Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore: only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal.

 

Shadowlands

i now find out. The moment of truth has arrived.

"What did it matter where you lay once you were dead? In a dirty sump or in a marble tower on top of a high hill? You were dead, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that. Oil and water were the same as wind and air to you. "

 

From my man, Raymond Chandler.

I don't think the pain fades; I think we get better at managing it.

 

Just like bravery is not the absence of fear, just the determination to do the right thing in the presence of it.

 

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Depends on the loss .. the more severe the more it fades (imo), I've lost a close friend and my Dad .. and the loss of my father is what feels the most distant now! As you shut out the reality of the situation your minds slowly deletes the content of your memories in the background.. in the end you are left with a kind of shell, a hollow memory that only serves to fill out the otherwise blanks of your mind..

 

Some of my memories which I could not bring forward on demand later remembered themselves on their own in their own time.

It's not like I don't remember .. because I do! but it feels like a childhood memory. You only remember because someone told you about it .. it's there, but it feels empty.. as if you instinctively know that you are the architect behind most of the content.. and didn't really want to remember it that well to begin with..

Why not remember? I remember my grandmother, both the good and ill, and I don't feel bad about it. In order to live we die, in order to die we live. One just needs to accept that and accept the memories and revel in them for that is all you have left when the person in question has passed on.

 

Don't repress memories and the emotions they bring, embrace them.

Why not remember?  I remember my grandmother, both the good and ill, and I don't feel bad about it.  In order to live we die, in order to die we live.  One just needs to accept that and accept the memories and revel in them for that is all you have left when the person in question has passed on.

 

Don't repress memories and the emotions they bring, embrace them.

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For some people true .. but others would be a neurological mess if they embraced the reality of it .. so I agree and disagree! We shouldn't forget entirely, but neither should we dwell on such memories for too long..

There's remembering and there's dwelling. Dwelling to me indicates the pain/fear/anger hasn't healed enough to become an open and unrepressed memory vs. something that stops you from moving forward, if that makes sense.

 

Course, like Rosbjerg said, some people are still able to function very well while 'dwelling' and indeed may not even realize that's what they're doing - and some aren't.

I think my large rabbit friend there has a point. You may as well get on with it, because you can't avoid it. And you can't dodge it either! Best to let it flow through you cleanly.

Why not remember?  I remember my grandmother, both the good and ill, and I don't feel bad about it.  In order to live we die, in order to die we live.  One just needs to accept that and accept the memories and revel in them for that is all you have left when the person in question has passed on.

 

Don't repress memories and the emotions they bring, embrace them.

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For some people true .. but others would be a neurological mess if they embraced the reality of it .. so I agree and disagree! We shouldn't forget entirely, but neither should we dwell on such memories for too long..

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Yeah. I agree.

 

There are some memories about people and events that are horrible!

 

Really, really, really horrible.

 

Getting past them is probably a good idea.

 

It's not like they can really be completely forgotten, anyway.

Edited September 13, 200619 yr by Colrom