Idealy you want defensive modals like +def +fort+ will +reflex and then Weapon and shield. Stuff like that. More defensive = easier to tank mobs.
As for the weapons, It depends on the enemies you're facing. Always look enemy weaknesses and then switch weapon. I always keep a crush/slash and pierce weapon for each char just in case. Armor wise, always go for more DR. Recovery speed isn't necessary for a super tank char. Thought if you want to be more DPS wise, then I'd suggest to balance DR and recovery speed.
When it comes to fight, I engage fights with my rogue, then run back and rush in with my paladin. Then I wait for the mobs to aggro my paladin and from there I chop chop chop them with my rogue. But I'm gonna be honest, I might be decent for making builds, but I suck when it comes to do creative fights and strategies. So yeah...