Sad Panda

Edér: "<%IF(%PCSex==male;He;She)> totally will, you know. Lives to snoop." Ellie: "Any other questions about our humble little company?" > How is the crew almost entirely Orlan? I haven't seen that many of them in Deadfire. > What can you tell me about Captain Thundernipples? > Do you know Numella? > Where does the ship's name come from? > Why is everyone wearing codpieces? > What's up with that huge capstan? > What would you say are the ship's strategic weak points? > That's enough about the ship and its crew.

Ellie: "My, where would the fun be in that?" > [Might] I've had enough of your games. Talk, before I make you scream. > As long as no one's getting hurt, I guess I can let the matter lie. > Alright, fine. I'll just figure it out on my own.

Ellie: "I can assure you I'm quite safe here. And... oh, I suppose I can reveal that you are, as well, without giving too much away. And so is any other seafarer our merry band comes across, at least as long as they keep the aforementioned unpleasantness to themselves. The only violence you'll see aboard the Musical Fruit is that which you bring yourself." The ogre smacks her lips dryly. "And that's the only clue you're wringing out of me." > So there is something going on. Why can't you just tell me what it is? > [Might] I've had enough of your games. Talk, before I make you scream. > As long as no one's getting hurt, I guess I can let the matter lie. > Alright, fine. I'll just figure it out on my own.

Ellie: The ogre mulls over your point for a moment. A smile sneaks back onto her face, to be quickly suppressed. "How could I tell you about something that I'm not aware of?" Before you can answer, she hastens to add: "And if I were aware of such an influence, surely I would have already asked a roaming humanitarian such as yourself for help." Edér: "She's got you there." Pallegina: "'Roaming humanitarian' is correct. We enter strangers' homes uninvited just on the off-chance they might have problems we could help them with." > Well, uh... > You might still know something that could help us shed a light on the matter, even if you don't have the whole picture. > Not necessarily, if you feared for your own safety. You said it yourself: People you meet at sea are often none too pleasant. > Stop trying to confuse the issue. Lives could be at stake. > Let's just change the subject.

Ellie: "Oh? And why exactly is it so important?" The ogre's curt tone carries but a bare hint of its earlier playfulness. Pallegina: "Yes, why indeed." > Well, uh... > I suspect the crew is under a sinister influence you may not even be aware of. > If you really are pirates, I'll be obligated to shut you down or die trying. I need to know all the details before I make the decision on how to proceed, however. > Because not knowing is driving me nuts, that's why. I just know it'll keep nagging me if I don't find out. > [Might] Just tell me. You don't want to see me push the issue. > Let's just change the subject.

Ellie: The ogre's expression darkens. "Don't take that tone with me, <%PCName>. I thought we were friends." > [Resolve] I'm not about to let the issue go. It's important, and I must know. > [Might] You'll find my tone the least of your worries if you don't tell me what I want to know. Now. > I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on so hard. > Let's just change the subject. ((You can pick any dialogue option in any post, though if you pick one that appears on multiple occasions I'll presume you want the first one unless you specify otherwise. You might want to load an older savegame, though, since Harry Easter's pretty much made this path his own already...))

Ellie: "Oh! The captain didn't by any chance have it written down, did he?" She peers at you hopefully. Aloth: "He did, in fact." The wizard seems very eager to relate your scholastic exploits. "I provided some additional notation where I could, though of course without sufficient time for collocation and a proper reference library at my disposal I could unfortunately only provide very desultory input. Meanwhile, Pallegina here did a very good job transcribing the debate proper, very good indeed." Pallegina: "Well, I... I did my best, naturally, but I'm... I'm hardly a scribe..." Aloth: "All the more impressive that the result should be elegant enough to put many a professional copyist in the academia to shame, I should think!" Pallegina: The Godlike throws her hands up in protest. "Really, I only wrote down what was put before me. I brought no additional value, unlike your notes. I found it quite impressive you could cite so many esoteric sources from memory; I don't consider myself by any means poorly-read, but did not know half of those works even by title." Edér: "Oh will you two get over yourselves!" Aloth: The wizard leans toward Ellie to faux-whisper: "He didn't contribute." Edér: The rogue kicks a nearby beam softly. "Well sorry I was brought up a simple farmer. Not everyone had fancy books and private tutors and..." His grumbling trails off into an ambient mumble promising the underscore the conversation for some time to come. Ellie: The ogre regards Edér's moping with a gentle amusement for a moment before returning to the topic at hand. "I'll have to give it a read later. One burns through reading material very quickly here at sea." Aloth: "Oh, isn't that just the truth! No matter how many book you bring, it's never enough...!" You get the distinct feeling you have discovered the one spot in the lawless Deadfire where the value of philosophical discourse is taken to be axiomatic, and pursuing this line of inquiry is likely only going to launch you on a very long tangent. You clear your throat to regain Ellie's attention. > The entire crew wearing codpieces isn't at all odd to you? > The first time I met Captain Thundernipples, he nearly cracked his skull open on several occasions, then acted like nothing happened. > [Resolve] Any fool can see there's something odd going on here, and you will tell me about it. > Fine, I'll let it lie for now.

Ellie: The ogre flutters her eyelashes. "Why, whatever could you mean? As far as I know, this is a perfectly normal pirate ship. Of course, it's the only pirate ship I've ever been on, so I honestly wouldn't know if the crew behaved... 'erratically', was it?" > The entire crew wearing codpieces isn't at all odd to you? > The first time I met Captain Thundernipples, he nearly cracked his skull open on several occasions, then acted like nothing happened. > Usually when pirates board your ship, you'd expect murder and plunder to ensue. All you've demanded of me so far was a long-winded pragmatist discussion. > [Resolve] Any fool can see there's something odd going on here, and you will tell me about it. > Fine, I'll let it lie for now.

Ellie: "The Musical Fruit? Sure, what do you want to know?" > Are you guys really pirates? I've never seen a crew that behaves so... erratically. > How is the crew almost entirely Orlan? I haven't seen that many of them in Deadfire. > What can you tell me about Captain Thundernipples? > Do you know Numella? > Where does the ship's name come from? > Why is everyone wearing codpieces? > What's up with that huge capstan? > What would you say are the ship's strategic weak points? > That's enough about the ship and its crew.

Ellie: "Oh, I was just a little nervous. The people one runs into at sea often aren't particularly pleasant -- even if one's appearance didn't evoke an immediate fight-or-flight in most 'civilised' peoples -- and I haven't had as much practice as the others. I'm glad you turned out to be such decent kith, though." She smiles to empathise how much more at ease she is than when you first met her. > "Practice"? > How is it you came to be here? > Where did you get that dress? I didn't know they made them ogre-sized. > Can you tell me about the ship and its crew? > Can you tell about this witch and the curse she cast on you? > Is it because of the curse that you're polishing all these cannonballs? > Is there anything to eat around here? I'm famished. > I guess I didn't have any questions, after all.

Ellie: For a moment, the ogre seems taken aback by your sincere concern. Her wide-eyed surprise quickly melts into a warm smile, however. "No wonder the others had trouble dealing with you, if this is how you go about things. But no, I really am fine. Promise." She exhales slowly. "Was there anything more you wanted to know?" > How is it you came to be here? > Where did you get that dress? I didn't know they made them ogre-sized. > Can you tell me about the ship and its crew? > When we first came in, you looked pretty spooked... > Can you tell about this witch and the curse she cast on you? > Is it because of the curse that you're polishing all these cannonballs? > Is there anything to eat around here? I'm famished. > I guess I didn't have any questions, after all.

Ellie smiles knowingly as you lean in for a another kiss, a slightly deeper and longer one this time. The lapping of the waves against the hull does little to disguise the gentle slobbering noise you're making. Aloth: The wizard sighs despondently. "This is what our grand quest has come to. Making out with ogres in the depths of pirate ships." Edér: "Should we go, or...?" Not entirely surprisingly, Ellie remains her ogrish self as you break free of the kiss. She does seem to have enjoyed herself quite thoroughly, though. Pallegina: "Maybe... maybe you should keep going." The Godlike is sounding a tad flustered. Ellie: The ogre gives a little giggle. "No, no, I appreciate the effort, but seems I'll just have to bear this horrid curse for now." She nails the back of her hand on her forehead and looks away, gushing melodrama. "But don't be sad! Your valiant efforts have given me heart to carry on!" She breaks her pose, smothering a titter. "And a nice little memory, too." > We haven't tried everything yet. Form a queue! We're giving her smooches until one sticks! > I'm sorry it didn't work. Is there anything else I can do for you? I feel bad just leaving you like this. > Are you really under a curse? > Welp, it was fun, at least. Back to my questions...

Ellie: She gasps and clasps her hands in mock surprise. "You are? Oh, free me from this terrible curse, brave wanderer!" She appears to be having trouble keeping a straight face. You lean in between the ogre's legs to reach her lips, steadying yourself on the tree-like extremities so as not to fall over. Her muscles are hard as rock, and it occurs to you she could likely squeeze your head to paste with her legs for little effort if she was in the mind to. No such attempt is made, however, and Ellie instead quite meekly accepts your advances, closing her eyes as your lips meet. Edér: "Who-hoo!" Pallegina. "Quiet! Don't... don't ruin the moment." The kiss is surprisingly sweet, both in sentiment and in taste. Ellie has clearly been taking good care of her oral hygiene, and you further suspect she ate something sugary not long ago, the smell still lingering on her breath. All in all, the buss is very innocent, little more than an extended peck on the lips. Beyond a bright blush that spreads on her cheeks, there is no change in the ogre's appearance, however. She smiles coyly as you pull back. Aloth: "It didn't work." Edér: "I guess you're not dashing enough." > Nonsense! Let me try again, I'm sure it'll work this time. > Sounds like someone's volunteering to take my place. > I guess I'm not. I'm sorry it didn't work. > That was easily the most disgusting undertaking of my entire life, and I've waded waist-deep in rotting corpses. > Are you really under a curse? > Welp, it was fun, at least. Back to my questions...

Ellie: "Hm? Oh! Oh, don't worry about it. I'll get loose once I return to my real form. An evil witch turned me into an ogre because she was not flattered by her reflection in a cannonball. The curse can only be broken by a kiss from a dashing adventurer, but... but I'm sure one will come along, eventually. So no need to worry about me, none at all." She looks away, trying to look forlorn, but the effect is somewhat diminished by her frequent sideways glances at you. > Why, I'm a dashing adventurer! I could break the curse! > Why, Aloth here is a dashing adventurer! He could break the curse! > Why, Pallegina here is a dashing adventurer! She could break the curse! > Why, Edér here is... sort of dashing, if you squint hard enough? Maybe he could break the curse? He's an adventurer, at least. > Well, good luck with that. > I think you'll be stuck here for a good, long while. > I see. I had other questions...

Ellie: The ogre nods. > How is it you came to be here? > Why are you polishing the cannonballs? > Where did you get that dress? I didn't know they made them ogre-sized. > Can you tell me about the ship and its crew? > Are you alright? You look kind of... stuck. > Is there anything to eat around here? I'm famished. > I guess I didn't have any questions, after all.

Ellie: The ogre nods, finally seeming at relative ease. You get the feeling she's not at all feral, but rather just very shy. She resumes polishing the cannonball in her hand, only to realise it's already plenty shiny. The ogre's eyes dart from the projectile to the shelve to you, but she appears to draw a blank as to how to proceed. After a moment, she resumes polishing the ball, pretending to battle some tenacious smudge you're sure isn't actually there. > I think that one's done already. > [leer suggestively] That's some talent you have handling balls. > Can I ask you some questions? > It was nice meeting you, Ellie. I'll leave you to your work.

Ogre: "Ellie." > I'm very pleased to meet you, Ellie. > Can I ask you some questions? > Wait, you're a girl? > Well, that's all I wanted to know, I guess. I'll be off, now.

The ogre seems to relax somewhat, though it still eyes you warily. > I'm <%PCName>. What's your name? > [flip the ogre's skirt up to see if it's wearing any underwear] > [ignore the ogre and go down the cargo hold] > [retreat back to the capstan]

You cautiously approach the ogre, making a point of keeping your hands where it can see them so as not to give it any cause for alarm. The light from Aloth's staff reflects off the cannonball in the creature's hand, and spying the rag in the other you realise the ogre has been polishing it. There is a large, wooden shelve full of cannonballs next to the hulking brute so meticulously furbished you can see the deck clearly reflected off them. Next to the shelve there are two chutes leading to the upper decks; While snooping around, you had spied their other ends on the gun and main deck, and from the diameter of the cannon mouths deducted they were used to pass cannonballs down to the storage, as confirmed by your current observations. You see no apparent means of moving the balls up the decks, however, other than simply carrying them up the stairs. It's a puzzling oversight, seeing as this seems like the more important direction during naval combat, and the projectiles look too heavy for Orlans to even comfortably lift, never mind haul across decks midst battle. As you draw closer, you notice the ogre is wearing what appear to be tailor-made clothes, as opposed to the usual furs and leather straps you're accustomed to seeing its kin sporting. It appears a dress of some sort, though due to the creature's awkward posture its difficult to tell. The attire settles loosely on the massive shoulders, with a rather generous cleavage in between. It's milky in colour, with faded, green, rectangular patterns framing the edges. The lower half flows across the ogre's torso into a heap on the floor, from under which the two muscular legs ending in bare feet emerge, the bended knees almost scraping the ceiling. You can't help but wonder if the creature is wearing any underwear. The ogre stares at you anxiously as you approach. You can hear metal creak as its massive fist tightens around the cannonball. Clearly, it wasn't expecting visitors, and isn't at all sure as to react to your presence. > [nod in greeting] > Greetings, my good man! Keeping your balls nice and polished, I see. > Please, we mean you no harm. > One false move and you'll be shorter a head, beast. > [flip the ogre's skirt up to see if it's wearing any underwear] > [ignore the ogre and go down the cargo hold] > [retreat back to the capstan]

Aloth hazards more light as you climb down the steep stairs. You are immediately greeted by the unusually large capstan for the anchor cable, which takes up the entire front end of the deck. Normally, the capstan would be housed on the gun or even the main deck, and the cable spooled into the decks below, but this massive apparatus combines both leverage and storage, the cable coiling directly around the base of the large winch which looks like it was designed to be worked by a dozen kith at once. You estimate it to be more than 15 feet in diameter. Currently it is looking quite hollow, as nearly all of the cable has been surrendered into the depths of the sea. Moving around the stairs, you are greeted by another puzzling sight. As you had expected, the back end of the deck houses the cannonball storage and the sail locked. What you hadn't expected was for the former to be guarded by an ogre. While you cannot quite stand up straight for the low ceiling, the imposing creature cannot even sit upright, its back hunched and knees hugging its shoulders. It is holding a cannonball in its hand, the black sphere seeming as small as an apple by comparison; You seem to have interrupted whatever activity the creature had been engaged in, and it is staring at you keenly, bulking muscles stirred only by its deep, even breath. You get the sense it might pounce at you any time, though such a feat would be quite difficult to accomplish in such a cramped space. Indeed, you can't help but wonder how the creature even managed to get down here, as the opening you entered through is most certainly much too narrow to accommodate the gigantic frame. Aloth: "Blimey." Behind the ogre you can make out the hatch leading down to the cargo hold. > [snoop around] > [examine the capstan] > [approach the ogre] > [draw your weapon and approach the ogre] > [go past the ogre and down to cargo hold] > [go up to gun deck]

Soft snoring fills the deck, punctuated by the occasional flatulence. Even with all the concentrated body heat, it's starting to get quite chilly, a cold draught gliding in through the gun ports and finding every hair on the back of your neck. So far the sea remains calm, but in your gut you can feel bad weather brewing. It might be just the munchies speaking, though; You're starting to regret foregoing that sandwich earlier. The light in the cabin window has gone out, indicated Numella has turned in for the night, as well. > [rouse a crew member to question] > [inspect the cannons] > [enter the cabin] > [go down to orlop deck] > [go up to main deck]

Never tiring of good ol'-fashioned snooping, you set about inspecting the premises. You examine the anchor cable, peer into the cannons, fiddle with the bilge pump. Whenever you crawl under a hammock someone farts in your face but snooping is its own reward above all others. Aloth: "You know, it's been a good while since any of us had any food or sleep." Edér: The rogue belches, imbuing the air with the mouth-watering stench of cured meat. Pallegina: "Pig." Aloth: "What are we even looking for? Because I have no idea. I'm just following you around like a lamppost with legs." > We'll know when we find it. Keep snooping! > Alright, let's try something else. > You can head back to the ship and get some rest, if you want to. I'm not done here yet. > You're right, this is getting us nowhere. Let's call it a night.

Aloth casts a minor cantrip which produces just enough pale, blue light for you to examine your immediate surroundings. Some of the nearby pirates stir, but you seem to have not disturbed their slumber overmuch. The new-found illumination has revealed little of interest, but you can now more easily navigate the deck. > [snoop around] > [rouse a crew member to question] > [inspect the cannons] > [enter the cabin] > [go further down] > [go back up]

It seems you have a couple of options at your disposal. You could whip out your trusty torch which has seen you through many a dungeon, but lighting in an open fire in a confined, unfamiliar space packed with explosives might not be the brightest idea you ever had. Alternatively, you could ask Aloth to produce some magical light, but that will then burn through his limited power and make him less capable should the situation call for spells later on. > [light your torch] > Aloth! Light! > [whisper] Aloth, could you give us a little bit of light? > [wizard] [cast Arkemyr's Dazzling Lights] > [druid] [cast Nature's Mark] > [druid] [cast Sunbeam] > [make do in the dark] ((Selecting a [wizard] or [druid] option will lock you to that class.))

You clamber down to the gun deck, which besides the purpose implied in the name appears to be used primarily to house the crew. As is typical of galleons of this design, the ceiling is too low for you to stand up straight, though you imagine the height is quite comfortable for Orlans. There are however no Orlans up and about to verify the theory: The deck is dark save for the moonlight sneaking in through the gun ports, in the dim light of which you can make out several dozen hairy little figures in gently rocking hammocks. It appears the crew is taking full advantage of the rare opportunity to rest, as with the sea calm and the ship anchored only minimal maintenance is required. There is a hatch nearby leading further down. Across the deck, you can see a flickering light through a small, paneless window on a low, rounded door. From Thundernipples' directions, you assume it to lead to Numella's cabin. > [produce some light to get a better look of your surroundings] > [rouse a crew member to question] > [inspect the cannons] > [enter the cabin] > [go further down] > [go back up] ((I'm presuming here that the PC isn't Orlan just to make things easier for myself.))