: Of course. You can rely on Greywolf anytime! I'm also available for rodent extermination services, by the way. Just so you know. Tale: What are you doing?! Sorophyx: Check it out, two hundred gold! That's more than we earnt from all the monsters we looted since Beregost. Tale: You just lied to that poor, fat man! Sorophyx: That's a redundant adjective there, Tale. Anyway, where's the harm? This Greywolf idiot probably got himself killed already. We'll be fine. If you've forgotten, this is also where we meet the great Minsc for the first time. Ah, Minsc. You know I take you on every single one of my campaigns, so that we may stomp on the face of evil with our boots. But not this time, my friend. *sniff* Oh, and another old friend. Sorophyx: Oh, for fu- Tale: Come on, guys. Just keep walking, ignore the poor demented fellow. Sorophyx: Keep.. walking? Why, I think I will. Come on guys, let's keep walking. Tale: Wait, really? You're going to listen to me? Sorophyx: I'm always willing to bow to words of wisdom. Tale: Well, alright. Let's keep going guys, we've got a long way to go- Sorophyx: BOMBS AWAY! *shlunk* Tale: Dude! Sorophyx: What? I listened to your advice! I kept walking, until no witnesses were in the area, then I shot the bastard! Right in the eye, too. Would you look at that. Tale: That's not what I meant! Sorophyx: I gotta hand it to you, you're a lot smarter than you look. I wouldn't be able to take more bounties in Greywolf's name if the people here started thinking I was a cold-blooded murderer. Can't have that, no sirree. This was great! What's our next move, chief? Enoch: Well, what's done is done, but we shouldn't stay on this path anymore. I know a detour off to the West, then round through the carnival. Sorophyx: A getaway route! Man, you guys are prepared. I have a lot to learn, I see. Rosbjerg: Oh, Sorophyx! Sorophyx! Sorophyx: Yeah? Rosbjerg: You know how you said I should always hold down Tab? I think I found something. Sorophyx: Hey, a suit of.. what the hell is this? Greylord: Ankheg Armour. Light but high AC benefit. Sorophyx: It looks like a gay jester's sex outfit. Greylord: Best light armour in early campaign. Sorophyx: You can have it, man. That thing would kill my mojo in about two seconds.

3. It's Kobold Time Last we left the Obsidianites, they were collectively bleeding to death from poisoned hobbo arrows, obtained while fleeing senselessly from vampiric wolves they couldn't even damage. In the end, I opt to save the last healing potion for Tale to save a protagonist death, and Oner uses Barbarian Rage in hopes that the extra 2 HP will help him stay alive. Oner: I believe in the power of anger! I do too, Oner. Tale needs the healing potion to maintain his measly 4 HP, but Oner's poison ceases just in time. Unfortunately, this means... Enoch: Fifty-five years of adventuring, and I'm dying from an arrow in my arse. Sorophyx: Don't complain, that's about fifty five times the average lifespan in our profession.[/b] We decide to trot back to the Beregost Temple to raise him. After all, it's his very first death. Sorophyx: Last time we're paying for your extended pension, grandpa. Tale: Don't worry, we'll extend the same courtesy when you die, Sorophyx. Oner: I'll resurrect you. With my halberd. Of course, we arrive at the temple and pay for Enoch's revival, then suddenly the battle music starts! One of the wolves from the earlier pack somehow followed us all over the temple map and entered the temple, remembering its prey from some two game days before. Yep. SCS Better Calls for Help. Before I can even respond, it chews off Rosbjerg's life by the groin. Rosbjerg: NOT THE GROIN! Greylord: HP not distributed across body parts. Tale: Well... at least we don't have to do any traveling this time. In light of recent fatalities, the party decides it might be better to take the straight route down to Nashkel, and not take any chances. The hobbos there are poison-less, and relatively simple to dispose of. Of course, there is one particular set-piece most people don't bother to fight... Oner: If you want a fight, we'll give you a fight! Great. And here you see another SCS feature in action. As soon as the battle starts Oner rushes in and smashes a Flaming Fist with her halberd; the shock is so great that it breaks his normal quality, iron armour... and helm... and shield. Oner: If this was released in 2011, I'd have an achievement for this. Enoch: Alright, now move back, Oner, I'm about to cast a spell! Rosbjerg: You're a priest? Enoch: Of course I am. Rosbjerg: Well, it's just that we've never seen you cast a spell. I assumed you were some sort of weird Fighter kit. Enoch: Sorry, I'm Level 1. All I have is Remove Horror, Cure Light Wounds... but now, observe the power of Entangle! Sorophyx: I told you he has a low perception score. Enoch: It's not my fault! You guys moved back too early! Oner: Now I understand why he's still Level 1, after fifty-five years of adventuring. Nevertheless, the party makes quick work of the Flaming Fist enforcers, one of them with no armour protection. We're still able to loot two suits of plate mail - too expensive to buy at the present! Greylord: Only Enoch can equip. Wait, what? Greylord: Class/kit restrictions. Maybe sell second. Oner: Hey, don't underestimate the defensive capabilities of splint mail! Greylord: What AC? Oner: Um... 3. Well that's just grand. After all that hoopla, we finally arrive in Nashkel, and kick off Chapter 2 of the game. We'll get some rest for the night at the local inn, learn about the whole iron crisis, and maybe finally get up to level 2! Tale: Wait, did you say an inn? Because- Tale: -yeah. Stabbity-peoples.

You get some nice warhammers in BG2, yeah, but not one, and Enoch already has monopoly on hammerdins. Wals, I'll put you on the shortlist - I imagine we'll get to you over the course of the campaign. Tale, I used Nahal's dweomer a couple of times but not to explosive effect, yet. In the past I've had wild mages obliterate entire towns, so I remain hopeful. Get us to page 4 and I'll have another update in a couple of hours.

Turns out to be a bit of a waste, though, as Tale's sleep spell works on 3 spiders at once. We're still Level 1, but this is far too easy. Emboldened, the Obsidianites decide to head out East towards the Temple, and fight some hobgoblins in the area. Oh, and there are wolves, too. Rosbjerg: Dire wolves! Sorry, dire wolves. Greylord: Above our challenge rating. Hey, I didn't design this game. We manage to finish off the hobbos just as Vampiric Wolves enter the scene. These guys, at least with SCS, are immune to normal weapons, can use ranged frost 'breath' attacks and regenerate pretty fast. In other words, it's impossible for us to kill them. Rosbjerg: Well, there's my Sovngarde. Oner: And your pants. Sorophyx: RUN! Tale: Hurry up, Enoch! Enoch: I have chronic knee problems! I can't run that fast! Oner: And THIS is why I don't wear heavy armour. Crap, more hobbos! We kill a couple while Enoch catches up, then resume running. Greylord: Only... *huff* one thing... can save us! Tale: What? What is it? They'll catch us soon! Greylord: Map... *puff* transition! Tale: Enoch, come on! We're not coming back here anytime soon. We managed to hit the South map border, but that takes us to Ulcaster. That's a problem. Rosbjerg: Wait, what's at Ulcaster? Elite Hobgoblins that can poison their arrows. Oner: How does an arrow break my helm? Tale: Forget that, you're poisoned! Greylord: -1 HP per turn for indeterminate number of turns. The hobbos are easy to kill, but I have to take injured members out of the frontlines as they quaff healing potions, leaving new members open to poison. Rosbjerg: Omygod I'm dying dying dying dying! Enoch: Aren't you meant to be a fierce warrior-Skald? Rosbjerg: I SING AT MONSTERS FOR A LIVING, OF COURSE I'M A PANSY OH GOD OH GOD Tale: Hold on, I'll cast a spell to kill this one before it does more damage! Enoch: Wait, but you only have- Enoch: -Nahal's Dweomer. Tale: COLOUR CHANGE! Oner: He didn't even change colour, man. What kind of mage are you? Tale: A wild one. Greylord: Roarrrr. The party's in deep trouble now. Tale, Oner, Enoch and Rosbjerg are all poisoned, and judging by Oner's progress, the poison lasts for at least 10 turns plus x - and as of this screenshot, I only have one healing potion left! Oner: Give me the healing potion, or I'll kill you! Come on! Enoch: With four hitpoints? If I get a good hit roll you're dead in one hit. Oner: I have a higher THAC0. Rosbjerg: OH GOD OH GOD IM DYING Sorophyx: Dude, you just took a healing potion. Tale: You seem very calm about the carnage around you, Sorophyx. Sorophyx: Well, we probably have enough money to hire some new meatshields, so yeah. Oner: If I get a crit, I can probably kill you in less than 4 turns. Who will get the last healing potion? Will the poison wear off fast enough for Oner and others to live? Will the Obsidianites ever reach Level 2? Stay tuned! BTW, to whoever asked: I won't try to do everything in the game - I've already skipped the stupider 'find my ring plz' quest in Friendly Arm Inn. But I'll try and do most of the interesting/challenging stuff. If you want me to go to X place, just let me know. Also, regarding resurrection: I will raise dead unless (1) we have no money and we can't afford it at that time, as we will assume the spirit passes to the afterlife or somesuch; (2) more than 3 or so deaths, assuming they get fed up; (3) other exceptional cases; (4) obviously, when they chunk in-game.

Oner: I'm going to kill that bastard. One day, Oner. One day. For now, we need more gold, XP, and phat loot. We stay on the road as we move down to Beregost, and towards the mines of Nashkel. Naturally, the first inn we reach has yet another assassin. Sorophyx: Doesn't the DM ban campers or something? We should just blow up the next inn we go without entering. Enoch: We can't do that! Sorophyx: Hey, you'll regret not listening to me one day. You'll see. Sorophyx: If you live to see that day, that is. Enoch: Help me! This battle is difficult because we have so little room to maneuvre (unless we cheese by leaving the building). Nevertheless, Oner's critical hit puts the guy down in almost one hit. Oner: And that's what a female gnome with a halberd can do. Fully rested, we are hired by a strange woman named Silke as bodyguards. With his amazing intellect, however, Tale recognises that something is wrong. Oner: I DO have an intelligence score of, like, 17. Tale: Yes, but you've done all your study in anarchism. I've had a balanced education. Silke is very dangerous if left alive for too long, as she can cast Lightning Bolt - a spell that would probably one-hit kill any one of our party (Oner has the highest HP of 14). We don't really have a lot of good spells at the moment, so we beat up on her, augmented by Rosbjerg's bardsong. She manages to cast invisibility, which in my experience tends to mean Lightning Bolt next. Luckily, Enoch, as a priest of Helm, can cast True Sight once a day, and she is quickly dispatched. What do you know, character quirks have been successfully used to our advantage! Next up is Landrin's house, infested with spiders. Their poison can kill us extremely fast, so we go in with Oner point and center, quaffing our only Potion of Invulnerability.

Tale: Alright, we're finally at the Friendly Arm Inn. Tarnesh: Aha! The Bhaalspawn. There's a bounty on your head, rabbit-girl, and- Sorophyx: Dude, you've been camping the inn? Seriously? Tarnesh: Sorry. Back in '98, it would have put unreasonable CPU load on user machines for me to move around. Sorophyx: Bloody railroad plot. In full SCS, Tarnesh is insanely difficult. He comes pre-buffed with invisibility, mirror image and I don't know what, then casts spells like Horror and Acid Arrow from that safety. Without the pre-buff component, he still has those spells, but we have a window of opportunity. Tale uses a blindness scroll he picked up from a dead xvart. It works, and Tarnesh begins wandering around randomly trying to see something, unable to target spells. Oner: Oh crap, he's coming this way! Greylord: Still have 1 HP! May die again! Tale: Shhhhhh! Tarnesh continues to fumble around, so we send Sorophyx for a backstab before we lose the advantage. Sorophyx: I can't, he keeps moving around! In the end, a crossbow bolt to the back suffices. We've skilfully dispatched our very first assassin. Sorophyx: *sob* I'll remember this day forever. Finally, we're at the Friendly Arm Inn. We sell off our loot, buy some more to complete the basic kit, and rest. Sorophyx: You know what that means, Rosie. Rosbjerg: *Sigh* Sorophyx: Oh, come on! I have like, 50 in Open Locks! Rosbjerg: Let's go. What if we're caught? I don't want a black mark on my permanent record! Sorophyx: I'll be back, Regular Chest. You just freaking wait until I'm Level 2. We turn in the belt quest, but still are some way from Level 2. Our quest reward is...

Sorophyx: As you can see, Greylord, tab is your friend. Why, I leave it pressed all the time! Greylord: Sounds strenuous. Sorophyx: My pinky doesn't unbend anymore. Great for Austin Powers enactments. Random NPC: If ye don't mind, please try to keep your voices down. There be beasties about. Oner: Beasties? Really? Where? Let's go! Sorophyx hides in shadows to scout ahead. This takes him about 7 turns to get right. Sorophyx: Hey, I put all my points in Open Locks and Find Traps, and I'm not ashamed of it. Assassination's a highly inefficient way to earn a living, you know. Tale: Just be careful, see what's there, then come back. Sorophyx: Screw you, you Disney mascot. Sorophyx: Now RUN! Tale: Oy vey. The lone Ogre proves surprisingly easy to kill, with Greylord's 4 points in Longbow proficiency showing its worth. We pick up a couple of strange belts as loot, but decline to try them on before identification. Because that would be silly. I didn't realize combat would be so easy - I haven't played without a full SCS install in years. Hell, we still haven't rested once! Hrm.. Oh, okay. This is a little harder. Tale: It's an ambush! Enoch: What? I don't see anything. Oner: That's because you're half-blind, you old goat. You're lucky we don't' have perception scores. Sorophyx: RUN! Tale: Greylord is down! Sorophyx: KEEP RUNNING! Greylord: Go! Tale: But- Greylord: Corpse - *hurk!* not required- *gasp* for raise - *gurgle* Sorophyx: RUN! Tale: Oh man oh man. We haven't been out for a day and Greylord is already dead! Enoch: It is unfortunate. But raise dead doesn't cost much in this part of the realms. The inn should have a priest that can raise our companion. Tale: Yeah, but what about the excruciating pain he suffered as he died? Enoch: Between you and me, he was pretty gone in the head anyway. I doubt he felt much. As Enoch said, raise dead only costs 100 gold around here... and the basic healing potion costs 95. An Antidote costs around 120. In other words, it's actually cheaper to accumulate wounds until death, if you're really pressed for money! Rosbjerg: That wouldn't work where I'm from. People go to this place called Sovngarde when they die, and they don't really want to come back. Tale: I guess it's really good there, huh? Rosbjerg: No, not really. I've been there, and it's just a big pub with free ale. Oner: Sounds awesome!

2. One Critical Hit From Death It is now time to begin the adventure of the Obsidianites aproper. Conditions are not the best. Everyone is Level 1, having foregone most of the boring-ass quests in Candlekeep; they are not rested, have no spells memorised, and their weapons are made of cheap iron. (Reflecting the iron crisis in the region, SCS introduces a random chance of normal iron equipment breaking.) The Obsidianites first encounter a suicidal man. Fortunately, Tale is in charge of talkie-talkie, and he is given a helping hand in his darkest hour. The man serenly walks past a trio of black bears. In the original Baldur's Gate, bears were great XP fodder as they lumbered around like they had broken legs. Now, the advancement of Technology has shown us that bears are actually fast, dangerous animals. SCS implements this great new feature, found in advanced games like Skyrim, by speeding up bears' walking speeds. In short, we'd best not tangle with three of them right now. Oner: A true barbarian NEVER RUNS FROM BATTLE! Oh, boy. Oner: Also, combat engagement based on cold calculation of enemies' strength is a dull and soul-suffocating way to live. EMBRACE THE ANARCHY! *barbarian rage* Fine. Let's see how your Level 1 barbarian rage serves you when you don't even wear plate mail. Oner: I didn't say you guys couldn't help, you know. We are forced to employ the complex and little-known strategy called running-around-in-circles, as Greylord takes a leading role in shooting the bears down. I'm not sure where the third one went, I think it wandered off the other way as Oner prepared to attack. Oner: And so anarchy emerges victorious once again! Enoch: Now, now. I respect your beliefs, by which I mean I will pretend to acknowledge their validity while never seriously considering them, but look what's happened! Greylord is seriously wounded! Greylord: Can still shoot stuff. Sorophyx: But you have, like, one HP. I can see the blood pooling on the grass beneath you. Greylord: HP not correlated to THAC0. Sorophyx: Crazy dude. We re-approach the Randomly Placed Rocks Place- Oner: That's not what you called it the last time. Shut up, before I Ctrl+Y you. We reapproach Gorion's corpse, and proceed to loot it like good adventurers. Tale: *sob* It's what daddy would have wanted. He yields a mysterious and totally foreboding letter from a man named 'E'. Sorophyx: Sounds like a total ****, this friend. Tale: What do you mean? He left a nice letter for daddy. Sorophyx: Yeah, a nice letter saying "**** is about to hit the fan so I will totally not help you. Bye!". Rosbjerg: Sounds like a letter you'd write. Sorophyx: Are you kidding? Do you know how much it costs to send a letter these days? Rosbjerg: Well, you probably have plenty of disposable income, what with the thie- Sorophyx:{/b] Dude! Sorophyx: Oh, oh! I know this place. This is a good one. Here, guys, there's a secret stash in this tree. Tale: What? I can't see anything. Greylord: Trees not interactive objects in engine. Sorophyx: Try pressing Tab, Greylord. Greylord: Clever. Sorophyx: It's a diamond! Should net me a lot of gold when we get to a shop. Greylord: Party gold is shared automatically. Sorophyx: Oh. Greylord: Sorry. Try MMO next time. We proceed to the next area as the party makes its way to the Friendly Arm Inn. We meet a totally mysterious stranger who gives us cryptic but helpful advice. Tale: Actually, I think it was Elminster. He gave me his card. Totally mysterious.

I sense one more bump will be sufficient!

Writing the next update now, pretty long. Help me bump this to the next page.

And so it is that the brave Obsidianites began their journey forth from Candlekeep. Due to the various tutorials on the way, it was already pitch dark by the time they reached the Clearing of Ominously Placed Stone Circles... ...and got ambushed. Gorion: Run, child, get out of here! Tale: Um... Oh, just pretend she's not there. That's a common bug in Tutu, where the protagonist doesn't run away. Tale: Are you sure that spike guy won't just lop my head off, too? Don't worry. He won't do that until Chapter 6, cutscene 3. Gorion: Hurrrrrrrk! See? Told you so. The dawn is especially cruel this morning. Gandalf- uh, Gorion, our wise and benevolent protector, was struck dead by cutscenitis! The Obsidianites are still dazed and frightened when a ginger talking head hits 'em from behind. Imoen:Hiya! It's me, Imoen. The Obsidianites enjoy breaking young girls' hearts. But she just won't take no for an answer. Greylord: Burden of handsome man. Indeed, Greylord. Now we must manually remove her again. That sounds like a threat, Imoen. Are you sure you want to threaten the Obsidianites? Sorophyx: Let's gut the chick and use her as monster bait. Kobolds are suckers for red hair. Hrmm.. -------------------------------------------------------------- In the past, I've found the LARPish dialogue pretty tiring, so I may revert to one-man sarcastic commentary. Let me know if screens are bad, etc.

Oh, and I've got a file on the Bhaalspawn, too. Trying to teach that idiot magic was the worst mistake I ever made. Grew herself rabbit ears on her seventh birthday. Tried to get them off, but somehow they're now wired with a dozen explosive enchantments. I guess whoever lops them off in battle is in for a surprise. The white skin wasn't a magical accident, she just thinks it makes her look sexy. In any case, that's enough words wasted. As soon as they're back with equipment, I'll escort them out to the Friendly Arm Inn, then let them go wild. That should be enough for that fop Elminster to finally leave me alone. Sick of him telling me what to do all the time, like he's some King of Wizards. Always sending those stupid letters that tell me nothing I didn't know. Here's a secret, hat boy, everyone knows you're 'E'. That's not a good way to protect your freaking anonymity. Damn. I need some ale. -------------------------------------------------------------- Meanwhile... The Obsidianites have assembled outside the inn for rudimentary introductions. The team not only begin with a war chest of 520 gold, but the most fiersome and versatile weapon known to the Realms: the quarterstaff. Why, with not one, not two, but six staves, we can deal enough crushing damage to flatten a small custard! Oner: ...as I was saying, the Barbarian class enables a true expression of the anarchism that lies at the heart of our existence. Through rage, we transcend the trappings of rationality and convention that limits lesser beings, and tap into our true potential! Sorophyx: And your inability to equip heavy armour? Oner: Plate mail is but a material instantiation of the prison that is our society. Sorophyx: Keep talking, I might be able to go cross-class and learn rage myself. Tale: Guys, guys! We mustn't fight! We're a team! A unit! A party! A band! We're all here for each other! Greylord: Sexually? Tale: What? No! No, no. No! Oner: Sexual prohibitions are a key ingredient to social control and repression, you know. It's only when we embrace our natural lust that we can truly be free. Tale: No sexual freedom! Look, can we please just go buy some equipment? Sorophyx: What kind of equipment? Sorophyx: Oh, the boring kind. Fine. I know a good place, though, if we ever get to Nashkel. The guy's got a nice racket, you tell him you want to see his trouser Ogre- Enoch: NOOOOOO! Sorophyx: Alright, alright. You guys are no fun. I'm going upstairs, just make sure you buy a sword for me. Hey, Rosbjerg, come with me. Rosbjerg: Um... why did you want me? Sorophyx: Why, I have a business proposition for you, pardner! How about a little jiggling, a little shaking, and some nice cash for both of us? Rosbjerg: This isn't about the trouser Ogre, is it? Sorophyx: What? Oh, no! I mean, I'm going to rob these sleeping tenants blind, and you're going to stand there and keep watch for me. Although, now that you mention it- Rosbjerg: Alright, alright. Do what you gotta do. Sorophyx: I'm on fire, baby! Sorophyx: A necklace, a potion, a ring- oh, crap, you were awake? Why are you awake? What are you doing? Rosbjerg: Uh... Sorophyx? Guard: Stealing within the sanctity of Candlekeep?! This is blasphemy of the highest order! Rosbjerg: Listen, um, I don't even have any gold! This isn't - look, can't we just forgive and forget? Here, I'll sing a song for you to make up for it! Brave Sir Ulfric rode forth from- Guard: Thieving scoundrel! *swing* Sorophyx: RUN! Tale: What? Where? In which direction? Why? Sorophyx: RUN! Somehow, the party made it while the lone guard was still on the second floor. I actually forgot that not all tenants are asleep. With no opportunity to even peddle the stolen goods, Sorophyx leads the party directly across Candlekeep, and to Gorion. Gorion: Hurry, for there is no time to tarry! The keep is well protected, but not invulnerable. Tale: Yeah, uh - we're ready to go. Right now, actually. Gorion: Are you sure? I perceive with my wise, benevolent eye that you have not purchased metal armour for your fighter. Metal armour has a higher defense rating and can help you from being killed by monsters! Press E to equip some metal armour now. Oner: I told you, I can't equip metal armour. It's against my religion. Enoch: In fact, we don't even have any metal armour. What- Gorion: Press E to equip some metal armour now. Tale: Um... E! Oner: Hey! Gorion: You have equipped metal armour now. You will notice that it provides greater defense against enemy attacks. This means that you will die less easily in combat. You can equip and remove armour at the Inventory Screen, which is accessible using the I key. Oner: I! I!

Hokay. I've taken the first six posters, and so begins the journey of the Obsidianites. I'm falling asleep but tomorrow we will get out of Candlekeep and make some headway. To reiterate, this will be Ironman on Core difficulty; dead party members will be revived, or if unable, replaced with new members from the waiting list. I have selected one of the Obsidianites to be our Protagonist; if he dies, I will show you what happened then reload, unless it is a party wipe, in which case, we begin the adventure anew. As I already mentioned, I'll use the minimum number of mods to retain a relatively 'canon' gameworld. I will use SCS (Sword Coast Strategems), a famous mega-mod that dramatically improves the AI and raises difficulty, but only with a few milder components like general AI upgrades and, uh, faster bears. So, let us begin... 1. Verily, it begins Gorion's Journal, Final Entry It's been a long day. More applicants, more idiots dressed up in tinfoil hats and wooden swords thinking adventure equals casual sex and alcoholism. What's even worse is that I have to be nice to them, even as I subtley inform them that they are best off finding alternative career paths in the used platemail sales industry. Namely, making the platemail 'used'. I knew the whole Wise Old Wizard schtick was going to come bite me in the arse someday - it really kills you. One day I'm going to snap and shove a finger of death in somebody's face. Probably one of those freaking acapella chanters. They Never. Stop. Chanting. Anyway. The point is that it's finally done. I've selected five precariously passable meatshields to accompany the Bhaalspawn on his flight. I'll tell them it's her very first ad-ven-ture, and they should all go whack some kobolds and celebrate with apple juice by the campfire. No need to tell them that Sarevok and his minions will be hunting them down, and there's a reason I've promised to pay their wages at the end of the month. For the sake of record, though, I guess I should still write their names down. Note: I followed posters' specifications, then took creative license. All ability rolls used the very first roll, then simply redistributed; colour schemes are strictly inferred from avatars. This one's called Oner. Thinks a Gnome Barbarian is an 'untapped career niche'. Idiot nearly tripped on her own halberd and nearly killed herself at the interview. Ridiculous. Next we'll be seeing halfling paladins, harping on about justice beneath my waistline. Nice face, though. If only I were twenty years younger... Bodilicious. The ranger was pretty run of the mill. Called himself Greylord, I guess he's still going through that phase when boys call themselves Emperor of Everything and somesuch. Actually a pretty good shot with a bow, though, and should be the most effective of them all. That is, if he would stop this obsession with shooting skeletons. How does that even work? Do you make them trip on their own bones? Number three insists it's a female halfling, but I'm convinced it's a minor demon from Hell, perhaps the result of an imp-human cross-breeding accident. Even has an unpronounceable name - 'sorophyx'. A little bit too obsessed with making squishy things go splat, but it should remain loyal to the Bhaalspawn. Maybe. Sure has good fashion sense for a wacko. I also thought an older adventurer should increase their chances of survival, maybe by half a percent. He's a bit too old and I don't think he can touch his own toes stretching, but seems to know what he's doing with that hammer. They'll also need a rogue, but all I could get was this weirdo. Says he's a physical vessel for Ulfric Stormcloak, whoever the hell that is, and keeps singing on about shattering the frozen testicles of his enemies or something. Sure has a smashing beard, though. Wonder if he uses any creams.

OK, so that's plenty of people. I'll go with basic SCS and work out some solution to the protagonist problem, and begin - either now, or in ~8 hours, since I haven't slept since 5pm yesterday. I'll focus on wacky parties rather than optimized powergaming, so there should be plenty of death and rotation in the early stages. Sorophyx, AD&D doesn't allow that kind of level progression - you could start as a F/M/T to begin with (all with no kits), or start as Fighter then dual class to Thief or Mage. Let me know.

I checked this just now, and it seems even in MP, protagonist death = game over. Sucks, as it's hardcoded and can't be modded out. Gah. My current thought is to set a house rule so that if it's a full party wipe, it's all over, but if only the protagonist dies, I'll reload (and show you guys what happened). I'm also leaning towards non-SCS, or at least, SCS only with basic AI improvements, then I can try and deal with whatever wacky party we end up with. Feel free to hit me with whatever lulzy character you want to be - you can just tell me what race/class you want, or give me a full bio with stats and personalities, and I'll do my best to stick to that character both commentary & gameplay wise. BG isn't a very difficult game so we don't need to go with a by-the-books party.

Welcome back. Some of you will remember the adventures of the Obsidianites, who ironmanned the frozen North in not one but two Infinity Engine campaigns (see sig for links). The legend of Monty the Genocide Machine still lives on: :respect: Now, after a long wait, the Obsidianites return for the single greatest tactical squad-based real-time-with-pause Infinity Engine D&D Forgotten Realms adventure of all time; the Baldur's Gate Trilogy. I will begin with BG1Tutu with BG1 UI, through to the end of Throne of Bhaal. I'll go fairly light on the mods, packing only the essential tweaks/fixes, Unfinished Business, Ascension, and a few others. I will also make moderate use of SCS, the golden boy of all tactics/difficulty mods. I'll be able to show you guys the terror of AI-improved, pre-buffed, potion-chugging enemies that rolled max HP. Core difficulty. Most importantly, I will use semi-ironman house rules. The first two times a party member dies, I will pay to revive him; the third time, or if the member is chunked, we will replace him with the next Obsidianite on the list, at Level 1. There will be no reloading except for bugs. As several of the previous Obsidianites are now in dormancy, I thought I'd open it up; if you want to be immortalized as the inaugural meatshields of Obsidianites III, tell me what kind of character you want to play. I will be using your avatars and forum names for easy identification, and can fill in gaps if you don't want to spell out everything. (Or you can tell me how you'd like to be levelled up over the course of the campaign.) With BG1Tutu, all BG2/TOB classes, including Wild Mage, are available. When we exceed 6, you will be on the waiting list. Let it begin... CHAPTERS: 1. Verily, It Begins 2. One Critical Hit From Death 3. It's Kobold Time 4. High Mortality Rates Are A Key Impediment To Economic Growth 5. Go On, Bleed Some XP For Me 6. On Fireball 7. One Dungeon, To Go, Please 8. City Life 9. In This Chapter, Stuff Happens 10. We At Durlag's, Part One 11. We At Durlag's, Part Two 12. We At Durlag's, Part Three 13. Cleaning Up 14. We Defeat Our Enemies With The Power of Capitalism 15. Aec Letec 16. Iiiiiiin theee eeeeeeeeend CHAPTERS: 17. Next Gen 18. An Efficient Use of Human Resources 19. Profit Margins 20. Trolls 21. You Be Hidin' On Tor'Gal 22. Detective Work 23. On the Merits of Potions 24. Miss Me? 25. Dragonfight 26. Athkatla: The Buddy Movie 27. Love the Trees, Hate the Treehuggers EPITAPHS: Rosbjerg, the Bard: Dead by Nimbul the Assassin + Chromatic Orb, Nashkel Enoch, the Cleric: Dead by Nimbul the Assassin + Magic Missile, Nashkel Deraldin, the Cleric: Dead by Spiders + Poison, Durlag's Tower Oner, the Barbarian: Dead by Spiders + Poison, Durlag's Tower Greylord, the Archer: Dead by Greater Doppleganger + Cone of Cold, Durlag's Tower Walsingham, the Fighter: Dead by Aec'Letec + Doom, Ulgoth's Beard Sorophyx, the Thief: Dead by Two Lightning Traps and a Fireball Trap, Maze Underneath the Thieves' Guild ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Calax, Cleric: Chunked by Rune Assassin + Backstab, Tanner's House in Bridge District Pidesco, Fighter/Illusionist: Drained by Thax'll'ssillyia, Shadow Dragon Lair Gorth, Archer: Drained by Thax'll'ssillyia, Shadow Dragon Lair TrueNeutral, Shapeshifter: Drained by Thax'll'ssillyia, Shadow Dragon Lair

True, before release I was afraid they'd learn the wrong lessons from FO3 and start putting in cinematic story crap in there, but they've done well to make the world have a bit more life in it without getting in the way - after all, TES is a strangely soulless world for all its lore, and that's part of its charm. I'm debating whether to try another character, but the only real path I have left is the mage, and looking at the wiki lists they still seem rather uninspiring. I've just reinstalled BG1tutu, so...

Still don't know what's meant to be so good about that keyboard. Their site just harps on and on about the clicking sound, that's not worth a hundred bucks. Is it good on your wrists? Is it super responsive? What? I have a random Logitech laser, but the plastic on the bit where I put my thumb sort of... scrapes off, leaving little black stuff on the table. And I'm not a sweaty person, either.

Some excellent photos & impressions from civilian visitor to NK in September.

You quickly realize it doesn't matter, because whichever side you choose you just fight some random buggers spawning out of thin air, then listen to some boring B-grade hollywood ripoff speeches you can't skip. If I make another character I'm making sure to not bother with the faction questlines, biggest letdown in the whole game. I still enjoyed Skyrim but the faction stuff only really gets played out a little bit in Markarth, and AFAIK, the racial segregation deal in Windhelm doesn't go anywhere. Not to mention the Thalmor end up pretty much as window dressing after the one quest.